rushed out through the schoolhouse's elaborate wooden door, eager to get into the courtyard in time to get a little playtime in. Maybe I could even find a new friend like Cookie said. I blinked in the bright sunlight of the courtyard, made worse by the white walls all around reflecting it. Good – all the other fillies and colts were still outside, still running around and having a great time.
Just as I made it out into the mob of little unicorns, though, the school's bell rang out, signaling the end of recess. All the other little ponies stopped playing and began filing away, back to put away their toys and get back to their classroom, their faces drawn down by the end of their fun.
I was as downtrodden as any of them. I had rushed through my lunch in order to get here in time, and for what? I shook my head and stared into the crowd as it reluctantly dissipated.
One red and white face caught my attention though, different from all the others. While the others mourned their lost playtime, Ruby Shine's face held a little smile that reflected itself in true, happy eyes. With a start, I realized he was smiling at me.
“Come along, ponies, theory class begins in precisely three minutes. Do not allow me to catch you coming in late.”
When I turned back to look at Ruby again, he was already heading for the schoolhouse door, no longer looking at me. What had that been all about?
“And that, my little ponies, is why horns are so essential to the control of magic.” Missus Primrose paced stiffly back and forth in front of the class. “The sharp point serves as a wedge to force open a tiny gap in the fabric of the ether, and the body of the horn serves as a sounding board to...”
There! I caught him again! It was strange enough that Ruby sat right next to me, but now I even kept catching him looking at me in the strangest way, always with a weird little grin on his face. He took pains to hide it – he would always instantly look away and feign disinterest anytime I looked towards him, but in the corner of my eye, I could still catch him.
Whatever this was, I wanted no part of it. It was probably just that he was planning another scheme to embarrass me or hurt me or get me in trouble. I decided to keep as far away as I could from that treacherous little snake from now on. He was up to something, and it couldn't be anything good. Were River and Pearl in on it, too, I wondered, or was he going on his own initiative this time? Either way, I wouldn't be–
“Scootaloo! Would you care to give us your answer?”
Missus Primrose's question jarred me back into reality. I glanced side to side, mortified, before blushing and asking, “Um, could you repeat the question, please?”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Really,” she whispered, “why do I even bother calling on the pegasus?” With an exaggerated sigh, she stared down at me. “I asked, 'What effect does the rate of twist on a unicorn's horn have on his or her magical abilities?' Now, would you please grace us with your attempt at an answer?”
A chorus of quiet giggles answered the teacher, and my cheeks burned even hotter. “Um, it makes them easier to use?” I looked up into her hard eyes hopefully.
She sighed and just closed her eyes. “This is why I shouldn't even bother. I save the easiest question for the pegasus, and still I get nothing but disappointment.” She stepped away from me, the tight little bun her mane had been tied into bobbing as she walked back to the front of the room. “No. The rate of twist on a unicorn's horn determines his or her agility fulcrum. A lower rate of twist is better for casting spells quickly, while a higher rate enables more powerful spells. These are, of course, subject to a unicorn's natural ability level and his or her...”
I hung my head low. I would have been able to answer that if I had been paying attention. Could that have been Ruby's plan? It didn't seem likely, but I wasn't about to rule out anything where that colt was concerned.
“Well, that's all I have for you today, my students.” A pronouncement like that from the teacher was always enough to recapture my attention. “Be sure to double check today's homework. You'll find all the answers are in your assigned reading. Have a good night, everypony.”
I stretched as I rose up, looking forward to finally having time to unwind. Something about today had just been exhausting. As I made my way to follow my teacher out the door, though, I felt a hoof on my shoulder.
“Ah, Scootaloo, can we talk for a bit?”
I looked over in surprise and found Ruby Shine. Too shocked to respond, I just stared at him for a moment.
He seemed to suddenly realize his hoof was still on my shoulder, and he jerked it away as if he had been burned. “I, um, Scootaloo, I... you see...” He winced at his own words.
