You have absolutely no idea how happy it makes me to see this posted in more than one place. I want you to know just how captivating your story is. I don't cry often - I cry when I see this story update (well, I should anyway). You, sir, are a dream-weaver of the topmost quality. In any case, I believe I have expressed my sentiments on the matter quite thoroughly.

On a more relevant note: You can do it, gluestick!

Now give me MOAR!!!! That is... If that's okay with you. I'm a patient pony, I can wait for quality... So, you know, update when you're ready.

>>1410614106

Oh, and in case my previous comment was indicative enough, read this. Read it now. It's great. This is up there on my list, tying for first along with FO:E, FO:E-PH, Macintosh, and It's Dangerous Business. For all that is good and pony, read it.

Only just read this, but I'm likin it!

Good to see you on here, man. Still lovin' the story!

Wow....this chapter just blew me away emotionally...

At almost every line there was a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye, it was just so moving. It's been years since I've read a story that has moved me so much. Heh, maybe it's silly to be moved so much from fiction about ponies, but I'm very glad that I stumbled upon this story. It's an incredible tale of "the last pony" and the hardships she has endured and it's not even finished yet! Plus I haven't even gotten to what is probably going to be the even more emotionally moving part of this story. To go back in time and see the ponies that you know are just going to only end up as a pile of bones and ash...I can't even think of how that would feel. I really can't wait to read the next chapter as well as the ones that are to follow it, but alas, it's 2:40am here and bed is calling me.

Have a good one.

Perfect 5.0 after 17 ratings.  SEVENTEEN CONSECUTIVE PERFECT SCORES.

And it's STILL underrated.

Wow, what a story. This is incredible. Will definitely continue reading.

Up to 23 5.0s,

yep, still underrated.

That. Was. Incredible.  The intro was amazing, the action was amazing, the ending was amazing. With only a few keystrokes and a vivid imagination, you have created a beautifully crafted dystopia on par with the original Fallout: Equestria and it's various spin-offs. The sheer amount of detail you go into creating a scene is phenomenal; from the descriptions of a barren Canterlot, to the dregs of a rusted airship. Each scene allows you enough detail to envision it as though it were a movie, right down to action sequences that seem ripped from the scripts of some Hollywood blockbuster.  This has easily become one of my favorite fictions on this site and goes to show how unbelievably awesome this fandom is. Just the idea that someone could take a show aimed at adolecent girls and turn it into this is a testament to both you as a writer and the quality of the source material.  I just wish I had more stars to give.  

Decided to read the next chapter even though it's 1 in the morning and I got to be at work in a few hours. Confound these ponies, they drive me to read!

So many manly tears were shed.

Around the time I got near the end, I found myself remembering a quote from the Watchmen movie. I believe it went: " Why should I save a world I no longer have a stake in?".  From the readers point of view it may seem like a simple decision, but you have made it clear that Scoots has some reservations of going back. From what I've read, she realizes after him saying that time is immutable  that the only thing she can do is watch events from her foalhood play into the worst moment in her life, all in the slim chance that she could find a way to help a present that she has no stake in.

You, my friend, have crafted a narrative that, within less than five chapters, has proven more thought-provoking and riveting than most popular literature today. With ponies.  

To quote Rainbow Dash: "ohhh. You're good."

Loved every moment of it. Bravo! Steampunk + post-apocalyptic epic + ponies =  awesome. There needs to be a reading of this.  

Up to 47 consecutive perfects...

...still underrated.

Absolutely amazing story!

136,000 words.

Damn, i have trouble writing about 1,000 words

Excellent work though

This story is one of those few that has ascended to GODLIKE status.  On par with Past Sins.  You know, the level of awesomeness in which Chuck Norris resides.  It's that good.

CEWL

I don't want to read this. It hurts to read, but I am forced to finish because it's so damn good.

One of the more painfull storys I have read. Scootaloo is actualy one of my favorate ponys, it hurts to see her suffer so. Yet, in a way, the pain she has suffered is part of what makes her as strong as she is, as capable as she is.  She fights and risks her life for a hope, a dream that she knows will not happen, yet she continues to fight, continues to pay the price in pain and blood. I will not comment more, as much of what I might say would be spoilers, and its best you read the whole thing, not skip parts cause I say this or that.

this is really good.  will continue reading!

unfortunately, its also slow moving and dense , but oh well...

