Princess Luna and the Cotton Candy Sugar Rush
Princess Luna and the Cotton Candy Sugar Rush
"We are gathered here today in celebration of a momentous occasion," Princess Celestia announced to the crowd. She took a moment to glance at all who had gathered, ensuring that each and every attendee had a chance to make eye contact with their ruler. Dozens of ponies had woken early this morning and had crammed shoulder to shoulder into the great hall of Canterlot Castle to see what was about to take place. Every ear turned toward their beloved ruler so that they wouldn't miss a word of what the princess said. This was a momentous occasion, after all, for there were few in attendance who could claim to have witnessed such an event within their lifetimes as was occurring here today.
"My most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle," she continued, "has done many extraordinary things since she's lived in Ponyville."
Princess Luna’s head drooped slightly as she stifled a yawn. She felt happy for Twilight Sparkle, but listening to her sister drone on and on about how wonderful and resourceful her most faithful student is was going to put her to sleep if things didn't wrap up quickly. She generally went to bed by this hour anyway, but it was important that she attend for the princess-to-be.
"She even helped reunite me with my sister, Princess Luna."
Sensing all eyes drawn towards her, Luna snapped back to attention, grinned, and looked up at her sister, who smiled back. Murmurs of approval echoed throughout the hall at their show of affection, and Celestia looked back out upon her subjects.
"But today, Twilight Sparkle did something extraordinary..."
Extraordinary, extraordinary. Did she not just use that word? Luna thought idly as she stared blankly ahead. It was becoming difficult to focus on what was going on, and her legs were beginning to get sore from standing still for so long.
"She created new magic, proving without a doubt that she is ready to be crowned..."
Dear sister, I love you. But I feel as if I am back on the moon. Get on with it!
"Fillies and gentlecolts..."
Luna shifted uncomfortably. Her newly tailored dress was riding up her haunches and making them itch terribly. If this coronation didn't wrap up shortly, she'd have no choice but to cause a scandal and scratch her bottom then and there, crowd be damned.
"May I present for the very first time… Princess Twilight Sparkle!"
Huzzah! At last! As all eyes moved to watch their newest princess enter the hall, Luna took the opportunity for a quick stretch and a scratch. Oh the relief! To think of the uproar it would cause if she were to do the unthinkable and actually act like a normal pony in front of, well, normal ponies.
It was all a bunch of nonsense anyway, this coronation business. She felt proud of Twilight, sure enough, but all it really amounted to was an excuse for everypony to dress up and feel important. Soon enough, Twilight would be learning that becoming a princess isn't all fun and games.
In fact, there was very little fun to be had at all. Ever since Nightmare Night, which had nearly been a disaster in itself, Luna had busied herself with attending classes on modern socialization, studying recent history and current relations between various kingdoms, getting to know Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire, and preparing Twilight Sparkle for her own ascension. Between all of that, and going back to her former duties of raising the moon each night and watching over everypony's dreams, Luna had had very little time for herself.
Well, that was about to change. With Twilight's 'training' out of the way, Luna would finally have a little bit of free time to get out of the castle and mingle with the commoners, so to speak. She just needed to put on a smile and last until the end of this coronation, then she would be free. She glanced back up and noticed that Twilight, her eyes wide and full of wonder, had barely walked half the distance between the entrance to the hall and herself.
Luna groaned inwardly. It was going to be a long day.
..o0o..
Princess Luna leapt up onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow. She then raised her head back up and slammed it down again just for added effect.
Princess Celestia sighed.
“What is wrong, my dear sister?” Celestia asked. Though her demeanor looked calm and almost stoic, she secretly had to withhold from giggling at her sister’s behavior.
"Mm wewwy bword,” Luna mumbled.
“Hm,” Celestia said, smiling. “Perhaps you could repeat that for me? This time without chewing on your pillow, please.”
Luna rolled her eyes and spit the pillow out. “I am very bored,” she repeated. She rolled onto her back and pawed at the air with her front hooves. “That is the word to use for lack of amusement, yes? Boredom: the complete absence of fun.” She rolled over onto her side and faced her sister. “For you see, I have been studying modern vocabulary. Just like you asked me to.”
“And you have progressed quite well in your studies,” Celestia said. Her horn glowed as she used her magic to bring a hairbrush out of a dresser drawer and began brushing her mane with it. “Did you not enjoy Twilight’s coronation ceremony earlier today?”
“Oh, but of course!” Luna squawked sarcastically. “I do so enjoy the cramps one suffers from having to stand still for so long. Oh, and let us not forget the tight dresses!” She sat up in bed and motioned with a hoof. “They itch horribly, you know.”
Princess Celestia smiled knowingly as she worked out a particularly stubborn tangle.
“Indeed they do, little sister.” She looked at Luna from the corner of her eye. “I saw you scratch, by the way.”
Luna sat upright. “You did!?” Upon seeing her sister’s grin, Luna cleared her throat and composed herself. “Well then. I mean… well, nopony was watching when I did it!”
