• Published 24th Jan 2014
  • 2,854 Views, 11 Comments

The Connection of Hearts - FierceRainbow



Spitfire, Fleetfloot, and Rainbow Dash's relationship suffers some tough times, but they always pull through.

  • ...
2
 11
 2,854

Viola

Spitfire glided forwards across the soft white floor, feeling it sinking slightly beneath her hooves. She tried to make very little noise as she moved, occasionally ducking to hide behind some odd pieces of cloud furniture, scanning the room for any color apart from white. She searched the house tirelessly, but she saw no mane nor tail of the mare she seeked. She huffed in annoyance, leaving her hiding place. “Really, how hard is it to spot a mare with more than six different colors?” she said out loud to herself, muttering a few more things under her breath.

“Rainbow!” she called out, weary from the long search. “Would you just come out already? I can’t find you.”

An excited giggle followed her words, coming from somewhere above, and sounding vaguely muffled. “Nope. You have to find me.”

Spitfire smirked mischievously, glancing up at the fluffy roof. She took in an odd lump with a blue feather sticking out of it. She swiftly took flight, brushing aside the cloud to reveal Rainbow Dash clinging to the ceiling, half buried.

“Gotcha,” she purred, leaning forwards to steal a quick kiss from her lips.

Rainbow laughed in response, letting go from the ceiling to let herself drop, spreading her wings mid-fall to glide down to a neat landing. “Finally. I never knew you were so bad at hide-and-seek.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so good at it,” Spitfire replied, swooping down to join her. “Do you spend all your time practicing just so you can beat me?”

“Nah, I’m just naturally awesome at everything,” Rainbow Dash boasted, flexing her wings. “But if I did, it would be so worth it to see you all frustrated.”

Spitfire grinned in response. She jumped at Rainbow, catching the mare off guard as the pair rolled over atop the soft plush cloud. They came to rest with Spitfire pinning Dash down onto the floor of the home. A smirk spread across both of their muzzles. Spitfire leaned down and gave Dash’s snout a teasing nuzzle.

“Well now that you’ve won, do you still want to claim your prize?” Spitfire asked in a soft tone moving a forehoof down to stroke the mare’s rainbow mane.

Rainbow leaned up, connecting their lips together passionately, this time for a longer period. When they finally parted, Spitfire leaned in and gave Dash’s ear a playful lick, pausing to whisper huskily those desired words.“You are the best...my Carrera.”
Dash felt a warm shiver run down her spine, a soft moan escaping her lips.

“You’re so awesome,” she murmured, pushing herself up to wrap her forelegs around Spitfire’s neck, once again stealing her lips. Spitfire made a content noise into Rainbow’s mouth, using her wings to balance herself while she gripped her partner tightly. When they broke apart, both needed a few moments to gather themselves before they could speak again.

Spitfire let her eyelids droop, putting on the saddest face she could. “Don’t I get it in return?”

“You have to work to hear my sweet voice. You know that.” Rainbow Dash teased her, trailing a hoof across her chest.

She brought her into another heated kiss. “You’re saying this isn’t enough for you?”

Dash gave her a cheeky smile. “Of course it is. You’re the sexiest mare ever, my Fiera.”

Spitfire smiled as she heard those words, the name in particular bringing the most joy to her ears...

Spitfire had never forgotten that day, curled up on a snow cloud as it rained down pristine flakes on the wintery landscape. The cold had bit sharply against her skin, the wooly hat and scarf doing little difference. But at that moment nothing else mattered except the warm gazes of the two Pegasi before her, instantly expelling her shivers. There and then, she told them her name. Her Clouspirian name.

It was an ancient tradition of the Pegasi, every foal being given a second name upon birth. The first was the one used to casually call a friend down for a friendly chat, the one that everypony knew. The second one was more intimate. It was a secret guarded closely by every Pegasus stallion and mare, obeying by the ancient law. The Cloudspirian name was never to uttered, until they at last discovered true love. When the time came, they would know.

Then they both told Spitfire her own. That day was the best of her life, and she finally knew who she wanted to spend the rest of it with.

She lost her balance at that moment, falling down on top of Rainbow, swiftly rolling to the side and snuggling up against her. Brushing her lips against Dash’s neck, she cooed softly. “I love you.”

Rainbow Dash shivered at the expected sparks that shot through her from Spitfire’s tender, yet firm hold, caressing of her skin. “I love you too… aw geez, now you got me acting all sappy!”

