Inferno
wanted to move – I tried to step forward... but I just couldn't. My legs were frozen to the ground, and all my effort only made them twitch. Seconds passed, and a deep quiet settled over the courtyard, broken only by the occasional cough or shuffling feet.
“Scootaloo Songwing, please step forward and begin your test,” the Headmaster repeated.
Still, the best I could manage was a meager lean forward. I gritted my teeth, straining against myself, but it was no use.
“He means you, dumb Chicken!” River reached a hoof back and shoved me forward.
With the sudden forward impetus, my legs finally began to work, but they weren't working well enough just yet to keep up. I stumbled along for a few steps before tripping over my own hooves and crashing hard into the sun-baked cobblestones.
A few giggles and bursts of laughter caught my ears, coming from behind me. I looked up at the Headmaster, wiping the grey dust from my face, but he made no move to chastise River for pushing me nor any of the other ponies for laughing. He only raised an eyebrow at me, a slight sneer on his face.
At least the shove had broken me free of my paralysis. Shaking, I rose to my feet and started toward the levitation test table. Once I arrived there, I again tried to regulate my breathing. I failed miserably, of course, conscious as I was of the dozens of eyes drilling into my back.
I stared at the three simple wooden blocks in front of me and, in vain, tried to swallow my fear. This was it – the time when I'd finally find out if I was doomed to fail or not.
The Headmaster cleared his throat loudly, and when I turned, I saw him glance meaningfully at the school's clock tower. It was now or never.
Even just the motion of beginning to flap my wings brought a wave of pain and nausea, but I kept them going. Like Cookie said, I had to stay true to myself, and I'd never be the kind of pony to give up without a fight. I kept my wings going until my familiar purple aura glowed from them again.
With my energy harnessed, I focused on the wooden blocks in front of me. The moment I tried to harness any power, a splitting pain shot through my head and I winced my eyes shut – the symptoms of my overexertion were far from over. As I opened my eyes though, I could see that I had managed to lift one of the blocks. Maybe, just maybe, I could actually pull this off.
I needed to levitate two blocks at the same time to pass, though. It would have been challenging enough for me even with a clear head. Nervous, aching, and exhausted as I was, it would take a miracle. I gritted my teeth and strained my wings to beat even harder.
A faint, sputtering purple glow enveloped the second block, and it wobbled back and forth, but it still didn't rise.
That wasn't good enough. I had to do better before I failed. Straining with every scrap of strength in me, I redoubled my efforts.
I groaned in pain, but the second cube still didn't budge. I screamed in frustration, focusing everything I had on that one block.
It shot up into the air.
My hold on the first block faltered, though, and I nearly dropped it before refocusing enough to keep it up, too. My grip on the two was tenuous at best, and I had to keep switching my focus between them to keep them from falling, but my desperate juggling act paid off – I managed to keep both blocks in the air for a few precious seconds before I finally lost control and let them drop.
The wooden blocks clattered down onto the table, and one of them bounced all the way off, tumbling away on the ground. The Headmaster stared at me with a deep frown as I fumbled to pick up the wayward block – without magic – and put it back in place, but he did wave me on, signaling that I should continue the test. When the lost block flew back to its place enveloped in the Headmaster's magic, I knew it was time to begin my light-making test.
I smoothed my mane back with a practiced brush of my hoof. If I could manage the levitation, I could manage to make a little light for sure. I strutted forward confidently until I reached my position, and I fluttered my wings.
I cried out as the shock of pain hit me. It brought me to my knees. My magical exhaustion wasn't about to be cast aside so easily.
Though it brought tears to my eyes and made my legs tremble, I pressed on with the light spell, feeding it as much energy as I could.
No light came.
I knew the spell was working. I could feel the wrenching ache as my last reserve of magical energy flowed into it, but I still couldn't see any light. It must have been too dim to see in the bright sunlight, and if I couldn't see it, then the judges certainly couldn't.
It just wasn't fair. I put more effort into it than any of the ponies before me had, but it was getting me nowhere. The Headmaster looked up at the clock again, and I knew my time was running out, but I was already putting all I had into it. What else could I do?
I let out a sigh of regret through my clenched teeth. That was it. I failed.
Just as I was about to abandon my efforts, though, a wisp of cloud passed under the sun, and the whole courtyard darkened by a few shades – just enough to make my weak, flickering light visible. After holding that for a second longer, I finally allowed myself to let go.
As I collapsed onto the warm cobblestones, I looked up at the Headmaster. Though he sneered his disappointment at me, he did give me the nod indicating that I had passed the light-making portion of the test.
I let my head fall back down onto the stone, panting in exhaustion. I knew I couldn't lay and rest long though. The judges were waiting.
By force of will alone, I rose up to my feet. I swayed uncontrollably where I stood, but I did manage to stagger up to the judges' table. “I... I don't need anything special for my... talent,” I gasped.
Miss Honeydown stared at me in wide-eyed concern, but when neither of the other two judges did anything, she waved me on to the final portion of the test.
I had no magical energy left, exhaustion gripped my limbs, and crippling pain swirled and sparked inside my head. Now all I had to do was put on a dazzling display of my special talent. Right.
