- Member Since 19th Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Jan 24th, 2018
Totally Emo
I'm twenty-one year old asshole with grammar skill of a brain dead monkey....Lets be friends.
Totally Emo
Joined 19th Oct, 2011 ·
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OK, reading the first chapter...
... Where's my chapter? This is a bunch of notices. Stuff actually HAPPENS in chapters. You should have just put the notices ABOVE or BELOW the scenes within the chapter, not just leave an entire chapter be nothing but a bunch of notices.
So far, the writing is rather plain. I like that the author of the letter (a lich, obviously) is actually rather condescending to his readers, it really gives him kind of an attitude. Other than that, the writing style isn't all that spectacular.
Consider the following five lenses for writing:
1. Character: you already have that. Your lich has a serious attitude problem, and is sarcastic and selfish.
2. Information: the trick is to convince your readers you were there--and that they are too. What is it like to be in the lich's shoes? What is it like, raising the dead? We are told it is a sin against nature, but why does he keep doing it if that is so?
3. Content: A chapter should be full of scenes, no fewer than perhaps two or three. Lots of things ought to happen in a single chapter, and the story should move at a brisk pace. This fic is kind of sloggy.
4. Variation: A good amount of it, but nothing that outstanding. A thesaurus would be good, but it helps to know how to weave together a sentence creatively, too.
5. Flow: The sentences occasionally don't mesh all that well. Each paragraph should be able to influence the next one, going from event to event naturally.
Take these five items into consideration, and you'll see some definite improvements. Thanks and take care.
Finally.. I was waiting for this, and I can't watch for some reason, probably IE being gay. And by luck, I randomly get on fimfiction at this time and accidently click on this story and realize it was the one I was waiting for.
WTF Destiny?
*first reaction*
encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRic7OOG-zdGertg7ioibMIhfiOZFEf7EMfMwV7vycOpngSRS2I
After reading notices...
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS0cfkz32TB_m523I2N74VX36hdPvCQV-lsxq8iPglYpyK8E0HeJg
You...bastard...
You got my hopes up when you said changes were going to be made... but they are just minor
fixes with grammar and spelling i see... I was expecting something bigger.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
..............
*JOYGASM*
ITS BACK!
Hmm, interesting rewrite of this chapter. I liked the previous version better, but it's good to see Celestia's POV. Keep up with the updates on this awesome story!
glad to see this story back, while I have read all these chapters before, it's a nice refresher. I would however, recommend keeping an editor/proof reader for future chapters as there are a small amount of mispelled words.
uh i know this is a hard story to write but you are going to keep writing it right?
moar
MOAR!!!!!!
I demand longer chapters. Do not fail me or i will send tiberium troopers at you.
1768207
Your Tiberium troopers are no match to his undead armies...
...
Ok maybe they are.
Read this back in 2012 and now came back to this story....it's still (by my standards for this Era) one of my fav story (for got my old account password..and account name..)