"Please stop here, this is bat country!"
What happens when you mix devout faith with intense night life, loud music, and alcohol?
Meet Zeke; zebra DJ extraordinaire, and Brasta; stallion of the cloth extraordinaire. It was just a chance encounter; they never would see each other again, right? They never expected to find a chance encounter turns into something much much more...
Contains M/M romance.
Written with The Elusive Badgerpony.
With the editing help of Guy Incognito, IRpony and Kill Joy.
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I really like this so far. The setup seems a bit cliche, but, the way you handled the characters meeting and the back and forth between the larger-than-life Zeke and the humble hero Brasta really sold it. I'm not sure what, if anything, you have planned but I see a lot of conflict coming from Brasta's public life and his private one?
Your writing style is good, it never weighs down with meticulously detailed dumps, nor is it too light in places. It all sort of just flows naturally. Which is good.
All in all, I'd say this is an excellent start to a story I'm looking forward to reading more about.
This has one of the best damn titles I have ever read.
Bueno...
This chapter was absolutely beautiful... and adorable as fuck at the same time
4055417 Glad you like it. There's more to come, so don't worry!
I've never seen a concept like this on this site. I look forward to reading more!
A couple choices took me out of the story - bit heavy on exposition, "beautiful priest" seemed to come out of nowhere - but I'm still liking what I'm seeing. Very original, and your passion comes through.
I liked this chapter. It can be tough to sustain dialogue for that long, but it never felt like it was dragging. I was a little put off whenever you flat-out told the audience that the moment was getting awkward - you were doing a fine job of showing it, and point it out seemed redundant.
I fee like I've had a similar conversation very, very recently...
Little too much telling, I think, but it had some cute moments. Also, this was my favorite:
I feel ya', buddy.
4055836
Glad to hear it!
I really liked this chapter. Zeke's first admission seemed kinda sudden, but I love Brasta's reaction and the way the rest of the scene played out. If you don't plan on continuing this, I think just a couple tweaks to this last chapter could make it a great, complete story, albeit one with a bit of a cliffhanger.
Great work! I really enjoyed this story and it's very original ideas.
Wish this had more chapters. I absolutely love this! I'm so grateful that there are people like you who can still be with God despite all the hate from so-called "Christians". God bless you, Brasta, and your character, who I just now realized might be a self-insert. But the story is so good I don't give a buck!
I'm glad I finally read this. It was short and sweet and feelsgoodman.jpeg. I especially liked the character dynamic between Zeke and Brasta.
I would write more but it's 5:20 AM and I got no sleep and I've been up all night reading this and oh Kek I'm gonna just go pass out now. Good day, lad.
8101529 Thank you!
For when you're awake, could you tell me what else in particular you liked or disliked? It'd be most appreciated, if you don't mind.
8102228 A lot of the things I would say would just be an echo of what Guy_Incognito said. Zeke and Brasta are well-created foils; Zeke's laidbackness compliments Brasta's conservative attitude quite well. In fact, I'd compare the relationship between the two to be similar to how the fandom often portrays the relationship between Octavia and Vinyl Scratch—except Brasta isn't stuffy, Zeke isn't arrogant, and there isn't an air of frustration between the two in the ways that they foil each other. It doesn't feel like they're butting heads but their personalities still contrast, which is somewhat refreshing.
Really, though, there was not a single point in the story in which one of the characters felt...well...out of character. At the same time, the characters' behaviors weren't extreme stereotypes of common archetypes; they feel more like people than let's say...Pinkie Pie.
My only notable complaints are the following: The romance feels a little too fast to be believable and you mention Zeke's drug addiction but never really go anywhere with it.