Wondering why the latest four chapters aren't here. I'm dying to know the word count D:

looooong chapter.

good, but buck its long!

A good fic!

wooo! go spike! awesome as always .

(both spike and the massively long chapter)

this is fantastic!

for some reason i really liked this:

"She then did something that she hadn't done since she was a little foal; she touched down with pegasus hooves onto the wispy surface of the overcast cloudbanks."

Keep writing!

*yay*  

Though, it is a VERY long read.  Good, but set aside an afternoon to take a good chunk out of it.

i knew it be ponyville! Awesome fic!

love the length, just leaves me wanting more!

its interesting how you personify spike as a grown, aged and wise dragon when he is basically the same age as scootaloo... nevertheless a great chapter indeed.

Oh My GOD! That was hands down one of the best things I have ever read! You have single handedly crafted a masterwork of words that have left me speachless! You are the first person to have actually made me cry with written words alone. I will admit, I came close to crying before with 'My Little Dashie' but this blew me out of the water! I don't know if I'm going to be able to write more of my own story simply because this has left such a profoun impression on me that I may never be the same again. Your imagery, your wordcraft, your simply astounding mastery over the English language are just so beautiful. I truly can not express how grateful I am to you for blessing us with such a gift! If you EVER need help or ANYTHING I will do anything in my power to answer your call.

>>3065030650 and here i am thinking its dinky hooves

i guess your right though

i normally dont like the cmc,

but in this case i will make an exception

Chapters 11-15 are out on GDocs. Not sure why not uploaded here yet. See EqD post for links.

ITS very hare to explain how i feel when i read this

i can say with a sense of finality that i like the story

but i just am not sure how to react to this amount of dessolation,

everything... everything is just.... gone............

This is just an absolute masterpiece. I think your characterization of Applejack is just breathtaking.

My only criticism would be that Fluttershy does not actually seem like Fluttershy, but what you've done is just amazing.

Good show.

Oh yeah, and this has now moved up to my second favourite, coming just after Paradise.

...Congratulations. You have have comitted an act which I thought impossible - you have crafted something even more depressing than FO:E. And considering I can feel portions of my soul die with every chapter of that I read, imagine what that means about your story.

Despite this, however,  the style of your writing has me hooked, and whilst I despair at the mere thought of reading another chapter, the idea that I stop reading is simply unthinkable. So promise me two things, please. Firstly - a happy ending (I know, I know. T'aint gonna happen. Had to ask though). Secondly, and most importantly - keep writing this fic. As much as I dread each chapter to come, I don't like the prospect of not knowing the conclusion to this.

Wow, spoilers before I even start. Either claim there is only one surviving pony, or put the whole mane cast in the character list. One or the other.

I find it hard to describe how i feel when I read this fic.

Im not sad or depressed, nor am I ever happy,

I would guess that the only way I could describe how I feel is....

Indifferent, a strong feeling of indifference toward the events that happen around me.

and non of these faces show indifference

first fic where i have loved spike

ME GUSTA!

MY FEELERS!!!!!!

MY FEELERS THEYRE JUST ALL OVER THE PLACE

i want to hack this for 111111111111111111111111 perfect 10'

>>3110631106

There is only One living pony. What your seeing with Applejack and her family is nothing more than Scoot going back in time.

PLOT TWIST!

.......  dat second to last line...

i cried

i cried out in pain, joy, and sorrow with this story

sir you have you idea what you have done for me

no amotocon can describe how i feel right now

Oh my god.

That is all.

woo!  great chapter!

Honestly, I can't say I'm as fascinated by this story as everyone else seems to be.

Well, that'd be a wrong way of putting it, anyway. I'm fascinated by the story, and coming from someone who normally thinks little of grimdark-esque MLP fics, that's saying a ton. I'm already guessing to myself how this story can end, and both main endings I'm thinking of have the power to be incredibly moving.

Furthermore, it's incredibly emotional. Part of that is due to your writing style, faults and all (more below), but when it works, it really works. I'd have to say that the emotionally strongest part I remember is Scootaloo returning to Sweet Apple Acres at the end of the "Applejack arc" and seeing their bodies. Just an all-around fantastic bit of writing that makes the reader feel the contrasting elicitation of emotions that she had to have been feeling.