“Almost nopony,” Celestia corrected. She magicked the hairbrush back into its drawer, and spent a few moments appraising herself in the mirror before she spoke again.
“I take it that you did not see me scratch, then?” she asked casually.
Luna’s eyes widened. “You!? Surely you did not!”
Celestia winked at her sister. “Oh, but I did. When nopony was watching.” She couldn't help but finally giggle at the look on Luna’s face. “There is still plenty for you to learn, dear sister. However,” she continued, “I agree that it is well past time for you to have a break. It would do you well to have some time to enjoy yourself. How would you like to go keep an eye on our newest princess for a while?”
The smile that had crept onto Luna’s face suddenly fell.
“Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm,” she groaned. “I thought you were about to release me from my duties for a day, not send me off to go foal-sit.”
“Oh, you needn't actually do anything,” Celestia said. “Just keep an eye on her. I am certain that you will be entertained.” She turned to face Luna with a wry grin. “It surely will be better than being cooped up in the castle all day.”
Luna hopped off the bed and kissed her sister on the cheek.
“Very well, but I get an extra five minutes of nighttime tonight!” she offered playfully.
Celestia raised an eyebrow at Luna, who grinned up at her with wide, sparkling eyes. She sighed.
“Fine.”
..o0o..
Just on the outskirts of Ponyville, something impacted hard with the ground, creating a miniature dust cloud around the object.
“Wow, Twilight, you totally almost had it that time!” Pinkie Pie squealed with her signature optimism. She bounced toward the small crater that Twilight had created, and continued talking.
“I mean, you were only in the air for about seven seconds, and seven seconds isn't really all that much time now that I think about it...” She brought a hoof up to her chin and frowned. “Actually, that’s not even in double digits! I think if you’re going to be good at doing something, you should at least be able to do it for ten seconds. Like juggling!” Her eyes widened. “If somepony told me they were good at juggling and they could only do it for seven seconds, I’m not sure I’d be too impressed, though I’d be really happy that they tried! Now, ten seconds would be really impressive. It isn't all that much more time – only three more seconds, really – but I just think there’s something totally official about ten seconds. It just seems right.”
Pinkie blinked suddenly and looked down at Twilight. “But I really did think you were going to stay airborne that time!”
Twilight slowly stood up and took a moment so that her eyes would stop spinning in her head. No matter how she looked at it, her inability to get the hang of flying just didn't make any sense to her. Her first flight had felt fantastic! The thrill of feeling the wind rush against her face had been unlike anything she had felt before, and yet she had been unable to duplicate those results since then.
The best theory she could come up with was that the excitement she had felt upon being crowned as Equestria’s newest princess had filled her with adrenaline, chemically changing the way she went about doing things and making the entire process of wing and body coordination seem effortless. Once the thrill of her first flight had ended, her body had reverted back to its original state, thereby eliminating the adrenal effect and thus, rendering her completely incompetent at flying once again. This was, of course, probably a completely accurate analysis, but she still had a feeling that maybe gravity simply hated her.
While Twilight tried to keep her legs from wobbling, Rainbow Dash came in for a landing and trotted to her side, her eyebrows raised.
“Gee, Twilight, are you alright?” she asked. “I told you not to fold both wings back unless you’re high enough off the ground for a dive!” She put a hoof to her face. “You’re definitely not far enough along to try a move like that yet, and I don’t think you’re going to impress anypony by ploughing the fields with your face.”
“Aw, go easy on her there, Rainbow Dash,” Applejack chipped in. “I’m sure ya weren't no superstar when you first got started, either.”
Rainbow Dash lowered her eyelids. “Actually, I have always been awesome,” she said. She turned her attention back to Twilight. “The point is, don’t try a move like that again. For your own sake as well as ours.”
Twilight blushed. “Well, actually I wasn't trying to make a nosedive. It just kind of happened.”
“Well I think you did quite well,” Rarity gushed. “You know, in a sort of… rugged… rough kind of way.” She grinned sheepishly and stared at the ground.
“In other words, I was awful,” Twilight sighed.
“Yes, it was quite bad,” Rarity admitted. “Oh, but you’ll be alright, darling! Surely you don’t need to learn how to fly just yet. You’re a princess after all. You can do as you please!”
“That’s right,” Fluttershy quietly agreed. “That’s one of the perks of being a princess, isn’t it?”
Twilight sighed and lowered her ears. “That’s just it, though. How can I expect to be a leader if I can’t even learn how to fly? Nopony is going to want to follow me if I can’t even use my own wings!” Her breathing became heavy as the stress began to get to her. “Have you ever seen a princess who couldn't fly?”
“Hm, she’s got a point there,” Rarity said.
“That’s true,” Rainbow Dash said. “Princess Celestia handles herself well, and Princess Cadance is pretty good, too.” She raised a hoof to the sky. “And look at Princess Luna up there, heading this way. She’s flying like a real champion!”
