Interesting

Yay, more SS&E! I need to get up to date on BG pony.

Must read.

HOW DO YOU WRITE SO MUCH?

inb4:

gifs

reaction images

exclamations of awe

featured

all manner of et cetera

A gift? For me?!

Oh Shorts you shouldn't have.

Tragedy, Sad, Skirts... Let's do this.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

Edit: Well, I finished. I don't know what else to say. I'm gonna go be sad now, have a thumb and a fav.

Best of luck to you, Brian.

>>14829261482926

exclamations of awe

>>14829231482923

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Inb4 feature

Where do you find the time to write all these stories. Just have many words do you have in that head of yours >=/

Fuck, you wrote something featuring the superior pony.

I have to read this

SS&E short one-shot story : 17k words.

Huh, that's not quite the reaction I would have had. Why would she lie about her life in Stalliongrad, then simply poison herself ? I was almost expecting a "V for Vendetta" type scene where she poisons the changeling, confronts it, then lets it die. All those good works, deeds, etc. are all a lie, a lie to soothe a guilty conscience. I could understand Rarity's motives if anything she said to the changeling was true, but none of it was.

....and right until the end, I thought the pony in question was Lyra.

inb4 practically everybody comments before reading

Heh, knew who she was from the very beginning... and I love you dude. And yet... that ending.

>>14832141483214

Why would she lie about her life in Stalliongrad, then simply poison herself ?

Woah. I'm speechless. Brilliant story.

>>14832861483286

Yes, but you still have a life built on a lie, and when the truth emerges (and it always will) the destruction wrought by it will be magnified. You can't justify kidnapping, imprisonment, and very nearly death, with some good deeds; no matter the number or magnitude. Maybe I'm selfish, but if someone stole my life for over 20 years, I'd want it back.

That was hauntingly beautiful. One of your best "shorts," if I do say so myself.

This was, as with much of your work, absolutely amazing.

And, as well, a very new take on the aging story idea of one of the Mane 6 being a changeling in disguise.

*sniffle* Why?

Well... hmm... I guess I got what I wanted.

That's very... sweet.

Warning: This comment contains elements that spoil certain elements of the story. If you have not read the story, I advise you NOT to read this comment.

A very moving story! The characterization was not only perfect, but moving. I felt as if the narrator (no spoilers) had a good reason for telling the story, it being a swan song for the character; that was excellent. The inclusion of characters and places showing up in a certain order was excellently done, methinks. I definitely liked how the narrator toted on on certain details, taking on a wistful-yet-accepting tone. Everything just seems excellently done.

Very sad, and a nice Slice of Life. A wonderful story.

Ouch. Beautiful, though. A good, original take on the somewhat cliched "One of the mane 6 is a changeling!" concept.

[SPOILERS!]

Gonna be honest, though, I didn't like the suicide scene at the end. Frankly, this community has too many emotionally fragile people to be tossing that kind of glorification around. Just some friendly advice -- be careful with this sort of thing.

And then, changelings. Seriously, has anything in this show given us fan fiction writers so much potential and so much to work with?

All I can really say is, that was beautiful. The world-building was fantastic and the ending was so emotional...damn you for tricking me into thinking she was actually living a happy life. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.

Christ on a cracker, Skirts, ya did it again. Nice damn job.

Wait a minute.

I thought you said that you hated changelings?

Did that part near the end mean that she lied and didn't have a family in her new home?

Yeoman, out

I am trying to sleep and now I have sad feels. Great.

Seriously, amazing story. You had me gripped throughout, and I didn't figure out the twists until the reveal. Also, very in character for the narrator, how she resolved it.

An unusual twist on a cliche story, well done.

Wow. Such an amazing story and that ending sent shivers down me. As soon as you began to describe Stalliongrad, my mind kicked into tradgedy mode. Well done on such a bittersweet and beautiful story

Aaaand.... featured.

Seriously though, it was amazing. I especially loved how you describe ponies and let us divine which is who, and how you hide who the main character is till the very revelation. I couldn't even stay still on my chair during the attempted poisoning scene.