The last of the other students were already filing out through the door. I glared at him for delaying what little relaxation time I would have left. “Well, what is it already?”
“I...” He looked down and pawed at the floor. “I wanted to apologise for the way I treated you.”
“Huh?” There was no way that could be true.
“I really do.” He looked away to the left, to the right, anywhere but at me. “I am sorry for my behaviour. When I saw them all ganging up on you, it brought back to me how I was treated back in Trottingham. I've never been very strong, and I'm not clever either. I got picked on back home.” He finally managed to look at me, his eyes pleading, before looking away again, ashamed. “I thought that maybe if this time I was one of the bullies, then I wouldn't get picked on.”
My jaw dropped as it hit me. Of course! Just like when Babs first came to Ponyville... and now Babs was one of my best friends, despite not seeing her often.
“And, well, I...” He seemed especially at a loss for words now, and was he blushing? “When they sort of implied that we were together, like, you know, together, I sort of overreacted a little.” He seemed to shrink down even more. “Because, well, it was too close to the... well, I probably shouldn't say.” There was no doubt about it now. His cheeks were nearly as red as his hair.
My heart melted just a little, looking at this poor colt cowering in front of me. How could I stay mad? He had just overreacted to deny he was with me because... he wanted to be! The sudden reversal took my breath away. Could he be interested in me?
“But it didn't work, of course.” He sighed. “They still pick on me when you're not around... and, well...” he took a moment just to breathe, and then looked me in the eye. “Well, I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to... to...”
“What is it?” All the other ponies were long gone. What was this really about?
“I want to be...” He winced, then blurted out, “Will-you-go-to-the-fun-fair-with-me?” He stood staring at the floor, quivering and waiting for my answer.
“You mean, like together, like a date?” I stared down at him in disbelief.
He managed a quiet nod, if only just barely.
Well, my world was now officially upside-down. The pony who had been one of my tormentors was now sitting there asking me out on a date! Nopony had ever asked me out before; nopony had ever even shown any interest in me... This was something special. Cookie's advice to me back in the kitchen came up in my memories, too. Here was a golden opportunity to make a new friend. I remembered how well we had gotten along on the train ride... could it be like that between us again?
He still stood, staring at the floor with his heart laid out. It would be cruel to keep him waiting.
“I'd like that,” I said with a smile. Slowly, I realized I would like that. He was a nice colt when I met him, and I could forgive him if I forgave Babs Seed.
He seemed ready to burst on the spot, and his legs danced around on their own. “Oh, brilliant! Thank you thank you thank you!” Suddenly, he stopped. “Oh my gosh! Everypony already went back to their rooms! They'll be asking where I am!” A look of horror crossed his face. “I really need to go!” With that, he whizzed out the door.
Well, that was an interesting development, and I'd–
Ruby's face popped back into the doorway. “See you tomorrow,” he said with a smile, before disappearing again.
I couldn't help but smile along with him as I trotted out of the empty classroom. It was exciting, going out on a real date with a real colt. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. For the first time, I had something here to look forward to.
“How dare you give me homework this sloppy to turn in?” River Star glared at me, feet spread apart and a look of pure fury on her face. “How dare you insult me like this?”
It was sloppy. I had been more than a little distracted with thoughts about Ruby Shine last night. I hadn't managed sleep much either, despite how badly I needed it. The prospect of being asked out on a real date was just too much to think about. Why, it even–
“Are you even listening to me?”
I knew better than to answer that one honestly. “Of course I am, River.”
She glowered at me as she slipped on the little white dress Whisper and I had prepared for her this morning. “Well, to make up for your substandard work, you and the Worm can just stay here during breakfast and redo it for me.” With a haughty flair, she turned to leave. “And no mistakes this time. Or else.”
Whisper shot me a reproachful look as River slipped out through the door. “Did you have to do that?”
I covered my head and groaned. “I didn't mean to do it... I was just, you know, thinking about stuff.”
