damn
I have to wait for the next chapter to come out now :/
track'd and liked

Twilight seems to be taking the change quite well so far.

Tracking.

EDIT:

"I broke into a gallop,smiling as the countryside"

Needs a space after the comma.

Definantly going to keep my eye on this one.

Feels a bit off in some places. Like it moves a bit too quickly, and Twi takes being turned into a Vampony a bit too well too quickly. There's also the thing where she seems to guess what she is right off the bat. Did she read alot of books on the subject? Why did she pick up on it so quickly?

I'm just pokin holes in it though. I do like it, and shall track as well :3

I was hoping someone would make a fanfic like this after seeing that pic. Tracking.

352008

352079
good eyes, will fix that.
352123

352225
no proofreader either.
352303
well, i hinted at there being stories about them. as for the rushing, well' first person is a bit of a pain to not rush in, too many i's, but thats why i'm using it. as for the rest, i will explain if i remember to.

352334
i had to write something for it, it is just too god of a piece of art not to.

Ehh needs more Gilda+Spike+Scratch

It was perhaps a bit rushed, but this fic feels like it has a lot of potential. I really liked Twilight discovering and taking to her changes gleefully until she understood what she had lost, and while Ceres' dialect slipped noticeably here and there, I like the idea of the standard 'mentor guiding the changing hero through their transformation' not being a parent figure like Celestia (as happens a lot in the 'Twilight's an alicorn now' fics), but a peer who's gone through the same thing and can relate to Twilight's concerns more directly.

Nice bits of worldbuilding with Twilight being drawn to the preserved rooms in the castle (the old quarters of Luna's favoured vampony?). Really looking forward to more of this one, which is not something I often say about anything involving the word 'vampony'.

Very well written, very good story idea and overall an enjoyable story. I look forward to the next chapter . Twilight is best Vampony

good begining can not wait to see where you take this keep it up

also traking

uh is eyeteeth a real word?

anyway good story like it tracked keep writing

352804

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/eyeteeth

352428

And it would seem there are two extra spaces, one in each the third and fourth paragraphs. Each is near a quotation mark.

352564

give night's magic a read then, once you're past the first chapter or two it gets better and i'm using a lot more background characters than i will in this one.

352572

I will be going through that and either explaining or fixing it, however I don't have any prior experience writing with that language style so it is interesting to say the least. If i find the time i'll go over this and work on fixing the rushing problem.

352627

That she is, although methinks fluttershy would be the best werepony.

352700

352804

It is a real word, although slightly obscure. It refers to the canine/cuspid teeth (aka, the ones that turn into fangs for vampires.)

the more you know

352953

gah, i got commentsniped. I will add that to the list of repairs i gotta make to this. *pulls out a lengthy scroll*

a well written vampire fic with no gary-stu yet??????? what socery is this

352956
I'm tracking Night's Magic. I was the 25th person to read that story when it was first posted
And it still needs more Gilda.

353036

Keep me posted if i start Mary/gary-stuing any characters, i will be sure fix anything.

353112

There will be more gilda there, although it may be a little while. I don't write plot out ahead of time for any of these, but i have ideas to use.

I have to wait?
WHYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Tracking

How would that even work?

Should you decide to explain why Twilight is so calm about this (other than one teary break down) would be to state she is into much shock to express much worry.

By the way, shouldn't it have an Alternate Universe tag?

353534
Well if it makes any sense, its called shock or something close to that.
she might be in "coping" mode, making her somewhat oblivious to the fact that she just changed.
You never know though I may be wrong

353546

Hard for her to ignore the change by the end. In particular when it is said Celestia should not be informed due to not liking those blessed by the moon by default. I do not think Twilight has a coping mode for that.

353534

good idea on that tag, forgot about that one. Also about the coping mode thing, or shock, when doing that some people repress some bits of information they've heard if it's too much, well at least until the shock starts to wear off. Some people go into a "Take this one step at a time" mode, and some, i know one of these, can be in a "Dealing with it for now" mode for days. don't worry, Twi' isn't one of those.

love it
although i gotta say; everything is moving very quickly, i mean i understand why you hastened the fight with NMM but everything after that happens extremely quickly
twilight just notices the strange feeling as soon as she is back (feels like it atleast) and immediately decides to take a walk. then you almost directly go from the library to the forrest where twi does a lot of strange things she shouldnt be able to do (as far as she knows) with almost no thoughts about it. then you move to the tower at the same pace, the scene inside the tower is almost as quick; if not quicker.
i mean i dont have a problem with how you did it, its just you could have lengthened it quite a bit with details, thoughts and pacing the changes a bit. its just my opinion, and as i said; i really love it, its great, but it just feels like you mashed together a series of actions that could have been around 9-15k words long into a sequence of only 3k words.