A single tear is only needed to express the emotions this wonderfully writen story has bestowed upon the vast amount of readers that are willing read such remarkable work.

Truely a 'Gift' indeed.

>>14838331483833

Ditto to all of this, though I have to admit that the ending worked. A beautiful lie indeed...

...Well.  Sadfic is sad.  And now I'm sad.  Curses.

>>14832141483214

The highest form of generosity; Rarity gave the tortured thing her life.

>>14839621483962

Yes it did. The lie was to sooth the pain the changling felt from twenty years worth of grief.

So you say you hate changelings... Then go and write a changeling fic? Using an idea that someone else thought up of (albeit, with a different twist)? Using the same character no less?

This was an amazing read. You never disappoint.

What really hit me hardest was not actually the ending. Well, not directly.

Rarity's suicide was an extremely poignant moment, don't get me wrong.

But that lie she told to the changeling about her life in Stalliongrad... fuck, man.

This story is a prime example of the proper usage of the [Tragedy] tag.

You built us up with stories of handsome husbands, and loving children. Only to tear us right the fuck down.

That, is a tragedy, not just something sad, but the glimmer of hope before you claw out our hearts. Anyway I'm rambling again, sorry I'm neurotic about the definition of a tragedy.

Suffice to say that this story *puts on shades* is a real gift to the readers.

Live long and dash apples.

....I have no words.

Well played.

Finely written, as usual, though with caveats. Not my favorite changeling story, nor my favorite SS&E story. The reveal was visible a mile away, so much so that skipping a few thousand words wouldn't have mattered because the middle portion felt like rehash of the teaser we'd already seen and digested. The ending felt artificial, as if had been tacked on just to convince people that it's really an SS&E story. Beautiful prose, nice take on an increasingly overdone concept, just a wee bit overdone and (in places) excessive.

Oh my goodness, this was so good.... I'll admit I was confused for a while, but man this turned out really beautiful. I figured when she talked to 'Rarity' that she was lying... she really is the element of generosity isn't she?

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

....

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>14834091483409 That's why she is the Element of Generosity not you... I guess

Best thing I've read from you in a while. The setup and reveal were well-placed and I can't find any flaws in the first three-quarters of the story except that it's a little long-winded.

I, too, disliked the suicide at the end, but while I normally think that ending a story with a scene like that is kind of crass and emotionally manipulative, it's definitely grown on me a little since I finished.

>>14834091483409

That's the point, though, isn't it? Rarity is SO selfless that despite being forced to endure very strenuous hardship for 2 decades, while an impostor lived her life, she recognized that the reveal would do more harm than good for the community. Now, one could argue that it's martyrdom or that there are no true selfless acts, but c'est la vie; Rarity is as Rarity does. The real character story is not in the twist, it's in Rarity deciding to not seek vengeance, and I wish that was a little more prominent in the story. The first 3-quarters of the story trudge along slowly, mercilessly (you can cal it a parallel for Rarity's experience's but I would call that a stretch), designed to build up tension and apprehension. Sadly, I think that a lot more harm than good is done with that sort of length, instead of building tension it builds tedium. What are important slice of life scenes in the context of the story's apex, meant to convey strict contrasts and build up the concept of "a gift," end up slogs through "ho-hum" scenes.

Ultimately, the end sequence suffers. What should be a gut-wrenching display of pure selflessness, a final, grand lesson on what generosity actually is, ends up a pretty art piece set to cello music, passed by and underdeveloped in a hall of photographs.

Adding to reading list, but only because it's you SS&E... ;)

>>14845181484518

My hearty and unencumbered agreement, my fine fellow.  No finer words can be spoken in contemplation of this tale.

Up until Scootaloo's entrance, this was a work worthy of Poe.  And then, impossibly, it became more.  My only consolation against the crushingly perfect tagging of this story is that no such Stalliongrad or changeling strategy have been evident in canon.

>>14846291484629

You do of course realize that due to Stalliongrad's isolation and the perfection of a Changeling's imitation powers, we would never actually know from the show?

By celestial. This is brilliant. And sort of scary.

