After an unfortune accident, two fillies have a hard time going back to their normal lives. There is a bit blood and gore, so not for the faint hearted. You've been warned.
First Fimfic, criticism would be nice.
I got the picture from Tommy631 from Deviantart, don't know if he's the one that made it though. Picture edited by me.
Check out the sequel here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/14359/The-Broken-Promise-%28Second-Fic%29
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have not read, want to read
Eh... is this a troll fic? Because I feel slightly trolled....
now have read, am in tears
Wow. I'm not going to lie, the plot for this fic is actually pretty haunting. Most fanfics make either 1 or all of the Crusaders die, but if 2 of them and only 1 remains to pick up the pieces, that makes for the base of a truly heartbreaking story, so kudos on the plot! That being said, there are some things that should be worked on. The pace, for me, was a bit fast. Fanfic writers often put a single death and repercussions of a pony in 2,000 - 3,000 words, to let the event sink in. Due to the shortness of this one, it kind of killed it for me. Also, try and include as much imagery and figurative language as possible, and remember to use complex and compound sentences. Simple sentences don't get the point across as well. All in all, however, this is a good first fanfic! I look forward to your next one!
295850
oh go easy. It's his/her first fanfic
296016
Ok sorry
And you pretty much summed it all up.
Oh, and ribgf, I don't see a lot of gore or objectionable content, so perhaps look into lowering the rating 1 notch. Just a suggestion.
Thanks for the replies.
I know everything went a bit fast, I was trying to make every sentence as long as possible, but they all still came out short.
I also should have described the surroundings more and well, the converstations are awful I know, I should have added more emotions than happy and sad.
297580 Great fic. It really moved me. It almost melted my solid, icy heart. Have you had some tramatic experiences in your life to fuel your writing. That's what it seems to me.
296481
Thanks for the tip, I changed that
Tears were shed
But awesome story!
You offed Scootaloo the same day I turn Twenty-one. Conspiracy?... nah, just coincidence. Did you pick that day at random, or is there more to it?
301763
Hehe, no there's nothing behind the date of the upload. Happy Birthday btw.
298431
Well, my own life has inspired me a few things in my stories.
Thank you btw
I made it without tears until the very end. That part.............