The Zman
Joined 23rd Oct, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I dunno, mate, reckon it would've been better as a First-Person fic...but I ADORE Applejack, so I can't give ya too much grief
3401628 Thanks!
Bra....vo. well written out and sexy as hell.
Please make more.
3402059 I'll try but no promises.
Its nice AJ getting some human love but the sentence structure made this real hard to read and the first few paragraphs had some major grammar errors or something i had to reread it like 4 times and still felt off
sorry to say I can't bring myself to give a thumbs up, but is not anywhere near I think a down vote in my opinion
3403871 I understand.
Moar plz!
What Grahf said. I'm interested enough to follow your story, but it could use a proofreader. Also, there is no reason to call them "equine ponies", as either word means the same as the other.
Hmmm... You know whenever I have to write a story for school I try my best to make sound like I'm talking to the person I'm writing for, that way the story can float from word to word sounding natural. And I can tell you that every time I do this I will always almost get a 4 or a 3.5 (sorry, my school has a different grading system called standard based grading, it kinda sucks, 4 being the highest 1 being the lowest). I felt like your story was kinda choppy though, so just keep it mind for next time
Review:
This was a good fic, but the clop was a little vague... I wish there was a bit of comedy to keep it flowing and maybe a proof reader could improve this as well. I actually did like it but found it hard to understand or learn to love the new character because of there being no backstory. The pieces fit together great and overall I think this just earns a 3 1/2 stars from me. I liked the little touch with Granny's special somepony and I could tell The human And AJ were meant for eachother by how fast their relationship escalated. Keep up the good work my friend and I hope to see another chapter!
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Well... that escalated quickly. Yet somehow it doesn't feel rushed, that's an accomplishment sir.
Well... that escalated quickly. Yet somehow it doesn't feel rushed, that's an accomplishment sir.
Pretty good, there isn't enough Human x Applejack full on stories out there. Keep it up. Jadex and I can't wait. ^^
Nice to see AJ getting some (ahem) ... love.
I think part of the exposition in the first few paragraphs that confused me most was the arrival of the human. Did Celestia just magic him onto AJ's farm by mistake or was he sent there under her orders by mistake? It's not quite clear. It felt stilted and quite saccharine in places, to the point I was honestly expecting a "schmoopy doo!" to come out of somewhere.
You bounced between past and present tense wording, it's best if you pick one and stick with it.
Also,
and
In both cases it should be "passed" instead of "past".
Overall it was still enjoyable, keep working at it.