Wow. Just wow. That was really beautifully done. Very sad, but beautiful nonetheless. I'm gonna thumbs up this story so hard.

Also, funny coincidence, I was listening to a song called "Gift" when I saw this in the features box. Just felt like I needed to say that lol.

i don't completely know what happened, but it made me depressed and happy at the same time.

>>14845241484524

Denying your friends, and family the truth (no matter how badly it hurts), isn't generous its selfish. Yes, it will hurt deeply, but these ponies are her friends and at the very least deserve to know, keeping that truth to yourself is utterly selfish. Suicide is ultimately a selfish act, one where the only person you're thinking of is you. I'm sorry, but here, Rarity is acting as the opposite of generosity, taking a  path that ultimately is all about her, and not the people she [claims] to care about.

>>14843541484354 what got me was thefact that she could've had a perfect life, but something (no idea what) kept her from it, and in the end she was willing to give it all up for her friends and family's hapiness

Damn, dude...you never disappoint, do you?

>>14848691484869 In the real world yes I agree suicide is nearly always a selfish act... but in this case what would telling the truth gain anyone? She would ruin the life of her impersonator, place the huge burden on everypony she ever held dear of realizing that they effectively abandoned her without realizing, all the work of the impersonator would fall apart (ruining how many children's lives?), and to top it all off, how could she ever hope to just come back after twenty years like nothing ever happened... what would probably happen would be she would tell everyone... stick around for a few days while everything got tense and awkward... then leave.

Most importantly to me, telling the truth would effectively be murder, she would be completely taking the changeling's life, after all, she had spent ten times longer with her friends than she had, becoming friend and family in truth. The only possible reason for uncovering her would be revenge and 'the truth' is certainly not a good enough justification for any of that.

I loved this, but I was honestly hopeing for the real Rarity to confront the changling version of her in front of her friends, just to see the reactions of all involved. That would be a real challenge to write though.

That was sad...

I can't put into words just how meaningful that was to me.

I really need to stop reading these tense, tragic/sad stories.  My feels can't take anymore hits, but I just keep making them get up and take more!

This was absolutely amazingly written, I have to say, far beyond anything I'm capable of, and I consider myself an excellent writer.  Or perhaps I've just gotten lazy lately and my writing hasn't been up to my usual par, I dunno.  MOVING ON.

You did some excellent world-building, and having Rarity lie about her life, I knew she'd lied the moment she entered that building.  If she had a husband and children, I don't think she or her stallion would raise their foals in a place like that building.  Rarity would never allow it.  Still, my feels are reeling from this one, the exchange with the changeling was bad enough, but Rarity finally knocking that poison back and letting herself fade away after the whole scene reveals that she's sacrificed the last thing dear she has to give, herself, to secure the happiness and joy of her family at least for as long as that changeling can keep up the lie....oh man, that was a one-two-uppercut that has my feels down for the count here, and they are NOT gettin' back up any time soon!

>>14845891484589

Sadly, I think that a lot more harm than good is done with that sort of length, instead of building tension it builds tedium. What are important slice of life scenes in the context of the story's apex, meant to convey strict contrasts and build up the concept of "a gift," end up slogs through "ho-hum" scenes.

I disagree with you, here. I think that the 'slice of life' scenes are essential to the story. Some tension is built, yes, but building tension is not, really, the point of these scenes. All the tension, in my opinion, truly arrives during the scene in Sugarcube Corner.

Sweetie Belle's scene brings us this moment:

If you've visited the heart of town, ma'am, you'd know all about my older sister Rarity by now.  Her dresses are in every storefront of Ponyville.  Heck, they're in every fashion boutique in Equestria!  I knew from early on that if I really wanted to be a famous singer, I'd forever have to compete with Rarity's popularity.  And a life lived in the shadow of another pony isn't really worth pursuing.

This is directly relevant to Rarity's situation, if you read into it. "A life lived in the shadow of another pony isn't really worth pursuing." Rarity remembers this later in the story. When she realizes how much of an impact her double has made on her town, this statement is the crux of her thoughts.

