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Twilight Sparkle devises a new experiment to test Pinkie's Pinkie
Sense. But when the experiment takes an unexpected turn, Twilight must try to
understand her feelings for Pinkie and unravel the secrets of Pinkie Sense.
I am NOT a TwiPie fan in the slightest, Pinkie Pie represents every archetype that I really despise. But, this was really pleasant and cute to read. It could've very easily turned dark and depressing, with Twilight in the hospital with 20-some-odd injuries, trying to get Pinkie Pie back, but your explanation was better. I liked it a lot. You made it cute and shippy without getting too adult about it, you handled the female/female relationship very nicely.
The door bit with Rarity was just classic. I half-expected Fluttershy, given that she's such a powderkeg of unstoppable rage, but Rarity would've been my next guess. Applejack's hesitance was a good touch, especially in the face of Twilight's logic. Now, this being from first person gave a whole set of unique challenges, and the booksmart vocabulary of Twilight's inner thoughts was just perfect. Even Pinkie Pie broke the 4th wall to ask if she was monologuing to herself and that was adorable. Many fics explore the idea of Pinkie Pie breaking the 4th wall none too subtly, but the quick and funny reference was just enough spice to acknowledge the hyper mare's power. Well done.
You've DEFINITELY got the talent to write cute and romantic, I certainly enjoyed every bit of it. None of the story felt unnecessarily, and it all tied itself into a neat little bow at the end. I'm pleased. This was very good. Cheers!
I love this story...however, it seems like some parts of it were cut out or removed, or just didn't upload In the beginning with the macadamia nuts (Twilight doesn't even say anything, and suddenly Pinkie's responding to what she didn't say), and a place or two elsewhere.
Other then that, I enjoyed this story as much as I did the last time I read it. And the time before. Good job.
Thanks for the comments, everyone! Special thanks to those who pointed out that the story didn't copy over cleanly... sigh. I waited this long to post the story so that I could make sure the formatting was perfect, and somehow I end breaking it even more. Ah well.
I think I fixed everything; if I didn't, let me know!
We are amazed at how well the emotional elements are portrayed. I've actually been there, and yes you did it great justice. It was almost heartbreaking in how beautiful it was portrayed. I heard the cicadas, I felt the rain.
While I am a bigger fan of Dashie Pie
shipping, my better half clearly prefers Twinkie.
Both are good in my book. We will prolly be arguing over this one for a few days, lol. Flawless portrayal of the characters, I could her them in my head. And any voice I can hear over the crowd in my head is usually a good thing. Twilight Dorkle FTW.
I think you cut out a bit by accident!:
>I closed the book and put it away. “That would be wonderful. Thank you.”
>your marefriend”) but I'd convinced Rarity that Spike was very interested in the art of millinery, and she had agreed to give him hat-making lessons on Tuesdays at three. The only challenging part had been getting Pinkie to agree to dates on a regular schedule. Once I was done with that bit of negotiation, everypony was happy with the arrangements.
before this fic, I never understood Twinkie. I saw cute pictures of them together and such, but I've never read a fic with the both of them shipped together and now, after reading this fic.....
Thank you for that wonderful story.
HAGRBAKRGSDBUSYBDU!
THIS IS KIND OF ADORABLE! I love how perfectly you pulled off psycho pinkie, I've never seen another fic get it right, but you totally did!
I love how much it builds too, it's an actual plot all in one chapter. Best thing was how it was so interesting, I loved how you completely explained the Pinkie Sense and your science was bucking SPOT-ON. Someone did their homework.
Thanks for the best Twinkie fic I've seen in a while!
I just...this...*dies*
This is the most perfect TwiPie story ever. You did amazingly. I just...I don't even know what to say. This story is so long, like 12k words, but it felt like it might have been only 1000. I just...love it. I swear, I could give you a better comment if I wasn't just sitting here in awe...now I have to go look at your other stuff. Please, never stop writing.
The Cake's behavior just kills it for me. Not the fact that they actually acted that way toward Twilight, but that they're never called on it. They were way out of line, and they are never once reprimanded or apologize. Once I did a word search for their name on the page after that incident and find that they're not mentioned again, I just couldn't bring myself to finish the rest of the story, despite as good as it was otherwise. I'd just spend the rest of the story infuriated.
Edit: I ended up finishing it, and the sourness is still there over that incident. The Cakes should be ashamed of themselves, and it's aggravating that they got away with that. Otherwise this was a good story. And there aren't enough good Twipie stories out there.
