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Luna and Celestia are not like you and I, or at least that is what we tell ourselves. They do not talk to those such as us, who are mere mortals who quickly pass on by them. At least, that's what we tell ourselves. Until one day, my Lady spoke to me.
I will never forget that night. Even though I want to forget it.
Edited by the ever lovely MaskedFerret.
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In the short description, shouldn't it be "unimportant" instead of "not-important?"Comment rescinded in light of the correction.
Once again, you have succeeded in delivering the most excellent Gut Punch with that ending.
I.
My.
....
Well, there's my heart over there Cyne, and it's in pieces. Please help me collect them so I can have coherent emotional responses and feelings again.
7867911
I could hand you a scalpel, if you need to get to workFerret said something similar. I was kinda surprised. It's strange to not be able to feel the emotion of something I've written. I look forward to being able to read it with a fresh set of eyes next week and experience it for the "first" time. I'm glad you read and/or liked it. I know I had fun.
And to think this started with "vampire Luna" as the only concrete idea.
7867944 No lie. My first thought was "oh hey, Luna and her guard are dead apostles! Vampire Soddom and Gomorrah! Neat!"
Then it was "oh wait this is set-"
Then it was "oh god damn it now-"
And then it was nothing but wanting to hug poor Hyacinth close (and maybe see a followup someday where it follows the aftermath of this, because wow, that is a moment in her life she won't soon recover from.)
Imagine if your crush and your ruler and your close-to-goddess, someone you had dedicated your whole life to making happy, started treating you in increasingly familiar ways. Complimenting your appearance. Telling you her history. Lightly acknowledging your affection for her and not rejecting it. Luring you onto her bed to pose in ornate clothing for a portrait. And then this story.
Yeah my heart.
I'm a fan of stories with a single long and detailed chapter. I especially love stories which can make casual conversation interesting for thousands of words. I'm guessing it was Luna's final and desperate attempt to awe someone with her Night after a long time of dis-regard. That Hyacinth would wake up to a stunning view of the sky of which Luna had painted the stars upon. Kind of tragic in a way, she would die before she would ever see her painting hung or see Luna again.
I imagine this sad image of her looking up to the moon wondering about Luna's intentions. Great story, well done.
7867991 The Never-Going-to-Happen-Quasi-Night-Sequel was going to be about buddycop OCs and their changeling mascot/pet/sidekick fighting the return of the Father in the aftermath of that story. It was one of the many, many, many things that didn't make it into the body of the story itself.
I have a problem of making sweet, likeable, kindhearted girls who have terrible things happen to them despite their good intentions. Redeem Us was this but like infinitely worse. I actually had in the back of my mind that Luna was in the beginning 50/50 messing with her for the lulz and actually trying to connect with someone, and to her surprise she did and her "I just want to fuck with her out of spite" becomes something way more complicated. I don't think she can be excused, but I like to think that A.) Celestia offers Hyacinth a pension or a place in her inner circle of staff, and B.) That Luna sometimes remembers this and spends a long time after her return constantly wishing she could go back and just... try again to be a pony with friends, like she was for just a moment.
7868029 That's pretty fair, actually, and its a large part of it. She starts out mostly just playing around and honestly kind of making Hyacinth uncomfortable for the fun of it/out of spite for the absent Summer as much as she is desperate for pony contact, but that she genuinely enjoys it and that kinda messes her up a bit because it makes her doubt what she's thought. IT's hard to let spite and resentment go. It feels like giving up on yourself.
7868053
I guess so, I guess so. Anyways, It's intruiging to think how this could have ended for for Hyacinth should Luna's plan have actually worked.
Welp, I didn't catch on til nearly the end either. Wonderfully... ambiguous and disquieting are both too strong unqualified, but in that family. A light seasoning thereof.
As always, reading your work always seems to make me be brought back in time.
The way they speak to each other, the wording you use, I never seen anything like it before.
It's as if the tongue of old and medieval inspired it. That and the other novel I've read of yours half way, the night passes one.
So, that was a decent story.
Oh, this was delightful! Just... delightful! Delightfully playful, delightfully creepy, delightfully well-characterized, and delightfully surprising at the end. I enjoyed every bit of it.
Wonderfully done. However, the last few paragraphs are bolded. Was that intentional?
7868375 fixed. Sometimes uploading from google docs botches formatting
Art source?
Your writing is still as mesmerizing as always.
wait so im slightly confused. is this post return or is this before her initial rebellion? did she get turned into a vampire? if so would there be a (doesnt have to with this ending but would likly be loved) sequal of her waiting for lunas return? so much i wish to know. a lovely story though very well done. you sir get my apriceation and a favorite
You've a mastery of words that few others on this site can match. You set out to paint a tone and you've absolutely nailed it with this one. Great atmosphere, great world building...
Great moves. Keep it up. Proud of ya!
Damn, dude. Lots of stuff going on in this one, and the dialogue was spot on. Narrative had moments of sprawling more than necessary, I think, but the core of the story she through without prompt. Wonderfully heartbreaking.
We always have to remember the Luna we see in the show is not the one from before her banishment. There's still lots to play with there, and I love how almost aloof you made her--seeking but yet not seeking for that social connection, something to hold onto and give her a reason not to submit to her vengeful desires. Or, perhaps, all the more reason to go through with them.
Gonna have to let this one soak in.
I don't QUITE understand the ending.... mind filling in the blanks for me?
Oh... oh wow this was beautiful.
A large part of me wants to see them reunited in a thousand years perhaps with roles reversed.
The descriptions in the wrighting here were just amazing and drew me in to both characters.
Might be me but the "She" at the beginning of the sentence looks like a odd one in there.