Regardless of how I feel about the story, it's got my attention till the very end of the road. However, it'll feel like a bumpy road all the same. One thing I can't deny about your writing style is that it's colorful, with an extensive vocabulary. It does amazingly well in painting imagery and describing the sheer crapsackness of post-apocalyptic Equestria, but it also slows the pacing to an almost painfully slow crawl at times. I'd be lying if I said I never skimmed anything in the story when reading it, but when I went back and observed the parts I mostly skipped through, I noticed that most of what I skimmed didn't seem to add too much. Too superfluous a description, is what I guess I'm trying to say here. It works amazingly well in some chapters, but in others it turns them into little more than a chore to fully read and analyze.

Also, the characterization in this seems to be pretty hit or miss. Now, I absolutely love how you portrayed older Spike in this. He's wise enough to show his age in his philosophy, but retains enough humor in his dialogue to show his relative youthfulness. The fact that he spent most of those few centuries researching the causes of the catastrophe would explain his extensive vocabulary. It's for the other ponies who display the same level of linguistic sophistication at times -- Scootaloo and Fluttershy, in particular -- that that manner of speaking doesn't fit quite so well.

I gave it 4* all the same, and I still can't wait to see where it goes from here.

wooo!

A good chapter;  though its toooooo long to make any direct criticism on.  

a couple of times, AJ's lines seemed a tad off, but (as i have said before) this is likely a subtly different interpretation.  But, it is still a FANTASTIC fic.

And a long one

why do i get the feeling that now, as i have finished reading the EPIC, it will be updated?  with another bazillion-word chapter.  

Its a good thing, but i have to agree with RunsWithScissors:  the pacing when in the wastes is... a bit slow.  no, scratch that;  its SO slow, it makes my mind boggle as to how you can write it;  its good, but so slow and sooooo long!  its also sooooooo good!

so far, my favorite bit (and the bit that i hated the most) was when went to the clubhouse.  that was... one of the most depressing things i have read in a while.

(tl;dr version: Fantastic.  bit slow in spots.  kinda depressing)

This? This right here? This is beautiful... Just fucking beautiful. Take notes bronies, this is how fanfics are done. *slow clap*

I KNEW IT EVER SINCE SCOOTS SAID HER NAME WAS HARMONY I KNEW IT (scootaloo is harmony and rainbow dash left the younger scoots to go see Harmony in the begging right and since scoots/HArmony is going back in time....well you get the rest) I KNEW IT Also this is the FIRST STORY IN MY Life that made me shed a tear. I Never read anything like this

>>3193831938 Shit, didn't notice that at all. But wait... if she already went back and is recognized by ponies, then that means that she never stopped the Cataclysm!!

Scootaloo? I would never guess.

shortskirtsandexplosions, sir or madam, I implore you to put this in e-book form and sell it on Kindle because I feel guilty reading such a masterpiece for no price at all!  I am absolutely ensnared and I am not even mid way through the series. Given the blerb I was about to pass this up because generally I find most non-romance pony fics that have great concepts tend to end up in convoluted walls of text. However your epic has broken that stereotype and I must admit to being a bad reader by judging books by their covers. You deserve this praise and so much more, I am sure that in a month and a halves time I will be able to confidently declare this my choice for the best pony fic of 2011.

I really enjoyed the first parts and the emotions it wakes. A true masterpiece

But I can't help but notice that the pace has become almost unbearably slow once the time-travel started. I don't mind long stories, but this feels a bit over-the-top

>>3228732287

Umm - they've kind've established that the laws of temporal continuity won't allow them to go back and stop the Cataclysm. If I understood properly, they're only going back now to figure out what caused, and how they can fix it.

I'm wondering when you're going to add in the Fluttershy arc, seeing as it's already on EqD

Psst. I just finished reading Ch. 19 a few hours ago.

U JELLY?

In all seriousness though, I think many people will like what's coming next. Skirts just keeps getting better as he goes along.

wow, that was a long ass chapter, good but long. I know their are 9 more just like it and its unfinished. My question is, is Rainbow really gone? What happened to the other ponies Applejack, Twilight, etc? And what exactly happened, what killed the princesses and the world?