“But did you have to involve me in it? It'h not fair.”
“I'm sorry, Whisper. I really am.” I shook my head. This was all River's fault, of course, but it was no use blaming her. “Come on, let's get this done...”
I popped across the room in another burst of teleportation, flashing away from Miss Honeydown and blowing her hair out of place.
“That's good, Scootaloo, but perhaps you should–”
I popped up next to her again, leaving an explosion of purple magical aura and startled students wherever I went. This was awesome! Today's magic exercise lesson had been about exploring your special talent's limits. I has struggled with it at first, as usual... but eventually, I figured it out.
“Scootaloo Songwing! Please stop this at once!”
I had never heard Miss Honeydown raise her voice like that; the sound of it startled me. Slowly, I looked around at the rest of the room, just in time to catch Ruby's appreciative stare before he turned away, hiding his face with a hoof. The rest of the room was in chaos, with students and chairs strewn all around.
“Now, Scootaloo, I'm glad for you that you've found a way to fully express your special talent, but do you think you could possibly practice it without making”– she glanced around –“so much of a mess of things?”
I smirked, and I may have even giggled a little. “Okay, I'll try.” This was just too much fun! Things here were finally beginning to go my way.
“Okay class, now how about we–”
The school's bell cut through the room. A few of the less manageable students cheered.
Miss Honeydown sighed heavily. “Oh well. I had hoped we could get some more exploration time, but it looks like we have to go now. Good luck, my little ponies, and enjoy your lunch!”
Most of the students ran out through the door before she even finished talking. Despite the fact that I was supposedly heading off to be punished, I rushed along just as eagerly as any of the other young ponies. I couldn't wait to tell Cookie about everything that had happened.
“Well, C'lestia bless me, ya sho do look happy today.” Cookie laughed and leaned back against the dish washing counter, in almost exactly the same place I had talked with him the day before.
“I am!” I jumped a little on the stool, nearly toppling a stack of dirty plates. “You were so right when you said things could get better!”
His grin grew even wider. “Oh, and how dat is?”
“I made a new friend where I never expected to, and it's all thanks to your advice, or I would have turned him down.”
“A colt, huh?” He laughed. “Now, why was you up an' gonna turn 'im down? He be ugly? Or maybe he smell ba'?”
“No, no.” I shook my head. “He's actually kind of cute.”
Cookie just looked at me with a smile on his face. His eyebrow rose.
“Okay, really cute.”
He laughed at that, and I couldn't help but join in with a little giggle of my own.
“So what been wrong with da colt den? What the real reason is?”
“Well, for a while, he was one of the bullies picking on me.”
Cookie recoiled back, his eyes wide. “An' now you up an' gonna be his friend? Filly, you crazy.”
“It's not like that, really.” I rolled my eyes. “He was just going along with the bullies to avoid being picked on himself. He explained it to me and apologized for everything.”
“An' now he wanna be ya friend, huh?”
I glanced away, blushing a little. “Well, more than that, maybe. He asked me to go to the carnival with him... you know, like a real date.”
Cookie resumed scrubbing and gave me a skeptical glare from the corner of his eye. “You be careful with dat colt now, ya hear?”
“Oh come on! This is the first time anypony has ever asked me out on a real date.” I pointed a hoof straight at Sugar Cookie. “And you're the one who said I should look for friends, after all.”
“Dat I was – dat I was.” He laughed and shrugged it off. “You probably right. You know dis colt better dan I do, fo sho.” His smile returned in full force. “I hopes ya have yaself a good time out dere.”
“But that's not even the best part!” I beamed a huge smile at him.
The skeptical look was back. “Oh, an' what dat be?”
“I've actually started to get good at my magical talent! I can teleport better than anypony! I'm finally learning how to really use my magic!”
“Well, dat do be da reason you up an' came here, don't it?”
I laughed. “Well, yeah, I guess so. But still.”
I waved goodbye to Cookie as I rushed out of the kitchen. If I hurried along fast enough, I might get to talk before theory class.