>>2024080 I'm sorry that moment ruined the story for you. The reason they're not really called on it is that Twilight feels like their feelings were more or less justified with regard to her; she can't blame them for being protective of Pinkie, especially given limited information, when she herself feels like she's responsible for Pinkie absconding.
If it helps, they all had a nice talk afterwards about the misunderstanding and the Cakes grew to treat her as part of the family in time. I just didn't feel I needed to include that, and I couldn't work in a reference to the Cakes in the denouement without it sounding very forced.
Thanks for reading.
An apology. that's...uncomfortable. No need to apologize, it's your story. If people keep apologizing I'm going to have to keep my opinions to myself, lol. And that's just what they are, opinions. I don't see how the narrator summing up events to mention that Carrot Cake felt like a big jerk after that would seem forced...but if it seems forced to you, then it seems forced to you. Heck at least you played with the notion.
In any case I didn't dislike the story. It'd actually be pretty hard to mess up such a sweet and endearing Twipie. Well unless you threw in a love triangle that involved sex with both sides before the confused party came to a decision, or blatant cheating. Or breaking them up never to see one another again. Or Pinkie went all Cupcakes on Twilight ....there must be something wrong with me that's the second time I thought it appropriate to reference that today. Apparently I need a refill on brain bleach.
Anyway can't wait for the sequel. Ya know, where Twi and Pinkie makes babies! I kid.
Seriously though this is a good Twipie story. On that same note I'm going to rant a bit...: Doesn't the pairing just make perfect sense? I mean, personally I think Pinkie is a genius that simply refuses to think about what she's saying or doing. (which is how she would answer an obvious metaphor as if it were literal, but then be capable of reciting every technical thing Twilight said when asked what happened five minutes ago. She does have a photogenic memory right?)
So yeah...my favorite pairing. CHAOS and OBSESSIVE COM--I mean order.
Now I feel like a dick. I think it's your avatar...I do not wish to hurt the feelings of Princes Celestia XD Of course I didn't want to hurt your feelings in the first place, and I wasn't trying to be super negative. Your apology kinda makes me feel like I might have come off as more negative than I intended though.
>>2089449 Haha, I didn't mean to guilt trip you! I just genuinely feel bad when someone gets negative feelings out of one of my stories, given that I generally write them in order to make people feel good.
The kinds of stories you described (especially Cupcakes... augh) are exactly the sort of thing I was trying to avoid with this story, so I'm certainly glad you liked that aspect! 
And I certainly agree with you on on the supremacy of Twinkie. Muahahaha.
Your first review did come off as a bit negative, but you have every right to be bothered by a certain aspect of the story! Don't worry, my feelings are harder to hurt than that. 
(and I'm planning a sequel at some point. With kids, even. )
I have a habit of not being able to put what I liked about a story into words, but being able to describe in full detail my thoughts on that one little bitty almost-insignificant thing I didn't like about a story.
Well crap. Foals! I wonder if the story will include Pinkie and Twilight's first time in bed together.. 
...no one writes good clopfics. Or hardly anyone. I've read a couple good romantic ones. It just ussually seems like if a story has even one sex scene that doesn't fade to black, the author just decides to throw plot and romance out the window and it just gets ugly half the time. 
Of course, stories that do fade the black, or simply reference something that had happened the night before, without going into one iota of detail, would still achieve what I'd basically be looking for in something like that. (basically obsession with being nosy about the character's relationship progression) But ranting is fun so whatever.
I wonder how Twilight and Pinkie would have kids... Magical insemination? magically-induced temporary hermaphroditism?
"Of course"? I fail to see how the answer was obvious :P
In a world of magic you're going with....Adoption. So no pink unicorns with hairstreaks then, or purple earth ponies with curly hair. darn.
Several years later.......well, crud. Personally I'd rather see an immediate continuation of the evolution of their relationship picking up from the end of the last story. I'm constantly finding stories that end right when the characters become an official couple, or stories that start out with characters already being a couple, but never get to lay witness to characters' relationship from it's start to several stages in it's progression. Plus the thought of "several years later" invokes my fear of time. Fortunately I appear to be in the minority on that kind of mindset, so there's bound to be plenty of people who enjoy the story if you choose to write it.
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Great story, I like your take on Pinkie's quiet, solo side. There is one problem though, in the beginning of the epilogue you left out a sentence of two; there is just an abrupt sentence fragment at the start of the sixth paragraph.
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