Of Rage and Justice
“Hear ye, hear ye!” The shrill calls of the town crier rose above the bustle of the marketplace. “The Chapel of Life sermon is about to begin! Everypony to the Chapel!” The crier carried on through the town, ringing a bell and calling out above the clopping of ponies hurrying to the Chapel of Life.
The Chapel sat upon a small hilltop just outside of town. Its white steeples and gleaming Solar emblems could be seen for many miles around. Ponies of all shapes, sizes, and statures could be seen weaving their way along the cobblestone streets and between the mighty hoof-carved double doors. Inside, a unicorn with a bleached coat and mane stood at the head of a massive congregation. She stared out over the multitude as pony after pony jammed themselves through the doors to sit, stand, or hover anywhere they could. Those who couldn’t fit stood outside, looking in through the windows.
Her face breaking into a wide smile, the Preacher filled her horn with magic. As she did, twin white lights shone from the pedestals flanking the podium on which he stood. The crowd of ponies grew quiet as the crystals’ light dimmed slowly.
“HEEEEAAR ME, sisters and brothers!” The Preacher’s voice pierced through the remaining whispers and vibrated through the ears of all present. “We are gathered here this fine day to give praise and thanks to our Lady! Tell me, can you all hear me!?”
“We hear your voice. The call of our Lady rings through this House.” The gathered crowd recited the affirmation with one voice.
“Let me tell you, my sisteren, we are truly blessed! We give thanks for every day of glorious, all-illuminating sunlight that we receive, do we not?” the Preacher shouted joyously.
“We give thanks for the life we receive from our Mistress, may she shine for all time,” the assembly droned.
“She, who has protected us from the steely claws of chaos, she who has blessed our harvests and given us light! She is mighty! She is pure! She is holy! May she shine for all time!”
“May she shine for all time.”
“My sisters, she has granted us gifts from above yet again! The foul dragons have been driven from the northern mountains! By the grace of the Sun, the rich farmlands at their base are now safe to colonize! Praise Celestia!” The Preacher’s golden chains and emblems clinked together as she pranced back and forth on the podium.
“Praise the Sun. Honor to the Brilliant Day. May she shine for all time!” The drone had risen to a delighted roar at this latest pronouncement. The assembled ponies all became agitated. Many families had wanted to be the first to truly colonize the fertile land, but it was too dangerous.
As the Preacher continued the sermon, ponies began to mill about and speak excitedly in hushed tones. Everypony seemed ecstatic about the news.
Everypony but one.
A rough-spun brown cloak covered the pony from tip to tail. A snort of disgust escaped the darkness of the hood. “What complete drivel.”
A few nearby chapel-goers glared at the cloaked pony as she turned and left the assembly. Blazing teal eyes glared at the Castle of the Two Sisters in the distance as if to crumble it with their gaze alone. Stalking angrily out of town, Princess Luna made her way toward the Castle.
Princess Celestia smiled warmly. “The Sun blesses you. May you go in peace.” He horn glowed for a moment as she touched it to the tiny spiral horn of the foal. The parents beamed, bowing as they exited the throne room.
Celestia nodded to the guardspony. “Send in the next pony.”
Saluting, the guard exited the throne room for a moment. When he returned, he was escorting a deep blue earth pony mare who was carrying a basket of plump pears. She bowed low, placing the basket at Celestia’s hooves. “The best of our crop, that the Sun might bl-“
The doors to the throne room suddenly slammed open. Through them strode a deep blue alicorn, her traveling cloak billowing around her. Staring about in seething rage, she hissed through gritted teeth, “Leave us.”
The guards looked askance at Celestia, unsure of what to do. “NOW!” The Royal Voice split the air like thunder.
Giving Luna a disapproving look, Celestia nodded curtly at the assembled guards and frightened mare. As the doors to the throne room closed, Celestia glared imperiously down at her sister. “What is it now, Luna? Why do you feel the need to disrupt Court so?”