As soon as I stepped out into the noisy hallway, I spotted what – or who, rather – I was looking for. Ruby Shine trotted down the hall, looking from side to side. He didn't seem to have seen me yet. Luckily, River and Pearl were nowhere around.
“Ruby!” I yelled out, waving to get his attention.
As soon as he saw me, he turned and hurried closer. As he came up close, I could see just a faint sheen of sweat, and I could feel the heat still radiating off of him.
“Wow, must be a hot day out there, huh?” I asked. I hid a wince. Should I have talked about something deeper or more important?
“Well, yes, it is a bit... but most of this is from running away from those two horrid little fillies, River and Pearl.” He wiped a hoof through his mane, and I had to fight a sudden urge to do the same thing.
“Why'd you have to run from them?”
“What sort of question is that?” He shook his head. “Ever since I 'switched sides', as they call it, they've been furious with me. I can't get a moment's rest.”
“Aw.” I felt sorry to have put him through that. I knew perfectly well how awful those two could be. “I didn't mean to–”
“It's okay. Don't worry about it.” He gave me a delicious smile. “I'm better off like this anyway... well, sort of.”
“What do you mean, better off? Is it that...” Silence crept into the hallway. I suddenly realized that all the other students were already in class. We were about to be late! “Come on! We'd better get to class before the bell rings.” Without waiting for his response, I rushed down the hall and into the classroom.
Ruby lunged through the door right behind me. We were the last two in, but we weren't late. The tardy bell rang just after we came in. Ruby hurried over to an empty desk next to my usual spot, and – mindful of a reproachful glare from Missus Primrose – I hurried over to sit down next to him.
“Well, now that we can finally get started–” the uptight teacher paused for a moment to glare at Ruby and me “–let's examine the connections between a unicorn's special talent, cutie mark, and magical abilities. Now, the most essential thing to recognize is that while a cutie mark may be...”
When I stole a glance over at Ruby, only to find him already staring at me, I couldn't prevent a blush from spreading out on my face. I looked away again, hoping nopony would notice. How much had anypony noticed about the two of us? Did River realize just what was going on? What would she do if she found out?
Glancing around, I wondered who might have seen me blush. My eyes settled on Night Whisper. She stared from across the gap in the desks. How much did Whisper know? She didn't look happy. Maybe I should talk to her later, I thought. It wouldn't be a bad idea to–
“Well, pegasus?” Missus Primrose's sharply pitched voice cut through my thoughts. “Care to venture an answer to the question, or are we just going to wait eternally for a pointless stammer like last time?”
My heart froze. I had done it again! I should have been paying attention. “I, um... what was the question again?”
I didn't have to look far to find Ruby Shine when I left the classroom.
“I can't believe you totally bollocksed up the second question in a row.” He laughed a little, taking the sting out of his words. “Are you okay? Need some help studying, maybe?”
I shook my head as we made our way down the hallway. “I'm okay. I've just been a little distracted lately.” Would it be too forward to mention what distracted me? Only one way to find out. “By a certain somepony.” I smiled and glanced away.
He laughed and grinned back at me. His eyes shouted out to me how much he enjoyed hearing that. “Really, though, I don't want to get in your way. Today's lesson could be pretty important to you, what with the special talents and all. It would be a shame if you missed it.”
“Aw, I'll get it from the book later. Don't worry.”
The building's exit already loomed up next to us. “Well,” Ruby said, grimacing and looking towards it, “I guess I have to go now, or I'll be in trouble with the Headmaster for being in the wrong dorm.” He smiled. “See you tomorrow?”
I suddenly realized how close together we were standing. How had that happened? Why we were close enough to... I backed away with a start – that would be too forward. “Um, yeah.” I giggled and glanced away. “I'll see you tomorrow, Ruby.”
He nodded, a huge smile on his face, as he turned and walked away.
