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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So, here we are folks. Chapter 20 that will mark yet another great milestone in the WHHD story. So sorry it took so long despite it being holidays. I found myself a job for this whole month and I am rather beat up from it being rather physically demanding. Had little time for myself over the last two or so weeks, but, you know, money is money.
Stuff is hitting the fan in this story, and I'll try to push the next one ASAP because of the slight cliffhanger. But again, I've learned not to give promises.
Anyway, this chapter is the largest yet, and was pain in the ass to convert from gdocs to fimfiction, so if any formatting is missing or badly done, please let me know.
As always, proofread by McStuffins, though I did some post-proofreading edits so maybe a mistake here or there might be found out.
Another thing I was thinking about. Is the world getting too dark, and the matters turning too serious for Teen rating? I've seen stories that had mature rating just for having a racist slur in it or something. What do you think? Though I would rather not make this truly NSFW, I'll do what I'll have to do if it comes down to it. I'd love to know your opinion on this.
speed up so he can see his little brother. its getting edgy and boring.
6333335 Ya, it probably needs a mature rating, and maybe a gore tag.
Good chapter, by the way.
6333485
Yes, the whole speed thing is something I am struggling with as I have tendency to write myself up into situations I don't really want to leave half-assed, resulting in what one might say filler content. I am trying to use these situations to the best of my abilities to at least expand on the characters and their relationship, as that will be very important later on. Sorry if it's getting edgy, too. That's something I definitely don't want to, though sometimes I can't help myself.
As for it being boring, I kinda agree that the whole journey can come off as boring. It's most definitely sometimes boring to write. I actually had the story originally skip the whole journey by Peter losing his memories and waking up in Canterlot with a strange guy in his head and a lot of things that would spoil the surprises I have prepared for the coming chapters. It was ultimately decided by readers that it would be best to write the whole journey instead so I re-wrote the thing and now we have this. I guess I can't please everyone, sorry.
But I can promise that after finishing Chapter 20, I'll do my best to hurry it up unless some important plot things demand extensive write up.
It would also be great if you wrote up into greater details what parts of the story exactly you think need improving / how you would like to see them improved, so I can know what specifically needs improving except for the obvious overall things (speed).
Thanks for the criticism.
6333653
I'll discuss it further with my pre-reader, but I think I'll change it to at least Mature, maybe even the gore tag will be added (though, in cases of great gore, I'll still try to filter it somewhat into WHHD:EotB). And thanks.
EDIT:
After talking with my proof-reader, we decided that the best course of action is to rate this story Mature with a Gore tag. I've seen stories with less violence than this one with such ratings, so I guess it's only appropriate. I am sorry if I disappoint anyone with this announcement.
6335030 I could be wrong, but would it make sense to put some things in the story that remind us of what the ultimate object of the journey here is? Like, for instance, Peter finding another drawing of his brother or hearing a rumor about a human in Equestria or something like that. Just something to spice up the current "arc".
I once read a brief article about how hikers can get depressed if they're on a long journey and can't see the objective in the distance. As soon as the fog clears or whatever, though, the cheer up, because they are reminded of what they're doing this for. I wonder if that's kind of what's going on here.
6337326
Yeah, I guess I ought to represent Michael more in the story since he's ultimately the reason for everything Peter does. I've already had a little jab planned that would renown Peter's resolve and affect his future doings. Apart from that, I already planned to do a little interlude into Peter's and Michael's life back home, though I don't know how far away that is. In the end, once the story has come to an end, I really want for the reader to feel the connection between Peter and Michael, something I think is rather lacking now.
There's just so much to do...
Thanks for the suggestion.