Shipping 💖11,669 stories ·9,739 members
The Fillyfoolers3,946 stories ·3,488 members
Sad4,351 stories ·2,622 members
The Writers' Group56,386 stories ·9,291 members
One-Shots18,906 stories ·2,369 members
Twilestia is Bestia956 stories ·3,267 members
Dark8,311 stories ·3,763 members
Applejack2,124 stories ·1,769 members
Twilight and Celestia go off alone, and Twilight will not say what is the matter, only that she may not return at all. Her friends and Luna gather in a vigil at the library the night of the Twilight's unknown trial, waiting for her to come back to them. Twilight faces the most terrible of all decisions, and learns the nature of what she is, and what hopes she may yet have when the sun rises and she returns to her friends.
Page generated in 0.14 seconds
Total duration
987 users online
394,916 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Will read when not drunk.
3714372 An excellent sentiment, one I must applaud
3714377 20 second reply time? Thats a new academy record!
Why can't i be funny sober?
A good night to all, and to all shut the hell up im going to bed.
Ah, the new story! I'll give this one a read sometime.
3714414 Well. *A* new story. The one I mentioned was The Sickness Unto Death... this one kind of just
happened
like I finished it literally tonight and sort of just breathlessly realized I didn't want to wait because it's kind of... I dunno. New Years related?
3714422
Hey, the most recent fic of mine was the same thing. I totally understand. XP
Spotted two mistakes.
Odd. I went on a Device Heretic fic binge earlier today/yesterday.
And, of course, happy new year. New (ish) beginnings, and a few months of getting used to writing /14 at the end of dates.
3714445 As did I, actually. I'm pleased you noticed that.
3714450 He's a great writer. It's a shame he left, but each to his own.
*sniffles* I-I'll give this story a like. But I WILL NOT favorite it! I-I just can't!!!
It's just too sad!!!
I-in the end, Twilight must, if not kill, witness the death of her mentor, her second mother, the one who meant the WORLD to her (aside from the other mane 6 and even Luna)!!!
3714549 it is sad, isn't it?
I'm sad too.
The notes have sat in my phone.
But hope doesn't die so easily, I think. There is always another day.
3714597 You're right. Life continues. Anyway, despite being sad and depressing, it was quite well writen. A grammar error here and there. But, then again, it's difficult to make an error proof story. Stil, a well writen story.
Oof. Having to be the one to remove such a big part of your life has to be one of the hardest things to do.
Heh, considering that those stories focus on a certain two characters coming together makes this reference feel... not quite ironic I guess but, well, something given the circumstances going on here.
Romance tag feels out of place here to me; the only shipping focus I saw was the RariDash and that felt too minor to warrant the tag, unless I missed something. I got a little AppleTwi vibe going on, though that may just be my sleep deprived brain reading into things.
This was a lovely story, have a like.
Ah, the late night vigil. This was the perfect thing to read here in the gloaming pre-dawn light of a new year's morn. The logic side of my brain cries out, demanding a reason for what Twilight is having to do, but the rest is content that it "must be" and really enjoyed the melancholy you've painted around it. All I could think of was the chorus to "Waiting Is The Hardest Part." The phrase itself, more than the rather upbeat feeling of the song though.
3715354 it is, slightly. If I had to do it again, it'd not be there. I think those vibes aren't unwarranted. If I had it over again the suggestion of Twilestia having perhaps been possible would have been more than a line or two, also.
Irony. Heheh.
3715417 I'm glad you liked it. It's a weird time of day
Oh that hurt. Straight into the feels.
This is an excellent piece of work. Have a favourite.
"But while the coffee prepares herself, Twilight notices the door leading down to the basement is ajar, and she pauses."
Wouldn't it be Pinkie here?
3715664 it is supposed to be and I changed and saved it... Hm. Well, my apologies. I'd fix it if I could but I'm at the out knack bowl under width a dome of ponchos
Amazing. Nothing else to say.
This was wonderful. Poor Twilight.
this was good. only reason why i can't upvote it is that i ahve seen this story somewhere before on fimfiction, if slightly different. and it was not as clearly sad as this.
a cycle must continue i guess. the sun has been passed onto twilight.
