White night an albino thestral (bat-pony) has always been teased by other thestrals because of his appearance. Some even went as far as calling him gay, this hurt the most however because he couldnt admit to anyone that he actually was. He cracks under the pressure of constant harassment of the other night guards. He is dismissed from the night guard for assaulting his commanding officer after hearing him talking about how much of a failure he is as a night guard because of his pigment deficiency and orientation. After an accident while being interrogated he leaves Canterlot behind. He searches for a new life somewhere nopony knows him. A quiet little desert town called Apploosa.
Chapters (12)
Cool like it so far wonder what's happens next
3593506 It shouldnt be long before the next chapter is up, I'm in the process of writing it now. Also, thank you soooo much for the support ive been beating myself up about this story all day.
3593521 ur welcome
I gave this story a thumbs up because I liked it and think that there's a lot of potential. You clearly know what kind of story you're trying to tell and I really dig that. I like White Night. He's humble and he's nowhere near perfect, which is a nice touch.
I really think you should look into getting an editor or at least someone to bounce ideas off of. Nothing with these first two chapters was terrible, they're actually really good, but, I think with a proper editor and expanding some of the ideas you have here you could tell a better story.
That's just my two cents though.
3595898 I think getting an editor is a good idea too, and thank you for the thumbs up and everything. I look forward to reading more from you in the future!
what
3598094 What what?
3598407
Just no.
This is soooooo cute
this is just so beautiful!!!
love the new chapter!!! most of all love luna's letter to celestia and the few sentences after it!!
3601846 Lol thanks I wanted Luna to be the fun princess with Celestia being a grump.
3602669 i believe she is more loose than her sister... plus i like her better her mane is awesome the way you can see the stars in it.
3602709 I know right? Best princess ever hooves down. As soon as I'm finished with this project I'm gonna try to make a story where they actually do go to the Apple family reunion. Sound like something you'd be interested in BigMacintosh1?
3602726 yes i would!! hehe its like you know my apple family memebers dontcha?
This is cute
Cutest fic ive ever read
Drac mind if i use White as a character of mine on chatango in return you could use my Oc Starstream the pegasus in a future story if you would like
3604201 I'm kinda partial to White. Sorry but I have several other OCs On my deviant that are up for grabs as long as you ask. there's a link on my user page. i add new ones pretty often too.
3604242 Its cool just he is so adorable and on chatango i have a calm and cool guy which is Starstream then the badass Necros i cant think of an adorable one though
Yet again i can not stop saying awww by the end of each chapter im running out of w's to use
Still adorable
Great story, But the OC's clothes just kill it for me each time...Plus, so far it has felt too fast pace, The first 2 chapters showed something completly different I am reading now.
3612753 Yeah I know, after the first few chapters It changed a bit, it was supposed to signify White healing & becoming a better pony for his experiences. But this was my first story & I'm not good with transition yet. Also the pony creator game has really bad clothing options, but I thought White looked adorable. I purposely made the clothes a little girly because that's how White is in my head. Also he secretly loves Braeburn calling him Adorable.
Ok that's it..... the minute drunk Luna fell off the sofa, I clicked the fav button.
I died at this
Wating in a box. I have done that many times it is quite time consuming
fabulousandtasty.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/thumbsup052812.jpg well done would be cool to see them in your spike x mac fic
*re reads story* I KEEP FUCKING READING IT AS BAE! *dies*
Yes. Just.... Yes. I can totally see this happening.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! THE FACT THAT EVEN THE PRINCESSES HATE THEIR NEPHEW MAKES ME LAUGH LIKE A HYENA!
how does this not have more views and thumbs up this is awsome. I'm going to read more of your stuff
I like it
This was a very sweet story and very well done.
I only have one issue with it, and it's only a minor one. I kind of agree with some of the other writers who portray Apploosa as less excepting of coltcuddlers. Im not saying they should be hostile, but it just seems off to me that such a small town full of "Salt of the earth" types would be so casual about it.
Again, its a very minor issue, but it did seem off to me. (The fact that I'm a coltcuddler and I basically live in a real world Apploosa might be shading my expectations.)
Monk
“On her doorstep was Twilight Sparkle. While Derpy deeply respected the mare, like most in Ponyville, they wished she'd either switch to decaf, or start hitting the harder stuff.” -Dan_s Comments