The girls all blinked and looked at one another.
“Princess Luna!?”
..o0o..
"Did you say fun!?" Pinkie blurted, her eyes wide and her smile broadening by the second. She spun around to face Twilight Sparkle. "Oh Twilight, you have to let me do this! This is like, the most amazing, fantastical, once-in-a-lifetime-if-you-don't-do-it-now-you'll-miss-out-forever opportunity ever!"
Princess Luna and the other ponies looked at each other, uncertain of how to react. Pinkie, in the meantime, had barely stopped for breath before she continued.
"I'll probably never get another chance like this. Think about it. Spending almost an entire day finding fun things to do with royalty? How often does an opportunity like that come along?"
"Just about every day, I reckon," Applejack replied. "Now that Twilight herself is a princess, that is."
Pinkie opened her mouth, then shut it again and sat in silence, completely motionless, as she absorbed what Applejack had said. Princess Luna, however, eagerly grabbed hold of a chance to avoid having to watch Twilight all day.
"A truly noble offer," she proclaimed, "and one I intend to accept."
Not even Twilight could resist staring open-mouthed at the princess. As if reading everypony's minds, Princess Luna explained.
"Is it not true that Pinkie Pie is the living representation of the Element of Laughter?" she prodded. "Who better is there to assist in my efforts to find amusement, if not her?"
"Well, uh..." Twilight stammered in response. "I guess you have a point there. It's just that, well I mean no disrespect at all, princess, but are you sure about this?"
"Wholly," Luna said.
Twilight and her friends looked back and forth at one another again.
Ooh, look at Twilight grimace, Luna thought. She can not bring herself to deny me! She had to resist shouting in triumph. She would accompany this fun-loving earth pony and finally get a chance to enjoy herself.
Nothing could possibly go wrong.
..o0o..
"Ha ha! I have pinned the tail to the pony's face. That still counts, does it not?" Princess Luna shouted gleefully.
Pinkie assured her that it did, if barely. The two had run a full gamut of popular games and activities since Twilight and her friends had left them to do as they pleased. They'd both had their faces painted, with Pinkie's looking like a clown's and Luna opting for a floral design; they had entered a pie-eating contest, with Pinkie coming in first place and Luna in third, much to her annoyance; they had gone dancing, swimming, and skating, all with varying degrees of success; and they had even tried out some newer technology that had recently come to Ponyville in the form of video games, with Luna absolutely crushing Pinkie's high score.
Luna had been about to have another turn when her stomach suddenly rumbled quite loudly. Mid-afternoon had arrived by the time they had gotten around to playing Pin the Tail on the Pony, and they had both been so caught up in having as much fun as possible that they had completely forgotten to have lunch.
"Alas, I have become famished!" Luna said. "Has this been your nefarious plan all along?"
Pinkie played along. "Why yes indeedy it is!" she announced dramatically, producing a fake moustache and twirling it in a devious manner. "What gave me away? Could it have been... the absence of any food?"
The two shared a laugh, but they quickly agreed that it was time to get something to eat. Luna didn't care where they went, so long as it wasn't someplace fancy. She was all too familiar with the bland, boring tastes of 'dignified' cuisine, and wanted to keep the fun coming with something delicious. Pinkie's eyes lit up with an idea.
"I know, we can go to Sugarcube Corner!" She said, beaming. "There's all kinds of amazingly yummyrific things to eat there! They have cookies and cakes, pies and muffins, donuts and chocolate, cupcakes and cotton candy!" She took a quick moment to take in a deep breath. "There's sure to be something there that'll please your palate. Let's go!"
As Luna followed the bouncing pink ball of energy that was Pinkie Pie, she couldn't help but wonder...
What is cotton candy?
..o0o..
"...And this one is called a Doubly Delicious Strawberry Creme Delight!" Pinkie explained, pointing to the delectable-looking creation on display in the front window of Sugarcube Corner.
Luna studied the many treats displayed before her. All of them looked delicious, but she had become intrigued by the name cotton candy and wanted to see it for herself. No such thing had existed before she had been banished to the moon, and her curiosity got the better of her.
"Let us go inside, and you can show me more," Luna said. "I would see all of these delicacies before coming to a decision."
A small bell tinkled as Luna and Pinkie stepped into the shop, alerting Mr. Cake to the presence of new customers. He glanced up from the cake he had been decorating and had to do a double take before staring wide-eyed at who had just walked in.
"U-uh, welcome, Princess!" he stammered before turning to call at the back of the shop. "Sweetie, darling, guess who's come to visit? It's Princess Luna!"
Within a heartbeat, Mrs. Cake had appeared at the front counter, all smiles. There was a bit of flour on one of her ears, which caused Pinkie to giggle a bit.
"Oh my. H-hello, Princess!" she hailed. "What can we do for you today?"