“I think it’s cute when you’re sappy,” she said, gazing into her eyes. She’d never seen ones like them before, a mysterious magenta that dissolved all her barriers, drawing her ever closer.

“Yeah, well, it’s not awesome.” Dash felt an embarrassing heat rise to her cheeks.

“Are you kidding? It doesn’t get more awesome than you.”

Rainbow ducked her head down to plant her lips briefly against her flame-like mane, feelings the warmth of her body heat radiating towards her as Spitfire hugged her lovingly. The two lay there for a while, happy simply being in each others’ company. However, their peace was interrupted by an impatient knocking against the door.

Spitfire hated to stop their perfect snuggling session, but all the same she untangled herself from Dash’s hold. “I’ll go see who it is.”

“Don’t be long!” Dash called after her, watching as the mare trotted over to the entrance of her cloud home.

Spitfire opened the door and looked to see the arctic blue Pegasus standing at the threshold of the door. A large smile spread across her muzzle as she took off her purple tinted shades. “Hey Fleety,” Spitfire greeted her energetically, wrapping her hooves around her marefriend. Fleetfoot hugged back tightly as the yellow mare gave a small kiss on her muzzle. “How was ‘Bolts practice?” Spitfire asked pulling away and trotting back into the cloud home, letting Fleetfoot catch up. Both mares smirked to see Dash still on the floor of the cloud home, eyes closed peacefully.

Spitfire giggled. “Looking cute down there Dashie,” she remarked as Fleetfoot tried to hide her own laughter. Dash felt her cheeks go red as she got back up onto all fours once again and trotted over to the two Wonderbolts.

“Hey Fleetfoot. What's up?” The sky blue pony asked casually as she hugged her, brushing off the earlier embarrassment. Fleetfoot grinned, giving her a nuzzle in return.

“Not too much, ‘Bolts training is dull when I don’t have somepony as cool as me to liven things up,” she nudged Spitfire, giving her a big grin, prompting her yellow skin to flush a light pink. “What's it been like over here?” she asked curiously.

Rainbow smirked as she exchange a glance with her golden lover. Fleetfoot rolled her eyes as her mind came to terms with the ‘games’ her marefriend’s must have been up too at her current time of arrival. “Lemmie guess then...hide and seek?”


Dash’s face flushed along with Spitfire’s. Fleetfoot just shook her head playfully as she trotted over to the kitchen. “Can’t leave you alone, can I?” she asked in a slightly exhausted tone.

Spitfire fluttered to her side, giving Fleetfoot a friendly nudge. “We’ve offered you to play with us lots of times before. You always say no.”

“That’s because I don’t play hide-and-seek,” a hint of sharpness entered Fleet’s tone, giving her marefriend an annoyed look. “It’s like, a game for foals. I prefer racing.”

“Aw, c’mon,” Rainbow flipped through the air, landing in front of Fleetfoot and making her jump. “It’s fun to loosen up a little.”

“Whatever you say, fillies,” she seemed to soften up again, giving them both a little smile to assure them she wasn’t angry. “You can play all the games you like.”

“Woohoo!” Spitfire and Dash bumped their hooves together with a sharp clack, laughing at their joke.

Fleet watched them as they giggled, her own lips twitching up at the corners. They never seemed to laugh that hard at any of her jokes, and she gathered some of her wittiest thoughts to share with them. She’d thought they liked her dry sense of humor, but maybe they didn’t after all.

“Hehe,” she forced some noise that vaguely resembled their pure happiness. “Yeah, maybe later though. What about some extreme flying? I could round up some storm clouds in a flash.”

“Uh, I dunno,” Rainbow Dash seemed uncertain, rubbing the back of her head. “I was kind of okay with just chilling out here, y’know? I don’t get you both over here with me that much.”

“Oh,” Fleetfoot frowned, quickly covering up her disappointment with a casual strut past them. “Well, that’s awesome.”

“You seem a little down, Fleety,” the slight weight of her fellow Wonderbolt alighting on her back hit her, and she glanced up to see Spitfire pressing her hooves against her shoulders rhythmically. “You seem a little down. You must be tense from all that practice.”

“What? No I’m-” her protests were cut off as she felt twisted knots in her muscles she hadn’t even know existed melting under Spitfire’s experienced hooves. She collapsed onto the soft cloud. “Aw yeah, that hits the spot. Go a little lower.”