Luna snorted derisively. “So I hear the mighty Celestia chased the dragons out of the northern mountains?”
Celestia blinked, looking confused. “Don’t be silly. You’ve just returned from that campaign.”
“Yes. I did. It seems our subjects are under the impression that the Sun has given them another gift from on high!” Luna did her best to keep her shaking voice on an even tone, but she couldn’t keep from shouting, “Perhaps we should execute the criers, since they can’t seem to keep their facts straight!”
Celestia sighed. “Luna, we’ve been over this. You can’t keep going to my chapels and expecting fair treatment. You should attend yours.”
Luna scoffed, an incredulous smile flickering across her face. “Are you really this blind!? There are no more chapels of mine! They have all been vacated for months!”
Celestia refused to believe it. Holding her head high, she stepped around Luna and began heading for the throne room door. “You’re just being overdramatic, sister. Ruling Equestria isn’t a popularity contest.”
Luna snapped. Her hoof came down with a crack that echoed throughout the castle. “Not another step!” She turned, glaring at Celestia with hatred and pain. “Do you honestly expect me to sit idly by while they all bask in your precious light!?”
Celestia looked over her shoulder. Concern began to overtake her features when she saw the state Luna was in. “Luna, wait. Just calm down. I’m sure we can talk abo-“
“NO! There can only be one princess in Equestria, and that princess shall be ME!” An ear-splitting crack echoed through the hallways of the castle as Luna slammed her hooves down. The ground quaked as the royal throne room was split in two.
The guards came rushing in, only to be stopped by Celestia. “No! It’s too dangerous. Evacuate the castle. Quickly!” Nodding, the guards left and began marshaling the civilians and getting everypony clear. Celestia turned her attention back to Luna just as the back wall crumbled to reveal her sun.
Luna’s horn began to glow with a light that sent a chill to the very core of Celestia’s being. Luna reared up, raising the moon. Icy claws raked down Celestia’s spine as the sun’s warmth was stolen from her. A tremor of fear pulsed through Celestia as the moon engulfed the sun, shrouding Equestria in an unnatural shade.
Dark magic began swirling around Luna. Celestia thought she saw a spark of terror cross her sister’s face before she was swallowed up by the darkness completely. The twisting blackness coalesced and seemed to solidify into a sphere. Red light seeped from the ball of malignant magic as it whirled and crackled with power. Celestia felt as though her insides had vanished. A dread premonition drowned her senses as the sphere began to split open. The sphere shattered in an explosion of dark energies, revealing the black form of an alicorn.
The creature opened its eyes; pupils narrowing to slits. It felt magic surge through its blood, laughing as it reveled in its newfound power. Then it looked down, spying Celestia. She looked afraid. An evil grin crossed its face as it cackled. Celestia shaking. Celestia weak. Celestia powerless…
Finally.
The black alicorn loosed its hate on the accursed castle. Its magic rent stone and melted tapestries as if they were wax. Turning to Celestia, a sharp-toothed grin of pure glee crossed its face.
Celestia stood on shaking legs, mustering all of her strength to hold her ground against this monster. “I'm not going to fight you, Luna! You must lower the moon! It is your duty!”
The creature only laughed. “Luna? I am not your sniveling sister, Sun Mare,” it spat, “I am Nightmare Moon! You cannot hope to fight me!”
Celestia could feel the magic building within the Nightmare. Turning quickly, she dove out of the throne room and down the hallway. The Nightmare followed, hot on her trail. “Where are you running, Tia?” it shouted mockingly, “The mighty sun isn’t afraid of a little bad dream, is she?”
Bolts of rage and hatred sizzled as they passed by Celestia’s head. Dodging nimbly out of the way, Celestia jumped out of a window and took to the skies, hoping to distance herself from her pursuer. With a howl of rage, Nightmare Moon tore through the stone walls in pursuit of Celestia.