"Greetings," Luna said. "Pinkie has told me of the many wonderful treats that are created here, and I wish to partake in–"
Pinkie suddenly gasped. Mrs. Cake opened her mouth at the interruption, but Pinkie didn't notice. "Hey, I know. You should try some cotton candy!" She began hopping back and forth around the shop, oblivious to the mess she created. "I bet cotton candy didn't even exist in your time! And boy are you gonna love it. It's soft, and sweet, and totally melts in your mouth!"
"Oh?" Luna said inquisitively, as if she hadn't just been thinking the same thing. "Please tell me more."
..o0o..
"It does look a lot like cotton," Luna said. She and Pinkie were sitting at a table outside, upon which rested the absurdly oversized bag of cotton candy Pinkie had bought for them. "It is, without a doubt, a fascinating achievement in confectionery."
"I know, right?" Pinkie agreed. "If you like it this much already, just wait until you taste it!" She crammed a large wad of candy into her mouth and chewed. "Mmmmmm..."
Luna spent another moment examining the candy, then pulled a small amount off and tried some for herself. Her eyes immediately lit up, and she swallowed.
"Of all the wonders, this is amazing!" she raved, licking her hooves. "The texture is exquisite, and it truly does melt in one's mouth! One could consume an entire ball of it –" she eyed the bag of candy, "– this large and not even suffer the consequences of a full stomach."
Pinkie brought a hoof to her chin in thought. "Well, I dunno. You can get a pretty bad–"
"Pinkie!" Luna interrupted, placing both front hooves on Pinkie's shoulders. "I desire more of this 'cotton candy.' Please permit me to devour more!"
Pinkie seemed to have forgotten what she was about to say, because she simply smiled and shrugged. "Sure thing, Princess. Have as much as you like!"
Luna's eyes narrowed. She rubbed her hooves together and set her sights on the bag of cotton candy. "Indeed I shall, Pinkie Pie. Indeed I shall!"
..o0o..
A sugar rush can be a dangerous thing for the hapless parents of the little colt or filly who has eaten far too many sugary snacks and, in the process, has built up massive loads of energy that need to be burned off.
A sugar rush for a princess, however, can be downright deadly. Especially if said princess is naive in the ways of the modern times, has been bored out of her mind for as many months as she can remember, and has only just recently reformed from having transformed into a shadowy being of living nightmares and darkness. Add in the fact that this princess is in the care of one Pinkamina "Pinkie" Diane Pie, and the fate of the very kingdom itself just might hang in the balance.
"Hahahahahaha!" Princess Luna laughed as she pushed a group of clouds away from several pegasi. "Do you not see the great amusement I am creating? Come at me, young pegasi! Come and get your silly little clouds!"
She had eaten the entire bag. A full twenty servings of cotton candy consumed in a matter of moments. Everything had seemed perfectly fine until her hind legs had begun to shake under the table. Soon, her eyes had begun to dart around from here to there, as if trying to take in everything and nothing all at once. Finally, she had stood up from her seat, wings spread, and pointed to the sky with a hoof.
"Do you see those pegasi working up there?" she had asked Pinkie. "They, too, should take a break and have a bit of fun. I wonder, would they like to play a good old-fashioned game of 'keep away'?"
So it had come to this: seven confused pegasi trying to determine the more terrifying situation – saying no to one of the royal princesses, or facing the wrath of Rainbow Dash if she were to discover that anypony other than herself had been slacking off. And darting among them, occasionally holding out the group of clouds, only to snatch them back out of reach if anypony tried to take them, hovered the wide-eyed, hyped-up Princess of the Night.
Having noticed that the pegasi were hovering in stunned silence, Luna frowned and gathered the cloud bundle to her chest. "So be it!" she bellowed. "If you will not come to claim these clouds, then I shall keep them for myself!" She began to fly back towards Canterlot with her prize in tow, turning back one last time to shout, "Alas, you have lost the game. I am the winner this time!"
Meanwhile, Pinkie could only sit and watch as the princess flew off towards Canterlot Castle. After a moment of careful consideration, she shrugged, stood up, and started walking back home.
She'll be fine, Pinkie thought happily.
..o0o..
"Greetings, Sis!" Luna blurted as she flew in through Princess Celestia's balcony entrance. "Want some clouds to sleep in?"
Princess Celestia looked up from her writing desk just in time to receive a face full of fluffiness before Luna had spun around and rushed out to the balcony, where she took to the sky once more.
..o0o..
The small pond on the outskirts of Ponyville was a popular spot for ponies to have a quick swim in warm weather. On this day, in the wake of the coronation of Ponyville's own Twilight Sparkle, the lake was packed with families celebrating the ascension of one of their own. Even if she technically didn't come from Ponyville, it was widely accepted that, if she were to ever have to choose, she would most certainly want this as her home over Canterlot.
Despite it being late afternoon, the sun was still high enough in the sky to keep the water comfortably warm. Which seemed odd, actually, since the weather team had announced that it would be overcast tonight. Not that anypony complained, of course. Certainly not with an extra hour or two of relaxation at stake.