I bit back my pain and gave the judges my best winning smile, which amounted to little more than a grimace.
They continued to stare at me, unchanging. Missus Primrose covered a cough with her hoof.
Not seeing any point in continuing to stall, I held my breath and flapped my wings. Despite my precaution, the pain from gathering up what tiny scraps of magic I could still took my breath away, leaving me gasping.
I wouldn't give up though. I couldn't. I squeezed my eyes shut against the tears welling up and flapped my wings even harder, fighting for every drop of magic power I could scrape from my depleted reserves. Amazingly, I actually found enough to begin. It would be far too little to do a whole routine, but I could start – I could make some progress. Even if I couldn't finish, at least I would be able to say I tried.
Bracing for the pain, I focused my scraps of power into a few tiny upward teleports, just enough to get off the ground.
The pain never came. Somehow, maybe because it was my special talent, the little teleports weren't hurting me at all.
Reveling in my newfound freedom from pain, I shot up into the air, doing a slow, lazy circle over the lined-up students before coming up for a high pass over the judges' heads. The wind blowing through my mane brought the joy of it back to me. In my enthusiasm, though, I forgot about my limited amount of energy. My soaring pass over the judges sputtered, faltered, and became an out-of-control dive.
Terror gripped my heart as I watched the hard cobblestones approaching. There was no way I could survive a fall from that high. I desperately tried to restart my spell, but I only managed a couple of brief pauses in my fall – I couldn't stop.
The ground came at me fast. There was no way I'd be able to stop in time. I screamed and dug deep within myself, deeper than I ever knew I could, desperately grasping for more energy.
Something inside me snapped. It was as if I had broken through a dam holding all my energy back. I had access to more power than I'd ever dreamed of!
Just before I slammed into the stones of the courtyard, I restarted my spell, harnessing all the incredible new energy I'd discovered. I shot back up, missing the pavement by mere inches. Finally liberated from my lack of energy, I made another triumphant pass, circling around the inside of the courtyard.
When I glanced down at the judges, though, the slight frowns on their faces told me they weren't impressed. Cookie's words came back to me, 'Dey ain't gonna be impressed by no flyin' pegasus.' The blank stares of the three judges bore out Cookie's prediction. Even after all I'd done and all I'd been through, they still planned to fail me.
I had to find something to win them over, something they couldn't possibly ignore, but what? Well, if all I had to do was stay true to myself... what had I always done in the past when confronted with an obstacle like this?
As I circled the courtyard once more, it came to me – I always pushed myself even harder, pushing my limits.
So, I'd just push my limits, right? Limits like what, how fast I could go? I broke out into a feral grin. With my newly discovered store of energy, just how fast could I go?
Letting my full power loose, I zoomed up and away from the courtyard before circling back for a low flyby. The wind screamed through my ears, and the flashes from each tiny teleport grew so bright I had to squint my eyes against the glare. I shot down towards the line of students, ready to truly show what I was capable of. My control might have been a little shaky, but it didn't matter. I was doing it! I could hardly believe it myself.
My survival instincts flared and time crawled nearly to a halt, though, when I spotted River Star grinning at me in the line. Her horn was glowing.
Before I could react, River's spell shot out towards me, a crackling, twisted beam of violet light. I knew my control at this speed was too limited to dodge the attack. Cringing, I braced myself for whatever the spell's effect would be, preparing myself for the hit.
It never came. A little pocket of air just between River's spell and me distorted strangely, and the spell reflected off of it, right back at its owner.
Looking down at the line again, I noticed River wasn't the only one with a glowing horn. Whisper's horn shone with her own blue aura. I couldn't believe it. After all this time learning to never count on Whisper, the timid little filly had broken the rules and stood up to River, all to save me!
A moment later, River's reflected spell came back home, and even though she obviously put up her best shield, the spell still broke through and spun her crazily on every axis.
Thanking my lucky stars – and that little blue filly – I finished my pass and arced around for another, still accelerating. With River no doubt still recovering from her own spell, and with boundless energy at my hooves, nothing stood in the way of me pushing my limits as far as I could.
I stretched my arc as far as I could, giving myself plenty of room for my approach. Finally lined up with the distant courtyard again, I drew on my power reserve recklessly, accelerating down and toward the school with abandon.
The scream of the wind in my ears deafened me. I could barely keep my eyes open. My mane whipped wildly against my back, and I struggled to maintain control as I shuddered back and forth in the force of the headwind. The constant, blinding flashes of teleportation grew even more intense as I piled on more and more speed, but I actually began to outrun them. They started forming a wide cone of purple light behind me.
As the courtyard approached breathtakingly quickly, I felt myself building toward something. I didn't know what, but I wasn't about to hold back now!
I shot over the outer wall, and time froze.
I stared in astonishment as my breakneck burst of speed suddenly seemed to slow to a snail's pace. The howling wind still filled my ears, and my whipping mane still stung my back, but it was as if I wasn't moving at all.
With agonizing slowness, I noticed a tiny little spark right at the tip of my leading hoof. I watched, fascinated, as it flickered, the only quick-moving thing in my frozen world. The spark flared across my whole field of view, exploding all around me, but leaving a round hole in its wake that I easily slipped through.
