Jorge, after detonating a bomb on a Covanent Supercarrier, is transported to Equestria, along with a UNSC armored division equipped with scorpion tanks and a few pelicans.
Chapters (9)
- Member Since 8th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Monday
F-22 Raptor
I am awesome, I like halo. C. V. Halo is cool
F-22 Raptor
Joined 8th Aug, 2013 ·
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If you like it please tell me.
It's a good thought for a story, but you need to work on how the paragraphs are formatted and put a bit more detail into it gives a better picture on how the characters feel and so on. You need an editor.
This all seems a little rushed, but it's still a pretty decent fan fic. Nice job, you got yourself a favourite.
3627988 I'm doing this on an iPod touch, so I apologize, it's kind of hard to get the format right
3628164 thanks for the favorite, you are right, it is kind of rushed, but what chapter do you like the best? Also if you have any suggestions for further chapters, please tell, I'll run out of ideas eventually, and i don't want this fic to go too long without updating, I'll probably publish 300 to 400 word chapters every other day or something
3623984
I could be your editor if that's alright!
I have a pretty good knowledge of Halo so I can help fix things in it as well
e.g Assault Rifle names ( MA5B is in Reach ) or even Covenant names. ( Kigyar - Jackals, Unggogy - Grunts, Sangheili - Elites! )
Yes, I play too much Halo. And have a Halo Encyclopedia...
I'm sorry if this annoys you but just so many plotholes!
How did Chief get there if the events of Halo 4 were four YEARS after the events of Halo 1!
Time Travel? I don't know anyways ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!
Tad bit rushed, How long do you spend on these chapters?
you should take at least 3 days to make it longer.
3628371 it has something to do with the slip space, Jorge went through a slip space rupture, and that screws with time.
3628371 also, Jorge wasn't in halo 1, he was in reach.
3628344 I don't even have an Xbox, but I have read all of the halo books, I have played reach, halo CE, and halo 4,
3628344 I have no idea how to make you my editor, but if you tell me I will, it would be good to have an editor, just to check and make sure I'm doing everything right
3628395 did you favorite it? Was it good enough? I hope people like it, if nobody likes it, the. I won't continue it.
3628344 that encyclopedia is epic. I've read it more than I should...
3628544
Forgot that Slipspace does that...
Oh yeah,
3628818
At the start of the mission Dawn it says 2557 - Four Years After Halo Event.
3628582
I Favorited and liked it!
I'm willing to lend a hand so if you want, You can send me a draft copy of a chapter if you're not feeling to confident that anyone would like it.
Should I PM you my Email address?
Alright, I'm completely siding with Lightning on this. It's solid, but there are a lot of plot-holes. I will follow it, but I hope you can improve your writing and really make this thing stand out. It has potential, you just have to work at it. I will cut you some slack because you use and iTouch, and they are kind of a pain to write on, even though I use mine for the same purpose.
Plot is good but when you switch the characters from the Mane 6 to the SPARTANS, you should make a line to separate them
3628793 the armored division was on a human ship on reach, and the slip space engine got messed up
3630200 good point, thanks
3629046 mostly lag issues when I'm writing and it's a pain.
3629015 could you just reveiw it when the chapter comes out? If you think it needs some work I'll edit it
Does anybody like my story?
Longer Chapters
3648081 okay, but there won't be as many chapters per week, is this acceptable?
3648684 Hmm, maybe a medium then, depends on how much you can put into that chapter. Like the idea?
3648972 I'm sort of doing this on my iPod, so I like to keep the chapters short and sweet, I'm trying to put out at least 2 chapters a week at least at most a chapter every day. But I just started a new story, called F-22 in Equestria, so it will probably be four chapters a week, two for halo aftermath, and two for F-22 In Equestria. F-22 in Equestria has just been submitted to the moderators, so I would Advise you to go check it out if you like that kind of stuff. Thanks for the favorite, what do you like about the story?
3648972 thanks I needed the encouragement, I didn't think anybody reply liked my story.
Ooh, another Halo crossover! I'll have to check this out soon.
Now, not to be nit-picky, but one thing I've noticed right off the bat without even reading is the chapter lengths. Some friendly advice: anything with two or more chapters under 1000 words might end up being a potential turn off to some readers, whom might be assuming automatically that it's poorly written because of the shortness.
Nevertheless, you've got a thumbs up from me.
3628344 Technically the assault rifle in Reach is the MA37. The MA5B is in Combat Evolved. Just thought I'd bring it up
.
Honestly I don't know why im still reading this, Its way to rushed and has way to many plot holes.
Try to draw out the story a bit and don't try to squeeze it into a few sentances
3637338 It's a great idea, but rushed. To fix this try to draw the story out more to slow it down.
there is a another story like this one.
Please do more
I don't know if I will continue reading if you don't have 1,000+ words each chapter. It's driving me nuts. But. Good story! :D
Chapters are to short.
No way i'm gonna like this bullshit
3637338 Too fast bro, just take it slow
I like the idea
Just fine i guess
it spells Covenant
Superstars teknallige fuck ya!!!!
Dame Spartans am I right.
6113418
I think taking seven years on a chapter is to damn slow.
Why don't authors get off their ass and label their stories canceled at least?
It's also good stories too...
well... no, not really. there're some stories I can see why never got finished but still, most stories like this don't even get canceled