The Elements of Lunar Harmony

by Paganbrony

Part Six: One Bad Apple to Spoil the Whole Damn Bunch.

The Elements of Lunar Harmony

Part Six: One Bad Apple to Spoil the Whole Damn Bunch.

Fire, ever since the first stone age ponies stole it from the cave of the goddesses all those millennia ago it had kept ponies warm and happy, had forged metal and baked bread (and brewed cider etc) but now it was currently burning down the house slash winery of one Berry Punch.

Inside were four desperate mares but outside was a large posse led by an overzealous deputy seriously in over his head, his female Ponyville cousin and the town librarian.

“Um Braeburn weren’t you supposed to let them at least respond before you started throwing these… um what exactly are these again?”

Twilight the librarian stood pointing at a pair of bottles with rags protruding from the neck with her hoof,

“Molotov Cocktails invented in Stalliongrad”

“R-Right… But about the whole not giving them a chance thing, see it’s just you seem… angry?”

“Like ah said Trixie robbed a bank hurt the princess Luna and has a whole gang holed up in there for all we know, and besides she’s resisted arrest the whole time! Trixie’s gonna learn that no pony evades the law! Paybacks a mare…”

“But Berry Punch isn’t a criminal… yes she can be a bit of a handful but she’s not a bad pony you didn’t need to set fire to her house…”

“She aided and abetted a known criminal and deserves the same fate as that twisted witch… TO BURN!!! HAHAHA”

Twilight and Braeburn’s cousin Applejack shared a nervous glance as Braeburn turned back to the escalating inferno and at least in the two mares estimation seemed to be enjoying himself a little too much as he cackled away his eyes reflecting the fire as his memories burned with all of Trixies torments .

Inside the house the flames were spreading rapidly from room to room and leaving little choice but to escape to the ample winery which took up a whole end of the house, the four mares three still hung over one having a nervous episode, shut the inner door to stem the increasing smoke (the only other a large carriage door leading to the outside) and took stock of their situation.

“We’re gonna die… I want my mommy…”

Roseluck still hanging in the air was curled tightly in a ball crying her eyes out as the scary blue mare Trixie and the not quite as scary yellow mare Spitfire shouted at each other as smoke curled underneath the inner door.

“That’s the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard you Wicca whack job, and how exactly to you intend to distract them oh great and homicidal one.”

Spitfire smiled as Trixie huffed at the whack job comment, she sniffed and with her nose in the air let the two floating mares drop to the earthen floor of the winery as she stepped further into the room.

Berry Punch landed with a soft thud and a grunt but Roseluck hit hard and was so shocked by it she ceased making noise and just lay there shaking heavily with her eyes firmly shut.

Spitfire wondered if she should do something but her attention had to be diverted to the task in hoof along with the now silent blue mare tracing patterns in the floor.

“What’re doing now you hack” Spitfire had no idea what else to say as she was totally ignored by the deeply concentrating blue mare.

After a few more lines of what looked like arcane mumbo jumbo to Spitfire the silent mare turned and gave a slightly creaky rendition of her old stage persona as she declared triumphantly,

“The Great and Powerful Trixie shall amaze you now! Behold my power as I… …what?”

Spitfire tried to stop sniggering as Trixie trailed off suddenly but managed despite her increasing giggles and snorts to answer the now very self conscious and hurt looking mare.

“What do you think you’re doing you look and sound like some sideshow trickster waving your hooves about like that, we’re stuck in a burning house not some foal’s birthday party.”

“It’s my…y-you k-know I-It doesn’t matter lets just get out of here.”

The Wonderbolt hesitated as her laughter died in her throat at the sight of the rapidly depressed mare who while avoiding her gaze had spied her reflection in one of the many bottles scattered around the room.

Trixie hung her head as she realized Spitfire was right and besides she hardly looked the part of the magician with unkempt mane and tail a grimy coat and rings under her eyes not too mention she was looking somewhat leaner since regular meals (or any for that matter) had been somewhat sparse lately.

“Look I need you to do what you were going to do ok Trixie? Then if you want you can let a… …friend listen to what upset you…”

“…A friend?” Trixie blinked back a tear as Spitfire nodded despite her laundry list of misgivings concerning this whole fiasco and its focus the unstable and bloody minded Trixie.

Not a million miles away from this awkward moment between possible new friends Canterlot the capital jewel of Equestria was also on fire, not because of an unhinged deputy but the mother of all parties that had somehow caused the total collapse of all civil order within the city limits despite martial law being declared (the decree having been immediately ignored by all, including those tasked with enforcing it who refused to leave the palace grounds).

