Kill celestia! Now!!!!
but loving the story keep up the work :)

3857692
So edgy, I can cut someone with it.

Would be better if bolt did nothing but absorb into his body then Celestia gets shot in the face.

3872377 3edgy5me

ok lets kill the bitch

So Celestia is trying to hide everything under the carpet?

WELL, NOT ON LENNING'S WATCH!

Kill them all. Have them tortured and raped and when the beg for death make them watch as you kill everyone in Equestria and only then will you allow them to die.

alright thats it iv got to make my own version! You did something similar to what i had in mind, putting a military person in the Your Human And You verse.

"Yeah." "Doesn't all humans speak english.

Properly, it would be "Yeah, don't all humans speak english?"

Just being a grammar nazi

3873324

Ok I'll fix that

The idea for the story is good, but a lot of it feels rushed and it has a lot of spelling and grammar errors. normally I wouldn't complain about a few, but this has a lot of them. I mean, every few sentences something is grammatically jumbled. You should get someone to proof read it, because many writers do this, and not because of being a poor writer, but simply because YOU know what you meant to say. That fact causes you to miss your own errors, because in your own mind, it reads correctly, just not on paper. someone else will read it and catch those errors. You also need to slow your pacing a little bit. moments of action occur in one or two sentences that feel they could be fleshed out a bit. Combat scenarios, such as here.
"Lenning quickly noticed a blue thing and dodge Rainbow while he grabbed Rainbow Dash's wing and threw her to a wall"

This could be re-written to being more than just one sentence. it could be written as

"Turning quickly, Lenning saw a blue blur as Rainbow sped towards him. In response, he dodged to one side, catching her wing and twisting to throw her hard into a nearby building. The force of his throw had snapped a bone, leaving Rainbow dazed"

The story as a whole is pretty good, and a solid concept of how a soldier would react to being thrown into a universe where his kind are slaves, but just flesh out your story, slow the pace and be more descriptive in important moments and you will have a much more entertaining story

3873493 I agree,

3873493 you took the words right outa my mouth

Ugh
I want to favorite this so bad but I keep thinking it's gonna be one of those that never gets finished.
Also, holy shit! Do you even read your own stories before you post them? You have no idea how many mistakes you find with just a quick review.
Where are you from? Arkansas?
Your ideas are gold, but your execution is is near pitiful.
You got enough total votes to make this something good but that all depends on if you want to put in the work or not. I'm seeing all of this even with my eleventh grade education so it's time to step up yo pimp game fo' it's too late.

dude you need some spell checking. Still a good chapter at heart. Just needs some polish. also this guy needs a show of power. Maybe a hardsuit gets teleported in and he opens up some asses with it? cuz seriously right now I think this guy is dead in the water without countermeasures to magic.

You called America 'glorious' and then gave a description that makes it sound like a apsolute shithole. Yep defently an American

3881229

I'm actually a Chinese American.

But the US has a great idea and law but it's the politicians that are assholes.

Well, lets start the nuclear carpet bombing

3883474

You must wait my child

3883501 But nuclear carpet bombing is fun! (Except for the one who's country is now glass)

Reading this Fic:

reactiongifs.com/r/mcgrbr.gif

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i.imgur.com/g6MCE.gif

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Sorry, It had to be done.

3881229

reactiongifs.com/r/yes-wait-wtf.gif

3918750

Your opinion and comment truly helps with the improvement of this story.

Editor has a family issue and a more descriptive chapter will come out when me and him chat again.

-Nuggetmanu2 (Da God of Nuggets)

GRRRRRAAAA!

I love this story, but it just feels like your not putting any time into it. I'm sure you are trying, but you need to slow it down a bit, take the time to think about what your writing, re-read your chapters, and make your chapters a little longer.

I'll follow this story because I love these types of stories.

P.S. Try not to make it edgy.

3954170 I must concur with you and... well... every point you make.

grrrr

i hate celestia

I hope he can liberate the human race

and escape from confinement

(waiting for the next chapter)

(biting their fingernails)

XD

It's a decent idea, but the grammar and general dialogue makes my eyes bleed. Put more detail and thought into the dialogue, pace out the story, and make your chapters longer!

4210308 +1

Not to mention lecturing Celestia after killing her guards isn't exactly the proper thing to do at the time. IF the OC were smart, it would be time to unass the area asap.

Bu-... wha?!-... why?!
Be calm about this... *(inhales)* *(exhales)*
Okay...
...
...
CELESTIA YOU FUCKING BITCH! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK YOU SHORT SIGHTED WHORE!
*(inhales)* *(exhales)*
Marines! Operation Smoky Bacon is now a go!

4723648 SIR YES SIR!!!

4723648 *came out of a portal with army of robots that look like spartans from the halo games* hey you need reinforcements *suddenly a fleet of unse pelicans came out of the portal and also a couple squads of mantis from halo 4* cause i have them which will help right here and this is only the first wave of them coming i have 14 other waves gearing up

beat the living s****** out of them

4723648 *SNIFFS THE AIR*
Damn Xenos...
*Turns around and looked at his army of Space Marines and Imperial Guards*
MARCH MY BROTHERS, LET US PURGE THIS ALIEN FILTH FROM THIS PLANET

FOR THE EMPEROR

7356400 the Galactic Empire marches with you

6799765 comes out a portal man pulls out a lightsaber bunch of Clone soldiers come out hey guys where are the aliens that are enslaving our humans we will kick them off of this planet

7356400
*changes to Rogue titan form from Attack on titan, and revs giant chainkatana*

"Pack your things, were going to Canterlot."

Correction: We're.
Insult: Fleshy meatbag.