*sigh*
The reference to DH's work feels incredibly out of place for several reasons. For one, it actively adds nothing to the story. Two, it just seems... out of tone, to bring up. These two stories are radically different in tone, subject, scope, and theme. Which brings me to my third point. Eternal was a work, ultimately, about choosing life. About accepting the joys and hardships of it. Your story has a little of that, but ultimately, its about a suicide. it is ambiguous whether Celestia will just die soon anyway, but the fact is she wants to die and she wants Twilight to -help- her die. This runs so headlong into everything DH was trying to say with Eternal it just feels... wrong to bring him up as part of your story.
Furthermore, now that we are on the subject, no, sorry Celestia. You don't get to say Life Isn't Fair here. -You- are doing this to her. This is your choice to bring her here, and cause her this pain. The worst part is, given what they are saying, there could have been -better- ways for Celestia to frame her argument that wouldn't leave Twilight nearly as emotionally scarred. All I can do is roll my eyes when she spits that cliche.
Going into more concrete things I find your style of having the narrator exposit the emotional states of the characters to be thick and distancing, so all we're left with is melancholia. I didn't find the prose very gripping and had to reread several parts to actually get a feel for what was going on emotionally. Which, considering the meat of the story is you flatly telling me what was going on, is a bad sign. It would have been more interesting, perhaps, if the characters had discussed their feelings or it was shown in other ways, instead of just having the narrator TELL us what was going on.
There were a few things I liked. I liked Applejack's thoughts at the end. The mood of hope that came with them and all that. I liked Celestia's speech on love. But, ultimately, this is a tired old story. You have inflicted an arbitrary tragedy on the setting, purely to discuss something discussed before at length in other places, and with more wisdom, humanity, and grace. It's... a story better than most, but not good enough or interesting enough to warrant struggling through its ugliness.
Warning: This comment contains spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, DON'T read this comment!
This story about Twilight and Celestia having to make a tough decision, as well as her friends waiting for her, was very interesting. And now I'm going to give my thoughts on it. I I would like to say that what criticism I present isn't meant to discourage or to insult; it is just me expressing something I didn't like about the story (which, admittedly, isn't much).
With that out of the way, here we go!
The first two thirds of the story deals with how ponies view Twilight, Celestia and each other, and I think you did a good job relating a lot through them. Most of them care mainly for Twilight, with the exception being Luna, and both the way and the degree they express them not only added a nice variety to it, but also both kept in character and added to their characterization. Applejack is similar with both Rarity—in that they need simple things to keep their minds occupied—and Rainbow Dash—in that they both worry for Twilight because she was doing this alone. The scene between Pinkie Pie and Spike is touching, and the scene with Luna by herself gives her an air of aloofness—which I think is effective, since she probably worries more for Celestia than Twilight, and with her status among the group. I think all the characters are used effectively in the first part.
And just a note, I liked the churchwarden. I hadn't heard that word before, and learning about it and how Applejack used it was really pleasant.
This story, along with "Who We Are" and "The Funeral of Derpy Whooves" has shown me the many possibilities of the third-person multiple point of view when it comes to a story. In this particular case, it bounces around as if the camera is smoothly focusing from one character to the next, not seeming clumsy, and giving the group a more interconnected feel even though it focuses on one character at a time. I think the third-person multiple point of view gives the situation more weight (and variety in the way the characters are worried); I think any other point of view would've made this story ineffective in what (I think) it tried to accomplish.
I think this review's becoming too technical, this part of the story did have an emotional impact. The quiet mood made the situation more solemn, even though I didn't yet know what was up, and it made me want to read on to see what they were waiting for. The action between the characters had me invested in them as well, and I wanted to know what everyone thought of the situation (both to find out what was going on and to see what was happening with them as characters). This was especially true with Spike.
There is one part about the first part that I didn't like.
This may be just a nitpick—and even then, it may just be the way it's worded—but the way it's worded, it sounds like when Twilight got her wings, she didn't need help to learn. Maybe I'm misinterpreting this part, but it sounds like the wings are something that ostracized her from the group—which it did, but only because she has a horn as well. Still, I don't think the wording of this part is really effective; at the least, it's confusing to me.
Then we get to the second part, where Twilight is faced with the task of Killing Celestia. The choice you present has benefits and detriments both ways, so it makes the decision all the more difficult. I was surprised you made Celestia mortal; that wasn't something I had considered before coming into this.
Then you launched into the talk about love, eternity, and friendship, and you do so adroitly and effectively. The shifting characterization of Celestia between the merciless ruler that demands to be murdered and the pony that watched Twilight grow up, and wants to be with her made this part especially painful to read. The final decision was a tough one, and when it was made, I felt like the decision made was the right one to do.
