"I don't know what to do" Rainbow Dash said in disgust.
She got up from her bed in the sky, looking around her room half expecting Pinkie to be smiling at her. She noticed this was not the case and began to cry loudly.
"Pinkie can't you see I love you!" she wailed.
She couldn't control her emotions. All she could think about was Pinkie.
"I need to figure out how to tell her that I love her," she said.
"Maybe if I go see Pinkie then she could..." Rainbow Dash started to cry again.
"She is the reason I'm crying!" she wailed again.
Suddenly an idea popped into her head.
"Maybe if I say that if I were to love someone and I'm not sure how they feel about me, Pinkie could help then!" Rainbow Dash had a mile long smile spread across her face as she realized how awesome her plan was.
Rainbow Dash started to get ready to meet Pinkie.
"All I need to do is brush my mane and I should be fine," she said.
"I need to make myself look better than normal," Rainbow thought. Suddenly she smiled and found a bow in her dresser and put it on.
"Maybe Pinkie will think I'm sexy now," she thought.
"Rainbow Dash your an idiot, how would she think your sexy if you put a bow in your hair?" she said.
"Since Rarity comes back today maybe I can get some tips from her," she thought.
She suddenly winced and wondered what Rarity would think if she found out that Rainbow Dash loved Pinkie.
"That's a chance I have to take," she said.
She traveled to Rarity's Boutique to see if she was back. To her surprise she was.
"Rainbow Dash don't chicken out now," Scolding herself.
Slowly she rose a hoof and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Rarity called.
"Its Rainbow Dash..." she said.
"Ok one second darling," Rarity said.
Rarity opened up her door and Rainbow Dash half heartedly smiled. Rarity knew something was wrong right away.
"What's wrong darling?" Rarity asked.
"Can we please go inside to talk about this?" Rainbow asked.
"Sure Rainbow," Rarity said.
Rainbow went to the couch. Rarity took a seat in a chair opposite from her.
"What's on your mind?" Rarity asked.
"Rarity have you ever loved somepony but wasn't sure if they would love you back?" Rainbow asked.
Rarity blushed at the question.
"Why yes I have," Rarity said.
Rainbow smiled in delight but then frowned again.
"Was this pony a mare?" Rainbow blushed at when she asked it.
Rarity turned beet red.
"Yes, this pony was a mare." she answered slowly.
Rainbow kept herself under control.
"Well I have some... feelings for Pinkie Pie," she said.
Rarity paused for a second to recuperate what she heard.
"Well does Pinkie know this?" she asked.
"No, that's why I came here, to ask for advice," Rainbow said.
"So what do you want to know?" Rarity asked.
"I want to make myself look more... sexy," Rainbow said while she tried not to blush.
Rarity looked at her like she was crazy.
"Why would you want to do that?" Rarity asked confused.
Rainbow Dash showed a frown and looked away from her confused friend. She was deep in a thought for a couple of minutes until Rarity cleared her throat.
"Rainbow I see that you care about her," Rarity said, "so I will help you become more "sexy"."
Rainbow gave Rarity a hug and said thank you a bunch of times.
"Your welcome darling," Rarity said.
Rarity and Rainbow Dash began to search for "sexy" clothes that she may have in her shop. Rarity led her into the back of the shop and pulled out a key. She then led her to a closed door that said "Storage". Inside that door was the largest expansion of normal clothes that were not dresses or suits. Rainbow Dash saw the best looking cheerleader outfit she had ever saw. It consisted of short shorts, a very tight top, and a voluminous bow.
"This is the outfit I want," Rainbow dash said smiling.
Rarity put on a look of confusion.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes!" Rainbow replied.
"Ok try it on and let me see what it looks like on you," Rarity said.
Quickly Rainbow put on the uniform.
When she was done Rarity tried not to blush. She indeed looked very sexy. Rarity could not keep her eyes off of her flank.
"Rarity? Rarity!" Rainbow said laughing.
"Sorry darling I was in a trance," Rarity lied.
Rainbow Dash laughed and shook her rump at her. Rarity blushed and looked away.
"See you were staring at my flank," Rainbow said.
"So what if I was?" Rarity asked blushing.
"Oh its nothing Rarity but this outfit must be sexy if YOU can't get your eyes off my flank," Rainbow Dash smiled.
"Rainbow dear please stop," Rarity said.
"Oh come on, I'm just joking around with you" Rainbow said. Giving Rarity a playful punch to the shoulder.
Rarity smiled, "I think you are ready to confront Pinkie."
Rainbow Dash thanked Rarity and flew away to meet Pinkie. She had to be ready for whatever will come up. Hopefully Pinkie would find Rainbow Dash to be as sexy as she wants herself to be.
May I ask (to the people who disliked) why you did not like it? I could try to fix it if you told me the problem. You must understand I am new to this.
Likely because there is a little too much dialogue (or monologue in some cases) for one. When almost an entire chapter is composed of one sentence verbalizations then it is likely you have too much in most cases.
Also I think this is going too fast and we are not getting into the heads of the characters which I think is related to the first problem. Dialogue tends to move the story along but often if you want to get into a character's thoughts something more introspective would help.
You need to slow down the story and really figure out what the conflicts are and how they will influence the characters. Some of the characters are a little bit off as well. I think Pinkie is a little too sad for just having a party washed out by rain (unless it was a really important party in which case it needs to be shown better why it is so important).
I love PinkieDash so the concept I like but it is still in the basic building blocks and I think you will find people want a little bit more than that. Granted if it is your first story then these are the things you can learn from writing this story.
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I really appreciate your comment. Chapter 3 (I am writing this second) has much more thinking and not as much dialogue. I hope that I can bring you a great PinkieDash story if not then, I'm sorry.
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If it is great wonderful. If not well you dust yourself off learn from it and write some more. Writing like most activities gets better with practice.
I also hope you realize that I am not saying eliminate dialogue just don't rely on it to carry the story full time.
What can be really difficult is getting into that character's head and figuring out what they would do rather than what you always want them to do or what you would do. Once you figure that out then many things will start to come together as well but it is easier said than done.
Good luck.
I am the great and powerful Chett I have spoken
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