From a Hut with Haste: 6
I had apparently met the Zebra known as Zecora. She is mysterious, even up close and in person to me. Even if I'm talking directly to her.
I may have enjoyed her tea, even if it had been the strangest a potion I could have her dream up, but I guess that's my perspective?
Just to be in the actual Ponyville alone is way out there, or in here? I was lifting my left hand, pointing a finger at my head in the common gesture for a lunatic. I just left it at that, rather than picking up where it may be leading me. I rather enjoy the madness for what I could pull out of it, then hope to have been into something truly horrendous.
Walking by the road, backpack on my back, and her little gift in my chest pocket. My backpack clearly had a pocket for what had been expected to be a weirded out smartphone, looking rather dumb.
I had been told the potion I had been given, would allow me to have flight, if for but a short time. If I require using it in order to catch a pegasus, then it is when to use it.
I could have used it up, flying out of the forest, but if I did, I would have missed the chance I was looking for.
Once out of the forest, I could walk slow, without fear. That's how I got to the edge of the village. I need to find the Pony I was looking for, to greet her the first Pony I saw. Therein lay the trickery, if I had no desire to be rude?
I guess I could find her, I had all I need to know exactly where she is. Looking at the screen, there are five dots, one had popped out. Pinkie Pie no longer available? There was a message at the bottom of the screen to this effect, if I had not realised it on my own.
I had picked Dah. I found her awesome, and she is who I had chosen. I wanted Rainbow Dash, none other. I had been in time to claim her, by the looks of it?
Her dot, the same light cyan, gently blinking in the stationary position. She was apparently still sleeping. With that, I could as well have a rest. I had chosen to stay well of off the beaten track, securely outside the village, waiting.
There was a sign, she was stirring. I pulled my potion, drew the vial, and gulped it down. Something changed, and as I reach out, I felt myself taking flight, air under wings I never had had, but this is in Equestria, just outside of Ponyville, it just may be possible?
Flying in haste towards the cloud, on which she woke up, and I hastened, flying continuously faster, until I almost flew by her, stopping fairly quickly, before I stopped, landing on her cloud.
Now you better not tell anyone, who'd believe? I'd still deny if, if you tried, knowing better then go with a story like this.
Just sitting there on the cloud, soft, fluffy, beside the hero of my dreams, as she came around, stirring.
“Morinign, Dash!” I simply greeted her, just as she opened her eyes.
“Uh, morn'!” Dash slurred, not quite fully awake, and had never expected anyone by her side.
“I had to catch you early. Before I saw anypony else!” I pointed out, matter of fact.
By this time, I had folded my wings flat on my back, but you can't really hide wings entirely. Why bother? I knew she would catch up on the detail soon enough, once she had woken up.
“Who are you? I'm quite sure I never saw you here before, not anywhere near Ponyville by any means!” she slipped.
“Ofhorse not, I'm new here, and that's part of the reason, why I had to see you first!” I pointed out.
“That makes sense, but why did you have to see me first? Why me, of all Ponies of Equestria? It's not a weather problem? I know I'm awesome, but still?!” she responded.
“Because I chose you. In part, it is because you're awesome. Still, it was my choice in the first place!” I informed the confused pegasus, then pondering if it was the time to drop my surprise on her.
I had made my choice, I had managed to see her, and first. I had made it. I had picked the one Pony I had desired in the first place. Should I expose my wings yet?
If I had exposed my wings, she would have seen them. I thought I knew wings are the colour of your fur, or hide. I would have had a light pink hue to my wings, by this token. What was the real shocker, is what I was to see, next time I did spread my wings though. Even if my wings may still be the old colour, they had changed, now the tips of the wings have a gradient, the same cyan as Rainbow Dashs fur and wings are.
“Unless you're a pegs, how did you get up here? You're not a Unicorn, since you have no horn!” she then concluded.
Maybe this is the time? I felt my wings spread out, exposing them to the increasing warmth of the sun on my back.
“Starting from the beginning, such as it is here, Zecora offered me tea, and since I had mentioned you, she then gave me a potion. I was granted a short flight. I guess this would make me a Pegas, of sorts, for this short time?” I responded.
