Humans Assemble: Equestrian Boys

by Mistershield

Prologue

Prologue

Five days.

Five days of fighting, bonding, planning, near-death experiences, traveling, laughter, tears, and more. A bitter conflict between the forces of Celestia and of Chrysalis reached the climax. Now, there was one day of reprieve- The sixth day, where a ceasefire had been agreed to. The forces of Equestria finally released a sigh. But there lay one problem now for the champions.

They were humans. In some cases, humanoids, but champions all the same. And the fact that most of the ponies had no idea what the aliens were exactly, just left them doubtful. A certain newspaper article laid facts that both humans and ponies were ignorant of.

Humans were meat eaters. They had arrived through death and outlawed means. The morality of man is not a simple construct; it has layers and layers of complexity. Lies, murder, thievery and the colorful backgrounds of some of these champions was laid naked for all to see. Unfortunately, no one told the humans that they had, in fact, died. Also, other uncertainties made the homo sapiens uneasy. What would happen if they died here? Would their bodies get sent back?

With doubts set aside for the moment, the humans had to find a place to rest, regroup, and get some time away from the ponies. This would give the ponies a chance for the humans to lay low while the ponies, once again, restored their faith in their champions.

But where?

__________________________________

“Come along now,” Princess Celestia called out. The white alicorn lead the ponies and their partners down to the lower levels of the castle. Light filtered through ground windows, leaving the large corridor almost in darkness with the setting sun.

“Princess, where are you taking us?” Twilight Sparkle asked. Purple unicorn, Princess Celestia’s protege. Element of Magic. Saved Equestria many times along with her friends. She was teamed up with Dr. Hal ‘Otacon’ Emmerich, the Element of Science.

“You know, if I wasn’t so excited right now, I would piss my pants,” Otacon mumbled to himself as he looked around the interior of the castle. Brown haired geek with glasses, he wore a lab coat that had stealth camo built in. A gifted robotics engineer, but a giant Otaku. Somehow, he got to second base with the unicorn, though he wasn’t sure...

(Did I forget to mention that the humans are the Elements of Bromance? My bad. Kinda important.)

“Hey, Nix, you okay? Don’t still think you are Roger?” Rainbow Dash asked as she followed next. The Element of Loyalty belonged to a cyan pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane and tail. Often brash and a bit of a glory hound. She was paired up with Phoenix Wright, the Element of Hope.

“I... Yeah, I’m me again. But I still have all those memories of being Roger Smith,” Phoenix replied. A former defense lawyer dressed in a blue suit, with a haircut that could only be described as a porcupine. Mr. Turnabout Ace once more, moved a single hand out to pat her mane and relax the pegasus.

“Come on, thief,” Applejack called out behind herself. The Element of Honesty, an orange mare with a cowboy hat. A rodeo queen and first class apple farmer spoke to Dovahkiin.

“I have yet to steal anything in Equestria,” Dovahkiin defended himself. A Nord from Skyrim, dressed in a Thief Guild leader outfit. It seem Applejack forgot he was also a blacksmith, archer, archmage, dragon slayer. “If I kiss you again, will you stop?” Applejack blushed after a second and quickly silenced herself.

(Did I mention many partners were falling in love with each other? Damn... I meant to tell you that too.)

“Nathan, dear, I want you to please excuse my reactions in the meeting,” Rarity said, her head hung low a bit. The Element of Generosity was feeling regret. The alabaster unicorn picked up her head, turning to look back at her partner. She walked alongside Nathan Drake, the Element of Equality.

“Hey, I know I haven’t been forthcoming about my adventures. It’s understandable,” Nate sighed, hands busy sketching the interior. Treasure hunter, linguist, bar owner. Trying to keep himself from thinking of the number of people that tried to kill him, and those that laid dead because they tried.

“Soma? Did you really threaten to kill Dr. Stable?” Fluttershy asked. The Element of Kindness walked behind her partner, trying to avert her gaze from her partner. A butter yellow pegasus with a shy demeanor that only made the hardest of men cringe. Had a thing for meat eaters. A really odd thing for young ponies. A thing for young, vampiric, meat-eating, bad boys...

“He joked with my friend’s life and death struggle. I would become a demon if it meant saving his life,” Soma Cruz sighed, trying to avoid her gaze. A white-haired Spaniard teen, born with the powers of Dracula. Dressed in a white duster jacket, almost like a pimp. The Element of Acceptance, and Fluttershy’s ‘special somepony’, whatever that meant. “Please stop looking at me like that. I feel like a piece of meat,” The soul hunter sweatdropped. ”I am still wondering what my Brand can do...”

(Did I forget to mention that some of the humans received Brand marks, something akin to Cutie Marks? I am really bad at this...)