Have any of these questions been answered yet from chapters 1-10?

This is gonna be a long one, and why aren't their more comments?

wow... man this is good stuff. I keep reading and keep getting more and more into it. As your reading  there's this feeling you get that as bleak as the world may be, a sense of hope from her journal entries, that she isn't the last pony. It makes you keep reading because you connect to the last pony in her hopes that she just might discover another pony, and/or find out more of what happened on the day of the cataclysm came. Also the vivid discriptions of the plot, the action, the constant survival, and the heavy and moral chioces she has to make which she puts down into her journal make this an excellent read.

Since this is still going, please slip some happiness for this pony somewhere in the story. I'm still looking forward to finding out what happened to Rainbow Dash... if that hasn't been reviled in a later chapter already.

>>3112531125 I'm afraid i have to agree.

However picturing it all was quite interesting at a few moments. Meeting the Bruce the squirrel (picturing him running around with his Russian ascent and persona), the conversation with Pitt (imagining him sounding like a jazzy moffia guy), the connection shared with Gilda over Rainbow Dash, and finally the first time the rainbow beacon was light and the impending moments after. No journal entries this chapter, darn those were written well.

I like the idea of the colored flame stones, and i know that the flame stone is some reference to MLP G1 though i honestly don't know much about it. I over heard it brought up in chat when ppl were talking about S2 E10 yesterday (point to you for your insight months in advance lol).

Dude, your chapters are intense but totally worth reading.

Anyway, I really love this story and I'm looking forward to future chapters.

So...touching.

I will never think of Fluttershy's song the same way again.

Thank you for your hard work.

>>6335563355 When i first read this chapter on google docx, it was 4am. I was wide awake,

and when it ended? I wanted more.

Because badass Scootaloo is badass.

And Don't afraid of anything an internet reference? In my End of Ponies? Didn't see that one coming

You motherfucker, i checked ff on my phone last night before I went to bed and saw your updates. Its 5:00am rightnow and i cried manly tears before school. GAH WHY ARE THESE SO GOOD?!?!

>>6483064830 lol omg excellent comment, i cant wait until I catchup on chapters.

This is a bittersweet and beautiful story. Thank you for writing it.

NO!

I broke into tears when Dinky started to speak as Rainbow Dash. I don't know exactly why, but this rocked me to my core. I'm sure these won't be the last tears I shed tonight though, onto chapter 15....

Yep, I cried again, several times in fact. But I made it through, and so did Scootaloo. I can't possibly thank you enough for writing this. Just...thank you.

...oh...shit

Are you a professional?

Fanfics aren't normally supposed to have this much work put into them, especially not work of this caliber. You're not making just a fanfic, you're making a novel.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's great to read something good once in a while.

Wow, man that was a good chapter. Everything played out perfectly after it was reviled that the dragon was Spike, super bonus points for the "ever-handsome devil" line.

The imagery of the town was good, I had forgotten how big pony ville really is. One little hickup though. While reading the parts where spike was fighting the only imagery of how big spike had gotten was that he crushed 4 tolls with one claw's stomp which was about the size of a tree trunk. This set me into thinking he was about the size of a house comparing him to the size of the dragon in mlp that threatened to cover pony ville in smoke that one ep. It wasn't until the scene with his claw and Scootaloo's hoof that i got a much better size reference.

The scene with the past... excellent though now i am curious as to how that is going to play out.

Over all good read.

That ending managed to connect everything perfectly. All of the complicated lines and dots that form this story have been connected into a masterpiece of literature. As Flittershy said, it has become a complete circle, and there are no loose ends to tie up. This story is a solid chunk of genius that fills me with wonder every chapter that I read. Please, continue to write this wonderful piece of art into words of beauty.

That ending managed to connect everything perfectly. All of the complicated lines and dots that form this story have been connected into a masterpiece of literature. As Flittershy said, it has become a complete circle, and there are no loose ends to tie up. This story is a solid chunk of genius that fills me with wonder every chapter that I read. Please, continue to write this wonderful piece of art into words of beauty.

ok seriously this is wierd, I leave a lenthy comment about spikes size in the previous chapter's comments and first thing in the next chapter which was written months before the comment was made is a reference to spikes size. its like every comment i leave here will be answered in the next chapter, lol.