“The Zebra? That Zecora?” she then enquired, somewhat incapable of hiding a hint of curiosity.
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3786988 just for a Tease.
I've been connected for the better part of TWO Decades, or so.
3787798 It just occured to me, if you'd be as kind as to direct me towards something you've written, living up to the reading standards you're pointing at?
If it's too much, there's the one inal thing to say, and I hope you see the point?
3794736 just hold your horses, 'Anime Seasons', what anime?
Anime is just fims produced in Japan? I have numerous of thes myself too, along what I've seen on tv or the tube. some good, some bad, and some in between?
I also have numerous films, good once, in my oppinion, like the once by a certain Producer, generally held in very high regard, mind you?
what the card games wort is here, I have no idea, not that I care overmuch. how the games stand out, have some actual expert evaluate, since I have no idea.
interesting to see your face here?
you do know it is very easy to hit someone from behind, when you have nothing to show, right?
I do take very kindly, if there is true critique in there, something that's useful, that is.
considering your tone, it sounds as if you got hit pretty badly?
Everyone is a "Critics", but most can't even spell the word, by the looks? I hope you're not one of these, just as much for your sake, for the record.
3794896
He does, actually.
3794945 by the looks, he seems to enjoy it, Quite royally too?
I guess I should simply ignore the rants? I gain nothing from listening to these.
speaking of reporting? I'm starting to ponder, if I should?
3794967
If it were PURE pony, and it is, it wouldn't be a crossover. And so far (I just finished the first chapter), this is just looking like a standard (poorly-written) Human-in-Equestria fic.
3795003 a poorly vriten fic could be improved, right?
since you've just red the first, of currently six chapters.
can't say I'm all that far into the story, not far enough to push any envalopes, at least.
I could, and should ask some nice people, in the appropriate group for some help along the way.
even if it may be as poorly written, is there a story you could see worth working on?
I guess not all realise this is about my story?
think of it as you please, but keep it civile, for the sake of the Site, not for me?
if I do something wrong, please let me know.
3795127 Your grammar needs a total overhaul and your "crossover" isn't even remotely about Digimon. That's two big things you did wrong.
And I don't like that you're censoring me when I try to find more words to express exactly that. You realize you look like you're impotently screaming at ghosts because of the deletion, right?
3795127
You mean like the Orwellian editing you just used to cover up genuine criticism, which, btw, is a reportable offense?
Ponyess, stop doing what you're doing. Your story is absolute shit. Your grammar is atrocious, and the "Crossover" you have here is about the equivalent of making a Dr. Who Crossover where the only reference you ever make to Dr. Who is some form of time travel.
Now, a mature person would read the criticism they're given and try to improve upon it. However, you're showing people how extremely immature you really are. Your story is shit that has damn near nothing to do with the source material of your "Crossover". Accept this and learn from it. The reason people have been criticizing you so violently thus far is because you not only wrote a shit story, but you refuse to acknowledge it's shit and continue to act like everybody else here is just a troll.
They're not, and quite frankly, you are being about the worst type of author on this site. We would treat you with more respect if you would take our criticism seriously instead of blowing it off. Plus, please, please don't ever use the "You can't do any better" argument. It just makes you look like a moron. Good day.
3795152 Even if that isn't, mis-tagging your story should damn well be. As we've all said, this is not related to Digimon.
3795127 Did you just delete another comment showing that another user is retaining proof of deleted comments? I'm lost as to what you gain from that.
3795034
Having now read the entire story, yes, it seems it could be improved. However, I question whether or not that would require a complete overhaul.
First, all sentences start with a capital letter, not just if the letter in question is the word "I."
Second, drop any pretense that this has anything to do with Digimon. Because it does not. The Equestria portrayed her being a digital landscape and a phone with apps does not a Digimon crossover make. This fic overall has the feel of a dating sim game (if a mediocre one), so I suggest you work your story based on that.
Third, the first chapter is incomprehensible. It's unclear at best that Zecora is just talking on the phone's screen and not in person. Zebra. Whatever, you get the idea. It needs complete rewriting. The whole fic does, but the first chapter specifically.