Inside the walls of the royal palace the sun goddess Celesta waited at her sister’s bedside for Luna to regain consciousness.

The whole of Canterlot was acting like mad ponies loud music was booming on every street corner and revellers were drunkenly dancing in every window and doorway and anywhere they damn well pleased.

Celestia could have just flown around zapping ponies with her magic until they surrendered and returned peacefully to their homes but that screamed repression and it didn’t sit well with Celestia’s delicate sensibilities.

Even though she was no stranger in the olden days to roasting the odd uppity peasant who had sought to disrupt Equestria’s usually harmonic balance, Celestia had morals and the hope that all would be well.

(Historical Note: No proof exists of any actual deaths related to royal fireballs but it’s generally accepted the victims were less inclined to repeat offend.)

The sun princess had hoped the disorder would fizzle out if she let it exhaust itself partying but it had somehow snowballed into part party part cultural backlash as her little ponies had thrown the law books on the pyre and adopted total anarchy instead.

It was during these musings that the princess of the moon began to stir gently her eyes flickering open as she reluctantly came to.

“C-Celly”

“Yes dear Luna I’m here…”

“C-Can Y-you turn the music down my heads killing me already…”

Celestia sighed “I wish I could dear sister but I’m afraid it’s beyond my control.”

Luna gave her a quizzical look as she gingerly touched a hoof to the bandaged lump on the top of her head,

“What hit me?”

Celestia blushed as she pushed a brown box across the bed to her sister a distinct buzzing sound emanated from it causing the younger sister to give her blushing sister a strange look.

The sun princess leaned in and whispered in Luna’s ear what she thought it was, Luna went silent as her face turned crimson… “Oh”.

Luna took a moment to clear her aching head before she asked another question,

“How long have I been out?”

“Four days.”

Luna nearly passed out from the head rush she received from sitting up suddenly as her head reacted painfully to her own cry of surprise,

“F-Four days” I’ve been out for four days? Oh my, is Trixie ok?”

“Trixie” I haven’t seen her, I’ve been here since all the trouble began…”

“Trouble what Trouble?”

Celestia explained what had happened during Luna’s incapacity as briefly as she could as not to alarm her younger sibling.

“And that’s pretty much it if we could only find Spitfire to get the Wonderbolts under control we might be able to end this anarchy, and then we’ll find those bank robbers who attacked you with some ponies mail and give them something to really make them rue the day they attacked a princess of Equestria!.”

Luna shifted nervously in bed her eyes suddenly everywhere but in her sister’s direction, something that didn’t escape Celestia’s notice as her eyes narrowed to suspicious slits.

“Luna do you know something dear sister?”

The moon princess rubbed a fore hoof against the back of her head as she adopted a wide grin and what she hoped was a look of pure innocence.

“LUNA!!!”

“I-I may have asked Spitfire to accompany Trixie on her adventures…”

“W-What…” Celestia stared blankly for a second before her sister continued,

“A-Also I-It was me that robbed the bank, well when I say robbed it was an honest mistake r-really…” Luna wilted under her sister’s furious expression.

“I didn’t realize the captain of the Wonderbolts was such a pivotal role, are they really so uncontrollable?”

“A bunch of adolescent frat house speed kings hopped up on beer and Spellbinder knows what else, what do you think?

It takes a special kind of pony to keep a lid on that animal house, without Spitfire there’s no hope of stopping them or this blasted party.”

Luna quickly tried explaining her actions in Appleloosa and afterwards, as Celestia listened to her sister a nervous twitch developed on her top lip.

“Do you know where they might have gone?”

Luna shook her head at first but then stopped as a memory surfaced in her mind,

“No... But I know how to find them …”

“Luna if you can then do so, I’m going to try to come up with a back up plan in case you can’t find Spitfire since I can’t really leave the palace right now because I can’t trust the few royal guards left not to desert once my backs turned.”

“My guards would never desert their posts… I guess it can’t be helped if your guards don’t have the stomach for a bust up” Luna held her head high as she laughed at the mere idea her own guards would do such a thing.

“I haven’t summoned the Night guards and they haven’t shown up…” it was Celestia’s turn to look sheepish as Luna rolled her eyes at her sisters confession.

“Don’t tell me that you are still afraid of my guards after all these years? Besides you know they won’t just show up you have to shine the giant oil lamp on the roof at the night sky remember,”

“The one with the painting of the giant bat on the glass right…”

“That’s the one.”

