The only advice I can give you right now is to slow down. Take your, time getting to the point is important, but letting the scenes develop is more so. Also It would probably be easier to read if the dialogue was separated. Make a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.
3873310 Kirk is not just a simple warrior. I will be giving him the gift of pyromancy soon. But the thing about sending a magic user to Equestria is how do you hide your magical presence from ponies likes Twilight and the two sisters.
"I think...I will call you Thorn" Rose seems she needs a few little sharp thorns by her side. I was thinking the same exact thing before I read that second line
3874363 make it so they cant actually sense the magic and they're magic strength, like in the show
The only advice I can give you right now is to slow down. Take your, time getting to the point is important, but letting the scenes develop is more so. Also It would probably be easier to read if the dialogue was separated. Make a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.
3873131 that being said, Since this is your first I will keep an eye on it. I like seeing authors improve themselves.
Missing Crossover tag.
Joy, another warrior in Equestria. For the love of Talos, can't we get a mage or something?!
3873131
Thanks for the advice mate!
This is kinda the first draft before I get an editor.
3873310
Kirk is not just a simple warrior.
I will be giving him the gift of pyromancy soon.
But the thing about sending a magic user to Equestria is how do you hide your magical presence from ponies likes Twilight and the two sisters.
3873293
What crossover tags I am missing?
Just Dark souls right?
3874367
He meant the actualy tag, the one that goes with Dark, Human, and Romance.
"I think...I will call you Thorn"
Rose seems she needs a few little sharp thorns by her side.
I was thinking the same exact thing before I read that second line
3874363 make it so they cant actually sense the magic and they're magic strength, like in the show
3874382
Thank you for explaining that
3874367 Ah, there it is. As you were, citizen.
Lookin' good so far.
...just one thing though. Don't make this fic too dark. I've seen many grim-dark fics around this place and trust me it ain't pretty.
Good luck on the rest of the story!
so the human is the animal fics are rolling in hmmm
ohh yeah just now i found out that mah keyboard is broken what a joy
3876624 how u type then?
Type better dammit.fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/219/d/f/team_fortress_2___soldier_by_dadukee-d45qz1h.png
3926853
Its magic
9137228
I SEE YOU LITERALLY EVERYWHERE!