Fourth, seriously, get someone to iron out the typoes and misnames. For some of the most obvious examples, Fluttershy and Applejack do not have spaces, and Applejack's farm is "Sweet Apple Acres," not Orchard. Reading other fics can help you get a better grasp of the English language and fan lingo. I'm sure one of my compatriots know of and can point you to good HiE fics to follow the template of. At least, if you hadn't pissed them all off.
3795152 you only see these few instances.
maybe I missed something in there, so be it.
Yet, deliting these specific still helps me more, then keeping them on.
at least, it is what I feel, you're free to keep your opinion, I'm not going to harass you about it.
I know I'm opinionated, that will never change, it's a part of me.
3795216 Uh, no. Deleting criticism, while leaving only your REACTIONS to the criticism, makes you look like you can't take the heat that you HAD to have known was coming. You're wiping content that would tarnish the story and leaving instead a trail of deletion that tarnishes YOURSELF.
3795135 since there is something in this, that may actually have some relevance to the story, I'm not just keeping it, I'm even responding, just for the fun of it?
by the looks if it, you may actually have red the story, as far as published, at this point.
if so, I guess I can take the refference on grammar, but since the story isn't anywhere near completion, assuming it will, that part is in question, if you don't mind me making the point?
on the final note, you realise I can delete the reply to the deleted comments as well, right?
anything less would defeet the idea in the first place.
3795242 That's getting screencapped. Along with everything else in this thread. If you want people to stop being dicks, you can't be a dick back just for the sake of being a dick back. With this attitude, NO ONE will help you fix ANY of your stories.
For the record, my OTHER comments were about nothing BUT the story and the series you claim it crosses with. YOU STILL DELETED THEM.
3795242
On that final note, I have been asked to inform you that screen capture images of all comments in this "discussion" prior to deletion have been taken and stored as evidence in the event reports are made. I'm afraid I can't do anything to stop my compatriots; they are their own people.
3795171
I guess it is too much to ask, but try just a little bit of moderation, there are more precise words for what you're trying to say? (spelling not withstanding?)
I know of Dr. who, but I'm not an expert, but I know as much as to the effect I had to do more then just odd time jumps.
did you read what the texts in question said? if not, there is no point discussing them. they're gone. if there was something worth it, someone else is bound to point this out, in some later stage.
I'm going to devellop the idea, as to if I'm moving closer any time soon? that's remaining unanswered, but I have find a group, where I can ask about this.
I may not be the best writer, but you're not the best at pointing it out, with your widely overblown gestures and expressions.
Atrosious, but please?
and no Name-Calling.
3795293
I should probably mention two things at this point.
1.) Everything has been screencapped, as the others have already mentioned.
2.) If the mods are summoned, they can still see the contents of the deleted comments. They remain visible to the mods no matter what you do.
3795293 Do you ACTUALLY want to improve this story? ANY of your stories? Because you making excuses doesn't equal you accepting criticism.
Prove to me that you can take harsher words to heart and use them to fix your broken story, and MAYBE I'll help you. If you actually want this to be a Digimon crossover, it's best to get help from someone who knows the shows.
3795281 I merely removed posts that I felt unrelated to the story.
if someone feels otherwise, is their opinion, for all I care.
besides, deleting the entire discussion should stop new readers from getting the 'Infection'
Sadly, you're right on the matter of the fellow 'posters', likewise, I can't blame you for their actions.
if they were bu8lding up to a point, all I red, is a line of insults. again, I may have misred it.
I try to write a story, and in order to improve upon it, I'm listening to the comments, in hope to find something that will help me, but I'm not perfect, I'm not a god. I'll just have to live with it.
3795352
You keep proving otherwise. And everything you deleted was about the story. You would rather delete comments than listen to them for info that could help you.
I take my offer back.
3795256 I think I'll thank you for this comment, but just remember, that goes both ways.
for everyone, just so you don't feel personally insulted.
if you have something relevant to the story, that helps me writing, I may still consider listening.
Maybe I can be less nice then you've hoped, but sometimes I just pass the limit.
I feel fairly certain you'd know that feeling?
3795367
YOU FUCKING DELETED IT.
3795232 oh wait, just a small question, can you see who deleted the comment?
since I can't.
