Nordlen
Joined 29th Aug, 2013 ·
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This story man... I like it! I demand more stories of awesome!
I think you got the characters personality's down really well, regardless of what was happening, you could tell Rarity was still the same prissy (mare?) she is in the show and Spike's reaction was perfectly like what I imagine most of us would be like in that situation xD
You done good author 9 and 3/4 out of 10 <3
3985087
technically no sex was involved
I see no reason for sex tag
Spike still seems immature, copping a feel whenever he can. Which is totally natural; makes sense.
All in all, good story. I'd love to see a continuation.
Clean cut execution. I like it.
Oh, and you forgot to put the sex tag on.
I love this story and can't wait to see if you write a sequel. The only problem I had, and I'm not trying to be rude, is that every time Rarity went "Eh" I instantly though of my Canadian friend I chat with on Xbox Live
3985087 3985288 While I agree with both of you, I'll put the tag on. Couldn't hurt.
3985196 9 and 3/4 out of 10? Wow, that is high praise indeed! Thank you very much! Glad to know Rarity and Spike were in character, too.
If you're interested in more stories, have you considered checking out my other two? You can see them Here and Here, if you want!
3985356 Thank you very much, my good man.
3985422 Thanks, and fixed!
3985445 That admittedly crossed my mind when I was writing it, too, though I do think it's something Rarity would say. Can't be helped, I guess. Besides, all the voice actresses are Canadian anyway, so doesn't it kind of make sense?
Thanks for your read and comment!
3986109 Looking at the "no sex" argument, sexual contact occurred which was the mild foreplay; hence it would require the sexual tag. At least in my mind. x3
BUT YEAH. Continue this story. x3
3985288 i think it has to do with the strip play and the boob playing i kinda skimmed after that so i didnt see if there was anything else
3986140 3986197 I concur. Some foreplay and a striptease is enough for a sex tag. I honestly just forgot it – I published the story at 2:15 in the morning; I was tired. XD
Arby: Later. :3
3986208 ooooh yay~
I would certainly want to read the next chapter, if there is to be one!
Take a fave and like, my good sir.
Very nice.
Also, Php1 appears to be producing new art, which can be found at Derpibooru.
3986471 Thank you!
3986830 Thanks! And I saw some of those newer drawings by Php1, actually. I really like his stuff.
Not bad. This was also an enjoyable read.
~Skeeter The Lurker
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdi4tkMhAz1qc0elj.png
3987532
Based on the uploader comments and comment-section chatter, it looks like Php1 uploads his(?) stuff there himself, and the comments section is the best way to get in contact with him.
Double entendre typo, anyone?
That aside, this was well-written, and I honestly would really like to see a sequel that covers this "next time" that was mentioned a bit too frequently to just write off like that.
3987662 Thanks!
3988350 Thanks a lot for reading and commenting – and for pointing out that typo, too. Fixed.
I kind of painted myself into a corner with the whole next time thing, huh? Whoops.
Rarity isn't the only tease around here
Nice work, you captured the two of them pretty well it seems. Spike's vocabulary was down to 10 words, but that made it all the more amusing. I certainly hope you find some inspiration to continue this somewhere
You can not just write something this... Arousing... and NOT make a sequel! You must do that because to be blunt, that was fucking HOT! you should take this even further...
i likey
A very enjoyable story. I felt a little guilty that I came from just Rarity's striptease, until I kept reading and found there was no actual sex, just heavy petting and boob play. Very well done. Please say there's more coming sometime.
And then I hated myself when I realized it was mostly just well-done strip-teasing and petting.
I laughed at how you weren't planning on continuing this, because it reminded me of a trope I read about on TVTropes. I can't remember what the trope was called, but the idea was that, if it isn't written, then it doesn't happen. In other words, since Spike will never be with Rarity in a sequel to this, then he is now perpetually stuck in a state where he will never get with Rarity because it will never be written.
Poor Spike, even when he wins, he still loses.
3989182 It occurred to me, when I was writing it, that Spike's dialogue is indeed rather repetitive. Hopefully it worked, though; After all, what else is he supposed to say in a situation like that? What would any of us? Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting!