Needed corrections: 1) "The bright green tongues billowed around the near-indiscernible eyelash as she swiftly closed the jar, twisted it shut, and raised the glowing thing up towards the center of Princess Celestia's mirror." 'he' instead of 'she'. 2) "Hope is a disease, an affliction to all living beings.  The only thing sentient creatures such as ponies had ever accomplished was die, and yet we had always clung to hope." 'die' is supposed to be 'dead'. 3) "“Kind of armor pony needs is something no strips could buy, Brucie thinks." needs a '"' at the end.

This sentence confuses me, " Something akin to a foalish smile, and Scootaloo breathed:  “I'm liking this idea.” ".

Over all i really liked this chapter. Touching down on the clouds was a nice touch, as was the journal entries, and the visit with Brucie. The addition of The Six Goddess Sisters is interesting but defiantly will call for some elaborate involvement later in the novel.

Also im getting the sense that this is the first time Spike has met Scootaloo throughout his time travels, be nice if that were clarified.

Over all another good read.

First off the needed corrections: 1) "“Alas, though contacting Princess Celestia would certainly give us the best possible perspective on the eve of the Cataclysm, I cannot send you back in time bound directly to her soul.”" after the comma a transition word like 'however' or 'but' etc is needed. 2) "But in the the living land of Equestria, all I will find are ponies." a double "the".

*crying manly tears as he reads the "Hey AJ" part*.

Funny touch on Scootaloo's dad reading Equestria Daily bit lol.

And it was good to see Big Mac protect his family strong-fully right up and beyond the end.

Must say though I like where your going with the relation between the development in the wasteland between Spike, recovering remain, and the emotional tie in it all has but the tree house scene and the scooter could have held more... umf. Also for some reason Spike seems more like Professor Dumbeldor from Harry Potter in my mind for some reason lol

man oh man... recalling the events of this chapter it was one hell of a chapter. Kinda hard to pin down but id say the best parts were: eating the apple, the sunset-the grave yard, applejack's explanation of the land, and the fight at the end.

Frankly ive got nothen bad to say (besides the time it takes to read it all) about this chapter at all. However I do have an oddity which is entirely my own fault. For some reason its hard to picture the correct color of Scootaloo copper color and keep imagineing her coat is the same has her eyes, simular to that of Fluttershy. I know this is not the case but i think its hard because its hard to image a red/rusted copper colored mare, being that the copper is shiny reflective material but can also be dull. Again that my own prob.

This is an excellent chapter, no question about that.

P.S. More words besides 'Eyep' from Big Mac in the future please, and yeah I know I'm picky.

The conversation with Granny Smith after AJ and Big Mac go eat some oatmeal was quite heartfelt. , however this chapter was anything but perfect and I comment as I do with intent of constructive feed back to the author. It feels as though the section after revealing her gift to Granny Smith, the 13 so paragraphs, had no purpose and drug on pointlessly.   The section has some good stuff but doesn't develop the character, relationships, world, etc at all and is better viewed imo as a mediocre journal entry of some kind.

The highlights imo were the conjuration of the 'Act of Accord' lie, the brief conversations with granny, the opener of her at age 17 and the trolls, the end AJ's Ma and Pa with some connection to herself, the appearence of Apple Bloom, and the talk with AJ about beaten the trolls away.

The ending was good and ties into her never being a pony to take in kindness of a bed, food, bath, and the sort as covered in the previous chapter.

You my friend have created one of the most captivating fanfictions I've had the pleasure of reading. Everything in here is so run through with emotion and mystery... and you leave little threads that are tied off so wonderfully! Every episode through Scootaloo's journey is a little story in itself. Maybe the language is a tad... archaic at times? But it never seems to detract from the mood. It's like you've gotten the essences of the main characters and made them explode beyond their own boundaries. I love this story and I hope you continue with it to the very end. It deserves every bit of attention and praise it's gotten so far.

Needed corrections: 1) "“You seem to have a close knit group of friends,” the pegasus spoke through the lips of “Harmony”." quotes around Harmony aren't needed.