Celestia flapped her wings with all of her might. Wheeling and ducking around the castle’s many outcroppings, she managed to avoid being hit directly. Nightmare Moon was close behind her, blasting stone and shingle alike out of her way in a cacophony of thunderous booms and cracks.
Celestia’s body was screaming at her to slow down, but she knew she would be finished if she did. Darting beneath a bridge, Celestia veered right to try to lose the Nightmare amidst the castle’s towers. Just as she was nearing them, however, a shower of dark magic struck them. The towers toppled toward her, forcing her to the left. As she flew over the open space above the throne room, Celestia weaved through the air. Celestia’s eyes darted around in panic. She was a sitting duck in the open.
Celestia dashed toward a statue at the head of the building, hoping to hide behind it and buy herself a bit of time. Just as she was flying over a hole in the throne room’s ceiling, she felt something strike her between the shoulder blades and she crashed into the rubble of the throne room.
Nightmare Moon watched as her hated enemy fell. The Nightmare felt joy stir within it at the delightful scream of pain Celestia made as she plummeted to the earth where she lay; smoking slightly as the hate-filled magic infested her. Nightmare Moon laughed viciously as she watched the black mark spread over the once-pristine white coat. “It looks like you’ve taken ill, Celestia. Do you wish to tell me your deathbed wishes? Hahahahahahahaa!”
Pain. Celestia’s whole world was engulfed in searing pain. She could feel the venomous hatred eating away at her as it spread. Celestia felt a tendril of corruption force its way toward her heart. Her vision swimming, she called weakly for help. The pain only grew as Celestia sunk helplessly into a black fog…
Suddenly, Celestia felt a warmth spring up within her. The corrupting magic of the Nightmare began to recede and Celestia’s vision was filled with light. As her vision cleared, Celestia saw she was surrounded by a whirling rainbow of light. The warmth spread from deep inside of her. Celestia stood, shakily at first, but growing steadier as her strength returned. Staring up into the stunned face of the Nightmare with renewed determination, Celestia took flight.
Nightmare Moon felt the anger within her boil into madness. Laughing maniacally, it brought the full power of its magic to bear. As Nightmare Moon’s horn glowed, the world around it warped. Under the pressure of the burgeoning darkness, the castle’s walls cracked and the wooden supports groaned.
Celestia was surrounded in a blaze of multi-hued light. Even as the powerful fortifications around her buckled, her brilliance grew. “You will give my sister back to me, monster! One way or another, I will set Luna free!” The spinning Elements came to a halt, coming to a pointed formation before Celestia.
The Nightmare unleashed a howl of maddened fury, “NEVER!” A beam of magic as black as the Void was sent screaming toward Celestia.
Determination shining in her eyes, Celestia answered with a beam of rainbow light. As the two magics collided and attempted to consume each other, it was clear that the Nightmare’s magic was inferior. Celestia rejoiced as Harmony’s victory seemed assured. Soon, she would have her sister back from the clutches of this foul Nightmare. It would be hard, but they would be able to put this behind them and rebuild a stron-
Wait… something didn’t feel right.
Celestia’s determination wavered. With a shock, she realized she was no longer in control of her magic. Confused, she gazed at the Nightmare as Harmony’s might drew nearer to it. The Nightmare was surely vanquished; there was no way it could fight off the light. Why, then, couldn’t Celes-
Your sister cannot be returned to you.
Celestia was jolted rudely from her thoughts by the voice. “Who said that?” she demanded.
The Sun and Moon of Equestria have proven to be in disharmony. Your sister must be punished.
Celestia gazed in shock and confusion at the glowing Elements before her. “That isn’t necessary! We can-“
The deed is already done.
At these words, the light of Harmony consumed Nightmare Moon. The Nightmare screamed in impotent fury as it was borne to the moon and imprisoned there.
Celestia stared at the moon, too shocked to speak. An eerie silence settled over the castle as Celestia hovered in place, trying to make sense of everything. Slowly, she turned her gaze back to the glowing Elements. “But… why?”