“Look I’m not scared per se… but even you have to admit with all that hanging around in graveyards, wearing nothing but black… those poetry meetings and midnight gatherings they’re either just plain creepy or way too emo…”

“MY GUARDS ARE NOT CREEPY CELLY!!! …and not all of them are emo’s… Some of them are metal heads…” Luna huffed as she yet again attempted to make her sister understand the beauty of dark poetry and mass candle usage while living in a constant state of apathetic depression.

After an hour or so a messenger gave Celestia the excuse she desperately needed to escape her sister’s impromptu lecture, as she left she advised Luna to rest a while but not too long before she began her search.

With a wince and a groan Luna eventually pulled herself from her bed and after putting cotton wool in her ears to combat the pounding bass permeating the walls of the palace from outside, headed to her private study to gather the necessary items to try and find her wayward student and the all important captain of the Wonderbolts.

As the moon princess went about her mission the house that contained the targets of her search was burning merrily as Braeburn waited to see if Trixie would surrender or burn.

Twilight and Applejack stood away from him muttering between themselves as to what they could do to stop this getting anymore out of control as the ponies in the house started throwing things from the top windows to avoid them catching fire (boxes trunks grandfather clocks etc).

Moments later a crashing sound came from the other side of the house and off down the road went racing a cart with a grape colored pony pulling and three ponies in the back.

With an angry hollering the surrounding deputies gave chase after the cart as Braeburn shouted for them not to let it get away.

As the cart disappeared around a distant bend Twilight paused watching the posse running head long after it.

“Uh Twilight what we’re gonna do ‘bout the fire an all?”

“More importantly what are we going to do about Trixie?”

“Huh?”

Twilight checked the posse had cleared out before she got as close as she dared to the front of the house and the fire as Applejack looked on confused watching Twilight stop next to a large clothes trunk and tap on it with her hoof.

“Twilight you ah… all right sugar?” If you’re in the market for boxes lets go shopping but ah don’t think Berry would appreciate you sizing up her stuff while her home burns down…”

Twilight rapped harder on the trunk lid ignoring her confused friend and hitting the lid with increasing frustration,

“TRIXIE I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE COME OUT…”

“NO!”

Applejack cocked her head as the response sounded from the trunk…

“TRIXIE… NOW”

Applejack blinked as Twilight began banging even harder on the trunk lid causing splinters to go flying.

“BRAEBURNS GONE SO YOU CAN COME OUT NOW I PROMISE IT’S NOT A TRICK… I JUST WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU…”

“P-PROMISE…”

“PINKIE PROMISE…”

“WHAT THE HAY’S A PINKIE PROMISE?”

Another voice sounded from inside the trunk causing Applejack to give up and just stare blankly at Twilight.

“One of Soarin’s friends uses something like that but if you break it she goes seriously off the chain, I’m talking major head case here…”

The first voice piped up again,

“FINE… BUT IF IT’S A TRAP YOU’LL BURN WITH THE REST…”

Applejack was slack jawed as Twilight stepped back, the lid of the trunk exploded open and two sweaty dusty ponies half climbed half fell to the ground in front of her.

“Nice going Trixie now my wing hurts more than ever thanks to your bony flank, why did I listen to you?”

“I got us out of there and my illusion worked that bunch of hicks are chasing the cart so why are you complaining?”

“And when they catch up to it and realize it’s a trick and it’s empty, what then?”

“We have a head start and besides when the magic wears off we’ll be better off far away.”

At that remark Spitfire cocked an eyebrow and concentrated on dusting herself off before digging the others from their modes of escape, Roseluck had been stashed in a grandfather clock and took a lot of coaxing from Spitfire to finally come out before shakily standing in quiet state of shock.

Berry Punch however burst from another trunk amidst a shower of junk with a bounce and a smile having found an old bottle of wine stashed at the bottom along with a bright orange traffic cone ringed with a white strip now balanced on her head.

Spitfire had to ask,

“Where’d you get that?”

“Don’t rightly know, I just keep finding them when I wake up, I have no idea where they come from.”

(As every pony knows, traffic cones are the universal language for having had a good time, because no one knows how or why but there’s always someone on a night out who ends up with a cone on their head.)

Trixie ignored this as she fished the saddlebags of bits from Appleloosa out of another box before magically dumping them on Spitfire’s back causing her to cry out as her wing in its splint was painfully crushed against her yet again.

“Watch it.”

Spitfire narrowed her eyes as Trixie just shrugged and turned to Twilight.

“Why aren’t you helping that posse? Or are you going to try to capture us and claim the credit?”

