Humans and Ponies and Espers, oh my!
What happens when Twilight and her friends somehow appear in the human world? They have nowhere to go, and nothing to eat! And who's this boy with snow white hair? And now they have magic... What do you mean it's not magic?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, this story has some potential and it's definitely doing well at setting up the story, though I feel it's perhaps a bit rushed at the current moment. So I'll be setting this on my favorites and Read More lists and I'll be waiting to see how this develops.
Also the second voice in the main character's head made me curious, Though the word Esper makes me think of the summons from Final Fantasy VI and the main character of that game Terra, having the ability to bond with and subsequently summon them.
Like before great amount of potential still feels a bit rush may I suggest finding a proofreader?
3711113
That might be a good idea :) I usually write most of this before bed.
3711118 Right, if you had someone along to help with the pacing it'd probably feel a tad less rushed, don't let them change the story's overall premise but, make it feel less... rushed honestly.
3711125 I'll definitely look into it. I know a few people who could help. I guess writing at 5am doesn't help either, haha :3 thanks for the comments. Every little bit helps :)
3711140
It very well might :) writing the 3rd chapter, should be finished in a few days, and then some time for proof reading :)
3711152 You're welcome mate, I like the idea, though I'm currently wondering what that black cloak and mask are for, as I've recently been playing the Endgame in Final Fantasy 14 that triggers a cord with me.
3711211 They'll be playing a large part in the upcoming arc after the whole introduction to the series and characters :) To be honest, I wasn't thinking Final Fantasy when I was writing this, but now I'll have to take a look at them all
3711231 Well if you do so allow me to warn you that you will be spending hours upon hours in them if you get too deep.
3711237
Sounds like a plan to me, lol.
3711243 Well then good luck to you. And if I may suggest I'd recommend starting your research with Final Fantasy VI as it deals with the Esper style summons.
This is really interesting. Good job!
So what was in the room that freaked him out?
I can not tell you how much enjoyment I am getting out of this...words are not enough to describe it. Keep up the good work
Also like to mention the dual voices in the head reminds of Deadpool I can't stop laughing when the two use banter with one another
3717216 What's in there is in the second chapter, and why it freaks him out is in the chapters to come
3720014 I'm glad you're enjoying it
I'll try to keep updates constant
3717082 Thank you very much
3720457 Oh, I thought it was just something i missed. Also, Is he based off of Jack Frost (From that one Guardian movie)?
3720517 No, but now that you mention it, he does remind me of him, lol. In reality, Tom is based off a combination of my brother, myself, and one of my friends
3720530 Are you sure he doesn't have the powers of ice? This is Mlp here, magic isnt an anomaly.
3720540 I've got some other powers in mind for him at the moment, but I don't see why Twilight can't teach him some ice spells
3720543 Woo! I just helped write a chapter in a story. Number 18, on the Things to Do Before Death list, CHECKED!
3720550 Haha! Glad I could help
Wait, is this story sets in the future?
"I ejected the clip and checked the ammo." Consider changing 'clip' out for 'magizine'. A clip is used for amunition storage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clip_%28ammunition%29 wheras a magazine is used to feed amunition into the chamber. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magazine_%28firearms%29
Also if I were you I would choose a smaller gun to carry concealed. While the hardballer is a nice gun it is a little large to carry concealed. Perhpas a glock 26, or at least a glock 19. None of that is critical and the story is great, I just happen to enjoy firearms.
3722772 Partially. It's set about 5 years in the future after a certain incident which will be explained in the next chapter.
3724044 Ahaha thank you for telling me that, I'll be sure to change it. The gun isn't really meant to be concealed since it's required for the citizens of The City to carry some form of weapon at all times, but I can definitely see what you mean when you say it's a little large to carry concealed. He'll change weapons almost every time he goes out, so there's lots of room for weapon suggestions
3724232 Yeah it would be like trying to conceal a large ass
shotgun
3724323 -Pulls large ass shotgun out from between buttcheeks- Pew pew
3724938
you sure know how to conceal weapons or you have magic or quantum storage in your buttcheeks
3726321
Pew pew pew fuck mothering zombies!
may need flashbacks to fill in the gaps, but a really good story nonetheless.
need info on main character, but again good chapter
very nice
Ah, so this is you on here.
Hmm.
Will read this later.
Hint as to who this is.
3769574 Hint hintity hint hint hint
3769579
Just so you know. While all Espers are Psions note all Psions are Espers.
Really like the story so far!
Liked and fave'd!
Looking forward to more!
3785684 More will be coming shortly
3785693
I'm also interested to see how the CMC's, the princesses, and Vinyl will come into this.
(character tag spoilers)
Update
3856795 Is coming very soon. Last legs of the chapter.
interesting.good chapter
I hope I don't sound rude but what happend to his fear of 'being in the spotlight'. I only asks 'cause it seemed like a good idea to me. But the mind guy that he talks to is hallaries. -tankbuster :huh so tank does read. -bustertank
3876992 Thanks
3877964 Just wait. That'll play a large part later, in comedy and seriousness.
UPDATE
I will be working in the new chapter for 'Technical Difficulties' this time, and the next chapter of 'Closed City' will be following. Just thought i'd let you guys know so you don't think that this story is going to be left behind.