Oh boy, would be lovely to see a sequel of sorts.
7868911
I believe she just started her 1000 year vacation on the moon
That was deep to say the least. I'm a little confused by your ending though, I know Luna became nightmare moon but aside from that I'm lost.
7869089 Luna starts to doubt her course of action after making a genuine personal connection and so childishly decides that her self-destructive path requires that she somehow get rid of this opportunity so she scares the shit out of Hyacinth and enchants her, forcing Luna to continue because there isn't a distraction from her whole revolt thing. Celestia barges in that morning, grieving, for we know not why. Possibly because she felt some touch of her sister's magic there, maybe as part of a shock/craziness moment, maybe she think she'll find some evidence that Luna was cursed or manipulated by something. But she just finds Hyacinth and ends up crying instead.
This was beautiful and horrid all at once. So many expertly crafted layers welded together in a symphony of meaning. Bravo! I have added this to my favorites and you to my watch.
7869389 Thank you, CelestAI, but I'll have to put off my emigration/uploading a bit longer.
Damn good stuff.
Huh, vamponies, neat.
Beautiful! The unease builds in the reader even as Hyacinth starts to relax, and then things get weird.
I half expected Hyacinth to get sealed to the painting, kinda like Dorian Gray, except she wouldn't wake until Luna's return from the moon.
7867911
Agreed
7867944
Yes, it is quite the paradox I had once encountered myself. It is odd how the act of creation often times excludes us from partaking in it properly. The "bake your cake and eat it too" metaphor is appropriate. Hopefully when you read it for the "first time" you can come to feel the feelings we've felt so well.
Though this was amazing, I have to ask. Does vampony-ism give long life in this story? Will Hyacinth live long enough to see Luna's return?
And more selfishly I need to ask If she did, would you perhaps be able to write a companion piece set after her return?
7869903 Ah, but is she a vampire?
In-story, we don't know for sure that Hyacinth is one. Luna wasn't a vampire herself--she played God with herself and her volunteers, and its implied that she more or less copied the vampires of the Father, but does that mean she included the ability to infect? It's doubtful. What purpose would it serve when she can make them another way and it keeps them from being potentially subverted by the enemy to create even more vampires. We know that the secret war scarred her, but did it do so enough for her to be warped in that way?
I don't think she infected Hyacinth. What Luna has is not strictly vampirism. It's kinda like artificial vampirism I guess. But you never know--I'm not 100% convinced that she didn't myself.
Vampirism does, but being a Duskwatch/Dhamphir doesn't ,really. You live a long time but not like hundreds of years. You just aren't going to be dying super early of non-accidental or violent causes.
7869923 I see, I misunderstood. I thought that to beat the enemy, she and the Duskwatch had dragged themselves to their level, in a manner of speaking. Perhaps imbued themselves with vampirism in full so as to reap the benefits, while Luna's alicorn powers allowed her to scrub out the undesirable portions.
In that case you have handily answered my questions. No they aren't vampires, and it (the not-vampirism) is not infectious in this specific instance so it would seem Hyacinth will not live to see her return. Which I guess is a blessing and a curse. She doesn't have to live for that millenium painfully or otherwise, but she also never reunites with Luna.
Well thanks for the quick and insightful response. It does clear up the loose ends! (for me anyway)
This was beautiful.
I can feel the melancholy.
man i nearly cried ...
I see what you did there.
And yes, that poem was practically written for Luna.
This is amazing in its vivid imagery. A word-painting.
Good stuff. Good stuff.
Well, that was interesting. No, scratch that; it was fascinating.
Your portrayal of Luna's last nigth was very original and very fitting. It felt real. And although the obvious and looming conclusion was innevitable, there was an athmosphere of suspense that really kept me glued to your story.
Impressive work once again!
That, that was good.
Although I do wonder, there are references aplenty mentioning Jannah and the Duskwatch, is this story set in the "The Night is Passing" universe?
7870357 roughly half the stories I have here share lore with Night. Some are merely parallel, some are in the same continuity.
This one is the same continuity. Probably.
Well...
Damn, you paint a vivid, tragic, and beautiful picture. Hats off to you sir, amazing work.
I think this was the only point in the story where I truly stumbled over the text. I do not believe you really need the She.
Also this was beautifully bittersweet.
While you pretty much answered it. I would love to see Hyacinth return. While as a vampire would be interesting. I could also see her beg Celestia for a means to either live a long enough to see Luna return. Or to be put in stasis. Perhaps Celestia even forgets and someone discovers her while cleaning/inventorying an ancient vault.
You're so sure Luna is playing some sort of mindgame with her staff, then you realize this is actually (just barely) pre-banishment and out come the feels from left field, with the cricket bat swinging.
7870532 This is one hell of a coincidence. But I got that exact skull, that you're using as your profile picture, as a Christmas present last year.
Probably should have seen that coming. Did not. All the more affected by it.
Oh... fuck, man.
I was scared to read this because I knew it'd hurt. It did hurt.
you... ALMOST got me to cry with that last little scene. Almost.
I agree with a point someone in the comments made; We know how this story ends... we all do, yet you managed to keep me at the end of my seat with anxiousness, as if I didn't know how it would end.
Fucking hell, Cyne. It flatters me that you enjoy my writing... because no work of mine tops this, or even approaches it.
I havn't read the other comments....
Found myself engrossed and entertained as always.
Shades of Ann Rice here perhaps?
Of course one can draw many conclusions from this and part of the fun, and perhaps your intent, is for me to speculate/philosophise over what those endings might...
Stupidly, I'm going to ruin all that now by requesting an additional chapter if your feeling indulgent towards this poor reader!
I thought Princess Luna was a changeling at first.