Twilight’s eyes widened at the suggestion but she kept her cool as adopted a more confident stance as she answered.

“Something isn’t right, Braeburn was acting funny Canterlot is out of bounds and Princess Celestia keeps telling me to stay put for my own good, Pinkie Pie has gone missing and you two are wanted for robbing a bank?”

Twilight took a breath before continuing,

“Trixie what is going on… and is that Spitfire? Why are you on the run with a Wonderbolt? And what does this have to do with Berry and Roseluck?”

Trixie spotted several pairs of dark sunglasses that had fallen from Berry’s trunk, using her magic to put a pair on to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight, the direct result of her lingering hangover, she did the same for the other three as she gave Twilight a strained yet amused look,

“We’re on a mission from god.”

Twilight blinked,

“Say what now?”

“Well she’s a goddess actually… and anyway it was her fault we’re in this mess, ever since we’ve been chased from pillar to post.”

“Huh?”

Trixie fixed Twilight with a withering stare,

“Doesn’t matter, besides… The Great and Powerful Twilight needs to ask lowly old me for answers? What’s the matter does the sun goddesses favorite student not know all the answers herself? You being so perfect after all…”

“Trixie I haven’t seen you since you ran away from that Ursa Minor incident, I barely know you but I get the feeling you don’t like me? I’m sorry if I upset you but I just want to know what’s going on…”

“Wait… why did you just call me that? The Great and Powerful Twilight…”

Trixie tossed her eyes and clicked her tongue keeping her anger in check as she motioned a hoof at her cape and hat currently adorning Twilight who after several seconds realized what she meant.

“Oh I saved these from your cart after you disappeared, I’ve been keeping them safe in case I saw you again I mean after all I was hoping we could put the past behind us and maybe sit and talk about magic? I don’t know much about illusions and magic for entertainment.”

Trixie continued to just stare at Twilight as she continued

“But your cape and hat I couldn’t carry them here so easily, so I hope you don’t mind I wore them just this once.”

“Y-you did that for me? You want to get to know me? But after what happened after the way that I treated you and your friends before?”

The assembled ponies watched as a cascade of emotions passed across Trixie’s face as she struggled to accept what Twilight had said.

“Yes.”

Twilight used her magic to undo the clasp on the flowing star covered cape and floated it over to Trixie along with her wizard’s hat.

To her credit Trixie graciously accepted them with what almost seemed like a smile creeping across her face as a tear fell slowly from the corner of her eye.

“T…… Y…”

(Historical/Editorial Note: This may have been the first ever public instance of Trixie actually thanking some pony for something however in the interests of reader safety and not wishing to shock younger readers this apology has been omitted under Canterlot health and safety rule number twenty two B.)

Berry Punch watched her home burn down with mixed emotions mostly due to the excitement fire can cause in the alcoholically inclined, and the touching scene playing out before her.

Roseluck just stared into space shaking like a leaf as she stood near Berry her friend, still unable to get over the whirlwind of events her mind had effectively shut down.

Spitfire adjusted the saddlebags on her back again nursing her wing before she faced Trixie and broke the silence.

“So how long do you figure we have before that bunch of cow pokes figure out they’ve been had?”

Trixie shook her head and coughed before she looked off into the distance and tried to hide her emotional state with her usual bluster.

“Not long… that movement spell I put on the cart won’t last long and the illusions of us in the cart will give out at the same time so that just leaves what Berry did to keep them busy until we get away and find some way to stay further ahead this time so we’re not cornered again.”

Twilight and Applejack looked on as Trixie and Berry shared a knowing look and a smile as Spitfire cocked her head quizzically as she’d been too busy taking care of Roseluck and had missed this event.

The three pondered what they should do next, well except for Berry who started searching for another bottle in the discarded trunks as she’d already finished the last one.

Twilight was about to ask a flurry of questions when she noticed the now expanding crowd of Ponyville residents who standing a short distance away were watching with confusion the scene before them.

One of the more adventurous members of said crowd came forward pulling behind them a neat sporty looking cart the one pulling was a young looking earth pony mare.

“Uh hey there cousin Applejack, is there anything ah can do to help?”

Applejack shook her head,

“Ah’m afraid not Cobbles that house is doomed, be a waste o’ time trying to save it.”

“Did she just call you Cobbles? Is that your name?”

AJ and ‘Cobbles’ cocked their heads at the pair of Trixie and Spitfire who shared a momentary laugh followed by curiosity at the new arrival and her resemblance to the older mare AJ next to her.

