I am awesome, I like halo. C. V. Halo is cool
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Aces of Equestria65 stories ·38 members
Forged in air combat, the best of the best, the F-22 Raptor. The best aircraft on the planet, soon to be the best and first aircraft in Equestria. An ace pilot is transported to Equestria, he has to learn to get along with a peaceful race of ponies.
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3658921 sorry, bad wording on my part, I wrote for quantity over quality. I was trying to get my story submitted, and I rushed it, and it turned out badly. On my other story I took it slower. Also, what do think of the chapter 1 rewrite?
3656770 did I do better with my rewrote?
3659070 I'll check here in a second, for some reason your comment replies don't show up in my inbox of shit :T... weird.
3659070 Okay, after reading it, it's better. I got a picture going this time. It wasn't entirely as you said before, quantity over quality, but there was still more quantity than quality. We have established a name, date, and place; good. What it still lacks though is a transition into when Ace goes to Equestria. The first chapter would suffice as just being the dog fight. In fact, you should go into even more detail with it, say something like "As Ace and his deadly F-22 screamed through the sky heading towards their targets, Ace began to feel a strange sensation wash over him. It quickly faded however, and he got back in the fight. A few minutes later, Ace got the first contacts on his scope and readied his weapons. He was given orders to engage all hostiles on sight, and he did just that. The second that the Raptor's missiles were in range he let them fly at his enemies. The SU-37 fighters had little time to react, so the missiles slammed into their targets; destroying them completely, on impact." This seems more of what needs to be done, at least to me anyway. You need to go deeper with everything, it seems like you have the ability, but not much of a drive to do so.
Edit: By the way, when you get quality, you usually will get quantity, and it's good stuff all around. So a win win basically happens.
delete original and keep the rewrite
Please a bit longer and less rushed i will keep an eye on this just in case
Not bad. But could be a little longer, still good tho
Just one little nitpick: The United States airforce isn't legendary, it's okay to average, aaaaand space out your paragraphs, make a backstory for the main character, rethink your life choices, go to writers school, get a job working nightfill to truly experience sleep deprivation, and drink more chocolate milk, pansy.
the stories have to be atleast 1000 words long to give it good stuff.
extend the part when he said he killed 5 people, I'm sure Celestia wouldnt like that as much, but would be confused and/or understanding when explained, but your character would lose some trust points and she might use it against you in the futre
use that as a refrence to Tia if you want to. -meow
love the story and cant wate for more!!!!
The f-22 can not do the pugachev's cobra. The only planes that can are the Sukhoi's.
3709560 yes it can it has thrust vectoring,which allows it to do it. Look it up if you don't believe me.
"it was one of the fastest aircraft ever produced." It's not even in the top ten fastest aircraft ever produced.
Please do more
i see some potential in this story. But you are speeding through the plot WAY WAY WAYYYYY too fast! take some time. write a well thought out multi- thousand word chapter. Take the story much much MUCH more slowly than this. Give it more time to develop better. Use 1st person points of view. Either staying permanently to 1 point of view, or switching povs from pony to human and/or back is fine. Mind you, I'm not telling you what to do. Just giving suggestions that i KNOW would be helpful.
:
Ooooooo
so far you dun a very good work hear for more then a book and i hope to see more soon.
4278712 Which can all be rendered useless by a strategically place electromagnetic pulse. See, it's things like this that make the US stupid, no strategy or foresight.
4281545
The issue with that argument (that the US has no strategy/foresight) is that that is a problem that affects ALL Air Forces and militaries around the world, and yet no one has a way to counter an EMP. There is no way to fight an EMP except to prevent it, and with supersonic bombers, lasers capable of shooting down missiles and drones, and supersonic interceptors, the USAF and US Navy (included b/c they also have planes and such) are the most capable. Not to say that the Russians couldn't prevent an EMP strike with their own missile defenses and interceptors, or the Chinese, any of the three (and more) could. An EMP is only feasible if it is a preemptive strike (when it is used against a military power like one of the five nations that make up the permanent members of the UN Security Council).
Anyway, that's my contribution. The real problem is that any of us think we know what the real capabilities are of various militaries when half of their projects are top secret and most of the info about the already-used equipment isn't even public.
4339312 Give it a few decades, some military is gonna invent plane mounted targeted EMP lasers. Missile defenses ain't got shit on concentrated beams of pure electromagnetism.
okay let say this right now don't make him take orders or comands from ponies as any military personnel would never do that and would be considered treason and do not make him a citizen without his say
You're doing great from my view, just have the second chapter be longer and fix up some spelling, besides that fly on.
Not bad at t‘all.
Keep it up if your still working on this.
MMMOOOOOOORREEE PPLLEEAASSEE !!!!!! this is so AWESOME !!!!!!!!
I Like this sory a lot I wish there was more chapters in it . Very well written . * Bro or in my case Mare hoof *
Write more pls update
UPDATE!!!!!!! ✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