Since coming into her own as Equestria's newest ruler, the newly minted Princess Twilight Sparkle has handled her responsibilities with grace and skill. Despite her new duties, Twilight has not by any means forgotten her lessons on friendship, nor about the ponies that taught them to her. These six friends are nothing short of inseparable, and the magic inside them is stronger than ever!
Still, there is evil in Equestria, an ancient one which only pure chance could have allowed to return. It is the source of fears stretching back to the time of Starswirl the Bearded, and even the Elements of Harmony alone may not be enough to defeat it.
It is up to Twilight and her friends to restore peace to Equestria, but this villain will test every ounce of their resolve, pushing them to their limits and beyond. And for Twilight Sparkle, there will be one more difficult lesson to learn about being a leader, and a friend. Without the guidance of her mentor or even her friends, she must decide for herself what sacrifices are acceptable, and if they're even hers to make in the first place.
The source-link for the picture is broken.
5236166 Hm, that's weird. Thanks for letting me know. In the meantime, here's the URL for the picture: http://nancyksu.deviantart.com/art/When-Friends-are-Said-and-Dun-440787302
I want to like this story. You have a really good feel for the characters and the dialogue is generally smart and engaging. Your grammar is fairly good and seems to be improving as the story progresses. Unfortunately you hit a few too many pet peeves of mine. The first is having the elements of harmony fail. The second is the heavy focus on your OC. The third is throwing in a new set of magical macguffins now that the elements of harmony failed. I'll spare you my rants on why each of these upset me. Just wanted to let you know that your writing and characterization are good and something I'd like to see more of, but that I just couldn't enjoy your plot.
6228007 Hey there.
First off, I want to say that I appreciate your frankness. I'm flattered that you thought well of my dialogue and characterization, so thank you for that.
You're right on all fronts, man. It doesn't even merit debate. This was my first time writing any sort of story or prose, and it shows for damn sure. I went straight for all the cliches and OC tropes and I didn't even realize it. But what's done is done. Live and learn, I guess.
Speaking of, the story I'm working on now is something else entirely. OC-driven again, but relationships with canon characters is marginal. For me, the story is an exercise in plot, exposition and character development, as well as a chance for me to experiment with writing style.
It might not be what you're looking for in a fanfic to read, but if you're so inclined- since you clearly have a critical eye for these things- the prologue and second chapter features Celestia, Luna, and Twilight in different settings, one with the protagonist. I truly don't mean for this to be a plea for you to read the story, and I hope you don't take it as such. But if the idea doesn't offend you entirely, I figure the more people like you look at this next story, the better both it and I will become for the next one.
Thank you again for your thoughts and comments. People like you are few and far between. I really appreciate it.
Wait, I'm confused. The prologue said this story was post-Tirek, didn't it? So how do they have the elements? Did a time jump occur?
....OK, sorry; it's clear now that this is happening before the events of the prologue, and that Twilight (in the prologue) is reminiscing about the events of this story...
I guess it's just weird having such short chapters. I can't tell if a chapter break denotes a shift in time or not (like a pagebreak)