Somehow, it felt like I could still taste his name from saying it earlier, and I savored it. “Ruby Shine,” I whispered to myself, as I turned and headed for my room. I could grow to like a name like that.
“Look at me when I'm talking to you, Chicken!” River Star hadn't exactly been in her best of moods tonight. “I came here with one goal: to pass through with flying colors and impress my family. I am not going to let some Chicken interfere with that!” She stomped around the little room, circling me like a shark. “I'll do anything it takes, even if it means the Worm has to do all of it.”
A tiny little “Eep” came from the direction of the desk where Whisper sat already scribbling down notes.
I just shook my head at River. This whole song and dance routine was getting old.
“It's a good thing I've already started on your next punishment. I knew you'd do even more to deserve it, and this messed up homework proves me right.” That was enough to get my attention. I knew from experience River's punishments could be devious and harsh. “ ...But for now, Worm will just have to do all of my homework to make sure it's done right.” A malevolent glint sparkled in River's eyes. “But it's not fair for her to have to do it all alone, is it, Worm?”
Nothing but the quiet scribbling of a quill came in return.
River's cruel eyes turned toward the desk. “I said, 'That isn't fair, is it, Worm?'”
“Oh, um...” Whisper lived up to her name. I could barely hear her. “No.”
“Of course it isn't. We can't have the Chicken lying around being lazy while the Worm does all the work.” She smiled wickedly. “So, from now on, you'll both be doing all my work. Fair is fair.” Her giggle held little mirth.
Whisper stared at me with a slow burning fire in her eyes.
I looked away, unable to meet her gaze. I knew it was partly my fault that she would have to do extra work now. What could I do about it though?
“Oh, and speaking of fair–” River smiled and fluttered her false eyelashes in a disgustingly coquettish display “–If I'm going to be seen at this carnival, then I must look my absolute best.” She thrust a hoof toward her suitcase. “I'll want the maroon gown and my best red sash, and, of course, all the accoutrements. Worm, you know which ones. No wrinkles this time!”
I sighed. I should have seen that one coming.
She looked at us for a moment, as if surveying her work. “Good. Now that I've got that taken care of, I should go get a good night's sleep.” She let out an extravagant yawn. “I've got a big day ahead of me.”
As River hopped up into the top bunk, I made my way to the desk. Distracted as I was by my own thoughts of a big day tomorrow, getting all this work done and getting some sleep for myself wouldn't be easy.
3625454
After actually looking at some of the other comments, it looks like I'm just repeating what others have already said.
On the plus side, you seem to take criticism really well, so there's that. I'll likely read some of your other stuff later for that reason alone.
Really looking forward to seeing River getting some comeuppance.
Alright.
Things seem to have made a turn.
But, with the way you've been playing them, I'm expecting the carpet to be pulled next chapter.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Rubyyyy, you little charmer, you~
Can't wait to see what happens next. Every time I hit the end of a chapter, I wished it didn't have to end so soon. Eagerly awaiting your next installments, and as always, keep up the good work.
3625354
Exactly? He has earth pony magic and the main trait that makes him seem like "the magical negro" stereotype would mostly be the language and his position at the school not his magic.
That's why I said less obviously magical as a magic earth pony at a school for gifted unicorns that are overtly very magical is well less obviously magical....
The two other main conditions to the stereotype mentioned above would be that they are usually gifted with magic or miraculous skills no one else has and (this last one does not quite match up with your character... which is a good thing I think.) that they help the privileged upper class out without seeming like more than a plot device. While it could be argued that Scootaloo is higher up on the magical "food chain" I think this is out of place within how pony society seems to work in MLP and an unfair assessment to make of the Earth ponies strength.
I don't think anyone would have associated him with this stereotype (or others) if you had given him a less heavy accent or simply a different one. The next stereotype that would come to mind from his accent would be an uncle tom which seems incongruous with MLP and modern society which this accent is not common in.
I suppose it could have been comedic/sad to have the Headmaster require him or force him to act this way....
