I'm an aspiring auther. I have an account on Fanfiction.net, on which other works of mine can also be found. I'm always looking for new pony pals, so anyone who wants to, please feel welcome.
After Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's teasing makes Apple Bloom question her friendships, she runs away to find a new home and new friends. What lengths will her family and friends go to to find her? What evil lurks in the most dangerous place in the Everfree Forest? Will the filly's friends get to her before her own delusions do?
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what's a lagnth?
3951248 I believe they meant length.
There, fixed forever.
an interesting story thus far, asides from some mistakes here and there. Its Zecora not Zacora.
You know, this story was going good until Justin Beiber 2.0 came in. But don't mind it, that's just a personal nitpick.
It's just a small cameo.
3958783 ...Justin bieber in a MLP:FIMfic...
There'll be more, I hope? It is quite rare to find a sad CMC story that isn't poorly written, you know.
4004329 Definitely. Between my own stories
, my ADD 
and the newly discovered Percy Jackson series 
, it's not easy keeping my attention focused, but I made a commitment and am delighted to commit to it.
4023186 Oh, believe me, I am in the same boat. I write stories too, I just choose not to post them, and it isn't easy to commit to one story until it is finished. However, this has potential, unlike most CMC stories out there and it'll be cool to see how it turns out! I love sad CMC stories. Is that bad?
Enjoyed the first chapter a lot. But can't help the second sort of lost its direction a bit and lost its chance at really teaching anypony any lessons.
To be watched at all times? How would they enforce that?
SB and Scoots forming a wall around Silver Spoon instinctively? Would of been more dramatic if she had tackled her and they got into a small scuff. Panicked Diamond Tiara seeing what her teasing has done could of just made her want to hide and curse Apple Bloom for being such a baby; showing misplaced anger as she looked upon the ponies in the search party. Then paranoia sets in thinking Twist would rat them out, only to be shocked Twist hadn't. Could of still had Silver Spoon feel guilty and want to help out, even still ran out if she couldn't convince DT that if they didn't do something and AB did tell what happened, they'd both be *gasp* hated by all the ponies and worst... their parents would find out.
But you cut off the antagonists and reduced all the potential feels or lessons to be learned by removing Diamond Tiara to make it a 180 redemption for Silver Spoon. It happened too fast, too soon.
Why? Because when an author has to go into rant/tangent/backstory/oh because reasons/this is why this pone should be forgiven ala One Bad Apple's "Oh, did ya know all your eternal suffering these past few weeks was only cause she was bullied? Heh, funny, I somehow forgot ta mention that", then you know you're cheating. In writing when you have to convince someone of why something just has to be, rather than show us why, it's called cheating.
It's when you just throw in something for the sake of being there to rush things forward or in the case of Magical Mystery Cure, "Because She's a Princess!" and just expect readers to just shrug it off is the worst thing one can do to a story.
The story feels like it'll end in one more chapter now. Which, unless it's going to be dragged on to make more FlashLight shippy moments, I can't see what else to see this going other than "I'm sorry Apple Bloom, I should never have teased you about your friends. I'm good now so, hugs?"
I was hoping the pacing would continue but... it all just spiraled out of control somewhere in the middle there with that having to explain stuff. It would of worked better over all if she just had muttered something after looking at DT and just reasoned it was for the best.
TL;DR: Good, but could of been better.
4043132 Well, Tiara's not the one who'll get the lesson, or if she does, it'll be a silent lesson that comes with a harsh price (her friendship with Silver Spoon), because let's face it, she's had plenty of opportunities to learn her lesson. The fight scene you're describing, while it is pretty cool, paints Tiara as a bit of a psycho, in this she's intended to just be a whinny brat. Also, I have doubt that she would fight the others three to one. Even she's not that stupid.
I only had the girls get done so fast with they're little scenes because that's not what the story is about. You shouldn't judge a whole story strictly by the first chapter. Also, Silver Spoon still has a way to go, she's not just gonna be the perfect friend out a nowhere, she'll learn her own lessons. Apple Bloom is the one who'll get the central lesson, and Tiara's not the antagonist (*cough*nightshade!*cough*), she's more the catalyst.
Babes' letter, while admittedly it might be a bit hand-fisted like you said, seems natural to me. In a world without computers, you would have to stay in touch with your far-off pals via mail, yes? The girls even characterize each other as their 'favorite cousin', so it's not so far-fetched that they'd be exchanging letters. This is especially true for something as big as finally getting a cutie mark, which is a big deal for both of them.
I did not cheat.
I was moving the story along. If your talking about emotional exploration and the lack, they'll be plenty of that in later chapters.
Yeah, you might be right about the pacing, I'm still working on that. It's really not an easy thing to understand when people's preferences and ideals about good pacing is comparable to a story sea, but I'm trying to get a hold of it.
All in all, I as an author am pleased with my own work. If you try to please everyone, you're basically setting yourself up for failure, so you should work only on pleasing yourself and trusting your own judgment.
All the same, the last time I got a lengthy review on something (on fanfiction.net), it was a complete flame, and I later found out that the flamer was notorious for ripping apart anything not up to his/her own standards. I really appreciate that you're own complains are gentle, legitimate complaints and not just 'your writing is horrible, why are you even trying you idiot'. Blasted internet bullies. Thank you.
How do you vulgarly register something? With cursing and rude gestures? I feel like this word is misused.
Other than that and some inconsistent paragraph spacing, this story looks good so far. Saw the review in Telaros's comment about the second chapter. I'll make up my mind when I get to that.
Hmm...After reading chapter 2, Telaros's comment wasn't far off the mark. Silver Spoon's sudden remorse did come out the blue too suddenly. The best way to make this flow better is to perhaps write a few paragraphs in chapter one to foreshadow Silver Spoons change. A little build up to the guilt shes been feeling inside would make for a smoother transition.
Stranger Danger! Also you missed an end quote.
Eeh...feels like this too out of character for Apple Bloom, even considering what she's feeling right now. I see what you're trying to do here, but this part needs some revision. Just doesn't work for me.
Hmm...I see where you're taking this and if I had to grade what you got here I think I'd give it a C+. This isn't the best by any means, however it still soars high and above the really bad fiction you find on this site.
4081452 Oh, thanks. I'm sorry, I forgot my spell-check was broken that day, the word was supposed to be ' vaguely'. Silver's turn and Apple Bloom's acting out of character...Yeah, I guess I should have explained those better. I've added a slight implication in chapter one that Silver Spoon is afraid of looking into the eyes of her victims and AB's mind is being warped by the visions she's having. A C+? Cool.:
BTW, I appreciate you pointing out where the flaws are so I could fix them easier. It's always nice being reviewed by intelligent people.
I....will....KILL....Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
Am I the only one who likes Flash Sentry?
more
Good chapter, but dad-blast it, this story updated clear back in November pf last year!
And this didn't even show up in my story-alerts!
What's up with that?!
I always finish my stories before I post them.
7319836 Hey, mistakes are just learning opportunities, right?
What about Diamond Tiara? Any chance of a sequel where Diamond becomes their friend too?