So relaxed were they all, in fact, that nopony noticed the streak of dark blue rushing through the sky, straight for them.
"Dive-bomb cannonball!" Luna shouted gleefully, a moment before splashing into the pond at high speed. Her momentum carried her to the bottom of the lake, where she touched the muddy lake bed before spinning around and swimming back to the surface.
"A perfect ten out of ten!" she cried when her head had surfaced. She was met with the stares of more than a dozen soaking wet and thoroughly shocked ponies, but she took no notice as she shook the water out of her mane and took off into the sky once again.
..o0o..
"No way, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash said. "I'm not letting you give up until you're satisfied with your progress. Princess or not!"
Twilight Sparkle winced. "Rainbow, my wings are sore, and it's getting late. I'm pretty sure it just isn't meant to be, today." She sighed and stretched her back and wings out. "We can always try again tomorrow."
"Yeah, yeah," Rainbow huffed. "I know you're right and all. I just wanted you to go home on a good note, I guess." She shifted her eyes away from Twilight in embarrassment.
Twilight smiled. "Well thank you. It means a lot to hear you say that."
"Hail, Twilight!" a voice shouted from overhead. Looking up, Twilight saw Princess Luna flying somersaults in the air.
"What is the matter? Are you incapable of having this much fun whilst flying?" Luna teased while performing a backwards loop. "It truly is a shame you are not as graceful as I... ooomph!" The princess suddenly cut off as she slammed into a tree and fell to the ground with a thud.
"Oh my goodness!" Twilight exclaimed. She made to rush over to the princess's side, but Luna hopped up onto her feet and raised her front hooves into the air.
"I am unharmed!" Luna shouted before taking to the sky and flying away.
Rainbow Dash and Twilight looked at each other in confusion.
"That was..." Rainbow began slowly. "Awesome?"
..o0o..
"Pinkie Pie!" Luna exclaimed as she landed next to the pink earth pony.
"Hey there!" Pinkie greeted her with a big smile. "Ooh, have you come back so we can find more fun stuff to do? Because if you have, I know about these amazing..."
"Indeed, yes we can continue our fun soon," Luna interrupted, waving a hoof dismissively. "But first I must ask, can you acquire more of the cotton candy?" She leaned forward expectantly, and Pinkie thought she might tip over.
"Sure!" Pinkie said. "We can get more first thing tomorrow morning when Sugarcube Corner opens up again!"
Luna's ears lowered. "Do you mean to tell me that there is no more to be had until the morrow?"
Pinkie nodded and said, "Uh huh!"
Luna stamped a hoof in annoyance. "Then I shall raise the moon this very minute! Prepare yourself, Pinkie," she announced, her horn aglow, "for the shortest night in Equestria's history!"
"What!?" Pinkie shouted, holding up a hoof. "Oh no no no no no, we can't do that! The Cakes need to have time to sleep. They have a hard enough time as it is with having to raise two foals. I can't even begin to imagine what would happen if they missed out on what little sleep they're allowed!" She put her hoof on Luna's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Princess. As much as I'd totally love to get sweet, delicious goodies every hour of the day, even I have to admit that it'd be a bit too much."
Luna, however, had stopped listening and had begun to grind her teeth together in frustration. With a swish of her tail, she turned on Pinkie and cried to the sky above, "Betrayaaaal!" A moment later, she had flown off.
Pinkie thought about what had just happened for a moment, but found herself shrugging once again.
Yeah, she'll be alright, she thought.
..o0o..
What is this feeling? Luna thought as she flew high over Ponyville on her way back to Canterlot. The sun was setting, and it would soon be time for her to raise the moon. I feel weak, as if something is siphoning my energy away.
Fortunately for Luna, she had never before had to endure the crash one feels after a bad sugar rush. Unfortunately, she was about to experience what would be, quite possibly, the most epic crash following a sugar rush ever to be observed in Equestria's long and storied history.
What is this vile illness that invades my stomach, and why am I so very thirsty?
Unbeknownst to Princess Luna, ingesting high concentrations of sugar comes with horrible side effects, including terrible belly pains and dehydration, and a low, almost depressing feeling upon coming down from the initial high. Her energy had begun to dwindle after crashing into that tree in front of Twilight Sparkle, but she hadn't even begun to notice it until this very moment. And oh, what a moment it was.
Thankfully, she could see Canterlot Castle just ahead. In just a few moments, she'd crawl to the safety of her bed and could forget any of this had ever happened. She flew towards an open balcony door.
"Sisteeeeeer!" she cried, giving Princess Celestia only a moment's notice before crashing headlong into her and tumbling to the floor.
..o0o..
"Ooohhhh," Luna groaned, her face twisted in misery. "Why is this happening to me?" She was lying in her bed with her legs tucked into the fetal position. Occasionally, a muscle twitch would cause a leg to kick out at random.
Princess Celestia ran a hoof through her sister's mane with a patience born from centuries of dealing with politicians and bureaucrats. "I fear you have had a bit too much sugar, dear sister," she soothed.