Holy moly. Moar!!!

and some things u might want to keep in mind:
Twilight's probably going to want to examine her 'new self' in a scientific manner.
Celestia will know of this eventually. How will she react?
Twilight's paranoid, she'll be worrying about how her friends will think, probably going nuts over it.

353856
I see, quite a valid you bring to the table. Although even with people that are closer than any others you'll find that there are still secrets to be had between them. Can't wait for more of this story though :D

355089

Yeah i have a lot of material to work with there. I'll get to work on that after the next chapter, as it stands I'm not the happiest with it either.

355298

Probably. I'll get around to that next chapter if i remember.

Totally tracking.

This. Story. Is. AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!

This story really is looking good.
I am wondering though, if we'll get to see Princess Celestia's version of vamponies. Also, can Twilight still eat regular pony food? Does she even need to anymore?

359482

Twilight likely needs normal food, as it is said she is still alive. (and she most definately can eat it, cause she does in the next chapter)

352225
try reading mine, Abandoned Hopes

This is... promising. I wonder if the other elements got caught in it as well. Twi was kinda clustered with them when they used the rainbow buster.

Just a note, if you're describing a character's emotions, feelings via words or action, you do not need to refer to the character again.

The repetition distracts from the story, and makes the paragraph feel 'heavy' - this usually makes a reader skip a paragraph.

For example: "Yeah, you can say that again." I said as I laid down on my couch, not feeling tired despite the late hour. I grew restless after a few minutes, and not even the latest copy of Daring Do's adventures could help that. I closed the book and got up, heading for the door. "Spike, I'm going out for a trot. I'll be back later."

You can shorten this quite easily: "Yeah, you can say that again," I said laying down on my couch not feeling tired despite the late hour, growing restless after a few minutes. Not even the latest copy of Daring Do's adventures helped and I closed the book, got up and heading for the door, "Spike, I'm going out for a trot. I'll be back later."

There's more of a flow, and less stutter when reading.

Edit: 'not feeling tired' could be replaced with 'awake', btw.

you do well you managed to make certain things sound more serious than most authors if I may say your words for this chapter have their own life (holy swiss cheese I sound like a weird gentleman type guy)

Love it! Not a concept I would have ever thought myself interested in. You... you just... I love you man! (in a brotherly sort of way)

... Buck. Can't get Pony Vayne out of my head! xD (League of Legends Champion.)

well now twi is going to have to fear the the vampony slayer The blade runner

NotSureIfGusta.Jpeg

She took that well.

A little fast ain't it?

*"Innocent" voice* So if Twilight's a Vampire, does she Sparkle?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

"In the middle of the room sat a raised obsidian platform with a pentagram of silver inlaid into the surface. Crystal runes adorned its surface"

enchanting table from minecraft?

Only read the first chapter and as a critic (not a real critic just one the stories I read on FIMfiction)
This is one of the best vampire MLP fanfic ever the way you described the details was perfect, this story is definitely the work a professional.

Rate 10/10

Spike, my assistant dragon, who is like a son to me, said as I finished filling him in on the day's events.

Infodump. Stopping in mid sentence to randomly reveal information--- especially information the readers already intimately know--- is klunky writing.

Just started re-reading this fic for like the tenth time. BUT! This time accompanied by creepy music on infinite loop.
This chapter gets a good ol:
[youtube=5XKd90OavNc]//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

Why oh Why do I always find this kind of interesting stuff about 20 minutes before I have to go to work?

I will be reading this, as it has good promise. However, I also say that the story is rather rushed and has far fewer details then I would expect. All in all, bravo.

"Sa'reth si temon na te moare."

Translation please.
Or if it's just gibberish, that's fine too.

update!!!! please

"You little foal! Did you really think you could defeat me?

and all I could think is 'did I miss something' then I read nightmare moon, and all I could think was

Well, since you updated, I don't remember much, so I guess I have to read EVERYTHING again! Yay?