She obeyed her immediately, focusing on the new spot. Fleetfoot sighed happily, rubbing her head into the soft pillow Dash had just helpfully placed beneath her head.

“You treat me too good than I’m worth,” Fleetfoot mumbled through the soft pillow. A chorus of giggles came from the mares above her, Rainbow gently stroking her mare, which only doubled the pleasure. She let out a relieved sigh as she felt all the knots being extinguished by her marefriends’ hooves.

“Okay Spitfire, you can stop now,” Fleet said, giving Spitfire and Dash a thankful smile. She nodded cheerfully, leaving her position about Fleetfoot and pressing against her side.

Rainbow lay next to Spitfire, giving her a quick nuzzle. Fleetfoot felt a pang in her chest as she watched her marefriends exchange affection.

Fleet shifted comfortably at the display. “Hey, tone it down a little, would ya?”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “We’re marefriends. We’re allowed, you know.”

Not like you ever do that with me, she thought sourly, though she didn’t speak her thoughts aloud. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Uh, you okay, Fleety?” Spitfire frowned at her. “We gave you the massage and all. Are you still tense?”

“No, I’m not tense!” she snapped, the prying immediately getting on her short nerves. “I’m just… a little tired.”

She sighed, glancing out the small window which had a view of the gray sky. She would go along with what they said, but she could feel a strong urge tugging at her, pulling her towards the open sky. She bit her lip uncertainly, glancing across at her two happy marefriends.

“H-hey, guys,” she cursed herself internally as she stuttered slightly. “I just gotta go… outside to do the… thing. Bye!” With that, she took herself out of the awkward situation, flinging open the door, causing a small shower of raindrops to spatter the cloud home’s fluffy white interior, and bolting out, slamming it behind her.

“What do you think that was about?” Spitfire said, looking over at Rainbow with face mixed with confusion and concern.

Dash shrugged. “She probably needed to get some air again.”

Outside, Fleetfoot was cutting through the air like a knife, rain pelleting her from all sides, soaking her from head-to-toe in a matter of seconds. A wild grin tore across her face as she twisted into a steep dive, pulling out at the last moment in a spin, bright light reflecting outward

A rumble shook the sky, her ears flattening against her head as lightning flashed dangerously close to where she was floating. After a brief moment of shock, a laugh tore past her lips. “Haha! Can’t catch me, dumb weather!”

Yet another flash struck down the sky, but she’d predicted it coming and deftly dodged, curling away like she was part of the rain, only she wasn’t going to fall to the ground. Everypony else would be tucked up inside their beds, but not her. She lived to challenge her every limit, setting herself higher and higher above all the others.

Maybe a little too high, she glanced across at the bright rainbow light from Dash’s house, her lips twisting into a scowl. It’s not my fault they’re super sappy. Jeez, what happened to those two? They never used to play ‘hide-and-seek’.

Shaking her head to clear those thoughts, Fleetfoot performed a series of basic loops and twirls, occasionally pushing her wet hair out of her eyes. She should have brought her goggles, the rain was making it hard to see. Maybe that’s enough ‘extreme weather’ for now.

Reluctantly, she headed back the way she had come, alighting on the soft white cloud house, so different than the dark, stormy ones floating around her head.

Fleetfoot was about to let herself in through the front door, when an idea popped into her head. Chuckling mischievously, she skulked along to the window she had earlier gazed out, peering through to see Spitfire and Rainbow Dash talking with each other. Very quietly, she pushed against the glass, the window opening without even a single creak. She prepared to slip inside and give her marefriends the fright of a lifetime.

Their hushed conversation reached her ears, making her pause in surprise.

“I- I love you, Fiera,” Dash blushed after uttering the words, avoiding eye contact with the other mare.

Spitfire gave her a peck on the check. “Love you too, Carrera.”

A sudden tightness clenched inside of her chest at the sight of the two. Normally, she would be happy to see them enjoying each others’ company so much, but maybe it was too much. They never seemed to give her that much affection, and they hardly ever called her by her Cloudspirian name.

A strangled sob rose up from her chest, threatening to alert them to her presence. But she no longer cared. She didn’t want to make them jump. Before her tears alerted them to her presence, she fled back the way she came, the window swinging desolately close behind her.

The rain seemed to be falling harder than before, mixing the salty moisture beginning to leak from her eyes. Fleet’s wingbeats faltered, and she drooped a few inches, losing control rapidly. She sniffled, wiping her eyes and searching out a lonely grey cloud to alight on.