Highlights: I very much liked the compliment given to Scootaloo from AJ that she is like her friend Rainbow Dash. LOL on the conversation of giving out a doctrine to a 'Mister Whooves' during the dinner scene.

The single most devastating words in the entire chapter on the first read through, ' "The storm cellar,” the last pony murmured '. I literally sat their just looking, re-reading those few words and the few words before them in shock.

My only sense of comfort at the end of the read was that Big Mac was also in the cellar as well instead of where his remains were found.

Good read, very good read.

The fight between the trolls and Scootaloo... meh Ms. Harmony = awesome.

The chat with AJ afterwords was almost a tear jurker for me, but AJ should've been saying yuh instead of ya'll, gives it more heart to it imo.

The silo insident almost made my heart stop, though if you had said the silo had collapsed into shambles after the fall leaving a wreckage + impression. It would have made for a perfect picture... ok now i guess I'm being picky.

Dang it, the funeral for AJ and the gang pulled out a few manly tears confound it.

Needed corrections: 1) ' “Aside from bein' the oldest structure still standin' on the far?” ' don't you mean 'farm?'.

Overall another great chapter imo.

>>3041230412 aka "Brony Tom", yeah this story apparently has risen to those heights, which is why I'm taking my time, reading every chapter in order, commenting at each one, and enjoying every moment. I'm still new here so i have no idea what the "Past Sins" fic is all about.

>>3056530565 aka "Mithrandir" im now in the same boat as you pal lol.

>>3110431104 aka "Dozy Dreamer" dam FO:E must be really depressing. Also his writing style has me hooked as well and to not finish this is unthinkable at this point.

>>3164731647 aka "BestiaAuris" as far as having read up to CH10 i felt the pacing has been appropriate, with one minor exception (already commented on it). And yeah i know, it is soooo good lol.

>>5372953729 aka "Vimbert the Unimpressive" I hope so, I've already spent days reading this far, I certinaly hope it continues to get better.

You definitely write an entirely different genre than I prefer, and yet, I can aspire to write like you. Well done, sir.

>>7934579345 Just wait until you get further in, it gets even better. One of my favs which your coming up is the journal entries ch2, and then it still gets better from there.

First and foremost I must say I really did like this chapter considering this comment picks on it so much.

Imagining the young Scootaloo bruised and bloodied hiding trying to comfort herself... man that's dark imagery though fitting for the situation.

Needed correction: 1) '“You were bored up until I showed up, weren't you?”', 'bored until' not 'bored up until' right? 2) 'like the teasing hands of a doting'. Isn't 'hands' supposed to be 'hoofs'? 3) 'Oh!  Mmm... I... I didn't mean anything nosy by that.', being that its Fluttershy wouldn't a timid 'Umm...' work better than 'Mmm...'?

OK this line right here 'But alas, as you are the end of ponies, I can only conclude that I am the last of dragons.”'... all i can think is 'ah *curses* no, not him to...', then an overwhelming sadness befalls me, coupled with the story's lines that trail after it. Should've seen that coming, good/sad though.

This confuses the hell out of me. In one part it says the thorns had chocked the green life out of everything, then in another part it says the sixty sum white headstones were covered in the green mildew of time. After researching I two possibility; that the stones themselves had aged from white to green, or once had green mossy mold now decayed into the stones. Honestly I think it was just a bit of whimsical writing gone unchecked.

The gear and vertical decent into the forest was cool.

In my opinion this line “I was about to ask the same of you,” should have been “I was about to ask you the same,”.

Might want to consider looking at and possibly revising this paragraph imo:

-   -  removal. '   '  addition, and  /\  OR operator.

“Many ponies around here have lost loved ones 'dear to them'/\'close to them' in the mine collapse, or else they knew friends who lost 'their' family to it.  It's common for them to come and pay their respects.  So it's only fair for the grounds to be -maintained-'kept' in good order, in respect of those who died, if nothing else.”

This lines ending.... seriously!? 'It's just thunder!  The storm's still far away, my pretties!'.

'I was not paying attention!', better would be 'I wasn't paying attention!'  imo.

Meeting Dinky was nice twist at the end, I was thinking it was Rarity or Sweetybell lol.