A cold light emanated from the small crystals as they swirled in front of her. The Moon shall live with her Nightmare for one thousand years. In that time, meditate on your actions. Learn to achieve harmony without her, and perhaps we will see fit to return to Equestria.
With those words of finality, the magic faded from the Elements and they fell to the earth, cold and grey.
“I-I… but…” Celestia glided down to where the Elements lay, now just bits of unfeeling stone amidst the rubble. Celestia felt cold all over again as the silence settled on her like a lead blanket. She sat there for a time, crying quietly. She kept hoping, praying, that soon her faithful sister would step from the shadows and sit beside her, like Luna always did. Celestia leaned to her right, seeking a warm body that was no longer there and wouldn’t be for a millennium.
Despite the soft sobs of the Solar Princess, not a shadow not a breeze stirred around her. All was still, and quiet, and empty. Not even the echoes of her grief could be heard as they were swallowed up by the darkness.
Slowly, Celestia stood. She returned the Elements to their pedestal and cast a searching gaze around the ruined castle. Not finding what she was looking for, Celestia let a final tear fall down her face as she left the ravaged throne room behind for the last time.
Standing in the empty courtyard out side of the castle, Celestia summoned her strength. Reaching out with her magic, she grasped the cold ball of ice that was the moon and slowly lowered it beneath the horizon. The sun came out again, bathing Equestria with its light. Celestia felt the warmth on her skin and her power returned to her in full, but it carried with it a chill. Shuddering slightly from the unexpected cold, Celestia stood tall and resolute. Turning her back on the collapsing castle, Celestia strode back toward her little ponies, her head held high and a victorious smile on her face.
Don’t worry, Luna. I will be ready for your return…
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This was a beautiful expression of that moment. I gotta say, it left me in chills at the end.
I enjoyed his story very much; I always liked exploring the emotions felt by both Celestia and Luna over this moment. Perhaps I'll write my own version.
3601011
Go for it! I'd love to read it.
3596819
I'm glad you liked it.
3601753 I might just take you up on that!
This review is proudly brought to you by the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Harmonic Ultimatum
Grammar Score (out of ten): 9.9 (You had one teeny tiny little slip-up: "He horn glowed for a moment as she touched it to the tiny spiral horn of the foal." Should be 'Her')
Pros:
1) This was an interesting re-telling of Luna's banishment. Having Luna come back from fighting yet another battle, only to hear the criers and chapel-goers bestow her credit on Celestia once again, would certainly make her mad. Nice that you gave her an incentive to usurp the throne, rather than just the whole "I'm jealous of your attention" thing.
2) As I have come to expect from your writing, the layout, structure, spelling and grammar are top-tier.
3) I liked that you weaved this story into now-current canon, while changing various other aspects of the fight, such as how the elements reacted.
Cons:
1) I mentioned that I liked the incentive you gave Luna to turn against Celestia, but I feel like you could have given us a little more back-story leading up to Luna's rage. Luna elaborating on a few other issues similar to the dragon fighting, perhaps? This would have created more of a sense that her rage had been building for some time.
2) While the elements themselves have always been a 'Deus Ex Machina', I think the way that you used them was a little too Machina-ey (that's a word now).
3) The attitude of the elements seems contradictory of their supposed nature.
Notes:
It's always interesting to see peoples' interpretations of past events. This was a fic I was hoping to see done with a bit of S4 freshness, seeing as how this type of story has been written many times before. I have to be honest here, I'm actually kinda happy that the 'Solar Empire/New Lunar Republic' series has been ground into paste. I never did like the idea of Tyrantlestia. "No, she didn't want to send her sister away," I would always say. Now that we've seen just how reluctant she was to fight, and how much it hurt her to do what she did, these "Clash of the Titans" type stories can be written with more credence.