Lastly this does not mean that this accent should never be used in a story. It just seems so out of place given the parallels taken from the Human world. Unless it is Luna trying to act out something from the past in disguise? Not likely to me but possible....
I am now very curious....
ruby is playing her. scoot will go to meet him at the caravel or whatever and he will be there with river...
Nice chapter!
So far, this is the best train wreck that I've ever witnessed, insofar as at least no one has died... yet.
I recently gave up on reading a story that I had been waiting for due to a complete change in the overall tone of the writing. It went from a mystery and history filled possible first contact senario into a blood-and-gore porn. And the author decided to wait until the latest chapter to add the appropriate tags.
This one I'm going to stick with, however. Though, I can say that I've never longed for the end of a story more. Usually, I want the story to go on and on, so I can play in the author's world for just that much longer. Your story makes me think that four more chapters can't come soon enough. I feel just feel icky after spending time in this world.
I'm not in the mood to repeat what has been written about what flaws your 'Magnum Opus' has, so I would just ask that you re-read those posts written by others. The criticism is valid. I will add this: Romance? Really? Just what story are you trying to tell? Even with the way your own comments have read, I'm not sure that romance has any place in this story. Friendship... maybe; romance... NO. Seriously, right now, I just want to steal the first chapter that was so full of promise and make it a fish-out-of-water story rather than a Scootabuse fic. The first is what you used to sell your story and gather so many early readers. Changing it up seems ... just... well, see my second statement above.
Anyway, the thing about train wrecks is that I still want to know what happened, so I'll stick with you until the end, but expect a big red down-thumb at the end. At this point, I'm not sure if anything other than a full re-write can pull this to ambivalent levels... much less a like. You may suprise me, though.
Good luck,
Spade
3624845
Oh right, I forgot that. Assuming the show to remain 100% canon within this fic, then it is set between two and three years after the start of season four. Plenty of time for Twilight to learn and experience enough about diplomacy to be trusted with a mission not directly supervised by the two lead princesses.
Wait, Ruby asked out our Scoots and River is cooking up the next punishment........ River is a bitch, Dovahshy will get her
Oh god, if this is going where I think it's going, Scoots should just run home now.
3625460 Saying it like you're some kid of professional critic. Wow so many high horses around this place.
3625593
Fail troll is failure.
Chekov's gun is quite plain enough to see here, but I swear, if the next chapter is called "Carrie" I'm punching a hole in the wall of my dorm.
3625596 Oh no, I'm all too serious. Idiots throw their egos around here like they're hot stuff. Fucking tools the lot of them.
3625554
One or both of us are very confused right now. I'm not seeing anything close to "blood-and-gore", even metaphorically, and certainly the tags don't reflect your apparent assessment.
Yes, the story is taking a little longer than many expect for Scootaloo's situation to improve, there are a number of well illustrated plot holes, and a number of the stereotypes are laid on far too thick and without depth, but it is a vast chasm of difference between schoolyard scootabuse and "blood-and-gore porn".
3625613
In that case... Pot, meet kettle.
3625622 Re-read that comment. The "blood-and-gore porn" thing doesn't actually refer to this story; he used it for comparison's sake, to illustrate the bait-and-switch that he thinks this story did after chapter 1, and frankly, I can see where he's coming from.
3625671
Yeah, fair enough, although I don't see the change as quite that stark. It went from a promising concept to scootabuse, while I think the analogy would fit better if this fic had gone from scootalove to scootabuse; so stark is the difference between "blood-and-gore porn" and almost anything else Spade_McTrowel could have used in the other half of the analogy.
3625583 FUS RO yay!
I'm just waiting for Rainbowdash to come nd beat the crap outta the principle who likes to defy royalty
VVait, vvhat day is it novv?
3625761 Ummmmmmmmmmm....
Hump Day?
Well at least Ruby is at least trying to be a good person, even though it's making Scootaloo mess up in class.
