I am your ruler now. Deal with it.
I love Applejack . Applejack loves Rarity. Rarity loves herself.
I'm Rainbow Dash, and my friend Fluttershy thinks I should keep a diary because it helps or something. Here's the thing I'm in love with my best friend , Applejack . But I don't think she feels the same.
(Equestria Girls Universe!!!!!!!!)
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The U.S. has a pretty shitty education system, since you were wondering. But, the grammar in this makes me think Canada's is even worse. There are people who can preread this for you. You need to find one. That being said, tell them not to fix everything; Rainbow making grammatical errors occasionally may actually add to the story, as long as they're less frequent then they are her. Grammar aside, eh. I'm not hating the plot, but it's way too quickly paced. If you could tone down the speed at which the story progresses, that would help you immensely.
This was mediocre at best, I'm afraid. That being said, I'll keep watch of this one. It certainly piqued my interest, and I'm curious as to how it progresses.
Eh interesting concept, but the grammar is hurting this. You really need to get an editor because there are just too many errors
I'm going to let you off easy without going into a huge rant on grammar. A bunch of these errors can be fixed using a spell check, or Microsoft Word. Such things like placing commas in the correct place (they go before the word, just like that), or spelling words correctly.
I will say this: go find somebody to proofread and edit this before continuing any further. The format is all over the place. There are sections where the quotes are all bunched up and confusing, and the dates are scattered in all different places. Its... really confusing and hard to follow.
Please look over your work before submitting. Please.
DJRD
I won't even read this until you get a proofreader to iron out the grammar. The description alone is hurting my brain.
Wow - hard critics, huh?
I liked it. Saw several mistakes; didn't mind. I just think you deserve better.
Can't proofread for you. I'm German.
It's an amazing idea, it really is. Just... Didn't isn't spell like dint... It's Didn't... Get it right... Also, you should really work on your capitalization, but other than that it was good!
I'll be keeping my eye on this story, it's seems like something that if given the chance could improve and blossom into something 20% cooler than it was before. Just keep trying and get an editor and a proofreader, and you'll be set!
Best of luck to you,
~Lightningstorm740
I've always sucked at grammar. I'm used to writing in french.
I'll try my best. Thank you all for commenting.
Juuussstttt a few things with the grammar, and spaces, and spelling. AMAZING idea, though!! :D
3691336
English is a second language for you? Same thing with the author of Rebirth of the Damned. How weird.
3692389
No,it's actually my first language. But I've been going to French schools all my life (so far) ,so i rarely write in English. It's weird really.
3692585
Hmm. That is weird. So English is your first language, but French is your primary language?
Yeah, same complaint about grammar as everyone else, but I'm liking the story.
3692699
I guess
3692702
I hate english. It's an ugly language. I want a language that flows off my tongue. Like Elvish. I want to learn elvish.
3692725 You hate english, yet you speak it.
3693904
I don't have much choice. It was the language I was raised with, and the only one this site allows. And I am definitely not learning Spanish.
I LOVE THAT FIC
great job, i read it on my Wii
and fluttershy, great idea
3704508
Thank you
I love the story can't wait for an update. I think you captured Rainbow Dashes personality really well. great story so far.
Not bad not bad at all I enjoyed this make a part two definitely
This was a good chapter, except for a few minor spelling errors, and the one grammar mistake I saw. Keep up the good work!
You did a lot better in this chapter, grammar wise.
:3 I absolutely love this story. You can totally feel for dash.
I can't get enough, you have my thumbs up!
it was awesome, cant wait till you update!
I seriously must be the only person in the world who likes the prequels :|
3818519
? Nooo Ilike prequels too. But Sadly This is Not a prequel
3818745
I don't think we are on the same page...
Grammar mistakes as usual, but my biggest problem is... That the next chapter isn't up yet!! That and that the chapters are too short. :(
3854501
I'll try to write the next chapter as soon as I can. And about the chapter being too short, I promise nothing
I'm sorry
3854515 I like the fact that the chapter titles really look like something Rainbow Dash would write.
3854531
I just don't know what to write as chapter names. So I improvise.Whatever I'll take it. Thank You
Really?
I must ask something. For some reason, I really want to know the answer. During the game of Truth or Dare, was Rainbow wearing a bra?
3856330
I'm going to say yes.
3861342 Aw.
Wow, that moved fast
I-is the story already over? I'm confused.
3861866
I rushed a bit I admit
. Sorry my bad, and it's not over yet.............
3865855
I really don't want to sound like a back seat driver or a literary snob
but that portion moves the story way too fast
under normal circumstances, rainbow would admit her feelings just before the climax.
[insert conclusion here]
3868550
No, you're not a snob. Thanks for the tip, really. I like when people are honnest
Yay!
Sure Rainbow, you can go as friends. I bet you wish it was something better than just friends. Heh....
It really feels like RD is writing this, especially with all the spelling and Grammar mistakes in it. Keep up the good work!
Found some writing errors I didn't
yell at you abouttell you earlier... Glad to see you took the Rarity and AJ line out though... You deserve a picture of the best ship ever...fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/316/4/5/coyote_approved_ship_by_songdogscuffle-d5ksfok.png
...WRONG ONE
3991931
THE FUCK? hahahahaha
For the writing mistakes,it's totally ok
3992459 derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/6/26/357430__safe_rainbow+dash_applejack_princess+celestia_shipping_animated_lesbian_upvotes+galore_appledash_pointy+ponies.gif
Sorry buddy, you asked an Appledash fan to read your fics.
3992470
Even Celestia ships this! Proof that Appledash is best ship!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love that pic.
Thx again for proof reading bro
Very good! I'm looking forward to see where this goes!
Yay drinking! Also quick question, what would a pie phone case look like?
3998244
A case with a pie with it.
3998256
when is the next chapter? your stuff is so totally AWESOME!!
4065381
You think it's awesome?
hiihihiiihihihihhiiiiiihhihi
