well i like my little pony and all things related to my little pony. Also Fluttershy is my favorite pony if you haven't noticed.
The two stallions Bulk Bicep and Big McIntosh unbeknownst to each other are in love with same mare and fluttershy is torn between the two. And feel free to comment away it helps me know how i'm doing.
to any one interested in following this story, it may take a little longer for me to finish chapters because of my school hour but they will be put when i'm done with them.
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I like this story already.
Please write more.
3878304 thank you it means a lot to me this is my first story
I Love This Story, I Really Liked How You Got Every Detail Like I Could Actually See And Hear What they Were Doing And Saying. Cant Wait Till Chapter 2. Nice Work.
3879111 Thanks Applejack40 you should help me on my story
This story has some real good potential! I just think it needs some tweaking on the perspective and the formatting. Pretty good so far though
I died when Pinkie showed up.
This is Pinkie written right (*cough cough* take notes, Meghan McCarthy), an example of just one of the things I enjoyed about this nice story. Characterization seems to be your strong point, and I like the way you write the ponies' interactions, especially with Big Mac. The shy, helpful, yet nervous attitude really suits him! The moment when he walks in and Bam!, just drops the plate, that's priceless. 
You definitely have your genres down, and I hope to see more funny moments like that. Comedy's always a nice thing to see, especially coming from the opposite end of the genre spectrum, where everything is doom and gloom. 
However, just because it's funny doesn't mean it's mindless, something I see in too many stories, something that actually turned me off to most of the genre. I'm glad to see you're not one of those people who things comedy is an excuse to throw in copious amounts of insanity without any meaning, because that's not what it is at all. You have a definite plot going, one I hope to see develop. And although the pacing of the plot is a little slow in the first half, it evens out in the second half, which I'm sure won't be a problem as the story gets rolling, so that counts as a plus too!
Your weakness seems to lie more in the technicals, which is understandable and not really a big deal since it's easy to fix, but probably why the ratings are a little in the red, as they were most noticeable in the beginning.
It's quite disorienting, the way you slipped between first-person (using I) and third-person (using Fluttershy), so that'd be a good thing to decide on next chapter. Also, the first two paragraphs I think have a little too much Telling, not Showing (If you are unclear on "Show, Don't Tell," then TVTropes is your friend!). You should always lean for Showing, although a little bit of Telling isn't always bad. Finally, some minor issues with grammar and punctuation, nothing too glaring, but still, it might be a nice idea to find a beta-reader, either in your house or here on the site, who can help spot these sorts of things. If either of those are unavailable, my advice would be to just read a book and notice how they punctuate and capitalize, and then compare that to your own writing. That usually gets most of the errors.
But other than that (which is really just me griping like I always do), this story promises to be a fun, amusing ride, full of "Hnnnnng"'s and "Dawwww"'s, and I'm looking forward to all of them! Keep it up!
P.S. My first shout-out! It's so nice that you mentioned me, and I'm glad I helped motivate you to write this awesome story!
This good for a first story, but I think you might need an editor.
3880625 thank you Rainbow Stache47, But I no idea how to get a editor
3879839 Thank you Iza I'm glad you like it so far
I Plan on taking your advice in chapter two because now that I looked over it your right, So thank you for your feed back and I'll get started on chapter two as soon as I can.
~Respectfully Fluttershy
3880682
I think there's a group for that.
3880784 Do you happen to know the name of one
3880786
Here: Looking for Editors
3880795 Thank you for your help
3880850
No problem.
3880850 Additionally, although not with MLP, I've edited for people a few times before, so if you think I'm qualified, I'd totally be willing to help!
3881181 You totally qualify, you have better experience writing then me without a doubt
3881215 Oh, I don't know about that, but thank you! I do have one question though: do you have a FanFiction account? Because there's a feature on there called the DocX, created specifically for privately sharing documents among users before posting, and I've found that to be the most efficient method of editing. Of course, FIMFiction works as well, I'm just curious.
(Also, since I'll need to know when editing, did you decide on writing in first person or third?)
3881267 No I don't have a fanfiction account, but i could make one and I think i'm doing my story in first person and also my brother just made a story and asked me to ask you to check it out for him , because I told him about how great you are with story comprehension and is it fanfiction.net
~Respectfully Fluttershy
3881267 I mean't third person sorry
3881304 Alright, I'm IsabellaWinxSirenix on there just so you know. And I figured that was the case, since you began with her narration (most of the third person you included was the flashback itself, correct?). As for your brother, I'll need his FF username. I'm willing to look at it, although if it's a longer story, I might not be able to do both, so just keep that in mind.
(*looks at long comment thread*) Perhaps we should continue this in a private message...
EDIT: Okay, third person then. That is more standard for fiction; just note that you won't be able to have Fluttershy narrate at the start though.
3881370 His FF name AppleJack40 and he only wants you to read his story and comment on it, telling him how he did on it and yeah that sound like a good idea, this thread is getting pretty long and is it fanfiction.net or .com
~Respectfully Fluttershy
I'm glad to be part of your inspiration for this story. I always liked the Fluttershy and Big McIntosh pairing.
I Love How You Make Applejack's Accent Look So Perfect.
3883841 Ah was just trying tah help ya'll visualize the story a tad bit better
Good job, although I wish for longer chapters, because THIS STORY IS SO PERFECT!
3891056 can do, but like I said in the author's note chapter two was short only to find out what Big Mac was hiding, but chapter three should be longer
~Respectfully Fluttershy
3891634 awesome, thank u!
3912310 your welcome and I am currently working on chapter three right now
Hi there! You know, Fimfiction now have Bulk Biceps (ex-Snowflake) character tag! You can add it to your story!
4097075 Oh My Goodness, I had no idea, Thank you so much!
HE'S SO SHOUTY!
Oh, well that explains the minor shift in writing style. The pacing in this chapter is an improvement, albeit still a bit rushed. It's also nice to see Bulk Biceps enter the events, and I like the characterization of him as having a soft side underneath his tough exterior. However, the reason for the down votes is still most assuredly the grammatical issues, but with three writers in the byline, I trust that will work itself out. (Speaking of bylines, "inspired by" is a curious phrase with which to describe your co-writer.
) Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about Fluttershy2424's problems. I hope he'll be able to write more in the future, but regardless of the writer, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!
4306575 yo! I can't write the fourth chapter until I get some info. I'm trying my best at the moment. I actually tried to mimic his writing style. I'm not taking ownership to this story, but I like to help my friends. If you want to see my writing style, you'll have to check out my stories.
This is PressStart reminding you to press start.
May I suggest an editor?
Otherwise... MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!
IM BACK BABYS
IM BACK BABYS
IM BACK BABYS
IM BACK BABYS