'obligatory-make-River-suffer'
3625108
What is so odd about Twilight sending Scootaloo to Magic Kindergarten? As far as Twilight can tell, that was just the normal thing to do - not even being Celestia's protege spared her from. If Twilight had sent Scootaloo to Celestia, she probably would have landed in MK anyway.
3625354
The Scootabuse would be fine if there were more regular positive highlights to balance it out a little... not make it feel like Scoots will be eating bricks in the face all day for the next 10 days.
3625741 Dude, I'm waiting for CELESTIA to kick his sorry flank into unemployment I mean, it's pretty bad to get fired for racism, but to be fired by the Princess of Equestria herself? Awesome Also, I don't really understand why there's so much racism in Canterlot at all. I mean, yeah, it's a mostly unicorn populated city and it's probably been that way since the Windigoes were chased off. But, in my opinion, if you make racist remarks towards another race like pinhead, mud pony, or featherbrain, isn't that like making a racist comment toward Celestia? She's all three technically .
3625648 Now, that is definitely a troll.
3625766 No, I mean the day Scootaloo's on novv. Tuesday? Thursday?
And suddenly, Carrie.
The one I'm angry with is 'Whithper' at this point.
River is a terrible little monster, true, but I console myself with the knowledge that 90s style school-drama-bully-commuppance is eventually incoming. Even if it isn't, she's the villain here. Disliking her feels good, natural.
Ruby is also a worthless little pony, but hey, we can't all be brave little colts who stand up for our friends no matter what. That trait is admirable because it's rare, and maybe he even means this whole apology thing. Hope springs eternal.
Whisper doesn't seem to have any redeeming features. Everything about her says 'oh no I'm so nice but helpless please stop resisting river's tyranny you guise I might be hurt', and i suppose in that bully-enabling aspect she's the perfect accomplice. She is, sadly, less likely to get comeuppance than her sister. She's probably gonna be happy at the end, and I'm gonna look on wondering what, exactly, she ever did to deserve it.
Whisper and River actually remind me of harry potter of all things. Opinions can be divided on Lord Volde-river and whether she's a good villain or not, but I have never felt or heard anyone else feel that Worm-tail was at all a good character.
My thoughts on the matter at least.
Scoots is being excessively stupid by not sending a second letter. So stupid it defies suspension of disbelief.
Seriously; he said he only takes orders from Celestia, and Twilight can GET Scoots Celestia. He TOLD HER how to ruin him completely!
3625802
3625593
Nice edit down there, to try to save face. Just either apologize and admit your comment was out of line or let it drop. I don't particularly care either way.
3625859 I didn't edit a thing, lol. I was talking about you trolling me. And no, it had to be said. So you can run along now.
Slightly confused that if the headmaster only takes orders from celestia why not get spike to send princess celestia a letter?
This is almost exactly how I was treated In school.....
3625786
Well... not necessarily. Remember, Twilight was a unicorn – a highly-gifted and unusually-powerful one, to be sure, but there's nothing astonishing or unique about a unicorn manifesting the ability to cast their magic like... well, a unicorn. Scootaloo, however, is a pegasus, and what she's doing is so incredibly rare and unique that there's only one (poorly-documented) case of it ever happening in the last four centuries. I expect Celestia would've had the good sense to realize that something other than Standard Operating Procedure is called for here...
Although if Princess Celestia had sent Scoot to Magic Kindergarten anyway, it still would've worked out somewhat better for her. I don't think even the headmaster and his hellspawn daughter would be quite so eager to openly cross someone who showed up with a scroll bearing Sol Invicta's seal on it stating that "I, Princess Celestia, am sending this pegasus filly to you for training. Somehow, she is able to express her innate magic in the manner of a unicorn. This astonishingly-rare and unique ability has been verified by numerous eyewitnesses, including myself. I have personally witnessed her teleport herself halfway across the throne room – an ability which, by all accounts, she taught herself how to do despite having no formal training or knowledge of magic. I am most interested in seeing what else she may be capable of."