Fleetfoot pressed her face into the wet cloud, no longer trying to hold and wailing her sorrow out to the world. It wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t. Sure, she knew she could be difficult and manipulative, but she did her best to be a faithful marefriend to them. I love them so bucking much! Why is my stupid heart so fickle? Of course they like each other more, I’m just the third wing they just pretend doesn’t get in the way and ruin everything! But it felt so real…

Memories rose to the front of mind, brief little flashes off their time together, from the first awkward feelings of indecision to their first date, to that winter night on a snow cloud.

Fleetfoot glared through the window at the sight before her. Rainbow Dash, that rookie, was soaring through the air with speed and grace she hadn’t seen in a long time, a determined, confident look on her face as she performed her moves. Then beneath stood Spitfire, fearless leader of the Wonderbolts. She’d always looked up to her, but now she’d seen a softer side of her, one that made her blush. And she could hardly deny the quick beating in her heart when she looked at Dash. Dammit, if she was going to fall in love, couldn’t it just be with one mare?

...

Spitfire and Rainbow Dash shared a nuzzle in front of her, gazing deeply in each other’s eyes. Fleetfoot smiled at them. Sure, it was hardly the best part of their date when the two were more interested in each other than her, but that was to be expected. Besides, they came running back afterwards to make sure she didn’t feel lonely, so she was perfectly happy.

Spitfire was shivering, clad only in a hat and scarf. Fleetfoot smirked at that. And they’d thought there was no need for her to bring her little coat. Still, maybe she should have brought a hat as well, since the tips of her ears were turning numb. Rainbow Dash shifted uncomfortably, plucking at the cloud beneath them, something seeming to be on her mind. She soon found out just what that was, as the mare began to speak.

“Um, I wanted to, that is,” Rainbow groaned, starting again. “I mean, we’ve been together for, like, a really long time, so I was thinking…”

“Go on, Rainbow, don’t leave us hanging,” Spitfire took the initiative, prodding her side encouragingly.

Dash blushed. “I was thinking that I, that I… really, really like both of you. You’re, like, totally awesome. Ah, scratch that! What I’m trying to say is that I… I love you…. ugh, that sounds so sappy.”

Fleetfoot couldn’t stop a wide grin spreading over her face, leaning over to nuzzle her. “Love you too, Miss Sappy.”

Spitfire giggled, a cute pink flush over her cheeks. “Me too.”

“But it’s more than that!” Rainbow Dash interrupted them, staring at her hooves. “It’s like, super love or something. Y’know, that perfect one, or two, or whatever?”

Suddenly, Fleet knew exactly what she was talking about.

“My real name...my Cloudspirian name,” both her and Spitfire were holding their breath as Dash paused. “It’s… Carrera.”

She felt her body freeze along with Spitfires… It just sounded so right, so perfect. It fit Rainbow -no, Carrera- so well. Inhaling deeply, she decided to go for it. “That’s beautiful, Rainbow... well, I love you guys too and stuff... so, um… my name...is Viola.”

Dash smiled, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Fleetfoot returned the look of happiness before their eyes shifted over to the golden mare. Spitfire beamed lovingly as she leaned in making both the mares heart rate rise in response.

"I love you both very much too... I think it's time I said something I think I should have a while ago," she started giving looks at both the mares she loved. "My Cloudspirian name... Is Fiera..."

Her thoughts only served to aggravate her more, tears slipping freely down her face. It was true, Spitfire and Rainbow had always been closer to each other than they were with her. They were more playful, had more in common, all in all were a better pair. Never before in her life had she felt so completely and utterly alone. Then she heard a voice.

"Fleetfoot What happened?” Spitfire cried out in a panicked tone as she and Dash touched down onto the storm cloud before galloping over to her.

“I’m nothing, just leave me,” Fleetfoot said coldly, her words choked as she continued to cry. Spitfire looked over at Dash with a face of pure fear. Rainbow picked Fleetfoot back up, hugging her tightly as Spitfire came over to join them.

“What do you mean, Fleety? You’re the most awesome pony ever,” Dash said in a fake cheerful tone, hoping to lighten the mare’s mood. Fleetfoot just continued to sob into the mares shoulder, matting it together with her tears. Spitfire nuzzled her marefriend lovingly as she spoke.

