Two Roomies and their Pest

by Vrilix

Flashback (scrapped)

Years ago, Celestia planted surveillance probes all around the city of Canterlot. What follows is a transcript of two ponies conversing at a dinner table.

“So how do you like your hayfries?”, a red pegasus asked the pony in front of her.

“They’re greasy, burned, and downright unhealthy...just the way I like ‘em! What’d you order, anyway?”, he asked before diving into his dish.

“Nothing special really.” She looked away from the pony in front of her, and observed the masses of ponies protesting outside. “Just a few pounds of steak.”

“Steak, eh?!” he mustered out while continuing to stuff his face. “Sounds great...what is it?”

“Well I might have lied about the ‘a few pounds’ part, but your reaction is probably going to be the same either way. Long story short I ordered some meat. Cow, to be exact.” She looked back at him with a nonchalant expression glued on her face.

Slowly lifting his head from the plate, he looked across the table with a bewildered stare. “Wow! I’ve been away from Equestria longer than I realized. How did it catch on so quickly?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, with surprise slowly sneaking its way onto her face. “What, you thought it was for me? And that it was actual cow meat? That would not only be unnatural considering what we ponies need to survive, it would also be considered murder. I ordered it for the homeless wolf sleeping in the corner over there. He saved some random filly from freezing in the winter last month by sleeping on top of her in the cold weather.”

“Wasn’t sure how your stomach could handle it, but considering it’s here on the menu...wasn’t sure what to make of it.” He sat silent for a while, then asked, “So it’s not for you..but it is meat, right? Isn’t that still murder?”

She let out a small chuckle, and leaned closer in to her friend. “It’s grown like plants with magic. It was invented by the wolves when they realized that we could gather armies and fight back. Saves them the trouble of hunting and killing sentient beings.” She then started smiling from ear to ear. “They even added in another enchantment that allowed them to add chocolate flavour. Take note that they don’t have any magic themselves, they just designed it through studying our unicorns.”

A waitress came over with the meat that was ordered, and asked them if they needed anything. Hearing both of them decline, she motioned to leave, but was stopped by a wing hitting her in the side. “What do you think you’re doing? I didn’t order the meat for me, it was for that sleeping wolf over there. I’m not the one who’s supposed to sit here with it, bring it over to him!”

For the first time all night, the blue unicorn raised his eyes from his plate. Having remained composed all night, the emotion in her voice seemed to appear out of nowhere. While the waitress fumbled for words, he levitated the tray over to the mysterious wolf.

“What’s his story anyway?” He wondered before turning around to the two silent mares.

Both clearly surprised by his interference, he took the chance to finally ask. “What’s your connection to that wolf? I haven’t seen you angry too often.”

With a wave of a hoof, the pegasus had the waitress leave. “It’s a long story, Phaze. I haven’t spoken to him yet, but that random filly he saved was one of my cousins. Ever since he did that, my family have been paying his expenses. I still haven’t actually met him yet, but we know of each other.”

“Why would this wolf sleep on top of a filly? You’d naturally expect him to eat her instead. Suppose he has his reasons though. Given how Equestrian restaurant are now serving meat, the wolves have really integrated into our society.” Realizing he was muttering away, he shot his head back toward the perplexed pegasus. “Sorry, Amethyst.” He smiled sheepishly, “Got lost in thought again.”

“It’s fine, Phaze. You’ve just returned home yourself, so it’s a lot to take in.”

The two ponies continued conversing for 20 minutes before leaving the diner. The probe turned off a few hours after this, as it noted that the recorded events weren’t related to the ongoing protest outside. Just before shutting down, it caught sight of a wolf awakening to a dinner laid before him.

If you’re reading this then you might wonder why it’s placed next to the documents written by the device. Seeing as how Note is bringing in the next few barrels of coffee, I’ll keep this short.

Both my colleagues and several of the subjects are a little confused, so we pulled out this relic of the past to clear out a few things. By the look of things, even Amethyst didn’t remember this conversation.

