Reader and writer of all things shipping and Rainbow Dash. Also, AppleDash will forever be the ultimate ship.
A Cloudspirian name is something not many ponies know about. It is an ancient Pegasus tradition, one of every pony having two names. A second name, given to express true love and devotion when you have found who you wish to spend the rest of you life with.
Having a relationship with two mares is hard. Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and Rainbow Dash know this well, having one themselves. But even when the going gets tough, in the end love will prevail.
This is a collab with ShadowBlades.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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this has to be the single most awkward fic ever written
Cute but kinda well....weried threeway love
but still good
Why does the cover art have each of the three characters in different art styles?
3838101
I have no idea. ShadowBlades was the one who commissioned the cover art, not me.
3838119
It's going to bug me forever now!
Ahhh!! I love you!
I love your characterization for Dash. It's just so spot on, words cannot even describe! I know I'm a bit more fanatical about SpikeDash than is perhaps generally acceptable, but this is exactly how I imagine Dash's interactions with him would be. Teasing. Playful. Cheeky. To see that here as well reminds me of exactly why I'm following you. I definitely feel that Dash's pranky nature plays a core role in her relationships.
The whole romantic interactions between Rainbow Dash and Spitfire was just perfect! And then contrasted by Fleetfoot's icy demeanor? Oooh!!!
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/Fangasm.gif
Anyway, enough fangasming; onward to the actual story.
I don't normally read polyamory... well, very much at all. Mainly because I see authors just hemming another character into a relationship rather than actually considering what the implications of doing so would be. Naturally, I was excited to see Fleetfoot harboring resentments for her two partners. However, the conflict was kind of conjured and then resolved so quickly, I don't feel that the reader had anywhere near enough time to fully appreciate Fleetfoot's angst. I really wish that been dragged out a little longer. Generally the first chapter is just to set the scene, and I was fully expecting to see this conflict be the main conflict of the story. But now that it's been resolved in the same chapter it was started? Well, it basically dampens my interest in the fic severely. Am I just going to read more cutesy romance? Don't get me wrong, I love that. But I don't see any clear conflict left in the story. The chapter has ended, and I have no idea what I'm going to see in the second chapter.
Just to clarify, this is bad. I will of course keep reading, but the average reader would read that one chapter and leave. By all means, this fic feels like a oneshot. The fact that it isn't concerns me just a little. Where could this fic possibly go now?
The other thing I wanted to talk about is these Cloudspirian names. I really like them. Like, really like them! It's totally original and neat, and I was pretty interested in hearing what it was all about. However, I kinda feel that you didn't place enough emphasis on the importance of the names. Particularly Fleetfoot's. You sort of just threw it out there in a flashback which had very little context. In fact, that whole flashback felt very insincere and dull. I personally would have avoided the flashbacks as a whole, and instead allowed the reader to piece together what had happened with subtle dialogue and context clues.
In fact, I personally would have written this chapter focusing on Fleetfoot's conflict for the entire chapter, dropping in Spitefire's and Dash's Cloudspirian names in the dialogue alone, thus allowing the reader to piece it together. I wouldn't have had Dash and Spitfire confront Fleetfoot so soon. I would have then ended the chapter by unveiling Fleetfoot's name, placing very heavy emphasis on the importance of it and how she feels like Rainbow Dash and Spitfire don't her by it enough.
But I'm getting carried away here. The point I was trying to make is that you have this really neat concept that you then fail to place enough emphasis on. I didn't get the impression that these names were hugely important. More just how in some cultures, couples exchange items or something—it felt exotic, exciting, new... but it didn't really feel important.
Either way, a lovely read, and I look forward to reading more.
3838234
Well, first off, thank you for the comment on Dash's characterization. She is my favorite pony, after all, so I'm glad you think I write her well.
Yes, there is going to be more happening. I agree that we could've spread this out some more, and will try to do so for the following chapters. It was originally going to just be a one-shot, but then we decided to make it multi-chapter instead. Maybe we'll have a talk about it and plans and stuff.
3838234 As for the question about the coverart - I really just found what ever images I could and put them together
but yeah, all credit due, it goes to Fierce here because she really did write the better part of it. I think we could have spread out the whole thing a lot more but as said it was a one-shot in the dark just really trying out a new idea in a way. I came up with the names and things but Fierce is the one who did the whole thing so you know 
Anyways thanks for reading~Alex
I would point out the obvious flaws, but it's already been done.
I'll suffice to say that there were no major errors in either grammar or spelling, but the content leaves much to be desired. Don't get me wrong, it was a cute little attempt, and a good one at that, but it could be fleshed out more. As 3838234 said, it had some problems with being rushed. A simple set-up of a conflict would have sufficed here.
Heck, even the chapter ending with Fleetfoot showing up at the door would have worked, had it been written well enough. And, I'm sorry to say, this wasn't.
I won't be downvoting, simply because I haven't said enough to be of any major use and it's passable, but I won't be upvoting either. Looking forward to see if the next chapter is any better. (Assuming, that based on the previous comments and my detective skills, it will not be a oneshot)
I like the idea of the Cloudspirian name, and I'm always down for the polyamory, but I don't think this particular plot worked well as a one shot. Jealousy in a multipartner relationship is definitely an interesting issue, but it all comes down to the characters. If we don't get enough time to know their personalities, and see the problem build and fully resolve, the issue can seem trivial.
Good story--needs to be longer.
"Carrera"...
Spanish for "race" and "career"...and also a maker of aviator sunglasses...
Oh, you're clever. I like that.
Such a sweet story.