Luna closed her eyes and whimpered. "I did not know such discomfort could ever exist. All I wished to do was to have a bit of fun. I never wanted any of this..."
Celestia smiled down at her little sister and said, "Of course. Nopony wishes for such things to happen." She pulled the blanket up further over Luna. "You merely didn't know when you'd had enough. Too much of any good thing can quickly turn into something far worse than is expected."
Luna tried to roll her eyes at a lesson learned a little too late, but doing so caused her head to hurt, so she just closed her eyes again and lay still.
"Sis?" Luna asked eventually, breaking the silence.
"Yes?"
"How do you handle it all? What do you do for fun?"
Princess Celestia smiled knowingly, stood up, and blew out the candle, plunging the room into darkness. She then made to exit the room, but stopped in the doorway and looked back at Luna.
"How do I amuse myself?" She considered the question. "I grant requests to silly ponies whom I should probably deny, then I watch them learn their lessons the hard way." She bent down and kissed her sister goodnight, then left the room with a giggle.
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Ha-ha-ha! That was fun.
Pinkie! Don't tempt fate like that...
I loved it Slorg.
That was great! I loved the Trollestia at the end.
That would be interesting if this or something similar was made into an episode.
Definitely a fun and cute little story with an enjoyable Princess Luna.
Still, to my taste the story could have done with fewer breaks. I imagine the story would have kept more comedic momentum with a couple of simple transitions instead.
3515848 I'll probably have a look at it later today when I get back from class and see if I can eliminate a few of those.
Trollestia strikes again!
Okay, I gotta admit. If you've got to deal with the small pleasures, that's got to be one of the best.
Perfection!
A wonderfully silly, strangely blargh?
My brain just switched tracks, what were we talking about?
Well I know from other stories that being the puppet master is pretty fun. Most of what happens in the show is Celestia pulling the strings, so it isn't that surprising an end to the fic. Enjoyably fun story though.
I imagine a small sonic boom going off every time Luna takes off in a rush.
OH god...haha my sides...hahaHAhaha..,.they...HAHAAAA..they....HAHAHAHAHAAarrr....are about...to HAHAHAHAAAAA...fal...HAHAA...Faalll apart...HAAAAAHHAHAHAA....OH GOD...hahahaa...MAKE IT STOP....HAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAH
(1 hour later)
hehehehee...
gee...buhaHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA....
(2 hours later)
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
(The next day)
So..hehe...as I was saying....hehe....an amazing story...heehe...and I loved it, I couldn't...hehe....couldn't stop laughing...heheHAAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAAAA.....
3521055
*puts on reporter poker face*
In recent news, the brony known as "Shimmering Honor" has died laughing. His left and right sides were found in the upper mantle of the Earth's crust and on the Martian moon of Deimos, respectively.
Coming up next, Morgan Freeman's dramatic reading of Princess Luna and the Cotton Candy Sugar Rush!
3521636 MORGAN FREEMAN DIES LAUGHING. News at 11.
3521636>>3521810
I caant...no...HAHAHAHAAHAAAA.....you are both too funny....HAAHAHAAA
Shouldn't Luna know about Cotton Candy from dealing with Discord? Or at least recognize it. Anyway, it was nice, and put a smile to my face, and I can't ask for much more than that.
3665453 No.
Where we saw cotton candy, she would have just seen pink clouds.
Luna's mannerisms suggest that times were quite medieval before her banishment. In a time that undoubtedly included no plumbing, manually churning butter, etc. the art of superheating sugar and spinning it at high velocities would not have existed.
Discord may have turned clouds into cotton candy, but he was conscious and aware of his surroundings during his imprisonment. Luna was on the moon and clearly was unaware of some of Equestria's advancements.
3666451 Yes, that makes perfect sense. Thanks for clearing that up.
Lol. Very Much worthy of Lol.
Oh, Celestia. *shakes head* This is why such a large pecentage of the fans like Luna better. She's cute... and you're a troll. Nicely done, Slorg :) I enjoyed.
3666451 On that note, why didn't Pinkie point out that Discord could create cotton candy? Still a great fic, my only recommendation would be to make it slightly longer, but you did a good job of packing a lot into a short story. Hope to see more.
a liittle to short
WELL, considering the average amateur juggler can hit about 2-3 juggles per second.... Seriously, seven seconds is an eternity in juggle-time. You can get hand-cramps in less than that.
Oh, boy. Pinkie's taking her out drinking next week. Won't that be fun the next morning?
3713180 Add in the fact that ponies don't have fingers and it's even more impressive.
these do not exist, sugar does not make children hyper. Science has proved this.
3713180 what next morning, she would not be able to lower the moon afterwards
(i jest of course, Celestia will have to carry the load)
3713520 Partially true.
Recent studies have shown that sugar in and of itself does not cause hyperactivity, but large amounts (such as was mentioned in the story) will cause your body to produce large amounts of insulin, resulting in the horrible "low" feeling (also shown in the story). This, in turn, leads to craving more sugar (also in the story) and can lead to erratic behavior during these craving times.