3795376 ONLY YOU CAN DELETE THE COMMENTS
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES
3795376 I sure as hell didn't, and the posters sure as hell didn't, since I'm talking to them all right now. There's only one plausible culprit, and he CONFESSED TO IT AND WAS RECORDED CONFESSING IT.
3795352
You're not being asked to be a god. You're being asked to be a competent writer, which is comparatively easier. They are hot-blooded and emotion-driven, which are not necessarily bad things but tend to make matters... escalate. However, note that this does not make you blameless; comment deletion, as has been witnessed, also escalates. Their reaction to horrible writers across the site is very much the same.
I see you have not removed my criticism from the public eye. That's a good sign, at least. Read it over, consider it, learn from it, and follow it.
It's not a crossover, but I can see an idea here that can work. It's up to you to make it work, and in your interests, if you wish to improve, to succeed.
Comments whirling, splashing, churning,
In your heart the rage is burning,
With hate not love your back is turning,
No help you're taking, instead you're spurning.
Instead of taking advice you're given,
You've let it sit and rot, now hidden,
This is no way to lead the life you're livin',
It's all going to fall down, unbidden.
3795385 ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FLAME WARS
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT A GIANT FLAMING DICK
(but who would want to?)
For help you plead, and yet what we gave
Is tossed away, you ungrateful knave!
I feel the urge to scathingly say
Something but that is simply not my way.
Instead I'll rhyme to you, my friend,
About another who met their end.
They threw out fics like a falling trend,
But when given advice, he would not bend.
Now he's lost to the archivesof lore,
Though many have left since and before,
His left fallout that held shut the door,
That you should open, my friend, I do implore!
3795210 just a small note, this seems to be among the very best comments I've had.
have I mannaged to miss that simple a detail? I'm shocked. Sorry, but this isn't specific to English.
there's something to go over, just a matter of what to do with it.
I expected this to follow from the context, but if you say it isn't crystal clear, something about it has to be changed. I guess I may have fallen into the trap some writers slip into, thinking it is clear, just becuase it is clear in your mind, when you write it?
Zecora is a Zebra, because she is the Zebra called Zecora, (which sounds like simple ciorcular reasoning?) I may need to make this part more to the point, by asking for help on her Rhyming.
I'll go over the names, as you pointed out, these are stupid typoes that ruin the story for no good reason, if I am not the best writer here, but I hope I'm not that 'BAD'.
Unless the 'people' we just saw here has seriously high connections, I doubt that should spred all that far. maybe I pissed a handfull, for all I know. how many I don't know, I have no chance to estimate, and it's ointles.
for a final note, if you have a list of good stories, I'd be happy to go over what you'd recommend, even if it may take some time to read them. I have red a few stories I enjoyed, which I've tried to honour, by placing in my 'Favorites' on my page, for any and all to see. just hope none things less of them, just because they are found, listed on my site. I don't list stories I don't like.
I could ask, just for the sake of getting a small detail right, is there any guids/trainers in digimon? Or I'm mixing things up more then I thought?
3795453 ...
That is not a SMALL detail. Why the hell are you even writing about Digimon if you don't know how the partner thing works? You know, the thing that almost every season of the show revolved around?
3795453
You should find this helpful.
3795467 Thanks.
should be helpful.
In hope I'm not coming out as all dumb or anything, maybe I should have expected, but all the Japanese mixed in, since it is where it begun? fascinating.
am I missing something? this does hold similiarities with teh 'Mane Six'? would it lok more realistic, if I 'converted' the traits to adapt it into a 'new world'?
as to the 'Digi-Volving', that seems similiar to the way the Pokemon evolved, even if I may have got this all wrong?
for the record, I'm not quite through the state, where they're meeting, even if I'm writing this differently from how it was in Digimon?
Not all of them transfer easily, by the looks, just hope I'm not making too bad a job. would it be more acceptable, if I pick the original names of the children?
3795464 why write at all? it's suposed to be fun.
sometimes, I forget the hard work it takes for a story to actully be 'GOOD', but who never did that?
it's not as if I had expected a perfect story on first chance. wouldn't that be Hubris?
hmm, am I mistaken, but I feel the mood her have improved to a leven that is starting to feel inspiring again.