The idea that, instead of Celestia being just praised for bringing out the sun, but also receiving praise for fighting off all the nasties too, worked very well. It's very easy to imagine that Luna would have been angry and jealous, not simply because her sister got more attention, but because her own well-earned praise and credit was being passed off to her sister. This idea makes me feel like Luna may have been in the right, and that her rage at her sister was at least semi-justified. I never liked the idea that Luna was just a sniveling, attention-seeking brat who threw a tantrum for not getting her way, and your idea of her credit for such an important battle--for the safety of their subjects--being stolen offers a much better reason for her resentment.
I love how you had Celestia completely dumb-struck at what Luna was doing, but then had her switch right back into "Princess" mode and order her ponies to evacuate. She did a very wise thing, there. Dropping the canon lines from Luna worked a treat as well; they were woven together nicely with Celestia's reactions to the unfolding events. Having Celestia bless babies seemed a bit much, though. 'Celestia for President'?
The fight was done well, I could literally re-imagine the canon scenes in my head as you wrote them, with the few minor differences you wrote taking on their own form of mental animation. What I didn't really like, though, was how you had Celestia lying there, slowly being taken over, only to have the elements themselves just decide to step in and aid her. It seems unrealistic to me that she would not have had to actually access them. To read, it almost felt like the elements arose from within Celestia herself:
It just seems too convenient.
There's that, and the fact that the elements offered no parley or negotiation with Celestia about Nightmare Moon. One would think that the elements of harmony could have worked something out, instead of rejecting the idea of redemption completely. I felt that this attitude went against their very nature.
For what it is, it was enjoyable to read. Having the "town crier" and "Chapel of Life" idea was pretty grand. It makes me think back to how things were in medieval times (and earlier), when people praised God for absolutely everything that went well. If God had an equal, a brother, I imagine he'd be pissed as well if God was given all the credit for his triumphs instead of him.
Great story, nice and short, concise enough for me to enjoy, but the way the elements acted just didn't feel right. Good effort, though!
I hope you enjoy your review! I await your critical appraisal of my story, Keeper of the Crystal Heart.
3628440
This story is a result of a rush-job. I had to meet a contest deadline and ended up writing the whole thing in a single evening. 
I appreciate your honest opinion!
The idea behind the Elements' actions was the question 'why didn't they just purify Luna back when she turned into Nightmare Moon?' I tried to write a story where they were presented in a colder light to try to explain this.
Yeah, I agree with the deus-ex-machina comment. That was one part I wish I had fleshed out a bit more.
I guess this is as good a place to start as any...
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Hmm...
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AIEE!
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I must admit, Edgeworth. This was a very well done story.
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3666422
Of course! Did you expect anything less?
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3666462 court-records.net/animation/phoenix-withtoupee.gif
Why can't you take 'likes' gratefully, Edgeworth?
3666480
It is not the way of Miles Edgeworth to be grateful.
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(Secretly I'm loving this.
)
3666488 *sigh* I guess I should've known. You never change.
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(I am too! I'm laughing SO hard!
)
3666500
Why would I change perfection?
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3666506 .....
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HOLD IT!
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Ha! Perfection? That's impossible! Now, this, this is perfection!
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TAKE THAT!
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3666523
GAH! Another fic!
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Challenging me in my own comments section? I won't stand for it!
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We'll just see about this... 'perfection'.
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(Currently error-checking a fic for a friend. I'll read it as soon as I can!
)
3666556 That's right, Edgeworth. You've been challenged. Not so confident your 'perfection', now are you?
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(Alright, cool! I'm seriously loving this.
)
I actually like this portrayal of the Elements considering the stuff that their magic does in the Equestria Girls movies. (Misuse of their power being the reason for both Sunset Satan and Midnight Sparkle)
what i hate about these stories is that they depict celestia, a literal goddess who one shotted an alicorn to the moon for a thousand years in less than 5 minutes while using all 6 of the elements of harmoney at the same time, as WEAKER than a younger alicorn whose powers are based.. off of a small rock in the sky that glows due to the suns radiation. a literal hunk of rock. just dust.
make it make sense?????
and daybreaker doesnt count, shes technically not real