Zecora's scene brings us this:

"And yet, that is the rats' loss and the equines' gain."  She smiled pleasantly.  "The ability to give and take is what makes us stewards of this plane.  Whether it be the gift of light or the curse of deceit, it is our place to savor what is bitter from what is sweet."

Again, this is a line that Rarity takes to heart, and she uses this logic when confronting the changeling double. Every 'slice of life' moment is crafted to bring Rarity to an uncertain edge, and it parallels the confrontation inside the boutique in some ways as well. The meanings we derive from the slice of life scenes that make up the first 1/3 of the story are incredibly important, as they form the core of how Rarity handles her double.

Finally, the scene at Sugarcube Corner. Everything we see and hear in there is important for Rarity to see and hear. Less relevant to the actual storyline, this is all brilliant and important world building, telling us in a very short amount of time of the lives Rarity's friends have lived with her double. This scene brings Rarity to the conclusion that she should not exact her vengeance.

Ultimately, the end sequence suffers. What should be a gut-wrenching display of pure selflessness, a final, grand lesson on what generosity actually is, ends up a pretty art piece set to cello music, passed by and underdeveloped in a hall of photographs.

What would you propose be changed in order to make this story better, so the elements come together in a way that is better, in your opinion? How would you write this story better than as presented here? What could you possibly cut to improve upon this story? Because I postulate that there is very little that could be removed from this story that would not, ultimately, make it weaker. This story is not 'perfect', but it is very, very solidly crafted, and there are few things that are not written with some deeper purpose or objective in mind.

I suggest, perhaps, going through and reading the story a second time and keeping in mind that the 'mysterious stranger' is Rarity. It changed my entire perspective on the story's opening scenes, which I also felt upon first read-through were rather slow. Returning to those early scenes armed with the knowledge that the narrator was Rarity made the scenes far deeper and meaningful than at first glance.

my god... all these feels...

You were concerned about things giving away the end here.  Your synopsis absolutely does not.

You gave pretty darn good misdirecting clues, but if I'm going to pick nits I would say the false conclusion they lead to was a LITTLE too obvious.

That's... really all I have to say about how well it holds its secrets.  You dun good, and ducks of average or lower sharpness will not notice the wool over their eyes.

As for everything else: a fine story.  Good from beginning to end and hitting plenty of high notes that dance on great things.

Oh yeah... one last thing.  JEEGUS the fic reference density is off the charts.  I'm almost tempted to say that I'm being too liberal with tagging things as references because there's just no way you intentionally stuffed THAT MANY in there.

>>14843501484350

... except Pupa merged with Rarity when she was a filly, and Purity lived the entirety of Rarity's life.

Here, Rarity was replaced close to the time of the changeling invasion of Canterlot, and the unnamed changeling lived the last 20 years of Rarity's life while she was trapped in the Hive, and later in Stalliongrad on the wrong side of The Wall.

While both stories have changeling Rarity, they're very different stories. That's like saying a story with a Rainbow-Soarin hookup is just copying someone else's work.

Sweet Celestia, this is amazing!

>>14830951483095

Shit...

I mean damn.

Heavy heavy story.

Loved every bit of it.

How hilariously coincidental i brought up that short story before reading through this.  Can't believe that's where you went.

I have to say it was pretty good. I assume you intentionally obscured the protagonist's identity for more than half of the read. It worked well.

If I HAD to complain [and I most certainly do], it's that i feel the whole first half of the book was just dicking around wasting time.  Pony showing up, establishing time has gone by, fetch quest, fetch quest, waiting, another story.

I question how anyone could telekineticly lift ANYTHING discretely, what with that glowing, sparkling mess around it, but i'll buy it for now.

I assumed the payload had been dropped, from the way it was written. A misunderstanding on my end. It was confusing, somehow. Won't blame you.

Then the 'whole scene' that followed. To avoid spoilers for any fags flipping comments who haven't read a story that natural reader tool 1.33 hours to get through, i'll say that it brought up a TON of questions you didn't even bother answering.

so SPOILARZ, because i'm not aware of a formatting option to physically hide them.

