Read my thoughts to hear my words.
During the course of one day and one night, a pony must come to terms with what remains of his life.
--
Props to Lauren Faust, the team behind FiM, the National Geographic, and (last but certainly not least) Horse Voice, my ineffable proofreader.
This piece is a one-shot, and will not be continued. Critique welcome.
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This. This is just too much for words to praise
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I'm just going to go sit in a dark corner and rethink my life...
It's so beautiful
3730362
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Damn, dude. Just... Damn. I don't even like poetry or interpretive writing, but this...
Damn.
Uh oh. Interpretive writing. The stepchild of poetry and prose. There are two ways to look at this: as an appreciator of artistic syntax, or as a reader of stories. Sadly,
my reader side is stronger. I'd rather have a character subtly alter under narrative pressure and reveal their ardor through symbolism and action than to have repeated gran mal seizures of epiphany. That's just me.
I am truth. I am not truth.
The journey is long. The journey is not long.
There are perhaps not two ways to look at this.
These are slippery slopes, my friend. Let's Hemingway the piece, shall we: "A pony went home and wrote a letter. In writing, he realized, after long thought, that he was lonely." There we go. That's the basis for something.
3826381
Interesting. Might you elaborate on that comment?
3829088
While the command of the language is deft, there is no meat in which to sink my teeth. I prefer to see characters do, and by doing, feel and know in relatable ways. All the declamatory metaphors, self-effacing as they may be, are just that. Waxing. It's one part action twenty parts thought. Obtuse thought.
Also, epiphanies... especially stated epiphanies, in my opinion, cheapen fiction. As a professional editor, I read stories all day. For every ten stories, there's eleven-point-five epiphanies, each an orgasmic spasm of insight. Each tears the dull veil from the true nature of things, allowing the protagonist’s spiritual eye to see the integral whatness of all states of being. Or a butterfly. Or something. Something leaps from the vestment of appearance. You have a lift. You have a tuck. I could have several epiphanies on the wielding of epiphanies. I'll spare you. I think I may be jaded.
I conclude with one of the most eloquent passages I've encountered in fiction. It is direct, honest, and telling. That, to me, is poetry:
Pardon my stupidity but... My science teacher said the same thing! Yeah. I don't know. My subjects are just sorta rolled into one by the end of the day.
Now let me ask, have you ever seen life in color, have you ever seen it in black and white? Think about it, food for thought comes from seed of hope, an inkling, and just a dash of insanity which comes from the same place creativity comes from... the right side of your brain. Thinking helps. Use it. But too much of anything is exactly what it means, too much. Don't over think it, don't under think it, find your balance. Albert Einstein was a little bit off, and he was considered a genius. He leapt for his dreams, and kept on dreaming.
Yeah. I get like this when I read really deep stuff. Now, I'm going to paint the Mona Lisa on the side of a building using spray-paint. Illegal, yet beautiful, a repressed creativity. Oh God, I'm doing it again. :P
3821389
Agreed.
3829281
Thanks for your comments. I knew my work was pretty weak in regards to action, but having someone straight up tell me so is helpful. I've actually started to rewrite my next project with your observations in mind.
Aside from the obvious, what would you have me do to adapt my style to a more pleasant, 'traditional' sort?
3835772
Haha! Ok!
3835772
Way to stay classy
3836958
Yup. I love it the most when people use my username and an insult.
3839153
The irony
3841891
... Is apperantly lost on me. What?
3850878
3851148
... I'm so confused...
3852294
If you two would like to swap emotes, could you please do so on your respective user pages?
3852350
Waldo. You must listen to you controller!
3852377
Yes sir, Mr. Boss-Man!
This is very beautiful.
This was deep, and beautiful
Wow... That was... Heavy. Lots of abstract thought in here. I found it a little hard to figure what exactly he was doing, but a few read-throughs clarified that some. I really like this style, though I couldn't see it working in a piece any longer than this. That said, I absolutely love this part:
It's so weirdly worded, yet so perfect. The writer in this protagonist shows splendidly here, as it does in you.
I'll be keeping my eye on you.
P.S.
Was it intentional that this story was titled Be With Me and your name 'InMyMind'? I can't help but feel you took that pen name just to write this story.