Well well! Looks like little Scoots is growing up and learning about colts!
More and the same. Really starting to lose hope in this story. Oh joy, Ruby's asking her on a date, no way that can go wrong. The ending's going to need to be damn good to make up for everything that's happened, because so far, this isn't so much a roller coaster as it is a jump off a building, with brief interludes as you hit the scaffolding.
Really - I know you said you're saving this advice for your next fic, but if you want to consider this your 'magnum opus', there's a considerable amount of feedback you've got here is telling you that they aren't enjoying it. At that point, I'd stop and think.
3625613
Look who's talking, you're saying people are throwing their egos around like their hot stuff.
Who do you think you are by talking like that to them?
This is one of the most well written stories I've seen on fimfic. I really am enjoying it. Can't wait for the next chapter!
3625554This is the smartest and most truthful review I have seen for this story
I honestly fail to see why Scootaloo goes along with River's demands and doesn't just tell her to buck off. Or maybe she should just flat out buck her in the face Applejack style.
Well NOW we're getting somewhere. Unlike the previous chapters where poor Scoots became a glutton for punishment.
3625460
Well, good. ^.^ At least there's that.
3625467
You and many others.
3625481
3625489
Thanks!
3625498
Ah, thanks for the explanation.
It saves me the horror of a trip to TVtropes!
3625500
*plays innocent*
3625519
Thanks!
3625554
Yep, I'll try.
3625583
Oh, you're getting it way too early.
3625592
Heh... she shoulda done that from the beginning.
3625593
It's okay. I don't mind high horses.
(Hey, don't hog the bong, Mr. Ed!)
3625611
Your dorm wall is (probably) safe.
3625741
Heh, that would be fun.
3625772
Yep, and that's something.
3625786
Yep... I overdid the scootabuse
3625795
All three, or none of the three... I'm not sure how it works.
3625804
Friday... I think.
3625819
I'm gonna have to look and find out what this Carrie thing is.
3625841
That's an interesting take on it.
3625906
*shrug*
Scoots didn't think of that.
3625916
Wow...
Your school sucked!
3625950
Thanks! ^.^
3626134
I don't think she's going to enjoy the lesson.
3626165
Oh, believe me, lots of stopping and thinking going on.
Well, at least lots of thinking... maybe not as much stopping.
Anyway, yeah, a lot of the comments have made me reconsider if I've had enough practice.
I think I need to work more on character development, scene-level planning, and premise-level planning.
3626170
Thanks!
3626233
Thanks. It helps to know when one view is agreed upon, especially when opinions clash so much.
3626239
She will eventually. (The bucking off, not the bucking.)
3626245
Seems so.
3626239 River's the headmaster's daughter.
3626165
Well, if people read enough of this to get upset about the amount of Scootabuse, I would presume they at least enjoyed the first couple of chapters until they started doubting there would be a bottom to the Scootabuse pit.
When authors throw characters down a seemingly bottomless pit of despair before things get better, they usually tag their fanfics "Dark" and I'm guessing that's what most complaints are about: Scoots' misfortunes are piling up too high for a story not tagged Dark or whatever else of the sort might be more appropriate.
3626275 VVait…I just realized something.:face hoof:Oh no….. I hate Ruby soooo much.
3626275 It's a Stephen King novel with a couple of movie adaptations.
3625554
I agree with this 100%.
On another note, referring to a story as your "Magnum Opus" or "the greatest thing you've ever written" strikes me as a bit...egotistical. I know some other authors do that, and it always annoys me. You can't be sure your audience will see your "great work" the same way you do. (Ron Howard believed North to be his own personal Wizard of Oz. Anyone who's seen that movie more than likely thinks otherwise.) Also, you can't be sure that this is going to be the best thing you're ever going to write. I'm not psychic, but I'm going to guess you're relatively young (20s-30s or younger), so you have plenty of time to improve your craft and write bigger, better things. Especially if you listen to some of the critiques posted here.