Larry's Unscrewage
Larry the light bulb looked down from his perch atop Twilight Sparkle's nightstand lamp. He was dimming quickly and he knew he didn't have much time before the purple pony found him and threw him away, just like all his brothers and sisters. Larry was the last to be used, so he'd seen every member of his family discarded. It wasn't a happy thought, knowing that his time was almost up as well.
Larry did his best to stay as bright as he could, if he did, maybe he could buy himself another day. That would give him time to come up with a plan. He'd seen all of his family thrown in the trash like common street bulbs, and he was not going to go down that easily. Larry was smart. Very smart for a light bulb.
The shaking ground beneath him told Larry that something was coming. As quickly as he could, Larry put all of his energy into being the brightest he could be. He cast his glistening light across the room, shining brighter than he had in quite some time. Maybe Larry could hold himself like this for a while longer.
The shaking grew louder as the doorknob was turned and the door swung open. It was the dragon. With another heavy surge of energy, Larry forced all the light he could into himself, taking in all of the available electricity and straining himself against the heat. And then there was a pop.
Larry flickered a few times before blacking out completely, all of the energy gone and the room once again darkened. Larry was in trouble.
The dragon walked over to him, before gently unscrewing him from his cozy socket and exiting the room with Larry in his grasp. Larry could only watch and hope that this wouldn't go wrong in the several hundred ways it could potentially, and most likely would.
The dragon proceeded to walk through the hallway and down the stairs, before setting Larry on a counter and walking off. Larry had been saved, if only for the moment. This might give him enough time to think of a way out. He would need to think quickly, though, otherwise the dragon might return and throw him away. Just like that, Larry the light bulb would be history, left to rust and crack in a filthy trash bag as he slowly broke down into tiny particles and died. Larry didn't cry, but if light bulbs could, he would have.
Twilight! Do we have anymore light bulbs? The one in your bedroom is out."
The dragon would be coming back soon, or worse, the purple pony who had thrown Larry's entire family away. He had to think of an escape plan, and quickly. His best chance was to find a way off the counter and onto the ground. There, he could make a run for the door and try to escape. If he managed to get that far, he would lay low in one of the nearby forests or something until he could think of a way to continue his existence. Maybe he could threaten something powerful and make them change him into a stronger creature so he could finally have a normal life. That would have to wait for later.
With a silent prayer to the light bulb god of light bulb-ish destiny, Larry rolled himself off the counter. It wasn't a tall counter, the fact that the dragon had set him there said that much, but Larry was still frightened. He had to land on his tail end, and catch the floor on his metal area. That was his only chance of survival here.
As he fell to the ground, Larry realized in a fraction of a second that he was completely, totally screwed. With a smash, pieces of Larry flew all over the floor and across the room, his parts splitting in half from the force of it all. At least, that's what Larry thought would happen. He thought he was a goner, dead, totally smashed, but he wasn't. He was just dangling in the air with a weird almost fluidly purple substance surrounding him on all sides. It took him but a moment to realize he had just been saved from death, by the one who would most likely murder him very soon.
Twilight Sparkle frowned. Something was off. She knew she'd told Spike not to set light bulbs down on counters. What if it had fallen, like it most definitely would have, and somepony had cut thier hoof on the glass? She was going to have to have a talk with a certain dragon about being careful. There was something odd about the bulb itself, though yet Twilight couldn't quite place it...
"Don't throw me away, you giant stupid horse!" the lig... the lightbulb said. "You murdered my entire family and got away with it, but this one will not go down without a fight, you fricken purple turd! Set me down and let me fight you! I'm a man!"
Twilight took a moment to consider several possibilities. The light bulb could have been effected by Discord a while before and had never been changed back. Or, it could have somehow come in contact with one of her spells. And there was always the very unlikely possibility that this was an actual completely natural, talking, and now it was moving too, light bulb.
"Say something, you murderer!" the light bulb continued.
"Umm..." was the only response Twilight could muster. "Spike! Come here please! I need you to send a letter to Princess Celestia."
"I'm busy making something for Rarity! How urgent is this, exactly?"
"Just come here, Spike, please," Twilight said as she tried to examine whatever it was that was screaming and moving and threatening and cursing and being a generally not very nice little light bulb.
As the dragon re-entered the room, his look of confusion quickly shifted to one of a far more confused confusion. "What is that, Twilight?"
"That is a light bulb, Spike."
"That is totally not what I meant," the dragon said. "Why is it moving like that? And talking? And calling you a murderer?"
"I'll kill you all!" the light bulb continued his screaming and shouting, which all came out surprisingly loud considering his mouth was made of a very thin layer of glass.
"I don't know, Spike. I don't know..."
So what exactly do you want me to say in this letter? And how exactly is Princess Celestia going to fix this? It takes a lot of magic for her to get here immediately, and this doesn't seem like that big of a problem. Right, Twilight?"
"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" Twilight asked.
"You do have friends now. I'm sure they might be able to help."
"Friends... Would you mind going to get them while I check this out, Spike?"