I caught only the slightest hint of what must have been a deafening boom as the world decided to make up for its previous slowness by shooting into hyper speed. I soared away, zipping along faster than I'd ever imagined. By the time I thought to look behind me, I had already zoomed over half of Canterlot.
When I glanced behind, my jaw dropped. A solid line of crackling purple sparks led back from my tail, all the way to a huge – and still spreading – ring of purple fire. As I turned back to look where I was flying, my heart raced even faster than before. What had I done? It was like a sonic rainboom, but it was so... me! And it was so awesome! This went far beyond my wildest dreams.
I curved my sparkling path upward, barely missing Canterlot Castle, and completed a long upward flip to send me back toward the school. My ring of purple fire spread out over half the city before it finally began fading. It must have been visible for miles! Could Rainbow Dash have seen it? Would she realize I was the one who did it? Could anypony–
My time for speculation came to a halt when I spotted the school approaching, terrifyingly fast. I put everything I had into slowing down as I arced down toward it, realizing with a wince that I had no idea how to land after going so fast.
I screamed into the courtyard, teleportation explosions billowing in my wake. Struggling to maintain any control at all, I arced down and leveled off at the ground. I had slowed considerably, but I still rocketed along, still trailing a purple halo.
My hooves scraped the cobblestones, and I skidded toward the line of students. I dug in my heels and clenched my eyes shut as I scraped my way across the courtyard. This couldn't end well.
Finally, and surprisingly without a wreck, I slid to a spinning, shuddering halt.
After a moment of still silence, I dared to crack open an eye and peek to see what happened. I faced back the way I'd come from, and a huge triangular scorch mark scored across the entire courtyard, with me at the very tip of it. Occasional purple sparks still shot back and forth along my mane and tail. I looked up in awe at my still-dissipating ring of fire and trail of sparks before noticing with chagrin that every single window on the school's buildings had shattered.
I spun around and unexpectedly found myself face to face with Ruby Shine. I must have skidded right up to him when I stopped. He stared back at me, his mouth and eyes both gaping open as he sat back on his haunches. I wondered for a moment if he had fallen like that in shock or been blown down by my wake.
Before I could turn around and leave, he shook his head, recovering from his shock. “That was brilliant!” he gushed, “I've never seen anything like it! I always knew you had it in you.”
That stopped me in my tracks. “You always knew, really?” I puffed a breath upwards to clear my windblown mane from my eyes. “You really think I'm gonna buy a lie like that from you after the way you treated me?”
“I had to do that!” Ruby stood up and pleaded with me. “If I hadn't, River would have–”
I just turned and walked away. I was done with him, and I had no interest in hearing his lies and excuses.
As I approached the judges' table, I saw they weren't in much better shape than Ruby had been. All three of them still sat behind their desk, staring at me with mouths agape. The papers they had been shuffling the whole time laid strewn on the cobblestones all around their desk.
“I take it I passed?” I asked with my head held high, already knowing the answer. They could never deny a performance like that.
The Headmaster just nodded, his face still frozen, except for one twitching eye.
I strutted back to my place in line, head held high. A long while passed before the Headmaster gathered his wits back together enough to call up the next student.
With a flourish of golden sparks, the pale green and yellow filly in the center of the courtyard finished her test. Her firework display had been fun to watch, but it was still nothing compared to what I had pulled off. I glanced back at my huge black scorch mark across the courtyard again, wondering if it would ever wash off.
“Thank you, Zephyr Spark,” the Headmaster announced, “You have passed your magic skills test.” He stood up for the first time since beginning the tests. “That concludes the skills testing for this class. Congratulations to everypony who passed.” Slightly softer, he continued, “Bass Clef, Morning Dew, Opal Fire, and Starlove, please come see me in my office after today's events have concluded.” He returned to his original volume and pointed a hoof at the teacher to his right. “Missus Primrose will now announce the scores from the theory test you took yesterday.”
“Thank you, Headmaster Herald Dust,” she enunciated carefully. “I will now give you your test scores, beginning with our highest scoring students.” She took a moment to adjust her glasses and refer to a sheet of paper in front of her. “With a score of ninety-nine percent, Miss Night Whisper is our highest-scoring student of this class.” She gave a slight nod in Whisper's direction before adding perfunctorily, “Please give her a round of applause.”
Though the meager applause was scattered and sporadic, I joined in wholeheartedly, stomping my hooves against the cobblestones as hard as I could, despite how sore they felt from my skid earlier. The way I saw it, Whisper's accomplishment was every bit as important as my own.
“With a score of ninety-seven percent, Bass Clef... With a score of ninety-five percent, Comet Chaser and Velvet Touch... With a score of ninety-four percent...”
I quickly lost interest in her droning voice and instead daydreamed of the reception I'd get back home. Had they figured out I was the one who made the huge boom over Canterlot yet? How would Rainbow Dash react to finding out that her 'Sonic Rainboom' had been matched? For that matter, I probably should find a name for mine... a 'Sonic Scootaboom', perhaps? My grin grew even wider.
My grin faded, though, as Missus Primrose worked her way from the low eighties to the upper seventies. The passing score was seventy percent... If I didn't pass the written test, all my magic would have been for nothing.