Most noticeably through the entire thing in my opinion is that the over all the length at which Fluttershy speaks typically extends to about, I'd say, almost twice of normal, putting it slightly ooc. I don't think is to bad because it add to character depth but with Fluttershy's persona heavily centered around a 'soft kind short spoken' persona it just rubs me the wrong way I suppose.

I really love this.. but it seems so lonely.....      

SHE'S TURNING INTO PINKIE PIE! (I hope she won't be makin a horn necklace, or a flank dress )

how did i know he was spike...?

and she was scootaloo the *cough* innocent little school filly...

I really like this story, but the chapters are ridiculously long and you update about 5-10 chapters at a time.

There is a heavy sense of familiarity here, sitting just beneath the surface.

Everyone has felt alone at one point or another. Misunderstood, lost to constantly wander aimlessly with no direct objective but to walk through the stages of life.

We were taught from a young age to marry our prince/princess, have kids, have a job, come home, retire, die. Many people believe this impossible to break. You can't move to another country because __________________. It's something that's been drilled into our minds.

But, what if we woke up tomorrow, and all of it was gone?

All in all, everything we work for is meaningless when we take our last breath. What matters is the people we have in our lives, who we love. And the legacy we leave behind. Whether it was helping someone, or raising children, however you did it, you did it, and now you're going to live forever and ever even though you're going to be in the ground.

Scootaloo (Although potentially someone else, as this hasn't been explicitly said, and only implied. For simplicity's sake, let's call her Scootaloo.) doesn't have that.

She has no one but the ash, the snow. The ground. And her ship. No one to come after her.

She's truly alone, aimlessly wandering a desolate wasteland with no reason to continue fighting. No one to hear her out. Her opinions don't matter any more.

It really doesn't even matter if she lives.

And we don't seem to realize that it would be the same if we were ever to be put in her position. (Or, at least, approximately.)

Needed corrections: 1) the period in, -“'Harmony'.  Or 'Harmony' for short.”- line. 2) -have sent me here to observe- instead of -have sent me her to observe-.

Wow on the part where Scootaloo not wanting to get her cutie mark for me was like, "what! must know more, must read faster!" lol.

Alright for some reason right about this paragraph I start envisioning Scootaloo and Fluttershy both laying down in the bed of green emerald pillows or on the sofa inside Fluttershy's cabin, -“I mean it, Fluttershy!”  Scootaloo jerked away from her with a frown.-. Later near the end I picture Scootaloo pressed up next to Fluttershy, as would a filly to her mother (around the time that Scootaloo nuzzled Futtershy) and the raging storm's backdrop through the window outside. I know it wasn't what it was but that's how that scene turned out in my head.

Bringing up 'hot stallions' at the end was an interesting touch lol.

So... wait... does this mean that the story's over?

Pffffft I lol at this line a little, -Lemme guess:  Faustmare's Home for Imaginary Wildlife.-.

The section where Harmony metaphorically fires the runestone "kindness" at Fluttershy was good. Also its following section where Harmony and Fluttershy talk about Harmony's past was good, but for me it was a slight disappointment as Fluttershy fell asleep before the end of he confession, which i guess for you is a god thing because it defiantly keeps me reading lol.

The section where Scootaloo asked why Fluttershy had run outside in the storm to check something so suddenly to the end where Scootaloo decided to stay was a much needed part in the building of the future Scootaloo's fortified persona imo, though the cataclysm may have been enough of a reason.

*reaches the end* aaaahhhhh hell noooooooo....

Nine new chapters?

Ooh boy, this will be a looong night

well there goes my spare time chapter 1 complete 23 to go

Image: http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/004/457/challenge.jpg

[challenge accepted]

I'm sorry; I don't think I can do this anymore.

I've already said much of what I could say regarding the story's length, but I was already struggling to enjoy it as it was; now with the chapter's average lengths effectively being doubled, I don't think I could feasibly enjoy a story that seems to honestly "drag on" as much as this does.

I'm not going to assign a rating because I know it's more my own personal bias these dislikes stem from, but I honestly only read every third paragraph in Ch 16 and 17 as an experiment and found I didn't really miss anything too important. That's not a good thing any way you slice it.

One minor factual error in this: Angel is male. And why does everyone always have the characters call him "Angel Bunny" in their fanfics? On the show, I've only ever heard him just called "Angel".