A book from Twilight.
A power he never knew he had.
A chance with Rarity.
Looks like Spike's got all he ever wanted!
Until he discovers something isn't all perfect. Someone's after him! Why?
The answer... it's in his blood!
Chapters (5)
Slick Dash
Joined 16th Feb, 2012 ·
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>Dagon magic
don't do anything foolish
Interesting
This sounds interesting
This is the kind of thing that happens when you keep people out of the loop.
Nice going Luna. You just but Spike life in danger.
Spike want's more fani fic (in a nice way)
Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnn!
Round one... FIGHT!!
2579056 I like your style! I thought that exact thing when I reviewed the chapter
2579056 cue the music
2592134http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=uhweFm7Zpjw
2592554 the dragon hits spike with a flaming claw. Spike got hit by a wall so hard it crack it and it was concrete. He graoned and the the dragon kneed him on gut spike spit out blood then he tried to claw him but no luck the dragon kicked him on the forehead and K.O.
2592761 Dragon decides to reach for spike but is knocked unconscious due to rarity using Tom whom she never got rid of.
2592792 yeah and .... wait who the hell is tom
2592898the giant boulder she got from when she was discorded.
2593085 ohhhhhh right..... lol
2593085 ohhhhhh right..... lol
This story is all over the place and not well fleshed out.
Just adding constructive criticism.
this story is really good but you really need to stop using so many exclamation marks most of them are there just because they can be still im looking forward to more
That whole little moment with a super excited Sweetie Belle was too adorable for words.
Guess I'll add my two cents as well? I agree that the exclamation points are a bit mis-used. When using them in the narrative it almost cheapens your story, like you don't think your writing alone will convey the power and the urgency of the situation you are writing about. You don't need them at all. It's fast paced and perfectly nail-biting without them.
While Spike is fighting the other dragon, has no one else in Ponyville noticed? I could picture terrified crowds gathering, maybe some running away in terror but nothing was mentioned of anyone other than the mane six.
When you cut to the end scene and are talking about the mysterious dragon it really pulled me out of the story simply because I had no idea what happened. What tripped me up was that you talked about Spike's assailant having golden eyes and then this dragon also has golden eyes so I thought it was the same one, but then it wasn't. It was just confusing.
Also, and this is just a personal pet peeve that is far too common in fanfic writing - be careful of head-hopping, meaning whose perspective you're writing from. That also pulls your reader out of your story. In a story with a huge cast it's almost impossible to avoid but here you should watch out for that. During the fighting it's all from Spike's perspective but there is a quick paragraph when it is from the attacker's perspective and it was a bit jarring.
Just thing to keep in mind. You have a wonderful ability to tell a story and I would hate to see little things trip you up.
Three quick suggestions: The night sky forked with lightning as the two travellers rushed up the soaking steps of Canterlot Castle, the sky was a perfect reflection of their predicament, dangerous, and hostile!
1. "travelers" is misspelled. (One "l")
2. Cut the word "the" in "as the two travelers". You haven't introduced the dragons yet so the word "the" doesn't make sense.
3. Add a colin[:] after "predicament".
when is this story going to be continued
(read the next sentence fast) problems what problems there are not problems
i hope this story is going to be continued