As soon as they became the Cutie Mark Crusaders they knew exactly what their mission was. To get their Cutie Marks, whatever it took. It's what they didn't know that makes all the difference. Can their friendship survive the honest truth?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Errrrrrrr that really hit me wear I live
Crusaders forever
I love them they are so cute and so much of the character put into them in the fictions like this reflect on how I feel when I look at my friends and how are friendship is going
Very cute story. As a fan of the CMC, I was immediately gripped, not wanting things to end badly. There were a very small number grammar errors and about a third of the story was lifted from various episodes, but the original parts were fantastic. The ponies remained in character throughout, and dialogue was handled well. Some of the conversation could have been a bit longer, but that's just me grasping for more. I've always wondered what ever happened to Apple Bloom's friendship with Twist, and you addressed that nicely. Thumbs up for you.
Very nice, very nice indeed! Okay I have to admit that it just seems a little but unfinished but over all, I really really like this story! Cleverly written and though out.
Fury of the Tempest approves this story.
I'm afraid I can't get into just how dramatic the CMC are being in this fic. It feels too out of character for me.
With that said, the writing itself is very good, and the dialog, pacing, etc. is set up really well. It's just the premise that I can't really buy into.
Well thought out. Thorough. Fair treatment from each person's perspective, though Sweetie Belle is left out a bit.
Darn you for making me cry. Here, have a Manly Tears GIF.
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-manly-tears.jpg
Beautiful story. One that I think a lot of people (myself included) can relate to. they were in character, emotions were described brilliantly. Just...awesome.
Good story and all, but one thing. I've seen, as far as I can remember, exactly one story where Scootaloo is revealed to have parents. And they're literal chickens. It's great for a few stories, and works here definitely, but every time bar one this little
is orphaned. Can't someone give her parents?
Anyway, this was good, and deserved the EQD feature which led me here.
719629 I have some suggestions for you then! You might try these: Transcendence; Not All Who Wander Are Lost; and Make A Wish. All of them good, and featuring entirely equine lineage for Scoots. Heh. Really, enjoy them! Thank you so much for saying that too!
719711 Noted. Thanks!
I also did remember one where Scoot had parents, but she was anything but a main character, and it was a war fic.
I can't quite buy Scoots as a straight-up hobo. Equestria has to have some kind of system for dealing with random wandering orphans; as it's depicted in the show, it's just too nice a place to let an orphaned kid wander around, especially one who attends school. Also; Rarity isn't that bad of a sister
Okay, enough criticism; on to the positives! Story got me right here, man. Solidly written and totally successful at what it's going for (what it's going for being, of course, to give the reader all of the feels). All-in-all, a solid work if you can suspend your disbelief just a little bit (and, really, I'm watching a show about Talking Magical Ponies and enjoying it on a regular basis. suspending my disbelief is something I've gotten good at, and this fic doesn't strain it too far.)
I really liked this one, it felt very real, with all the fears and anger. I like how you perfectly mold into canon, and I would have loved to see how Scoots felt when she meet Sweetie Belle for the first time. Tho it saddens me everytime I see Scootaorphan.
Oh cool! Didn't expect to see this on EQD three months later. Congratulations are in order!
721108 I can sort of buy it, but only when I imagine it as being something Scootaloo works hard at maintaining (ie, she keeps it a deep dark secret with all of her might).
I've noticed this seems to be a common approach in fan fiction since pretty much ever time I read a story wherein Scootaloo's orphanhood is discovered she's swamped with a tsunami of Scootaffection in very short order and everypony does whatever they can to give her a home. Trixie is another case where only stubborn dedication allows a pony to maintain an "alone and unloved" lifestyle.
It's hard work being homeless in Equestria. :)
722155 Thank you! Thank you!
Very well-written, but too heavy on the drama and too low on plot for my taste. I just don't see the CMC, especially Scootaloo, being like this. Actively sabotaging the CMC's efforts at obtaining cutie marks is wildly out-of-character for her. The author put a lot of effort into making it fit with established canon, but it's still too much of a stretch for me. Also, homeless orphans just don't exist in Equestria.
In my opinion, of course.
722229
This would work except she regularly attends elementary school. Cheerilee would notice the fact that Scootaloo doesn't seem to have any parents at some point; maybe she'd think it suspicious that Scoots never gets permission slips signed, or notice that her parents never show up for parent/teacher conferences, or that she has no one for Family Appreciation Day.
