Twilight Learns to Ward

by Dash The Stampede

Vision is Magic

Daylight broke over Ponyville, its quiet suburbs and streets still under the spell of midnight fog. One pony trotted through the empty streets, her hoofsteps echoing off the numerous buildings encasing her route. The set of wings upon her back ruffled with anticipation as she neared her destination. She could taste the magic in the air, awaiting it's part in the daily grind. Arriving before a simple cottage, she gave pause, stiffening and clearing her throat.

Twilight Sparkle raised a hoof to knock upon the door. The door which had suddenly been replaced by a blast of confetti and streamers barreling straight for her face. She could barely duck as the party supplies bombarded her mane, leaving glittering shreds as remnants of the great burst. Her heart beating faster than she thought possible, Twilight did what any pony in such a shock would do: fall flat on her back.

"Hiya, Twilight! Didya enjoy my surprise hello? Didya? Hm?" A pink blur shot in front of Twilight's face, her vision immediately taken up by large, anticipating eyes.

"P...Pinkie!" Twilight stammered, her body still shaking from the immense fright Pinkie's greeting had instilled in her. "What have I told you about pranking me this early?" the alicorn huffed, her wings retracting and ruffling in the process.

"Silly filly! Of course I know your 'no-pranks-before-noon' rule thingy, but then I thought to myself, maybe Twilight's getting bored! Maybe her friends aren't cheering her up anymore, maybe she needs to be cheered up! So I loaded up my party cannon, and just then, my hoof got itchy, my tail swished, and my ears flopped! That means that somepony was going to be surprised! And I knew that since you were coming over, I had to-" Pinkie's rambling was halted by the purple hoof currently taking residence in front of her mouth.

"Pinkie! It's okay! I was just scared, is all." Twilight sighed, her breathing almost back to normal. Cadence's breathing exercises were barely enough anymore to keep her anxiety and stress at bay. What with Rainbow Dash always pranking her and Pinkie's increased silliness from the Birthaversary, Twilight didn't know just how Celestia did it for so many years. There had to be a way to see these things coming...If only she had Pinkie Sense...

She pondered over her inherent issue of observation, while Pinkie hopped around her, the mare's springy bounces keeping Twilight entertained. "Well, thank you for the 'surprise', Pinkie, but I really must be getting back that book I let you borrow last week. The one on baking with new and unusual ingredients, I think. Do you have it with you?" Twilight looked up questioningly, as Pinkie stopped mid-air, dashed to the nearest tree, and dug her hoof into the hole in the trunk. She rummaged around, the sound of metal and other objects scraping against each other as Pinkie searched for whatever she was targeting. She emerged a moment later, a small green book clutched in her grasp. Quickly shifting the book into her other hoof, Pinkie offered it to Twilight, who reached out to take it in her hooves. As hoof and book connected, however, Twilight felt a light shock roll through her body.

"Pinkie!" Twilight was exasperated, Pinkie could not stop pranking her!

"Oh, sorry, Twilight, here, let me help you up!" Pinkie reached her bare hoof out to Twilight, who looked at it long and hard before grabbing hold and lifting herself back up.

"Thanks, Pinkie. But honestly, do you have to prank everypony every day?" Twilight ran a hoof through her mane, bits of confetti falling out as she maneuvered her purple hair.

"Nope! That's Dashie's job!" Pinkie gigglesnorted, looking at something that appeared to be behind and above Twilight. Twilight turned her head just in time to receive a face full of rain storm, courtesy of the pegasus floating above her.

"Ahahaha! You should have seen the look on your face!" Rainbow Dash laughed, flying down and landing beside the irked Princess.

"Rainbow Dash! I shouldn't have expected anything less, though." Twilight mumbled. She needed to desperately solve her issues with not seeing the pranks coming. She resolved to ask Princess Celestia about it that night. "Now, if you troublemakers will excuse me, I need to get back to the library." she stepped away, horn igniting before she disappeared from before her two friends.

"Twilight! You forgot your book!" Pinkie yelled after the teleporting mare, but to no avail.

---

"Dear Princess Celestia," Twilight dictated to her self-writing quill. "I cannot continue to go through my day without seeing Rainbow and Pinkie play a prank on me. I fear for my sanity if they continue to surprise me like this. Do you know of any spells to help you see things around you, and if so, may I try them?" she smiled, the Princess would know exactly how to deal with her prank issue. "Your faithful-I mean, Signed, Princess Twilight." She chuckled. the Princess thing was still so new to her. She passed the sealed letter to Spike, who sent it away on a wave of flames. Now all she could do was wait.

---

A flash of light and a large belch later, a scroll materialized in front of Twilight, followed by a small box with small, green sticks with what looked like gemstones on the tip. Twilight set the sticks aside and cracked open the letter.

My dearest Twilight,
I am sorry to hear that your friends are rambunctious as ever, and that your duties are suffering because of your constant surprising. I have no spells that will assist you in seeing the world around you, but I have enclosed a package of Zebrican wards. These are useful little tools, manufactured for use in their daily wargames. Each ward will, once attuned to your magical signature, reveal the local area for you in your mind's eye, allowing you to see the prankers while they await in the bushes. But be careful, Twilight, vision is a great responsibility. One that can make or break your friends' trust in you. Use these wisely. I trust you to do the right thing, Twilight.
~Celestia

Twilight eyed the box of Zebrican wards with delight. Her solution had come! She snatched up one in her aura, a loud ringing noise pounding through her head as her magic attuned to the device, the ringing becoming a soothing tone, before her sight exploded outwards. She could see the magical leylines in the world, the miniscule elements of life floating all around her. She could see the birds in the tree above her, despite its thick foliage, and she could see the local mailmare hiding in the bush directly to her right. Startled, Twilight dropped the ward, its base sticking to the ground in the bush as Ditzy fled from the bush, the echoes of a cry leaving the mare's mouth.