Changelings eat love, yes, but it's also power for them. Like, magical power.  She even used the word.  What in the world is she DOING with all of it? Why wouldn't she seek to rebuild her destroyed civilization? I mean. I'd assume after ENOUGH power absorbed (20 years worth of THE BEST OF FRIENDZ) she'd have more than enough to start over.  Why wouldn't she just assume the role of 'new queen' and, WHILE not necessarily reinstating former policy, but repopulating her species :\?

It seems a big gap in logic for the primary character in the story to just 'not care' about something like that.  It was alluded to that MOST all of them had been killed in the attacks.  She didn't seek out any others? Didn't LOOK for any survivors? Just continued to be fabulous cuz love?

You also failed to mention at any point HOW she was able to be a successful dress maker.  Rarity spent her whole life doing that.  What did rariganger do? What qualified her to be a successful designer?  Rarity didn't even ASK. After being so stunned by the craftsmanship, she didn't say a word of it. Didn't ask a word about how she'd been able to replicate the ONE most special part of her; her talent.  It just strikes me as incredibly shortsighted and not fully thought out.  Seeing as how this characters actions, motivations and reasoning are basically the whole story? That strikes me as a problem.

Beyond that, there were a couple of annoying things you insist on doing, cuz lawlfandom. Faustian Red? Please, give me a break.  Instantly sucks class from the story.  Things like that stand out like big cracks in a polished mirror. To me, at least.

And there's a problem word very early on.  "Focus".  the line is [ I tried to stay focus, ] and it's obviously supposed to be [ focused ] .

Beyond that, great story.  Surprised you went for the 'in water' ending. Maybe if James hadn't looked at that letter so many times he would have gotten out of the town with Laura. But hey

Sometimes we smother our wives to death and never get over it.

A great read overall.  It just had some stupid problems in the execution of the primary character's actions and motivations. However serious that is, is up to you. I imagine, [ Not So Serious ]

edit : so i just read this comment

[ I didn't like the suicide scene at the end. Frankly, this community has too many emotionally fragile people to be tossing that kind of glorification around. Just some friendly advice -- be careful with this sort of thing.]

That's utterly hilarious. You've got to be kidding.  I'll be the douchebag to say that if a My Little Pony fanfic was the straw that convinced some tragic depressed moron to end it all? we're not missing anything of value.

edit : so i just read -this- comment

[ Up until Scootaloo's entrance, this was a work worthy of Poe.  And then, impossibly, it became more. ]

Yes, you are now certifiably a better writer than Poe. Ugh. What an uninformed, empty compliment. OBVIOUSLY THIS FIC PROVES you're much better than a world-renowned classic writer... I'd drool more venom all over this, but honestly i didn't enjoy anything i had to read of Poe in high school.  While the intent of the baseless compliment is still something i can criticize, he might actually be right. I can't stand Poe. This was certainly more enjoyable than ' The Raven ' .

WAIT!  After going through all the comments, i remembered my ONE big problem with the story.

How the fuck was she captured in the first place?  None of the others were, and they were all together during the events of that stupid wedding.  That's a big gap, what with her being kidnapped and dragged off to who knows where to the changeling hive.  I don't recall that ever being addressed, and it's sort of a big deal!

Was anyone else expecting a murder from this story? I certianly was.

Yeah...

No.

Sorry, I don't see it. At all. Perhaps it's my fault for clicking on a featured story and then not immediately backing away at the Tragedy tag, but this story just rang completely false. Element of Generosity or not, giving away your life like that is something no one would ever do, period. Suspension of disbelief: shattered to pieces and then set on fire. "You're so much better at being me than I ever could be or have been, I'm gonna go and kill myself"? Really?

Very good. Will recomment at my tumblr, and also thanks to you for PROPER use of Tragedy tag and true generousity of Rarity.

Wanderer D sends us.

We are many.

>>14843501484350 Ideas are cheap. You can hand one down with say "Rarity and Changeling" as a prompt and you will easily get a hundred of different stories from just that one prompt. Skirts here just gave us a different view on a tired concept and showed it still has potential if one still gives enough of a hoot to putting the effort into making a tired idea into something meaningful.

Everyone takes something from someone, you shouldn't judge them for trying to make something of their own just because someone else 'did it first' and more on 'who did it better' at the least.