When it comes to Scootafection, I tend to prefer her to come from a broken home on the verge of divorce. Much more realistic, and just as heartrending.
This one really makes me think back to my own life when I was in younger. I never understood why, toward the end of high school, the friends I'd had pretty much my entire life all just suddenly drifted away to the point that I couldn't seem to even approach them anymore, and I spent my senior year just kinda wandering around aimlessly. And then the one time I was thinking of trying to get to know one of my mild-acquaintance classmates a little better as someone new to talk to, he died in a car wreck the weekend before I was going to talk to him. Of course everyone pretty much goes there separate ways after high school anyway.
Kinda sad to imagine ponies working about the same as real life, so it's definitely nice to imagine that the Crusaders would stay friends for life, well after they all have their Cutie Marks.
yay I like this story though at the beginning i thought that you were going to go in the direction of them all being at fault because they all knew what the others special talent would be but purposefully avoided because they didn't want the cmc to end
Heart's Strength. That's a good way to interpret cutie marks, sparks some nice thoughts.
I enjoyed this story a lot but wanted to offer some criticism. First of all my biggest complaint has to be that Scootaloo is an orphan. Author-Man's reasons that he posted up earlier are all good but I also wanted to add the fact that Scootaloo has a scooter and a helmet and I highly doubt she got it by stealing or anything like that. It is much more likely that her parents got it for her to keep her busy. It's sort of my personal head canon that her parents are busy or more of hands off parents. More likely her parents just aren't shown because there has been no reason to show them yet. If there's a Scootaloo episode in the future I bet they'll show up. It's not a major problem with the story or anything, that's just my view on the matter of Scootaloo being an orphan.
One other thing that bothered me in this story is that your transitions between characters sometimes occurred very sloppily. I don't have a specific example but sometimes you transitioned between characters mid-paragraph and didn't really do a smooth transition. I was sometimes left guessing what character you were following. For any future writing like this where you change perspectives try to make it more clear I particularly enjoyed how you implemented canon scenes into the story and used them to justify what you were saying in the story.. Speaking of those scenes I noticed you had a tiny error in one of them. In the scene from Return of Harmony Part 1.
"It was a decidedly unsuccessful attempt at being funny, and it ended with Apple Bloom putting her down, followed by Sweetie commenting on the yellow filly’s use of a fake world, and Scootaloo herself trying one more time to inject humor to maybe lighten their moods."
I'm pretty sure you meant to use word not world.
I hope I didn't make you think I hated the story because I really did enjoy it. I would not try to put in effort to give decent feedback if I did not like the story
. Keep up the good work!
730799 Nothing you said translated to "Ew I hate this". No worries. I'm glad you did enjoy it, and I will keep up the good work! I'm still working at my next chapter for Of Delicate Things and Hard Work. As for the mistake you've pointed out, well I'm going to go right ahead and fix that up right quick! Thank you for bringing it up! Lastly, by the time I finished reading 3 paragraphs of constructive criticism and feedback, I was left with no doubt that you did enjoy the read. Oh wait, as for your comments on Scoots, well I actually have to admit you have some very solid points there. I just always liked the idea of Scootaloo being a strong character specifically because of her fight to survive. Her strength doesn't have to change because she has parents though, because as you said they may well be "hooves off" type parents, and that, once again, makes sense.
As for those transitions, I'll manage them more carefully in the future, and I intend on going back over my other stories and polishing them up too, it all makes for practice and practice makes for improvement and there is always room for improvement.
I really do wish people would quit assuming various characters are orphans just because you haven't seen their parents yet. They did it with every single member of the Mane 6. I've seen innumerable "dead orphan in the snow" stories done with these characters.
Yes, it's full of pathos and heartstring tugging and it's also really, really, really tired. It's been old and tired since Little Orphan Annie hit her mid twenties. You know how Little Orphan Annie's comic strip run ended? With her stranded in the ocean being circled by SHARKS. And still, noone cared.
I belive this gif properly portrays my emotions at this moment:
theflintgirl.blogg.se/images/2011/simon-cowell-happy-gif_175984935.gif
Fantastic story. Very deep, and very heartwarming. :')
This was very insightful it brought out new layers to the characters. I enjoyed reading every last word, very well crafted.
Great work, you got me to see the Crusaders in a
newlight. Actually, I'm pretty sure this has been done before.Anyway, one thing to mention.
"'Scootaloo… how do you see that…?'"
When I first read that, I had no idea what it meant. It could be better phrased.