There was a part in here that really confused me. This is another nitpick.
It took me a few re-reads to figure out what you meant with the first two sentences, and even then I still find it a little unclear. The first part of the final sentence, though, really bothers me. I don't know why it's there, and can't think of a proper reason for it to be there. I think it weakens this whole section. Maybe there's something to it, and I'm not catching it; if that's the case, I apologize.
The final part was short and sweet, sticking with Applejack's point of view (closing with who the story opened up with). The relief came, but something new came as well. You present a detail about the sunrise that makes it seem like there's more to this story that we won't be able to read, and that, to me, is powerful. I, personally, would've been interested in seeing how Luna reacted to the new sunrise, but that's just me. I think this final section is succinct.
The last thing I would like to address with this review is the technical stuff. I didn't notice anything consistent in terms of spelling problems or grammar errors. You do choose the present tense instead of the more-common past tense, but I think it works since this whole thing deals with the decision at hand and the uncertainty of the future. I think it doubly helps that this is the last day of the year, when everyone is preparing for the new year. I think that detail helps stress the hopes of the future, and the things we lose in the past. It's especially poignant, methinks.
Overall, I really liked this story. It was technically powerful and emotionally impactful. The characters are used well, the setting is somber, the point of view flows fluidly, the conflict is really hard to deal with, and the resolution is bittersweet. My only complaints come from some awkward wording at parts, but those are just nitpicks.
So this get a favorite from me. Best of your talents with your next story!
I like this story. It's interesting to see stories that explore whether Celestia is immortal or not. I"ve been told there are other stories that explore similar themes, but this is the first one I've seen on this site. (I've only been a member for three months.) This gets an upvote from me, along with a follow.
This...this is a masterpiece.
I loved this from start to finish.
Its a good idea, and while its not wholly uncommon, you did it magnificently.
I'm not sure what it is about it...the little details, the subtle exposition, the quiet emotion, I don't know what you did, but this is great.
Perhaps its just the writing; one thing I can say for certain is that the prose here is nothing short of beautiful.
Every little word and phrase seems just perfectly wrought, like a fine silver filigree.
This story is sublime, one of the best I've read on this site, and just one of the best period.
I tip my hat to you.
cdn.firearmstalk.com/forums/attachments/f20/17474d1281667168-ar-picture-thread-a_tip_of_the_hat.jpg
I liked it. Wish I knew what was going on, but I liked it.
Brilliant. You are, as they say, "back" (and biblical). I wish we had more detail on the transfer of power and what transpired in that half hour, but no real complaints. Imagination is left to do its work, and that's a good thing.
So your thinking twilight will take celestia's place? I mean who would do that!?!?
I guess I can't stop you though... Good story 
3718228 As I'm actually not a huge fan of the idea itself, I've no idea. It was just a fleeting image, a "what if" and so I'd be curious myself.
3718236 Naw, I actually like the idea of Celestia as like the Valar, near immortal and such but still able to interact with time in a meaningful way.
Oh god... Your killin me here! Emotion after emotion, and I love it all!!!!
Story is...well-written. But not a concept I can really get behind or endorse. It just feels out of place in Pony - yes, all things may end, but something like this is too...dark to really fit. I can see the alicorns departing, but were they to do so, it'd be ascension rather than death. Becoming something greater, which involves leaving some things behind, as well. Still there, even if you can't see or talk to them.
This, though...it just feels out of place. It's a tale of Old Magic and a Dying Earth in a world of New Magic, which I think is why it doesn't fit right.
YOU WRITE MORE OR I BREAK YOUR DAMN LEGS
3718820 actually this is (maybe except celestial death) what Lauren had planned for Twilight.
I really hope we get an epilogue. Otherwise this story didn't end well. You spent most of the story building up the feeings and emotions of The mane 6+Luna and Spike yet didn't do anything with them, this story would have been just as good just mentioning them in passing. Like, what was the point of mentioning that Rarity and Rainbow are together? It is like you are leading up to something that never comes, quite frankly it was annoying.
I really think this chapter should have ended at Applejack seeing Twilight return with Celestias crown on her head. Or perhaps even Luna since this would have had the most impact for her. Otherwise there was a positive ending for the mane 6 in this story when there should have actually been a sad one.
/ranting of a tired individual.