That was amazing.

There are no words to express.

So mamy sad feels....

>>14843351484335 Makes sense, thanks.

Yeoman, out

>>14857791485779

welcome

>>SightlessOne

Huh, that's not quite the reaction I would have had. Why would she lie about her life in Stalliongrad, then simply poison herself ? I was almost expecting a "V for Vendetta" type scene where she poisons the changeling, confronts it, then lets it die. All those good works, deeds, etc. are all a lie, a lie to soothe a guilty conscience. I could understand Rarity's motives if anything she said to the changeling was true, but none of it was.

See the thing is, Rarity was true to her Element.

I didn't see the lie about her life in Stalliongrad coming either.  That was kind of a twist. Along with the scarring that made her stay covered up.

As she went through town, and saw how much has changed. Not to mention the life her sister built for herself. And the history that her friends had with the changeling. If she did expose it, yes, her life would have improved drastically. But everyone elses would go into a downward spiral.

I'm sure she went there with every intention of exposing it, and getting her life back.

But then she realized she'd be making others suffer if she did it.

They'd mope about all the good times they  had with the imposter. Not to mention, the fact that they never even knew one of their best friends, and sister, was an imposter! So they didn't try to rescue her, they just kept living life, with all its victories and setbacks. They made something of themselves. While their friend spent all those years, alone, in that drab hell hole, scarred for life and cut off from her friends and family.

She did the only thing she could do. Which was stay true to her Element.

>>Wanderer D [Moderator]

Because it's the most generous thing she could do. A beautiful lie to lay a tortured soul to rest and entrust her with the future of her friends and family. And like we saw, it might have begun as a lie, but slowly that changeling became more than the lie... she became what Rarity could have been. And she was honestly a generous mare.

Nicely put.

Very well written and thought out. Even though it had such a sad ending, this definitely gets a 'favorite'.  And a moment of silence for Rarity.

And it wouldn't be SS&E is it didn't leave you with the sads afterwards

Ah, thank you SS&E, now I am depressed. Good fic though.

The whole story was smoothly worded, with clear and interesting descriptions. I occasionally found it annoying to not know who the narrator was, but most of the time, the new information about the state of Ponyville was interesting enough to make not knowing okay. The changes to Ponyville were confusing when they were described, but were very believable in retrospect. You revealed twists at a nice pace. I was surprised by the ice cream twist, the boutique meeting twist, and the return home twist, but I anticipated the ending twist. Excellently written, on the whole.

That was truly one of the best short stories I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Thank you so much for the ride.

I was pointed to this story, the pointer using the word "genius" in describing it. I don't think that was an overstatement.

once again, I find myself at the mercy of my gift -or curse- of being able to see both sides of an issue or argument. on one side, what Rarity did was a good thing. she allowed her friends to remain happy, unaware that their friend was an imposter. they could keep living the life they have always known. On the other side, what rarity did was a bad thing. she kept a massive lie alive, when she had ample opportunity to expose it and regain her old life. and then she goes and commits scuicide, all to protect a lie.

        I believe in truth. A lie is never a good thing. However, I also believe in this philosophy: "Moderation in all things." I read a short story once, about a man who decided to tell the absolute, perfect truth for one day. he gets fired from his job, he loses one of his friends forever, and his wife was quite angry for a long, long time.

         So bringing the full truth to light would do more harm than good. but keeping the truth buried leaves us in a huge lie and a dead rarity. so what do we do now? I leave the answer to that question in your hands.

The story your craft__You weave words into fine art__My heart leaps with joy

But now in the end __The stolen life continues__The first breathes its last

>>14854051485405>>14857301485730

Well, I wasn't really calling the idea bad. I like the idea, to be honest. I was just confused, is all. Shorts said in one of his blogs that he hated changelings, so it struck me odd that he would write about changelings, using a strikingly similar idea to what someone else already used.

But upon reflection, I can see that this story is hardly about changelings at all. Changelings are just used as a device here, and it couldn't have possibly been used better.

'I now have everything I had ever once creamed of: '

Might wanna fix that.