“With a score of seventy-three percent, Diamond Gleam, Midnight Tear, Shuttershock, Silver Scroll, and Valley Mist... With a score of seventy-two percent, Coppermane and Starlove...”
The familiar claws of nervous dread gripped me; she still hadn't mentioned my name.
“With a score of seventy-one percent, Clear Sky, Feather Shine, Iridescence, Maple Leaf, Scootaloo Songwing, and Wave Crash... With a score of seventy percent...”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I made it, if just barely. I had officially made it through magic kindergarten.
“ ...sixty-two percent, Opal Fire and Tarot; please come see me in my office... With a score of thirty-nine percent, River Star; please come see me in my office.”
That got my attention again. River failed the theory test? With the lowest score in the class? I couldn't help but giggle. Maybe she should have done her own studying instead of making Whisper and me do it!
“That is all. Thank you, Headmaster Herald Dust,” Missus Primrose concluded with a nod.
“Thank you, Missus Primrose.” The Headmaster left his place behind his desk, circling around it to address the students directly. “Unless your presence has been requested elsewhere, you all may now return to your rooms and pack for departure." He shook his head. "River Star, please come see me in my office. We need to discuss your interference in the testing."
Beside me, River gasped.
"I will open the gate at eight thirty and personally dispense your diplomas as you exit. Congratulations on successfully completing magic kindergarten!”
As I waited in my room for the release time, River burst in and caught my hoof. I braced myself, but when I turned to look at her, she actually looked a little remorseful, though a hard glint still remained in her eyes.
“I – I shouldn't have treated you like I did,” she mumbled. “I just wanted to impress–”
“Yeah I heard your song about meeting your dad's expectations.” I rolled my eyes. “That still doesn't excuse–”
“No!” River's sudden vehemence startled me. “I mean, no. I wasn't really trying to... I was trying to impress my sister.”
“Oh, and who's that?”
“Trixie Lulamoon.”
That got my attention. Nopony could have lived in Ponyville for long and not known about Trixie.
River looked down and pawed at the ground. “All my life, I've lived under my sister's shadow, and nothing I did could ever compete with her, and now that you've humiliated me like–”
“River, just stop.” She looked up at me and jumped back as I interrupted. For a moment, I almost felt pity. “What you did was cruel and wrong, and I don't forgive you. I'm leaving.” With that, I stormed out of the room.
I slammed the door behind me.
“Oh, thorry, excuthe me, I didn't thee you there.” Whisper stood right in front of me. She must have been on her way in.
“Not your fault – don't worry about it.” I glanced back at the door. “I just couldn't stand to be around River anymore, and since I didn't have anything to pack...”
“It mutht be nithe,” Whisper mumbled, looking away down the dim hallway, “leaving River behind forever. I with I could.”
I laughed and patted her on the back. “You will! River failed her test. She's not going to the next school, but you are. Now you'll always be a little ahead of her, and you'll never be in the same classes again.”
Whisper's eyes grew wider and her mouth gaped as it dawned on her. She broke out into a huge grin. “I'll be able to get away from her thomtimes!” She surprised me with a huge hug around my neck. “This ith the betht thing that ever happened to me!”
“Easy there, Whisper.” I patted her on the back, glancing around awkwardly. “She's still your stepsister.”
“But don't you see? Now I don't alwayth have to be around her!”
“I know, I know.” I pushed her away a little, peeling the enthusiastic unicorn off of me. “But you need to get going and pack your stuff. Write to me, okay? We'll keep in touch.”
“Of courthe!” Still dancing with joy, she rushed in through the room's door.
As soon as the door closed again. I could hear River's strained voice yelling. I couldn't make out the words, but I knew it had to be River taking her frustrations out on her stepsister. It made me glad I hadn't forgiven that spiteful little unicorn. She was still a little monster.
With nothing left to do for a while, I let myself wander. The dim hallways that had intimidated me so much in the past now just seemed dreary and tiring. I let my hooves take me where they would, idly listening to the muffled conversations and laughter behind the closed doors.
For everypony else, this was a great day, a day to celebrate. It should have been for me, too. Everything I had been striving for, everything that I had wanted had come to pass. Instead of being ecstatically happy, though, I only felt tired, emotionally. Did that mean there was something wrong with me?
I reached a dead end in the hallway, forcing me to pay attention to where I was again. I vaguely remembered going down the stairs, but little else. I found myself just outside the doors to the school cafeteria. Of course. I should have known I'd end up here. For so long in this school, it had been the only place where I felt supported and safe.
I still had time to burn... Why not?
Pushing open the wide set of double doors, I stepped inside. The lights were off in the huge, silent room, and the sound of the door closing behind me echoed dully among the empty tables and neatly stacked chairs.
I felt silly and foolish. Of course he wasn't here. Why would he be? There were no meals to prepare. With a shake of my head, I turned back toward the door.
“Don' stop now, little filly. Come an' talk a while.”
I whipped myself back around again. I still couldn't see him until he stood up and started walking toward me. He must have been sitting at that table in the back of the room the whole time.
“Cookie!” I rushed over to him at a flat-out run. “You'll never believe what happened! I was out there taking my test, and it was going pretty–”
“I jus' mught believe it, lil' filly. I's watchin' the whole thing through my winda'... up until the winda' broke, dat is.”
