- Member Since 16th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Mar 15th, 2015
2unar Stallion
Dedicated to clopfics of anykind, and I can only hope you and the rest of my readers, enjoy what I have written, and will write.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- 2unar Stallion · 5k words · 110 13 · 5k views
- The Zman · 7.3k words · 120 21 · 5.6k views
- CloudTwister · 3.3k words · 102 15 · 7.4k views
- Synesisbassist · 28k words · 238 22 · 8k views
- StormHoof32 · 1.9k words · 77 16 · 2k views
- Simon Cowell · 8.1k words · 59 13 · 1.3k views
- MightyMadBoio · 1.6k words · 59 29 · 3.5k views
- Fifty Shades of Yellow · 7.6k words · 29 10 · 970 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.167 seconds
Total duration
1,003 users online
1,412,837 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx5f45tTvb1qgqvlmo1_500.gif score
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcScK5jPDHQEJ0ncPORmL5vQ_ZoEOP_ngC9WYPoFQGedBjWdgR6Q
He got laid.
pretty good
Twilight: Princess Celestia guess what!
Celestia: what
Twilight: I banged a human.
Celestia:
"Twilight's"
Could you please continue this? I'd love to see how it keeps going.
TOO BAD YOUR GONNA DO A BARREL ROLL INSTEAD >:D
3820251 what about a "front" flip?
A whole lot of smirking going on here, but I digress.
I have to say, I really like the buildup between the two of them. I especially liked the action scene in the very beginning. It created a tense meaningful bond between them early on which set the tone nicely for rest of the story.
It's also interesting how it seems that Mike isn't the only human in Equestria and there some mystery around humans being there and have also managed to garner a violent reputation. That angle is just begging to be explored.
Nice work!
5655141 I hadn't thought of that before, and the group of readers I showed this to before posting had even asked if I was going to make more of this story, as well as that 1 person even wanting to see more (see above comments). Only problem is, this was developed as a one-shot, so a deeper meaning storyline was never planned, nor do I even know how I would proceed without turning it into an actual story.
If there really is too much smirking, I can go back and edit it a little, perhaps instead of smirking, have it say light/little smile, a small laugh, or the such. I understand the aggravation of seeing a word obviously used to much, and I hadn't given it much thought at the time of actual posting. So if you think the need is great enough, then I will go back and fix it.
5739605
Hiya! Thanks for responding!
Yeah, breaking up a repeatedly used expression would be beneficial. It just kinda stood out to me, which is why I mentioned it. You could probably also substitute it with 'grin' or a 'wry smile'.
If you haven't read Sophistication and Betrayal by Drefsab, I highly recommend it. He has an excellent conveyance of emotion that doesn't ever seem to get stale, even after writing 305k+ words. It's long but definitely worth the read. I just finished it and you will probably see a lot of comments from me on that story.
As for potentially continuing on with the story, I would say you just have to ask yourself some questions on how to expand on it:
How many humans are in Equestria?
How did they get there?
Are they nomadic or tribal in their behavior?
What did they do to create their negative reputation?
Are they confined to a specific area of Equestria because of their reputation?
If you want to pick up where this story leaves off, I think it could be workable. With Twilight becoming romantically involved, the previous questions have even further reaching impact:
How does everyone react to Twilight becoming romantically involved (both inside and outside her close circle of friends)?
Does Mike have a desire to return to his kind or has he basically cut ties with whatever group he may have came from?
Is Mike looking to firmly settle down with Twilight?
Twilight would certainly be interested in finding out more about his kind, so you can definitely play off of that and possibly go on an adventure of discovery regarding Mike's possible family (if you wanted such a thing to exist).
The only thing I'd be concerned about is keeping the shifting POV format for anything longer than a one-shot. It would probably be best to change to a 3rd person narrative format.
Another thing I noticed that you could probably improve on is how your story treats the passage of time with the big "2 days later" and "Winter" headlines, as those are a bit distracting. For the two day time lapse you can easily write that into the lead-in sentence saying "A few days later, <something happened, etc>". As for winter, you can simply start off with a description of winter's arrival. Wether it describes the first drifts of snowfall, or the bite of the first chilled air of the season, etc.
Hope that helps!
birthday clop?!
COOL!