I didnt think this was that kind of fic.

Good work otherwise

However, IMO Rarity would have fought tooth and nail to get back to her life.

And besides which, Ponyville ponies don't kill rats, think about what Zecora said, there's a thin crack open for a sequel.

I'll be honest. Changelings are a trite mechanic at this point, but this was genius.

I almost want to quit writing, this is so good.

Very bittersweet...

So what happened to Spike?

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/414/291/119.jpg

>>14868741486874

psuedo-bullshit. Credit where credit is due.  The legwork can certifiably be traced to the shoes of one explosions and bootyshorts.

While there was some story swapping back when, as far as i know that sort of nonsense had nothing to do with this.  If i'm wrong, i might apologize, and then give someone some incredibly disapproving looks.

>>14855071485507 Yeah, I'm kind of with you on that. She doesn't even need to destroy the changeling's life, she could just compromise and find a way to assimilate back into society with the help and generosity of the changeling-her. Better than going back to Stalliongrad, at any rate.

>>14870341487034 Yeah, tis merely BS. I agree, genius lies within many, but practiced by few. And like you said, SS & E is certainly traceable.

I removed the comment, no reason it should even be up at this point. But, you have to agree, it's fun to theorize...is it not? Heehee

>>14870661487066

I suppose.

In conclusion though, i think i can best summarize my problems with this story as follows. Spoilers of course.

[

how rarity ever got kidnapped in the first place (and how they managed to haul her off to the hive, which is apparently outside equestria entirely)

why the changeling imposter is better than rarity at fashion stuff (beautiful dresswork and an OUTSTANDING professional legacy)

what the fuck rarity was even DOING for 20 years (trapped in a city, unable to get revenge, people move on. Find new friends. Get a new life)

why she wouldn't move on when forced into that circumstance (family, job, make your way. People adapt, or get left behind. And if you're left behind in an unstable region, you usually get murdered or starve to death)

why the changeling didn't do ANYTHING with what after 20 years was probably some atomic assload of power (chrysalis overpowered celestia after what, a few days impersonating cadance?)

why rarity rolled over and died instead of writing everything off as 'in good hands', and starting anew. (with my old life taken care of, i suppose i'll start over somewhere else. Hi, my name's Dazzle [or something] and i make the dress for the poni)

]

They're all conceptual problems; gaps in the construction process that  strike me as not being considered important while it was being written. But these are big holes in the characters. Holes in their motivations, reasons for things they've done, and why they're doing what they're doing now.  Big gaps in character are a problem in a character piece, I'd think.

At last, a sad fic that really is sad,

oh so very very well done, as ever.

Wow, when I read the first few paragraphs I had a feeling this unicorn from Stalliongrad was Rarity. The piece with Sweetie Belle, cemented it in my mind. (That whole scene was unbearably sweet). Then she went to sugarcube corner, "Rarity" and I decided I was wrong and waited with baited breath for the reveal. Then too my shock I realized my initial guess was right. I realized then what the poison was for, and I had tears in my eyes from Rarity meeting the changeling until she died. That is most certainly one of the saddest stories I've read on this site. Wonderful story darling

So, Rarity off'd herself...

I take it she had chronic depression at this point?   Did the effects of the changelings sucking her love out ruin her emotionally?  No... then she would have no love left and not give a damn about anyone she knew.  So that's out the window.

She has to be insane somehow, though.

Cuz, if she were in her right mind, there were plenty of other ways to resolve this.  Including saying to the changeling, "Ya know, I'm pissed you're faking being me.  But you're doing alright and I don't want to ruin what doesn't need to be ruined.  So, I'll set up elsewhere and just stop in now and then to see how everypony's doing."

No need for suicide.  Overly-emo ending.  That wasn't generosity, it was surrender.  

>>14853231485323

I do not disagree that the slice of life serves an important purpose, they are very important keys to understanding, rather that they drag on. For example, you were able to surmise the importance of each of those scenes through one quote from each where it takes the narrative a fair amount of time to reach those same points on its own. I joked to someone earlier that the story could start at Sugarcube Corner and not suffer that terribly, even without Sweetie. That's not quite true, but I do think the point would be stronger if made more concise.

