Awaking in a hospital bed was something of a norm at this rate for Rainbow Dash but this time she was critically injured. Can she recover back to full health and become the pony she once was? And if she does will she be able to understand a world she can't keep from changing.
The story follows Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash through struggles, fears and life after Rainbow's near fatal injury.
This story is now under re-writes, edits and a re-plan.
Story Title and description have been edited to match the story better
There are some things I would adjust like the paragraph structure you have going on. Each paragraph needs to hold its own idea, meaning you have a separate paragraph for each point of dialogue. So something like;
Twilight said "<insert>"
"<insert>" replied Dash.
Just things like that, and also I would consider alternate word use here and there just to help with the story flow.
BUT you get an up-vote from me because I like these sort of stories. You've got a good idea and I can't wait to see where you take it next.
4007829 Thanks for you feed back, to be honest it's hard to see what to change when you create something. And I plan to carefully make this story follow a set path. I don't want to kill this story or make it bad.
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Creators are blinded by what they make, often seeing it as perfect unless they intentionally look over their work in the mindset of "what can I do better?"
Having an outline as a guide is a good call. Some people can actually function without one as they go. It's what works the best for you.
You can get a editor/pre-reader to help you with formatting and grammatical issues, and still keep the core ideas and direction of your story intact. There are several groups on this site devoted to helping writers. I'd recommend The Proofreader Group, or Editors-R-Us for help to find an editor or a proofreader (I honestly don't see the difference between a editor and a proofreader). There is also the School for New Writers that can help out with further developing your writing abilities.
I agree with what Blood Lord said.
You have a great idea... but space out your paragraphs/dialogue and skim through this chapter again for spelling errors and you should be good to go!
Keep writing, keep improving.
Finally finished the cover art ... IDK if I over did it
C'mon twilight! You should have seen that coming and like stopped her with your magic!.......btw, good start
Now rainbow will never be a wonderbolt!
4026624 Thanks, just currently worked on a longer chapter for chapter 3, plus edits on little things like grammar in chapters 1+2
Gah Internet problems and life... I'm behind on an update so I'm going to publicly apologize
I'll will be working on the update to this story ASAP so I deserve any all criticism for any delays.
Worst should be worse.
See should be seen.
Final not finale.
"That," doesn't need a comma after it.
Well, I have a lot this time so be ready.
It should actually read like this:
I can't believe the happiest and most outgoing pony, apart from Rainbow Dash, that one could be put to the test, but one of the most outgoing ponies in Ponyville could be made silent by an event such as this Twilight thought to herself as they finally arrived at their destination: the hospital.
I can't remember if it's supposed to be a colon or a semicolon at the end though.
There should be a comma after all of you.
Manged should be managed.
Worst should be worse.
Should read:
Why couldn't you have been scared Rainbow?
There should be a question mark after why and listen.
I don't know how to fix this sentence but it isn't right.
Starring should be staring.
There should be a you after if.
Each should be eachother.
That is all.
Good story thus far. Keep up the good work.
a lot of stuff I've overlooked.
And thanks for pointing these out.
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NOTE: Chapter four is almost ready, I want it to be longer than the others as I'm trying to write slightly differently and make the scenes feel slightly longer and not rushed. So again and again I'm sorry for these delays...
Once more I feel like an idiot but...
Chapter four is almost ready, hopefully by tomorrow I can publish it, just adding final touches and a few edits then it'll be ready. Once again, sorry.
Sister should have a comma after it.
He should what?
Was should be were.
Also, thanks for the acknowledgement in an actual chapter. Most writers just acknowledge in the comments. You're doing well. Just keep doing what you're doing.
Again, why is Applejack angry with Twilgiht? I just re-readed the whole thing and I didn't find any trace of it before this chapter.
I'm liking it, not the most original of ideas, but is not one of the bunch either.
Certainly eager to see more.
5442400 My answer... Meh. To be honest haven't touched this story in a while so hopefully I can get back with it. Probably gonna have mistakes as I get back into it but thanks for the feedback on that
ahh yes, going to have to reread this one to refresh it's plotline in my head. still i am glad you updated again.
5442596 so is this story dead...or what?
6263655 Nope Just finished first year of college and once I get back into the plot line I can start writing, may have lost my timeline I did for this story but I still remember where I wanted to go with this :)
6266794 thats great, can't wait!
6267270 Thanks happy to hear people enjoy this story, was nice way of practicing writing and being creative and can't wait to get back to it