“I think we should go back and discuss this,” Spitfire said knowingly as both mares looked over to Fleet, who half-heartedly nodded. With that all three mares gently flew back through the air with Dash and Spitfire flying close to Fleetfoot. The arctic blue mare felt her spirits lift slightly as they came into sight of Rainbow’s cloud home, the bright liquid rainbows streaming down the sides lighting up the darkness in her world. Spitfire opened the door as Dash led Fleetfoot in with a wing protectively draped over her back. The three lovers made their way over to one of the cloud sofas in the living area of the home.

Fleetfoot sat down with Spitfire and Dash on opposite sides of her, the silence was quickly cut off when Spitfire spoke up, “Viola, baby, please tell us what’s hurting you,” she asked in a concerned tone, putting her forehoof on Fleetfoot as Dash gave an approving nod.

Fleet sighed as her eyes dropped. “I-I...I’m not good enough for you two...both of you are so happy when you’re together...I feel like I’m just a third wing to you all, like I’m only here because I’m in it too deep already.”

Spitfire was about to speak up when Fleetfoot cut her off. “And it’s not even that! I love you both so much...I gave you my name, for ponies sake! I-I can’t lose you both,” The distressed mare let out before she burst into tears once again. Spitfire took the advance cutting off Fleet’s sobs in a kiss. Fleetfoot felt her world stop, her mind coming to the realisation of reality. She parted with her marefriend to see those large, loving amber eyes...the ones which had stolen her heart, the ones which made her world relax. She then felt Rainbow gently planting kisses on her neck as she cuddled her closely. A smile once again came to her face as she nuzzled the light blue pony in content.

Fleetfoot sniffled, rubbing her wet eyes as the last of her tears dripped off her chin. “I-I’m sorry,” she broke off at the tightness in her chest. “Look at m-me. I’m c-crying like some sorta b-bi b-ba… baby,” she struggled to get the last words out, stumbling over them so many times she had break, biting down on her lip so hard she broke the skin. “I just… I just… ugh!”

She buried her muzzle between her hooves, trembling under her marefriends’ comforting strokes.

Viola,” Rainbow Dash smiled softly at her, lifting her head so she could look into her fizzing magenta eyes. “I remember when we told each other our names. Totally awesome right?”

Not sure where she was going, Fleet nodded slightly.

“Me and Spits told you our names as well, didn’t we?” she glanced over at Spitfire, who nodded in affirmation. “We wouldn’t do that if we weren’t completely in love with you. And I know I am, because you’re a beautiful, kind mare with one spicy attitude!”

They all shared a laugh at that, even Fleetfoot joining in. “My point is, you’re awesome and we love you, so you stop crying Fleet you know we'd never leave you.”

“Th-thank you.” Fleetfoot replied softly as golden wing and a cyan wing both stretched out to rest on the curve of her back, their owners snuggling closer to her, each planting a kiss on her cheeks.

They lay there in silence, the sky steadily getting darker outside. After how long she wasn’t sure, she glanced down to see both of their eyes closed, quiet snores filling the silence of the room. Fleetfoot leaned, placing a prolonged kiss on both of their manes, breathing in the fresh scent of the rain from the weather and the warmth emanating from their bodies. “Goodnight, Carrera, goodnight, Fiera.”

Author's Note:

Hey there! I know this is an unexpected story, but it's a collab anyway. We're both working hard at this, so I hope you enjoy.

Comments ( 11 )

this has to be the single most awkward fic ever written

Cute but kinda well....weried threeway love :rainbowhuh: but still good

Why does the cover art have each of the three characters in different art styles? :rainbowlaugh:

3838101
:rainbowlaugh: I have no idea. ShadowBlades was the one who commissioned the cover art, not me.

3838119

It's going to bug me forever now! :rainbowlaugh:

“You have to work to hear my sweet voice. You know that.” Rainbow Dash teased her, trailing a hoof across her chest.

Ahhh!! I love you! :rainbowkiss: I love your characterization for Dash. It's just so spot on, words cannot even describe! I know I'm a bit more fanatical about SpikeDash than is perhaps generally acceptable, but this is exactly how I imagine Dash's interactions with him would be. Teasing. Playful. Cheeky. To see that here as well reminds me of exactly why I'm following you. I definitely feel that Dash's pranky nature plays a core role in her relationships.

The whole romantic interactions between Rainbow Dash and Spitfire was just perfect! And then contrasted by Fleetfoot's icy demeanor? Oooh!!!

iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/Fangasm.gif

Anyway, enough fangasming; onward to the actual story.