All the tension, in my opinion, truly arrives during the scene in Sugarcube Corner.

Undoubtedly, but the journey there is not without its own air of mystery. Seeking out those who one once knew, seeking out a deadly poison, commenting with forlorn epithets, these things are not purposeless despite being contextualized within greater character points. However, I fear these things do not outweigh some of the monotonousness that accompanies each scene. There is a certain formulaic repetitiveness: description, dialogue, action, repeat.  Where there is an opportunity to really hook the reader is, instead, an evenly paced march through life. In that march are morsels of information that deserve to be pronounced.

What would you propose be changed in order to make this story better, so the elements come together in a way that is better, in your opinion? How would you write this story better than as presented here? What could you possibly cut to improve upon this story? Because I postulate that there is very little that could be removed from this story that would not, ultimately, make it weaker. This story is not 'perfect', but it is very, very solidly crafted, and there are few things that are not written with some deeper purpose or objective in mind.

I quote your entire paragraph because I do not disagree. The story is quite solid, and cutting from the existing framework would be a difficult, if not impossible, task with a few exceptions. One is the aforementioned opening scene. Provided that that scene is strictly for plot (and not, say, a reference to something else) then it could easily be parred down if not removed completely. I understand the section to be an introduction to the changes that have occurred during the time skip, and as an introduction to the generosity theme. However, those points are already present in later scenes, and could be strengthened by density after the opening is removed.

Still, the pieces all feel connected, I would not want to be presumptuous and say that small tweaks and cuts would make the thing better. I do not wish to leave the impression that I think the story is bad, I just found it did not hold my interest, and thus the sudden double reveal feels more tired and cliche than it might otherwise. There's no real way to fix that reveal without tearing out the entire narrative and starting over, it's the nature of what it is. That said, self-limiting the word count to something like 8 or 9k, casting more immediate doubt about "changeling rarity" and world building through conversation would tighten up the story's flow and keep the lull to a minimum.

>>14843501484350 I... would also point out that the premise is completely different.   If  anything I'm loving the moral discussion about Rarity's choice in the end!

... This requires sequels with alternate endings.

Still... Beautiful.

I liked it.  I was unsure of the unicorn's true identity until the confrontation.  I thought it was Twilight but that went out the window at Sugarcube Corner.  The ending, however ...

[SPOILERS]

There are more ways to fix this type of situation than 'let's kill ourselves.'  I can see Rarity doing this to an extent but by this point, she was shown to be consumed by revenge ideas to the point of near-madness.  Sure, the Changling was an honestly generous mare but with a life as Rarity's, that doesn't seem like the ending she'd chose.  Generosity lasts while you have things to gift, it dies quicker to starvation than men or beasts.  I suppose since she was the epitome of generosity, I can see the case for her leaving the Changling where it was but to off herself?  Mmmm.

For what it was, I liked it.  It was meant to be a bittersweet story and it was.  But there are so many more things that could have been done with it without changing the length appreciably.  I dunno.  I think it might be how I see Rarity's character; her generosity an outgrowth of her more selfish greed.  So this seems more than she seems willing to give in my mind's eye.

When I first read this, I honestly didn't know how to express my thoughts. I wanted to say more than "this story is amazing," but could not summon anymore words.

Finally I can.

There's a sense of painful happyness. I'm happy that Rarity expresse the ultimate gift of generosity: rather than claiming her life back, embracingher friends and sister, she gives it away to the changeling that had impersonated her in both fear and tribute to the real Rarity. I'm sad she died, but happy she chose to so somepony else could live.

"I got the rest, sugarcube," Appeljack said, heaving the rest of the satchels on her shoulders.  "Don't you sweat yer pretty mane none.  Lead the way.

Appel...

Curse you Shortskitsandexplosions! Now I feel like being an old man and wandering my hometown!

Loved the fic, especially your style of writing. You basically gave nothing away and left everything to the imagination while still not being too vague. Also the world building, goodness, the world building. How can I steal your writing powers so that I may be at least half as good as you?!