Gotta say, the first few lines in the story were more than a little moving. Placing the story's setting on the eve of a new year to communicate a great change in the characters' lives (and submitting it on the day as a way to celebrate it), is a not-so-subtle, but no less touching concept. No doubt this is also why the narrative is present-tense; past-tense would suggest everything has already happened, rather than that there are big changes about to happen. The second paragraph was well-executed in that it drew me even deeper into the story by suggesting (again, with no subtlety) that the world around Applejack is anticipating the day's events.
Naturally, I love everything you did with Twilight's closest and most dedicated companion, most notably acknowledging the ambiguity in their relationship. I was a little discouraged at first that you started the story with Applejack instead, since this is more Spike's story than any one of the library's other occupants (save Luna, of course), and there's nothing told from AJ's perspective that couldn't have been conveyed with Spike in her place. It makes sense now in how the rest of it unfolds and circles back to AJ, but I do propose that - although non-princess Twilight is important in how she factors into all the characters' memories of what was - the mane six character tag covers her, thus making room for the dragon who has more to lose in this premise than most of the ponies. Even if he doesn't have nearly as much to lose as Luna, you still gave him more presence than her. It's a suggestion.
Bits and pieces of Not Worthy's review pretty much cover everything else I would a have said, especially how the narrative sweeps through the cast like a camera covering a full cast of actors in a single take. This is a practice Joss Whedon used to connect his characters in the season finale of Firefly and the opening sequence of Serenity. Although flawed in places, it's a beautiful story, and I thank you for writing it.
That title should probably be italicized.
And I sense a tense shift.
Congrats on the feature, by the by.
Oh... It's a well-executed, wonderfully painted, moody, sometimes moving story about... a couple of concepts that I have long disliked, and it didn't change my views on them.
I can't abide the whole princesses-as-goddesses thing. Not going to write an essay about it, but just say it rubs me wrong in a lot of ways.
The whole thing about Celestia dying and passing her power down to Twilight is contrived, not to mention quite dark. I haven't seen anything in FiM World to suggest anything like that. Hey, didn't the unicorns control the sun and moon before Equestria was founded? Then where did this weird (in multiple senses) ritual come from?
Even worse is the argument that "we must accept the natural way of things". In pony society, Mother Nature is the villain. Nature is chaos, nature is disorder, nature is an evil to be conquered. Ponies control the weather, they control the animals, and they shape the landscape into a manicured garden, and those places they can't control are regarded with abject fear. Celestia might as well argue that "we must accept the evil way of things... because it's evil!"
And what's up with Applejack smoking a pipe? Did she turn into a hobbit?
Actually... Even though we have other commenters asking for MOAR, I think this story might have been better if it was cut shorter. The beginning, with Twilight's friends waiting and worrying, was fabulous. It reminds me of a lovely older story -- which I can't find right now, to my shame -- that had the residents of ponyville gathered by the lake, watching, pensive and worried, as the mane six fought some kind of unspecified battle far off in the distance. We never did find out what it was all about, and that was Just Fine.
3720319
I know that. I don't have any issue with Celestia/Luna stepping down. Heck, they've earned a vacation. It's the 'For you to ascend, I must die' bit I dislike.
Well. I'm gonna go cry my eyes out for the rest of my life.
But other than me crying, it was an amazing story!
3720554
It depends on what you consider more authoritative, the tale in the first episode's beginning plus Celestia's discourse on The Return of Harmony, or the tale in Hearth Warming's Day.
If the former, then Discord governed Equestria since eternity until he was defeated by Celestia and Luna, who then proceeded to use the Elements of Harmony to create harmony for the land for the first time ever with the establishment of the cycle of day and night that didn't exist before. Coupled with Celestia exploding Twilight, then talking to her in the beyond while she see her life passing in front of her eyes, then ressurrecting her as an alicorn, the conclusion is that they're goddesses.
If the later, then you have to consider the words in the above tale and discourse as figurative, not literal, and the tribes uniting in harmony first, then Discord appearing and for a time (not eternally) governing, then Celestia and Luna restoring (not creating) harmony for the land. In this case they may still be goddesses for all we know, but of a much lower power level / standing. And with it you also have to reinterpret the alicornization of Twilight in some other way that doesn't involve her literally exploding then being ressurrected by Celestia.
One way or the other something must give, for the two narratives aren't totally compatible.
Personally I prefer the "they're goddesses!" interpretation as it feels 20% cooler, and thus I interpret the HWD's tale as something akin to a Christmas story that isn't to be taken literally. But I've found excellent fanfics done in the other style, with Celestia/Luna/Discord just powerful beings, not gods. So in the end I'd say that what matters most really is that the story is fun. Everything else is secondary.