"DERPMACIAAA!" Ditzy screamed, soaring past Twilight and across town, most likely headed for another bush.

"Derp...macia?" Twilight stood confused, mulling the word over in her head. She had never heard of a 'Derpmacia' before, and she wasn't too sure she wanted to find out. Shrugging, Twilight made to pick up the ward, but she found it stuck, affixed to the ground. When she focused her aura on it to yank the stick from the bush, a small bar appeared over the ward, a bar that slowly but surely ticked down. Twilight stared, unsure as to the function of the bar, backing away from the bush and trotting away. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, Twilight could not get the sight of that bush out of her head. It was as if her mental view was cemented to the bush and the ward. She could see the Cutie Mark Crusaders as they passed by the bush, wagon of power tools in tow. She could see the blue jay chirping to its young in the nest above the ward, and she could even see that one green unicorn mare going down on-

Twilight abruptly stopped her train of thought, and focused only on removing sight of the Ponyville commons from her mind. She could see the bar as it ticked down lower and lower, her vision fading as the bar neared the bottom. Suddenly, the bar flickered out, the ward decomposing to dust before the mental image faded completely.

"They're temporary!" Twilight was overjoyed! She could now effectively spy on her friends and prevent pranks with just a simple little stick.

Ponyville certainly wasn't doomed by any mark of the word.

---

"I see you!" Twilight's voice rang out below the tree where Dash was planning to dump water on her. Dash jumped, scared by Twilight's sudden exclamation, and spilled the water all over herself. The dripping pegasus flew down and frowned at Twilight, who had affixed one of the Zebrican wards to the tree.

"Applejack might not like you putting those on her trees, Twi'..."

"Might not like what on mah trees?" the distinct voice of Applejack coming behind them. Rainbow Dash bolted away, her rainbow contrails the only evidence of her presence. Twilight turned to her right, and stared over the hill, which Applejack had just crested, and the two made eye contact. Spreading her wings, Twilight took off, teleporting away once mid-air. Applejack trotted over to the tree and stared at the green stick protruding from its trunk. "Ah swear, that's the last time ah'll let her experiment on mah trees. Those peaches took forever to fix!" Applejack huffed, before resuming her chores.

"She's gonna take it too far, she is."

---

High up on Canterlot Mountain, two ponies shared a bedchamber, their white coats clashing with each other as both struggled for supremacy. Prince Blueblood roiled beneath the sheets as the goddess of a mare pushed herself atop his muscular form. She leaned in for another kiss, happy to have met her Prince Charming at last. Rarity dove beneath the covers yet again, intending to help Blueblood...relax. She began her machinations as he grunted in pleasure. Suddenly, the sound of magical teleportation filled the room as a light green glow appeared on the ceiling. Stuck to the plaster above was a small green stick, its aura resonating through the room. Rarity and Blueblood froze, neither making eye contact as a familiar voice echoed through the room.

"CEILING TWILIGHT IS WATCHING YOU SEX!"

Author's Note:

I have no regrets xD
Based off wards from League of Legends, vaguely. I have no idea what I planned with this, but here you go.
Shameless comedy fun.
"DERPMACIAAA!"
Don't go in the bushes, guys!

Comments

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Credit where it's due, not bad at all, man.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Lab]

Twilight must be stressed if she misspelled her own signature.

Amusing, short little fic. Not bad, thank you for writing it.

[Dash The Stampede]

3930386
thanks! I've had the idea for a few weeks, but I've never been able to make it work. I'd like to think it finally has. Thanks for reading!

[TheGradualGhost]

"Derpmacia!" is now my official battlecry.

[Dash The Stampede]

3930568
I require art of Derpy as Garen. It pleases me so.

[Rainbow87dash]

Looks like Twilight warded off their efforts

[nukestar]

Wards are supposed to protect against evil spirits, not extend one's senses

[Dash The Stampede]

3931929
Well someone's obviously never played League of Legends
In that game, wards are for vision on the map, to see your opponents. Those are the wards I'm discussing.

Easy mistake though.

[Dash The Stampede]

3930390
Had to wait till I got home to fix it, thanks!

It was real fun to write, and get the gears turning again. Glad you enjoyed it.

[nukestar]

3932108
Then League of Legends used an incorrect meaning of ward.

[Dash The Stampede]

3935397
eh, I'm not riot games. i can't conntrol what they call their shit. that's the version I referenced, its how it'll stay. I appreciate the concern.

[nukestar]

3936427
Okay

[nightwalker]

Wonderful setup, but needs more.

[Dash The Stampede]

5097342
Well, I'm not writing any more for this one. I wasn't intending anything really but a few laughs.

*Shrug* I'm not a 'big picture' writer, I'm a 'write it until I lose inspiration' writer.

[Nezel]

"CEILING TWILIGHT IS WATCHING YOU SEX!"

I'm dead.. you've killed me.. I haven't laughed that hard is a very long time.... Goodbye take my favorite you... you murder.

[Wise Cracker]

Oh, goodness me, that was silly. I'm glad to see the wards make sense in pony canon, that's a bit of thinking that would've been easy to omit. Twilight's taking it too far could have been expanded a little bit, and the meme at the end was a little much, but those are just nitpicks.

Short, sweet, and funny. Nice one!

[superfun]

5097412 And "a few laughs" is exactly what it got.
The only really funny part was the ending.
It's too short to be hilarious.