“Mah name is Apple Cobbler, that’s what ponies call me… Well except for cousin AJ who calls me Cobbles, but she’s family so she can...”

The pair began thinking the same thing as they sized up the new pony that seemed almost a younger and smaller version of Applejack minus a Stetson.

Trixie and Spitfire held a hushed and speedy conversation, while getting blasted with Berry the night before Trixie had scornfully recited the goal to find Luna’s dream team.

Berry had immediately claimed the party pony spot but the pair looked first at Berry Punch then Roseluck finally turning back to Apple Cobbler and in quiet unison whispered,

“A party pony, shy pony, farm pony…”

Spitfire spoke aloud first as Trixie nodded a wicked grin on her face,

“You a farm pony by any chance Apple Cobbler?”

“Why yes ah am… uh why’d y’all start looking at me funny?”

Trixie spoke next her voice matching the creepy looking smile she had, as she slowly rolled the young mares name off her tongue,

“Nice cart… Apple Cobbler”

“Uh thanks ah guess, wait why’d you say mah name like that?”

Trixie and Spitfire grinned like Cheshire cats as they nodded to each other, whispering while stealing glances at the confused mare they agreed to something before Spitfire put on her best ‘welcome to the team’ smile.

“Congratulations you’ve just made the draft.”

Twilight and AJ watched as Spitfire called to Berry and began dragging Roseluck still frozen like a statue towards the cart by her tail, Trixie approached Twilight and with her hat and cape still floating in the air with her magic Trixie bowed with a flourish and turned to leave.

“Wait Trixie… you haven’t told me what’s going on?”

“Princess Luna made me her new student so I’ll be seeing you in Canterlot if it doesn’t burn to the ground first.”

“Huh? Hey wait… LUNA DID WHAT???”

Ignoring Apple Cobbler’s threats to throw them off if they didn’t get down Spitfire leaned out of the cart,

“Come on Berry move it, Trixie! Let’s get going already”

Berry finished putting all the bottles of booze she could find stashed in the trunks on the cart as Spitfire maneuvered Roseluck into the cart having broken her trance enough to get her to move.

As Trixie climbed onto the cart and stowed her hat and cape safely away she gave the shocked Twilight a dramatic wave to signal goodbye.

Then focusing on Apple Cobbler who was beginning to really lose her temper and make even worse threats that were effectively useless since she was securely strapped into the cart and needed another ponies help to undo the fixings.

The blue magician assumed a position behind the farm pony within the cart and with a flick of her mane she conjured a spark of magic that curled outwards into the shape of a crackling electric blue whip.

“Hi Ho Cobbler… Away!!!”

Trixie cracked the whip on Apple Cobblers hindquarters as the mare instinctively reared and bolted, the extra weight on the cart was ignored as a testimony of the strength possessed by the whole of the extended Apple family.

As Twilight stared on dumbfounded at Luna’s choice of student her friend Applejack blinked before her mouth caught up to her brain,

“They’ve gone and made off with Cobbles,”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine… I think…”

Twilight watched as the cart picked up speed punctuated by whipping noises and frightened cries as it rapidly left Ponyville, turning to AJ she continued with even less confidence,

“I’m positive…” Twilight tried to smile before she shouted “SPIKE!!!”

Braeburn was breathing heavily as he finally grasped the back of the cart with Trixie in.

“AH GOTCHA NOW YOU...”

He’d chased it for what seemed like miles and even after his posse had fallen to the wayside he’d continued and now he was inside the cart but as he straightened up he realized the four mares seemed to be in a frozen state.

“Now ah am not gonna fall for no more tricks you hear…”

The young and confused stallion watched the four mares fade out of existence right in front of his eyes as coincidentally the cart began to slow down then gently rolling to a stop as Braeburn hung his head.

“Darn it, ah really hate that pony”

‘CRACK…’

The despondent deputy’s brow furrowed as he looked at the floor of the cart, he noticed there was a canvas covering it and there seemed to be a lot of something underneath that had taken up half the depth of the cart.

‘THIS IS FOR THE HOUSE COLTCUDDLER’

Braeburn studied the note laid on the canvas with mounting apprehension as he shakily pulled back a corner of said covering,

“Aw…”

The scores of champagne bottles shaken by the carts travels finally hit pressure point and blew in unison.

In the opposite direction with a clean get away the escaping Trixie Berry and Spitfire shared a jubilant smile at the sound of the far off explosion as a terrified Roseluck continued to shake and a confused Apple Cobbler kept running in fear of the magical whip and its sadistic creator.