In any case, whether you’re reading this shortly after it was added to the collection, of once the collection is completed, you’re going to need it.

I’m Cypher, and this is hopefully my last intervention.

Comments

[The Plebeian]

After too long, I'm here to give you a review from WRITE. Sorry about the delay.

Well, that was certainly a bizarre read. Just that impression alone is very hard to get past. The author’s note states that there really was no direction, and it certainly shows. Although writing without a plan can be a lot of fun for the writer, it rarely attracts an audience because unplanned stories do not have overarching plots or messages. They just end up a loose collection of events.
When writing for an audience, an author absolutely needs to have a plan of how the story will pan out. It does not need to be incredibly detailed, but make sure it has the beginning, the end, and at least a vague idea of the path in between. The problem here was that nothing in “Two Roomies and their Pest” felt like it was actually connected to anything else. All of the events seemed to happen almost independently of one another, rather than one logically leading into the other, and then to the next, like a sequence. The progression from one scene or chapter to the next just never seemed to make sense, especially in the final chapters.
Another major point was narration. Disregarding the mysterious device for a moment, there should be more to a story than dialogue, whether interior or exterior – interior meaning thoughts and exterior meaning between two or more characters. If the author does not describe the setting, the readers will not feel like they are actually witnessing the story. Near the end, the dialogue did not even give clues as to where the characters may have been. Dialogue and action may be important, but they should not stand alone. Be sure to incorporate setting and more thorough description into your narration. That way, your readers can more clearly understand what is going on. The best advice I can give is to read some professional work and watch for how they establish their scenes. Once you understand it, you can start putting your own spin on it.
I felt like you had a definite idea of who the characters were, but I could never quite pin who they were, mostly because even their recorded thoughts seemed to contradict themselves, especially with Amethyst. There was so much uncertainty regarding who her character was that even after her self-explanation, I felt like I had no idea of who she was supposed to be. You seemed to be stringing together a lot of complex relationships and motives between your three main characters, and it tied them up really fast, such as when Amethyst realized that seducing Silver into a friendship may have been a bad idea, even though he had told her as much far before the incident. Remember that all the character development in the world will not matter unless the development actually makes sense. Despite reading through five chapters of material, I still have no idea how anyone is going to act in the next scene. Before you write a story, make sure you have a solid idea of who the characters are, and how they are going to interact. Do your best to make sure your character’s actions are being interpreted the way you want them to be, perhaps by having the character explain themselves or using adjectives to hint at their intent. The clearer you make your characters, the better the story will be.
All in all, though, this is a very difficult story to critique. Everything came together in a very confusing way, and most of the author’s efforts at complexity just seemed to add to the confusion. As always, there is nothing to do but practice, read, and practice some more. Make sure the idea you have in your head is the idea your readers will get.

-Plebeian, WRITE's Dark Lord General Flour Sack

[Vrilix]

4491495 As for the review being late, well better late than never, right?

First of all I would like to thank you for doing this.

And now for the whole lack of planning and contradictions: ...it's that obvious that I don't have a plan huh? I was trying to get into a habit of writing everyday. I quickly learned that lack of planning is....well you know.

With that out of the way, I do read a lot. But I never write. I guess that's the practice you're talking about?

Once again, thanks for the review. Now, excuse me while I do some planning.

[churchillsonpriddy24]

Two roommates in Las Vegas found themselves facing an unwelcome visitor in their apartment, prompting them to seek the assistance of professional pest control Las Vegas. Much like a well-prepared pest control service, the roommates took swift action to address the issue. They reported the pest problem to their landlord, who promptly contacted a reputable pest control company with expertise in dealing with common desert pests like scorpions, roaches, and ants. Through a collaborative effort, the pest control professionals inspected the apartment, identified the pest infestation source, and implemented an effective treatment plan. With the diligent work of both roommates and the pest control team, the unwanted guests were soon evicted, leaving the roommates to enjoy a pest-free living space once more.