If you want to deeply analyze the story (why?), you can assume that Luna's utter boredom was the leading cause of her irrational behavior, and everything still fits scientifically. Or, you can just say ponies have different bodies than humans, because, you know, they do.
TL:DR – I do my research, even on silly stories about magical talking ponies that make no scientific sense. I shouldn't have to, but I do.
Ah yes, a nice little bit of subtle!trickster-mentor!Trollestia.
Holy shit, 155 likes and NO dislikes; even from a troll!
I'm going to dislike this story.
JUST KIDDING! I thought the button read as "Dis-I-like"
3716403 I knew that would jinx it.
There's always some lonely moron sitting at their computer, frothing at the mouth just waiting to find a good story to down vote. Mentioning that a story has no down votes is a sure-fire way to ensure that one of those morons fixes that 'problem.'
Or maybe somebody legitimately thought the story was crap, but I doubt it since they didn't leave a comment explaining why.
This story was written and released before the recent Luna comic was available, but the portrayal of Luna and the way way Celestia teaches her a lesson both remind me a lot of that issue. I guess great minds (you and Katie Cook) think alike!
Also, try re-imagining this alternate cover from the Luna comic with her standing on a pile of used cotton candy cones instead of coffee cups:
i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd173/milk-experiment/MLP%20FiM/Luna-cover_zps33581de1.jpg
I'm now wanting an episode where the plot is basically the early middle of this fic--that is, "Pinkie takes Luna around and they play games and have fun."
The middle was good.
The start, and the very last paragraph, though, were pure gold
Hahah oh wow
This is like When i eat a ton Of jolly ranchers....... Not pleasent
Right idea, lacklustre execution. It felt bland and too straight-forward for something that was supposed to use absurd humour. The telly exposition for the effects of Luna's sugar rush killed what little suspension of disbelief I had each time it reared its ugly head and Luna's antics were too tame for what she was supposedly going through. Her comic story of running the day put her into far more interesting scenarios without the need of high-energy junk food to excuse them, establishing just how out of touch she was while providing plenty of laughs. This, meanwhile, was as cerebral as cotton candy is nutritious, with none of the guilty pleasure the latter involves.
3796391 Finally someone with the fortitude to back up a down-vote.
3796454
On an additional note,
3720109
Didn't notice this at first, so at least you didn't just think "I'll add some cotton candy to that formula!" and, in your defence, it is arguably the best (or at least funniest) of the MLP comics so far, so not measuring up to it is fine. All things in relation, after all, and this certainly rises above Sturgeon's Law when it comes to "Comedy" tags on this site.
And I felt it only fair to give an explanation behind my downvote. The reasons I didn't enjoy it were subjective and based on style, while I only silently downvote when a story's grammar or other mechanics are horrendous and the deficiencies so obvious as to not require being pointed out.
That said, I would appreciate an attempt at a rebuttal, unless you truly think the points I raised are unassailable. A comparing of ideals can bebeneficial for both of our writing efforts and I do try to keep an open mind when it comes to my opinions.
3797766 You won't get much of a rebuttal out of me. As you said, it's all subjective, and there is truth in everything you've brought up.
I've grown enough as a writer to know that I won't be able to please everyone. However, if I used that as an excuse to never improve, I'd be pretty pathetic indeed, so I'll touch on some points.
You mention that you disliked the exposition. In that case, you'd probably loathe Terry Pratchett, whose style I borrowed from. There isn't much I can do about that; you'll either like the style, or you won't.
I'm also not Terry Pratchett, nor should I be expected to match up to him. He's a professional who gets paid a fair wage to do this, whereas I'm a 33 year old, somewhat ordinary man who loves his kids, enjoys My Little Pony, and likes to try to put out decent stories in his spare time that people might enjoy. If I were getting paid, or had a professional editor, then we could talk comparisons.
You also mentioned that Luna's antics before the cotton candy were far better than they were afterwards. Again, that's subjective, and I can hardly argue over an opinion. Some will argue she was too tame, some might argue she went overboard. As we can see below in the comments, some even argued over the scientific effects of sugar. I liken this to analysts like Digibrony or Tommy Oliver. On the one hand, it's fun to analyze things and pick over every detail, and even call out the writers on things that don't quite add up. On the other hand, we're discussing the realism of something that pertains to My Little Pony – a show about magical talking ponies. There's a line there where it begins to get ludicrous, but that line will vary for each individual and, as I mentioned, it is fun to analyze things.
Lastly, you mention how cerebral the story is. I completely agree, there's nothing to think about here other than a very basic moral. This is why I enjoy My Little Pony: the stories are simple, if somewhat flawed, and I can enjoy them on a childlike level. Most of my stories are written very simply, and I'll often try to match the feel of the show. Some of them, like Imaginary, stray from that formula and are a little deeper with their conflicts, but all of them are still simple in execution. That's my style and, again, some will like it, some won't.