I skidded to a stop next to him “So you saw the whole thing?”
“I did.” He draped a hoof across my back. “An' I'm pow'ful proud a' ya.”
I could feel the heat building in my cheeks. That was the nicest thing anypony had said about me the entire time I'd been at the school. I glanced away, not sure how to reply.
“It sho' 'nuff didn't happen by chance though.”
I looked back up at him, shrugging his hoof off of my shoulder.
“Huh?”
“Sometimes it might not look like it, but I've lived long 'nuff to know dat everything happens fo' a reason. Your talent, you bein' picked on, your success. It all done happened fo' a reason.”
I just kept staring at him, slowly raising an eyebrow. Cookie's advice was normally pretty good, but he'd lost me on this one.
“Whaddya think dat reason is?”
“I dunno.” I shrugged. “To make up for getting a cutie mark so late?”
Cookie laughed, making his belly shake. “Nah, lil' filly. It's fo' a much mo' important reason dan dat.
“Everywhere ya go, you gonna find pegasus ponies thinkin' dey's better dan da earth ponies, an' you gonna find unicorns thinkin' dey's better dan da both of 'em, just 'cause o' what's growin' outta dey's heads.” He poked his hoof into my chest. “You, though, you gotta be da one ta go out an' show 'em all da truth. You gotta do your magic an' show dem dere ain't no difference. Dat we all jus' ponies.”
“What?” I backed away. “There's no way I can do all that!”
“An' dere's no way a pegasus can do magic, an' dere's no way you can pass dis magic test when da Headmaster hate you.” He smiled at me, a smile that melted my heart. “You done did lots o' things dere's no way you could do. If you stay true to youself, I bet you can do a few mo' impossible things.”
He stared at me a moment longer, and his smile – though still there – faded just a little, allowing a touch of sadness into his eyes. “It's almos' time fo' you to go. You better go an' pack up ya stuff.” He made an obvious effort to bring his smile back full-force, but after he did, it was blatantly false.
I knew something was up. “What's wrong?”
“It always hard to see da lil' fillies an' colts go. Don' worry 'bout me.” To his credit, he didn't try to pretend everything was fine.
“But more are gonna come, right?”
Cookie began to laugh, but it ended up as more of a sigh. “Sometime, dere's one or two dat's special, an' all da new ones dat ever come through, no matter how many come, never make up fo' losin' dem.”
“You'll see me again,” I promised, “I'll come back and visit.”
“Heh. A lot of 'em say dat, an' none of 'em eva do.”
I stomped my hoof down. “I will. That's a promise.”
“Don' make promises you ain't gonna keep,” he mumbled.
“I am gonna keep it. It's just one more thing that can't happen, but I'm gonna do anyway!”
That brought his true smile back. “Jus' maybe you will... jus' maybe. You might prove me wrong yet, lil'–”
The sound of the school's bell cut through the still air of the lunchroom, signaling the release of all the students.
“Ah, so it be time fo' you to go now.”
“Well, yeah...” I gave him a big hug, which seemed to surprise him. “And remember, I made a promise!”
“Be sure you keep it, lil' filly,” he whispered, releasing me from the hug, “Be sure you do.”
“Of course!” I started trotting out of the room – I had a train to catch after all – but I stopped, just before going through the door, to look back at Sugar Cookie and give him one more smile before I left.
I clutched my new diploma and stepped out through the school's ornate front gates, glad to have seen the last of it. The crowd of students clogged the roadway, each of them struggling to get through on their way home or trying to force their way to the many parents who had come to pick them up.
I braced myself for my own push through the crowd, secure in my knowledge that I could do it on my own – without anypony's help.
My eyes were drawn to a flash of rainbow mane in the crowd... It couldn't be... but there she was, Rainbow Dash, hovering just above the crowd and looking at me with a big grin on her face. Just below her, I could spot Cheerilee and the tops of two manes that looked suspiciously like Sweetie Belle's and Apple Bloom's. They all came to see me?
I rushed over towards them, shoving my way through the dense crowd and struggling to get through. Seeing them again suddenly seemed like the most important thing in the world.
Before I could make it, though, ponies all around me started bowing. What was up with that? I looked all around and finally found the source of the commotion. Princess Celestia strode through the prostrate crowd, with Twilight Sparkle at her side... heading directly towards me!
I would have bowed myself. I should have. But I just couldn't move. I couldn't comprehend what was happening.
Even as the two princesses stepped right up in front of me, I just stood there, gaping at them like an idiot.
When Princess Celestia finally stopped in front of me, she didn't address the crowd and she didn't speak to me. She called out in a loud and clear voice, “Sugar Cookie, could you come forward please?”
My jaw dropped. What? Why would Princess Celestia of all ponies be calling for a kitchen helper?
Almost instantly – as if he had been waiting for this to happen – Cookie came trotting out through the school's gate. “Princess,” he said, calmly dipping down for a perfunctory bow.
Finally, I found my voice, at least enough to utter a “Huh? What's going on?”
Cookie beamed his biggest grin at me. “I's sorry, lil' filly. Dis mus' be confusin' for ya. A few day back, I done got a visitor when I went home after workin' the kitchens.”