I don't normally read polyamory... well, very much at all. Mainly because I see authors just hemming another character into a relationship rather than actually considering what the implications of doing so would be. Naturally, I was excited to see Fleetfoot harboring resentments for her two partners. However, the conflict was kind of conjured and then resolved so quickly, I don't feel that the reader had anywhere near enough time to fully appreciate Fleetfoot's angst. I really wish that been dragged out a little longer. Generally the first chapter is just to set the scene, and I was fully expecting to see this conflict be the main conflict of the story. But now that it's been resolved in the same chapter it was started? Well, it basically dampens my interest in the fic severely. Am I just going to read more cutesy romance? Don't get me wrong, I love that. But I don't see any clear conflict left in the story. The chapter has ended, and I have no idea what I'm going to see in the second chapter.

Just to clarify, this is bad. I will of course keep reading, but the average reader would read that one chapter and leave. By all means, this fic feels like a oneshot. The fact that it isn't concerns me just a little. Where could this fic possibly go now?

The other thing I wanted to talk about is these Cloudspirian names. I really like them. Like, really like them! It's totally original and neat, and I was pretty interested in hearing what it was all about. However, I kinda feel that you didn't place enough emphasis on the importance of the names. Particularly Fleetfoot's. You sort of just threw it out there in a flashback which had very little context. In fact, that whole flashback felt very insincere and dull. I personally would have avoided the flashbacks as a whole, and instead allowed the reader to piece together what had happened with subtle dialogue and context clues.

In fact, I personally would have written this chapter focusing on Fleetfoot's conflict for the entire chapter, dropping in Spitefire's and Dash's Cloudspirian names in the dialogue alone, thus allowing the reader to piece it together. I wouldn't have had Dash and Spitfire confront Fleetfoot so soon. I would have then ended the chapter by unveiling Fleetfoot's name, placing very heavy emphasis on the importance of it and how she feels like Rainbow Dash and Spitfire don't her by it enough.

But I'm getting carried away here. The point I was trying to make is that you have this really neat concept that you then fail to place enough emphasis on. I didn't get the impression that these names were hugely important. More just how in some cultures, couples exchange items or something—it felt exotic, exciting, new... but it didn't really feel important.

Either way, a lovely read, and I look forward to reading more.

3838234
Well, first off, thank you for the comment on Dash's characterization. She is my favorite pony, after all, so I'm glad you think I write her well.
Yes, there is going to be more happening. I agree that we could've spread this out some more, and will try to do so for the following chapters. It was originally going to just be a one-shot, but then we decided to make it multi-chapter instead. Maybe we'll have a talk about it and plans and stuff.

3838234 As for the question about the coverart - I really just found what ever images I could and put them together :rainbowlaugh: but yeah, all credit due, it goes to Fierce here because she really did write the better part of it. I think we could have spread out the whole thing a lot more but as said it was a one-shot in the dark just really trying out a new idea in a way. I came up with the names and things but Fierce is the one who did the whole thing so you know :scootangel:

Anyways thanks for reading~Alex

I would point out the obvious flaws, but it's already been done.

I'll suffice to say that there were no major errors in either grammar or spelling, but the content leaves much to be desired. Don't get me wrong, it was a cute little attempt, and a good one at that, but it could be fleshed out more. As 3838234 said, it had some problems with being rushed. A simple set-up of a conflict would have sufficed here.

Heck, even the chapter ending with Fleetfoot showing up at the door would have worked, had it been written well enough. And, I'm sorry to say, this wasn't.

I won't be downvoting, simply because I haven't said enough to be of any major use and it's passable, but I won't be upvoting either. Looking forward to see if the next chapter is any better. (Assuming, that based on the previous comments and my detective skills, it will not be a oneshot)

aCB

I like the idea of the Cloudspirian name, and I'm always down for the polyamory, but I don't think this particular plot worked well as a one shot. Jealousy in a multipartner relationship is definitely an interesting issue, but it all comes down to the characters. If we don't get enough time to know their personalities, and see the problem build and fully resolve, the issue can seem trivial.

Good story--needs to be longer. :pinkiehappy:

"Carrera"...
Spanish for "race" and "career"...and also a maker of aviator sunglasses...
Oh, you're clever. I like that.:yay:

Such a sweet story.

Login or register to comment