Hey! I'm Sara. I'm just a normal girl who loves writing fanfics. Other than writing fanfics, I'm either working at my job, or doing YouTube. Check my channel, RandomGamerSara, anytime!
Musa (my OC) is a regular girl in a regular town. One day she meets the one and only Rainbow Dash. They become friends instantly, but she finds new feelings are being created and growing stronger. She has trouble dealing with the feelings, though...and the one main question that comes to almost everybody's mind. How to tell her...
This is my first story, so constructive criticism is welcome!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well reading the first chapter I have come to 3 things.
1. Way to fast paced. Possibly a 2k or more word chapter shortened into 500 words.
2. Rainbow Dash is out of character. I highly doubt she would say "How rude of me" and introduce herself.
3. Too many cuts and it's too vague. Add some detail and delve into the scene some more. The first sentence jumped right into it without any explanation so it could be morning, afternoon, raining who knows!
You have a lot of work to do. Not trying to be harsh but you do. Hope this succeeds in the long run
3716933 You forgot the obvious pitfall
O.CXMane6
3716992 meh at least it aint an alicorn OC
This story is waaaaaay to short, I really hope you make it longer. Also, you could use a tad bit more detail. It's a cute story though! Keep trying an never give up! Trust me, I know O.C hate, I do. There's always room for improvement and if you ever need any help with your writing just send me a message and I'll be there in 10 seconds flat.
One thing you really need to not do is to have different colors when different characters are speaking. You could leave the whole color thing out and it wouldn't have changed the story one bit.
And as others have said, this is moving way too quickly. Take your time, there's no reason to rush the climax on this.
OC Shipping with mane 6?
i.imgur.com/ikOiq.gif
Slow down, this is moving way too fast.
There's a lack of descriptions of settings.