I have very little interesting information to share about myself. If you do take enough of a liking to me, I'll be glad to share, but don't expect a very bright story, I don't have one to tell.
Rainbow Dash and Derpy have been friends for a long time. However, somewhere along the lines, Derpy finds it best to reveal a secret she has hidden from Rainbow Dash for a long time, only to end up regretting it, and from that point on, ends up getting herself in more trouble than she had expected...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I would love some creative critisism, positive and bad(Both if possible, either is fine). This does not mean say 'You suck at writing' or anything along those lines, so if you're here to rant about how you disliked it, be a little creative.
I am asking for both because I want to know what I should improve on, compared to what I should drop. I know I should probably extend my English vocabulary, but it's not my native language, and as such, the extent of my abilities only stretch so far.
To anyone who gives me a positive comment that might help me improve, cheers. The same to creative critisism that's considered negative towards me. I have no hard feelings towards someone putting me down if they make a valid point
now i want to know what you mean by for now god dang it by celestia you have to tell us soon
337788 I will write up a continuation if I am in the mood to write. In general terms, it comes to me at completely random times, but if I do feel up for writing, I'll be sure to make this my main focus, in regards to everyone who appreciated it.
'For now' reffers to it as a possible permanent halt, but I'll try to avoid my focus on that idea since I feel Derpy and RD makes a good couple.
I really enjoyed that.
I liked the whole story and how it came to be.
All I can say is good job :3
And I cant wait for another part to this story! : D
There's a lot that would need doing to this story, but the most basic thing that you could do to make it readable would be to remember the first rule of dialogue:
New speaker, new paragraph. It gets too confusing otherwise.
337921 Yeah, I know. Thanks for the comment though. I am really bad on the paragraph to paragraph set-up, and the dialogue thing is still a work in progress for me. I am in general not that great an artist when it comes to words, so I'm still in the learning phase. I'll try to put more a focus on splitting them up over a more wide variety of 'chapters' or paragraphs.
AWESOME!
X
so 
Interesting development...
I think I will continue to watch this one.
that build up to the later kiss i was on the edge of my seat cant wait to read more if you decide to continue the story
Alright, a couple of things.
1) Use italics for thoughts anything else is just confusing.
2) New speaker, new paragraph.
3) Don't be afraid of using pronouns. Seeing a characters name 5 times in two sentences gets old fast.
4) Generally, ponies swearing is VERY out of character, and usually warrants a Mature rating.
5) Overuse of commas,
I would suggest getting an editor to help you catch these types of errors. Your story will improve by leaps and bounds if you just run your next chapter by a new set of eyes.
338248 To Bronius, thanks for the Italics idea. It completely slipped my mind, yet it's so simple. Really appreciate the heads up.
As for pronouns, I swap so much back and forth between each individual character and since they are both females, using her and her to reffer to them both in the same context without a name swap just seems to leave the more confusing result. I'll try my best to work on it though.
And cursing, yeah, I try to avoid it as best as I can, and I probably accidentaly made them curse in this fanfic, something which I did not even realize, my bad if I did.
If I do get the offer for someone to do an overview of the fanfic and edit it so that it will improve heaps(Something I know it has the potential for), I will look into it. I am free for any suggestive pointers towards a specific person, but I will NOT just randomly take whomever offers themselves up first.
The plot is good, please check spelling and punctuation, that is the one thing that truly pisses me off more than a bland story.
everyday i find a new story to follow
this one is definitively looking like it's in the top three so far of general awesomeness
keep up the good work
static.fjcdn.com/comments/3172160+_d455819f2b3a9ecb396765c0a9aa3688.jpg
General mistake for new writers who are just learning. You move the story on too fast and left much detailing out.
I like where this is going
Sorry if my style swaps up too much, I know it's an awful thing to do for an author, makes him unrecognizable. It's all a learning curve, sadly, and for anyone who would find this more entertaining if it was just perfectly written, I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations.
I am taking note of any critism as well as positive comments to see what to keep, and whatt o throw right outt he window/replace. If anyone has any suggestions for a fanfic for me to read in suggestion of improving, I am more than willing to take the time to do so.
Yes, I have read MLD, and I cried hard, but I'd appreciate a fanfic that was more for learning than it was an actual fanfic, redundant as it might seem to have something like that on a fanfic page. Or perhaps a guide? Either ways, I am open for suggestions.
Again, sorry for still improving and releasing a fanfic...
the grammar could use some work. i like the plot and all of the feelings that are there. but, i feel like a story like this could use some more elaboration. To me it seems like everything in it happened rather quickly. i never really got out of that feeling that the characters were all rushing to do something. It's good for the time's that call for it but drawing out some of the parts that need to have more emotion can help to emphasize the feelings. Good story, just needs a little work
459035 Cheers Fwampt. Yes, I got more than one comment about rushing things. I guess I've never been one to take it slow, haha. Irony of my name I suppose. I'll try to slow things up if I ever decide to start working on a new fanfic, or possibly for later development for this one.
I'm glad you enjoyed the read too, and English isn't my native language, so I guess I'll have to google my way to fancy words, so not to get repedetive. And I also know some words might be amiss, but there are some words which I've always struggled with, Nescesairy being a prime example(I don't even know if I spelled it right this time either...), and pardon for that.