An Unexpected Letter

Dinky waits for her mother to come home after a long day of work at the post office. It's like a routine they have: Derpy works and Dinky waits. All of that changed when a mail pony shows up on their doorstep with an unexpected letter.

Rated teen: mild cussing.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 11
- Newest First
- Oldest First

marineproductions100

marineproductions100 #1 · Dec 3rd, 2013 · · ·

3568297 I'm glad you enjoyed the story, thank you.

PS: I think they disliked it because I killed their favorite pony.

PPS: She's mine too.

Rinnaul

Rinnaul #2 · Dec 3rd, 2013 · · ·

I suspect pacing issues like Apache suggested are the source of your downvotes. I won't be voting down myself as the rest of the story is good enough, but I have to admit I started laughing when I read the letter. It was just too quick and too blunt. I'm reminded more of darkly humorous satire like the RPG "Paranoia" or Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy than anything honestly tragic.

Gives me an idea, actually. Have to add it to the list of things I'll likely never get to.

Bringer of the Ends

Bringer of the Ends #3 · Dec 5th, 2013 · · ·

Okay that was a little... Fast... I was like "What the flip did I just read???" after I finished the letter... Are you planning on adding more to this story or are you going to let it lye?
Also (Sorry if this comes off a little cocky...) here's a little re-make of the letter that I made to make it sound more sentimental

[[SPEEDY DELIVERY]]
Dear Residents of the Hooves' family,
This letter is to inform you that there was at accident at the Ponyville Post office today at 1:17PM. I regret to inform you that your mother was opening up packages of heavy weight sets. The boxes were stacked on top of each other and the tower gave weight and your mother was injured severely and her injuries were very extensive. She was rushed to the Ponyville Hospital and arrived at 1:24PM. By this time your mother had already passed. We will continue to send checks from the Department of Labor for-

Dinky couldn't read anymore and dropped the note and envelope. The world seemed to slow down and it became very difficult for her to breath. "M-Mommy's....Mommy's dead?" Dinky said as her voice quivered and her hooves shook. She looked up at the mail pony as the first tears started to stream from her eyes. The stallion simply closed his eyes and nodded. Tears started to flow down both cheeks. "M-Mommy?" Dinky fell to her knees and started to sob the name over and over until the mail pony, a father by instinct, came over and put a hoof on her shoulder.

Someone else's turn to try to make this story just a little bit better (As in someone else do a few paragraphs maybe?) ! Next! (If you, the author, find this comment offending in any way, please ask me to remove it and I will A.S.A.P.)

P.S. Why are there so many reads but only 3 comments??? Doesn't this story need some, I don't know, feedback? (Aka I thought this story was good. Here's a Favorite!)

marineproductions100

marineproductions100 #4 · Dec 5th, 2013 · · ·

3581806 Actually, I hope you don't mind. But would it be okay if I used your letter. No I don't plan on anymore chapters. This a one chapter story. Just like my last three. Except for the next one I'm working on. (which will come out by this week) I don't take offense. You are simply putting your ideas out and I don't blame you for it. (doesn't mean others can do the same!) thank you for your re-make.

Bringer of the Ends

Bringer of the Ends #5 · Dec 5th, 2013 · · ·

Well if I could find that dang reply button! Yes you can have it! That's why I even made it in the first place! (Well I finally found the reply button AFTER I finished this)