"Let me go, purple wench! I demand it! You murdered my family, now let me fight you!"
"Yes, I would mind. I'm very busy today. What about tomorrow?" the dragon said with a clever smile.
"Go and get them or I'll tell Rarity that you keep one of her hairs in a plastic bag and sleep with it every night."
"Duel me, pony!"
"Right away, Twilight. Sorry, Twilight!" And the dragon was out the door, running as fast as his little legs would carry him. When this was all over, he would have to try and find some sort of spell he could use to make Twilight forget a few things.
***
Twilight carefully tightened her magic as she sat the bulb back down upon the counter. She wanted to talk to him and see if she could settle this before all her friends came. She might even learn something for the glory of science. In the back of her mind, a ridiculously small piece of Twilight wondered what the heck she was doing with her life.
"Are you ready to fight me now!?" the light bulb continued.
"No," Twilight said. "I don't want to hurt you at all. Unless I have to, that is. Besides, you don't look like you could do much to me anyway."
"If I have to, I'll smash myself under your hooves and let my last sights be your bloodied soles!"
"Sorry, but my hooves are made of bone. The worst that would happen is pieces of you getting stuck in me. It wouldn't hurt me at all, though."
"Urgghh! Is there nothing I can do to defend myself against this inevitable death that you bring!?"
"I'm actually not trying t-"
"Owlolicious! Don't get too close to him!"
With a careful jump, Larry made his way out of the purple pony's magical field and onto the back of the bird that had come to his rescue. The pony had been just startled enough to weaken her magical pull, and that had been just the right time for Larry. He might just be able to make it. Maybe.
Larry grabbed onto the bird and steered it directly towards the face of the purple pony below. If he was right, she'd be just startled enough for there to be enough time for him to get out. He turned away from her at the last moment, narrowly missing her face and twisting himself towards the window a few feet away.
Temporarily fazed, Twilight looked over to the open window where the light bulb already was, along with her pet bird. Her own pet bird. "Come back!" she shouted, but it was already too late.
"Hi ho, large eyes!" Larry shouted to his new steed as he sailed out of the place of his imprisonment. He would have to come up with a better name for this bird, it might be his companion for a while. When the perfect name came to him, he smiled. Jeff. Your new name is Jeff. Jeff the soul-eating, invincible bird of doom. Or just Jeff the owl. It's your choice, big guy.
And Larry and Jeff flew off into the sunset, and Larry knew that this was the start to what would be an amazing adventure. An adventure of life and discovery... and light bulbs. You gotta love the light bulbs.
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Best. OC. Ever.
3844999
Thanks a lot!
3844996
Aww, but I like you.
Watt the hell?
Also, just for your illumination: equine hooves are in fact essentially very large toenails, not bone. The underside, or "frog", of the hoof is in fact spongy, rubbery, and not impervious to painful damage.
You might wanna hit Wikipedia and do a little light reading on equine anatomy.
assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/joker.gif
This is the most brilliant art. Up there with Impressionism and Nikki Minaj's music. Dis be crazay sheit.
3845023
Oh. Sorry 'bout that. On another note, thank you sooo much for the fave, Moth! Seriously, that's a really big honor for me.
3845048 Hey, this is some epic level fucked up shit. I wanna see where it goes.
3845061
Exactly.
Um. Did your idea bulb run away before making this story too?
3845096
Sorry, what do you mean?
3845107
... random downvote okay...
Nothing. You know, little idea bulb that pops up above heads when you've got a great idea...
It was the first stupid thing that could come to mind, since I didn't feel content with just giving a really blank comment.
3845118
I appreciate your comment then, but no, my ideas are functioning as well as they always have. I'm sorry you didn't like my story, though. Thanks for commenting.
3845129
Actually, I did like it. I was just stuck with "Um" because... uh... well, I still can't figure out what to say about the story. I'm drawing blanks.
It was that random.
3845140
You liked it? Awesome! I have only one question now. Why did you downvote it?
3845149
I didn't downvote it. Wasn't me.
3845172
Oh, sorry then. Thank you.
3845149 He didn't. He was merely stating how his first comment had two downvotes.
Just clearing the confusion. :3
3845178
Ohhhh. Thanks for clearing that up.
3845181 No problem! Also, I just read your story.
I lol'd.
3845203
Awesome!
lol wut
3845431
Exactly.
3845439 The cover art is NSFW because his screw cap is showing and it kinda looks like a butt hole
3845446
I don't think so.
3845451 That or he has a tumor, Oh the tragedy!
3845453
Let's go with the tumor thing. I don't want knighty to ban me for posting light bulb porn.
3845463 As long as you write about it I'm sure he will add it to his favourites list
I'm just kidding don't ban me knighty
3845472
What are you on?!!
I shall raise a light-bulb army, then I'll invade Canada! Rise my minions! We shall fight the moose armada!
Okaaaaay. Where did you get this idea? Thumbs up to you
.
Commentary: This is really funny! I don't normally read stories like this but this one is hilarious!