“I recruited him to be my spy within the school,” Celestia cut in with a soft but overwhelming voice. “When Twilight Sparkle received your letter, she didn't only send messages to you and the Headmaster.” She smiled at the other alicorn beside her. “She sent a letter to me as well, and I took steps to verify and resolve these problems... starting with Sugar Cookie here.” She nodded to the rotund cook, and he made his way to her side. “As soon as he delivers his report, I will know enough about the problems in my school to be able to step in and rectify them.”
“Don' you worry, lil' filly. When C'lestia finds out, justice is gonna be served. I promise ya dat! I's gonna make sho she know everythin'.”
My eyes stayed wide, but a grin grew on my face, and a gasp that was almost laughter escaped from my mouth. All the ponies who had made my life miserable for the past week were going to be held accountable for it? I could hardly believe it.
“I just wish I could have intervened sooner, Scootaloo.” Celestia glanced away. “I know from Twilight's letter, you must have had a traumatic time here. I instructed Sugar Cookie to help as much as he could, and hopefully that at least granted you some measure of comfort... But I couldn't intervene directly until I had learned the full extent of the school's problems.” She glanced at the school with a narrowed eye. “Such problems have a habit of disappearing just as I come in and returning as soon as I leave.”
“Th– thank you, Princess!” I still couldn't believe that Princess Celestia herself was taking action on my behalf. “I... I just don't know what to–”
“Thank you Scootaloo.” The Princess gave me one of her slight little smiles. “Without you and your very unique special talent, the problems festering in this school might never have come to light. Now that I know, I can take action and once again make this the school it was meant to be.” She glanced over at Cookie. “Now, if you'll excuse us, I'm eager to hear Sugar Cookie's report. I have a feeling I'll be making some significant staff changes here. If you ever need my help, Scootaloo, I'm always just a letter away.”
As the two walked off together, Cookie turned and called over his shoulder, “An' I still 'spect ya to keep your promise, lil' filly!”
“I will!” I shouted back. Quietly, I added to myself, “I will.”
As Princess Celestia disappeared into the school and the crowd of ponies around me returned to their ordinary lives, I was swept up in an enormous group hug. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle hit me first, with Rainbow Dash and Cheerilee following soon after. Even Twilight Sparkle joined in.
Sitting there with all my closest friends squeezed up against me and with my true special talent finally discovered, I realized I'd never been as well-off as I was now... I had a future – a future of fighting for the equality of all ponies... And with my friends at my side, I finally felt ready for it.
The End
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You did a damn fine job of making up for all the nonsense she went through. Nice story, and I hope to see more from you like this
A sequel wouldn't be too shabby either?
THIS.
THIS STORY.
THIS STORY WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.
also
Only one fail needed
It's hard to make up for nine chapters of Scootabuse, but I think you succeeded. I hope you don't stop this series here, because despite my griping, I honestly loved it. The premise was unique, the characters were well-written, and it opens up a world that can be greatly expanded upon.
Please tell me there's a sequel! I love this!
WEEEEEE
Yeah, sorry River, but an apology NOW, after all you put Scootaloo through, isn't going to fly. You've done your sowing, now you must do the reaping.
Well, it was a LOOOOOONG downhill slide of Scootabuse, but this chapter made it worth it. Congrats.
All end end well, good story.
I'm waiting for a sequel...
Wow...just wow. This story was amazing. One thing though, yo should totally do a sequel that shows how Scootaloo does in the future, cause I really dont think the headmaster and other ponies at the school are the only ones who might not be able to see Scootalo as she is
I demand one more chapter that involves Celestia and the Head Master having a nice long chat.....
Yay! I really liked the ending. Sequel?
25.media.tumblr.com/c26b20d3523d58572c00a59fabfc6650/tumblr_mtzmeqC16Z1qcga5ro1_500.gif
This is a well deserved end for the story. Somepony is gonna pay and Scootalo is happy with her friends and family!
Absolutely beautiful.
Well done my good man
Woo hoo great ending! Scratch that EPIC ENDING! I really love how you finished it and the twist with River being Trixie's sister. that was a really good twist!
Well over all great job with this story, I really enjoyed it ^_^
I liked I faved
Congratulations, I said i wanted to wait and see if you could maintain the high standard through out before i added this to the group... And you knocked it out of the park, an absolutely fantastic story with a very satisfying end
I need to put in that River's apology is a little too unexpected for her character.
And Cookie being a spy? Totally saw it. Sort of. Okay not really but I suspected he'd be the one to report to Celestia.
Oh! And remember my warning? Yeah, this is the part where I request a sequel continuing this storyline. Scootaloo can have so many more adventures as she progresses through being the only pegasus with magic in 400 years...just sayin' y'know...
But however, I'm glad I read this, I have no regrets...still, can you do something mean to River and Ruby please? And a bonus if you mess with the headmaster!
Ok pleasepleasepleaseplease
continue with this. Now that she's passed that hell hole I would like to see her adventures continue as Twilights student. Also, I would greatly like to see what Celestia is going to do to the staff
This is my FAVOURITE story of the year, and I've read about 4,000,000 words worth of story's in the past year, I love the ending and yet it leaves it open to so many different ways if you were to carry it on (I hope you do) :)
Can't wait for your next story :)
3636742
Nien, scootlaoo must have all of ze fails
When I clicked on this chapter, I was like 'Oh no oh no I'm so scared...'