3722292
Err... Celestia said that Discord ruled in "an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness". To me, that's not even close to the same thing as ruling "since eternity". I don't see any problem with the Hearth Warming story events happening as shown, then later Discord coming to power, then later Celestia and Luna rising up against him. I don't see anything in Episode 1 to contradict that timeline either.
As for all the events surrounding Twilight Sparkle's ascension... That was the culmination of Season 3, or "Season Bogus" as I personally prefer to think of it. I'm going to just ignore everything in it, and stick with FiM Classic.
3723149
It all comes down to how one interprets this bit:
If you take this "created" as literal, then they're creator goddesses. Then if you interpret the "raise the sun at dawn" and the "brought out the moon to begin the night" as meaning the very first day and the very first night rather than just another day/night, they become even more creator goddesses. It all follows from these premises, and also from taking the reference to Discord's "eternal state" as meaning a literal eternity of unrest and unhappiness, not a mere "temporary state" of unrest and unhappiness.
In any case choosing other interpretation opens narrative doors that this one closes and the other way around, so go with whatever you think is more interesting and don't worry much about other authors choosing this one, or even a 3rd one that contradicts or disregards both. Consider those you don't particularly see as canon as "alternate realities" and read them for mere enjoyment. After all we aren't talking about real events, only fictional ones. Having fun with them, in any shape or form, is all that matters.
I would like a chapter that was just these two sentences.
A short French one?
Rainbow as the voice of reason? The whole world has gone mad!
There we go, back to normalcy.
HAHAHAHAHADAWWWWWW
Very cruel, Celestia. You could have warned her before this. You could have told her, prepared her, let her know that she would someday be taking up this mantle. Did you actually not see it coming soon enough? Were the years going by so fast that you thought one day, "I will begin the task of preparing Twilight to accept my crown tomorrow" and suddenly she was no longer a filly but was being granted wings and a title for her myriad accomplishments? Did you close your eyes - physical and otherwise - just a touch too long?
Poor excuses for somepony who has laid so many carefully crafted plans. Empty platitudes for somepony who really does - or at least should - know the movements of the universe well enough to be able to predict, with some accuracy, when this juncture would occur. Horrid treatment for a student, and a friend, that you claim to love. So why in Tartarus did you do it this way? What could possibly have possessed you to inflict such pain on an already shaken Twilight Sparkle?
Only one thing. That which can spoil the workings of the finest mind, and cloud even the wisest judgment: fear.
It's not easy being afraid after being alive for so very long. Is death scarier when it has been far away from you for hundreds or thousands of years - or hundreds of thousands, since I do not know your true history or age? I can only imagine... but imagine it I can.
And for the immensity of that fear, in all its terrible glory, I forgive you, Celestia. May you rest easy, wherever your spirit wends.
And to the author: I hope you can see how much praise and love there is in my little tribute to this story. Beautifully done, lovingly framed by the rest of the Bearers, Luna and Spike, and truly touching. Thank you.
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
I don't get why you stuck RariDash in here for no reason.
The story was alright, though. Not wonderful, but decent.
I think the real problem is that it is obvious from the beginning what is going on, so there isn't really much of a shock, and I didn't really feel like the ending really hit me like it should have.
This is an incredible work of art, a masterpiece of literature that people are needlessly complaining about simply because they don't like the concepts involved, without giving due credit to the fact that it is an absolutely beautiful story that is impeccably executed. Bravo.
This story was very good. It superbly conveys the quiet fears that the mane six (sans Twilight) have. I also must say the title is fantastic. Most stories with fantastic titles are disappointing. This one was not.
I will admit that you have a good style to your writing, but little things here and there just conspired to prevent me from really getting into it: Present tense, Applejack smoking, mention of Spike's sharp reptilian ears*, etc.
Still, very good mood-building and an especially humble/homey narrative voice makes this a nice one-shot
*The opposite would be true. Reptiles only have very rudimentary hearing, mostly sensitive to low pitched sounds.
3725891 I actually had no idea if reptiles heard well or not. Thanks for letting me know!
Present tense. I experiment with it, occasionally. Honestly, had I thought more than like 100 people were going to read this I would probably have used a more conventional narration.
Just wow.
I love the way you told the story.
Why'd I wait so long to read this? Well done.
::smokingapplejack::