3989290 Glad to know I crafted something so arousing! That was, at the heart of it, the plan.
3989395 Five 'staches out of ten, huh? I'll take it.
3989944 I'm glad my story managed to make you, ah, do that when it did. The striptease was probably the most sensual part of it all – the real meat of the story if there was any, so to know I got that reaction from it is a great success in my book. Thank you very much for your compliments!
3990139 If I can manage to evoke that reaction out of you with just a well-written strip-tease, I'm happy. *Pats self on back.* Thanks for reading!
3991136 Hm, not sure what to say to that. I'd have to read more about the theory, because as of now it conflicts with my own situation; The story absolutely continues in my mind, just not on paper (yet).
This story was extremely well-written. Have you ever considered doing a full length sensual romance fic? I would read it.
3991189
iactually ment to give eight of ten but mah computer messed up heres the other three
3991189
You got the two replies backwards, I think.
3991233 Yeah, I fixed it, I think. That's what happens when I try to reply to too many comments at once.
3991189 It does a good job of showing how flustered and mind-blanked, claiming that as a word, he really is. Repetition to show a point is the correct and rarest use of it
Yeah, this needs a sequel, like, SOON! Awesome work!
Sensual, arousing, titillating, and evocatively written; I enjoyed this immensely.
Have my Like and Favourite; and, dare I say it...
thanks for the mammaries.
I'm sorry about the puns.
No you're not.
Shut up, brain - who asked you, anyway?!
Wow what a pleasing experience to read, quite erotic and doesn't need to be a full clop to be interesting. I think you capture the characters well in this and I do hope for a continuation on this tale.
3991194 Thank you! I have thought about it, actually – I tossed around the idea of making this story into a full-on sensual romance fic, but I decided that it wasn't quite something I wanted to put my time into. Maybe some day, though. The idea is a tempting one, for sure.
3991197 yay.
3992670 Thanks!
3994687 The words you used to describe it –
– were exactly what I was going for. Thank you very much!
(That pun, too. That's rich. I'll have to use that in future.)
3995322 I hoped it would capture readers' attention without having to delve into full clop. Come for the clop, stay for the romance, if you will. Thank you for your comment, I'm glad to know it worked!
3996804
Doooo it! :D It would be awesome
I think you did a perfect job grasping the essence of Rarity, and the innocence of Spike. I think Spike would have been exactly as he is here, same with Rarity. Congratulations!
will there be a next time
THAT'S IT, BRING US THE SEQUEL!!!
4001015 Thank you kindly!
*Sweetie Belle walks in*
"Rarity! I'm ho- AAAHHHHHH!!!"
4054528 This occurred to me as well. Perhaps I should write a cheap, comedic alternate ending.
I LOVED this! It was so cute and sexy! PLEASE make more!!
Also, I feel really bad for Spike later. That's gotta the worst case of blue balls EVER!
*dies happily*
Woo. Now this was a sexy tease
This story moved both a lot faster and slower than I expected: it was a surprise present from Rarity because we don't know if any hint of this was dropped beforehand (apart from this being a mature fic), but she also showed restraint when it would have been so easy to go the whole horse.
I know the story was written humanised and I'm perfectly fine with that but I'm usually more comfortable if the characters are kept to their ages as depicted in the show. It's something that just rankles sometimes. If I read a story about one of the younger characters it's because it's about the younger character and I want to see how they handle events, mature or otherwise, in the manner I would expect of someone with their age and experience. Ageing up the character just for convenience or for clop due to personal preference seems a bit of a cop out. It was handled very well here though, as a coming of age story and Spike was led through a believable first experience. Rarity was knowledgable, patient and in control of pacing and permission at all times, while being suitably giggly and perhaps a bit surprised at her boldness. I just wish we were all as lucky as Spike!
Constant hints at a "next time"... Are you planning on being as big a stinker as Raritease and stopping it there or can you see scope for a sequel?
Twi saw spike with the results still showen after his gift, She casts a spell on spike "What was that about?" He asked.
Twilight replied in her motherly voice " Vergin alarm, It's set to go off before you do!"
This was magnificent. A++
Eerectin' a river!
HOLD IT SPY! don't touch dat sentry-(sap) dammit.
Aside from one or two bits, I loved that the story reinforces (believably) of two good friends who are comfortable in taking their relationship to the next level and become a couple.
Well... This was awesome! Sexual contact but not actual sex, more like be close and very sensual cuddling. It's cute damn it damn near stopped my heart! Good work!