WHISPER! SHE ACTUALLY HELPED! YES! YES! Because we all know none of them would have cared about River attacking a student while they performed.
Hahaha! Thirty nine percent! Oh River, sucks to be you.
Huh, River's sister is Trixie. That actually explains a lot. Though to paraphrase Scootaloo, understanding something does not mean forgiving it. Still, I feel Scootaloo should've poured a little more salt on the wound than that. I know I would've...
Hmm, I wonder why?
After reading, I'm happy and sad. For your first serious use of 1st Person, you did remarkably well. Better than most people. It might've been the slowest paced story you ever posted, but that sure doesn't mean its pace is slow. And do keep in mind there's author-reader discrepancy; authors always see their work as worse than it really is.
I really do hope you put a sequal of some sort. Of Scootaloo as she continues to perfect her magic, or of her as an adult, seeing what impact she'll have in the world. I understand if you won't, but hey, a guy can dream. I know for a fact that if you did, a lot of people would be very happy; this story certainly doesn't want for quality and originality.
Take care.
EDIT: Looking closely, I see this is not complete. Epilogue?
With one chapter of setup and eight chapters of scootabuse, the final chapter was too rushed.
What it also needed was a bit more of Scootaloo with her friends from Ponyville; you had them there, but they didn't even say a word. Did any of them see the Scootaboom, for example? And I'm sure they'd love to see her fly.
All in all, your command of the English language is great, but your ability to tell a story needs some work before you're a chance to become a published author (which you've indicated previously is a goal of yours).
This was one of the most interesting stories I've ever read. The idea you've had is rather unique. I hope you use your new 'Scootaverse' in later stories.
I liked this a lot, but I didn't actually like the idea of Trixie's sudden inclusion.
3636799 Agreed. There needs to be an epilogue where the Princesses/Scootaloo chew everyone out, HARD.
Could you make a sequal where Ruby gets full redemption and doesnt mess it up plz
A trifle heavy handed, but Scootaloo's final breakthrough was a moment to cheer!
Rainbow Dash might just have a new rival... (laughing)
I came, I read, and I liked. I liked a lot.
ok, if the story is over, then its status should be changed to 'Complete', if theres going to be more, then leave it as it is.
The end is merely the possible birth of a sequel
3636799 This. Thisthisthisthisthisthisthisthisthis.
It's not tagged as "Complete" yet...this does demand at the very least an epilogue, though. Preferably focusing on
and a certain headmaster...
Amazing, just amazing,Ii wonder where did she get all that power from? and if there's going to be a sequel or something?, putting that aside, what a beautiful way to finish the story, I truly loved it . Keep like this , you're an amazing writer.
3636821 I thought that he had already alluded to the sister thing.
SEQUEL. Proper adventure story Twistudentaloo story!
Would love to see an epilogue with the headmaster and the staff getting told off by Celestia, followed by their obvious loss of occupations at the school.... or perhaps getting demoted to kitchen helpers for Cookie, or even janitors.
Aside form that, this was a good story, aside from the ending feeling a little rushed. I hope to see a sequel in the works at some point, now I've got to get back to studying for finals. Au revoir.
Alright! Now that it's over I can review it.
Firstly, I didn't like it for one reason and one reason only: It's too short.
Other than that, the story was well thought out and well executed. It got a bit rocky at times with the clichés (school bully is headmaster's child, crush sides with bully, bully fails final because they didn't know the material) but you managed to pull it off in the end.
I must ask what prompted you to come up with this idea; this is one of the best fanfics I've ever read, right behind Past Sins. I do hope you decide to do a sequel, but until then your other stories will do.
Final Rating: 6/5 stars (I liked Scootaloo defending Derpy)
3636864No! Not more Scootabuse!
Eh, I'm not buying it. It's just too much of a turnaround, too suddenly. Scootaloo doesn't actually do anything here; her problems are solved by 1) a random bit of cloud; 2) A mysterious surge of energy that comes out of nowhere; 3) Whisper suddenly deciding that she does have a backbone after all, despite all evidence to the contrary in previous chapters.
With how the headmaster had been built up as such a super-racist and doting dad, I would expect him to be even more angry that Scootaloo had proven him wrong, and at least attempt to disqualify her for 'attacking' River, rather than just giving in like that.
The bit about Trixie feels like a hasty, last-minute attempt to add some depth to a character that doesn't really need any.
Bleagh.
I loved this story.
Please, please write a sequel. A Sequel with far greater adventure.
Also, what I said in previous chapter? Well... It's just that Magical Sonic Rainboom in my opinion was so overused that I didn't even think of it. That and I still had a Mindset of Scootaloo having to run from Equestria due to something related to her talent.
Damn, I still wish for someone to make a fic like that. Maybe with Dark Maaagic :P
Me: Oh, great, we're gonna forgive her aren't w....
Oh. Okay
Congrats on an awesome story!
Yissss delicious 90s school movie comeuppance I knew you would arrive...