I personally do not down vote anything unless I feel it was a complete waste of my time, and shouldn't exist in the first place. If I dislike a story simply because I personally didn't like the style, who am I to tell others not to read it? This is just my opinion, but down votes are very powerful, much more so than up votes. If someone browses the stories on this site and sees something with 60 up votes and 10 down votes, it may cause them to stop and consider whether it's worth their time, or even just skip right over it, despite there being six times as many up votes as there are down votes. I still take those votes very seriously, and am very careful with how I distribute them, even though I have finally come to terms with the fact that they're going to show up from time to time. I might disagree with how some of them got there, but that's life.
So... there's a wall of text now. I guess that's as good a rebuttal as you're going to get. I do continuously seek to improve myself as a writer, but I also write for myself first, then for others, knowing that I can't please everyone. So long as the majority of people are enjoying what I put out, I'm content.
3798245
Actually, I absolutely adore Terry Pratchett. Whereas your exposition felt dry-and-cut, though, his is filled with all manners of witticisms and wry observations. I saw the attempts at such, but they never managed to go beyond that.
I meantioned the comic did more with Luna for absurd humour without needing cotton candy to justify it, not that her actions before eating it in your story were better than those afterwards. When you describe her euphoric sugar-state as being something that could very well cause Equestria to implode upon itself, her playing keep-away with some clouds is rather ho-hum. The problem is that you effectively promise an A-bomb and in relation we end up with a firecracker; it's entertaining in its own right, but compared to the expectations one cannot help but feel rather put out.
There is nothing wrong with a story not being cerebral, but it must have some other element to make up for it. I enjoy stories that turn off my brain and turn me into a giggling idiot, the problem is that this one didn't succeed in doing so.
Writing for yourself is admirable, but please don't assume that the majority liking the story means it's good. I'm sure hundreds of millions of people enjoy McDonalds and think it's the best thing since sliced bread, but that's only because they've never experienced a real dining experience. Rest assured though, before you go thinking I'm comparing your story to McDonalds, that the above is only for alagorical purposes and this story is certainly superior to a puck of mystery meat between two deflated bun halves.
3798442 It all goes back to subjectivity. I do agree the story can be improved, but I'm not the type to bog myself down in an endless loop of trying to meet higher and higher expectations before I release something. If I did that, I'd never release a story, as they'd all be stuck in perpetual editing mode. Every story can be improved, it's just a matter of knowing when to give it a rest, and taking any eventual feedback into account for the next time.
As for 'real dining,' I find myself falling asleep while trying to read some of what the fandom has held aloft as 'masterpieces.' Subjectivity!
Please don't assume that the majority liking the story means it's good.
Please don't assume that your dislike of a story means that it isn't. Goes both ways, there.
Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss further, but I'm pretty sure I fully understand what you're saying, and even agree to a point.
3797766 Could I just point out that leaving silent downvotes is NEVER acceptable? just because it's obvious to you doesn't mean the writer sees it. If the grammar is awful, sure they likely see it, but then maybe they can't help it, and want people to see through to the actual story. When anyone gets a downvote, they always want to know what was wrong. Fanfiction is a great medium for improving one's writing. Mine sure has improved since I started on here. But one needs constructive criticism to improve, and that requires downvoters to supply reasoning, no matter how 'obvious' the faults are. Lately, my opinion of this site and it's downvoters has been reduced to: No explanation? Hate vote. Because, to me, there is no clear reason why they disliked the fic. And I apply this rule to all fics, be they written by myself, or others, no matter how many blatant issues I may find in those same fics. Hell, if I can't read the fic due to the number of grammatical and/or spelling errors, I'll stop reading and not vote because I couldn't read the whole thing to enjoy the story
3798768 I'll be taking Ion-Sturm's criticisms into account for future stories, so I appreciate his feedback even if I disagree with some things.
3798768
I generally count any systemic error that could be fixed by simply cracking open a real book and reading a page to observe how basic mechanics are handled to be one that isn't deserving of time, only ire. Improper dialogue punctuation, not putting a space after a period or comma, failing to capitalize the beginning of sentences and/or their i's; these are nothing more than lazy errors that are the result of the author not caring. If only one of those is present I will tell them how to fix it, but if all three are that's nothing more than a sign of ineptitude through wilfull ignorance. If they do not care to put even a modicum of effort into their work, I will do the same when it comes to telling them what's wrong with it.
3798793
Thank you for taking my opinions into consideration. It is more than can be said for many writers out there.
Luna is best pony.
That was a nice little story to read.
Now Luna knows that you should always watch your sugar intake.
And that last line. Celestia, you're such a sneaky pony.
Yeah that sounds about right. Imagine how far behind she'd be if there had been a third contestant!
Luna is a silly pony.
But we knew that already. Ah, that was fun.
You can has review!
Humor is hard