...
...*AHEM*
All told, i think this is a solid little fiction. I might even pick it up again, someday, when I'm in the mood for it.
As someone who doesn't write at all but reads a LOT, If I had any advice (besides my prior comments i guess) to give it would be to keep in mind that readers have NO IDEA what lies ahead. We cannot see the story outline. We can guess at things and puzzle out foreshadowing and pick up on tropes, but in the end all we can really know and judge a fic on is where it's at now and where it has been. We can't know that it will all turn out okay, but we can definitely assume it won't. Even you telling us "hey guys, it has a happy ending" has to compete with the reality we're dealing with in chapters 6 and 7 or so, which tells us that things are progressing TOWARDS awful, not away.
...I know authors and fics that would have ended this little adventure with River's interference killing Scootaloo and having the closing shot be Twilight committing suicide for letting all this happen.
For awhile, all that "dohoho I faked you out with the romance tag" thing made me honestly believe you were one of those writers, here to shock us and laugh in the final author's notes. I really recommend not playing those kinds of games, seriously. On my part, trust in the author is the kind of thing that gets me through 8 solid chapters of scootabuse without fear. I took a chance on you and stuck it out till the end, but I bet a lot of people didn't. Maybe that matters.
So yeah. My opinion: Good enough, but try to keep the reader's viewpoint and feelings in mind. If you're going to switch up tags and whatnot, note this in the description because some people, me included, take that stuff seriously.
Oh, and keep writing stuff! I enjoyed the HELL out of First Impression, and this too when i wasn't feeling like an idiot for investing in it emotionally.
You had so many complaints in the last chapter about a cliffhanger, so you uploaded one right after?
...And then we tie everything up in a neat little bow.
I usually don't like to give negative comments--I prefer to just ignore commenting altogether--but this...well...
I feel a bit slighted. You used a Romance tag and the stuff with Ruby was never fully figured out. Did he like her in the end because of what she did, or did he always like her and just play along with River so he wouldn't be bullied? (It's very difficult to fake a blush.) Besides, he liked her well enough before they got to the school. Eh...
I preferred Sugar Cookie as an honest pony that just wanted what was best for Scoots, rather than as a spy...surely he can give a good testimony about what's happened without being given that job.
I feel like there were so many plot holes in this that I can't really justify it as being good. Because in the end, everything's suddenly good. And in the end, it's more about "This school is corrupt" than "Scootaloo has a fucking awesome and rare talent as far as pegasi go" and it feels wrong after all the shit that Scoots went through.
I think you still have a long way to go writing-wise. In the future, go through and try to justify everything that you write. If it seems even a little flimsy to you, then find a way to fix it. Ask people if THEY think it's flimsy. If it's purposely flimsy, then that needs to be expressed BY A CHARACTER later on in the story. (Example: Boy turns down girl for date with no explanation. Later, boy tells girl why, and it's a legitimate reason.) It's difficult to do this with a plot device because that's what it is: a plot device. People will recognise that and that will make them less likely to buy into it. If it's a character, it's easier to go with because people make mistakes and bad decisions and say things they don't mean because they don't know how to say it or something.
Your voice is nice, and it has a lot of potential. Try a few more character-driven or voice-driven pieces before trying another plot-driven piece. Character and voice have to be developed before a person can even begin to think about plot, unless the story is supposed to be a myth or something similar.
Best of luck in your writing future.
This was an amazing story, and I do hope you continue this story line with a sequel.
This was most definitely an incredible story.
A rollercoaster of emotions, (even if most of those emotions were anger and frustration at characters).
An excellent read, and I thank you for writing it.
So now that everything's out, I won't feel weird by talking about the story in its entirety.
Entertainment wise, it was pretty good. I've read much better, but I have read much worse. There were not any instances where I had a prolonged dislike for the story. You have your weak chapters, you have your average chapters, and you have some good ones.
Though what I really liked was the social commentary aspect. I'm not sure if you were doing that intentionally, but it was really good. Unlike some of my experiences with social commentary novels, I do not want to violently beat you to death with your own social commentary novel (I'm looking at you, Upton Sinclair). I have had my experiences on the receiving end of bullying, and I can say that there really are people like River, Ruby, and Whisper out there. And the racism. You've portrayed that one very nicely, from Miss Honeydown's passive-aggressive form to the more blatant and straightforward form of the Headmaster. Any time you get minorities (such as women or African Americans) integrated, there are horrid examples of discrimination. Take Ruby Bridges, for example; grown adults were standing outside to yell at a little girl trying to go to elementary school. The bittersweet part is that it feels oddly canon; as numerous people before me have shown, ponies can be racist/classist/elitist/whatever-ist at times.
So long story short, it was good. Glad I was able to help you churn out the final product.
The end of the story comes to pass
Reforms are coming greatly enmass
So I see a happy conclude
And River gets hers for being bitchy and rude
Now I go off to write a true poem
Reread the story and let my mind roam
Off I go with satisfaction great
Keep writing, you're doing good mate
Until next time I go for now
So here is where I say, see ya and chow!
-Eclipse
I totally expected Scoots to sock Ruby in the jaw there though. He would have had it coming to.
Terrific story. One of the best stories on this site.