“So help me,” Dan Mandel muttered under his breath. The Element of Anger rode on the back of Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter. The puffy pink party pony bounced up and down, leading her fiance with the others.

(Ha, got that one.)

“You feeling better, Danny? You’re not going to kill the Princess, are you?” Pinkie asked with a large grin on her face.

“Still debating it,” Dan replied, both arms crossed over on his chest. Pinkie is... well, Pinkie. Dan... Dan is rage incarnate. Petty, vengeful, lacks proper hygiene, almost a dwarf. Do not argue or irk his wrath though. Almost murdered Princess Celestia in a fit of righteous rage. White pegasi and unicorn guard marched with them both, making sure not to let Dan get in reach of their spears.

“You know...” Derpy rode on the back of her partner. “I’m sorry. It’s not my place to tell you what to eat or not.” The gray pegasus shut her eyes, moving her front hooves to hug her partner’s neck.

“Yeah, well, it’s not so different from eating eggs. You use them to make muffins,” Sokka of the Southern Tribe admitted. The teen was dressed in a blue wrap, with his hair combed in a wolf tail. He said nothing, knowing he had to patch things with her. So he carried her, keeping his gaze ahead. Why was he the only carrying their partner?

“David, did... Did you really killed your family?” Trixie, the Great and Powerful asked. The light blue showpony moved her left hoof up to lower her hat over her eyes a bit.

“Does it matter? It’s a long story. Short answer, I did,” Solid Snake marched ahead of Trixie. The son of Big Boss was dressed in his stealth combat suit, traditional headband tied around his mullet. “But we can talk about it if we make it back.” Trixie released a sigh, nodding once. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but any story where a family member was driven to kill another could not be good.

“Sephy? You sure you’re ok with this decision?” Lyra Heartstrings asked. The minty green unicorn walked slowly with the one-winged angel.

“It must be done. Someone must make sure this mission succeeds,” Sephiroth assured her. Clad in black, the last Cetra took slow but deliberate steps. No longer insane, thanks to the lack of mako, his mentality was slowly returning to the point before he joined SOLDIER. Lyra lowered her head, wondering why couldn’t she join him.

“Hey... Do you know where are we going?” Travis Touchdown asked Princess Luna. The dark blue alicorn frowned a bit.

“I believe I do, my knight. But I worry still,” Luna whispered in a low voice. She moved her head up to his shoulder, making the assassin lift a hand up to pet her mane. In honor of his partner, he donned a blue shirt instead of his anime girl one. While she had a deep connection to her partner, the human pervert had certain reservations about beastiality.

“So, in the end, you’re a mercenary? Not a soldier for your country?” Cheerilee asked. Trying very, very hard to keep her eyes off from Ralf Jones’ ass. The fuschia pony fought hard from blushing, just watching this human built from muscle was too much macho. He had a flank you could bounce a bit off.

“It’s not like I get hired by evil companies,” Ralf sighed. His left hand moved up to rub the bandana on his head. “I only work for countries trying to stop terrorists.” Ralf was dressed in comando fatigues, and even working in deserts, he kept his cool. Why did his ass feel so hot then?

“I fear this fate we must avert, is there no good news we can insert?” Zecora the Zebra and Blue Spy walked down the stairs next. The zebra had her eyes closed a bit, now knowing his true background.

“I’m afraid not,” Spy replied. The saboteur had spent his career taking great delight with assassinations and with destroying electronics. Then, that certain glee he got from backstabbing someone, disguised as a close friend. Though, he could take no pride in that now.

“Very well. Samus will return with the champions of Baltimare,” Mayor Mare said in a sad tone. The earth pony with glasses kept her gaze ahead, trying to stay objective. While her partner had been nothing but honest with her- Well, her town residents would look down at her for being with a chainsaw-toting deadite killer.

“About that drunken night...” Ash Williams moved his prosthetic hand up to holster his shotgun behind himself. “Listen, if you need to worry about your political career-”

“No! I will not let you get away so easily!” Ash and the others had to stop and stare at the angry mare. Mayor narrowed her eyes, looking up at him. “This was not your fault. That lies on Twilight and the other necromancers.”

“Yikes,” Ash replied, moving both hands up a bit defensively. “What are you all looking at?” He said after a second to look back at the others.

“You’re holding up the line!” Toph Bei Fong called out with a dry voice. The teen was already in a bad mood, and Derpy hanging on Sokka like a towel was not helping. The earthbender kicked the ground idly, pushing the two forward to get the line going.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side,” Vash the Stampede managed to blurt out. The humanoid typhoon and the blind bandit walked in tandem without their partners. Samus Aran had to take Little Strongheart and Braeburn back to Appleloosa. Toph had the young buffalo, while Vash had the stallion. Big Macintosh walked between the two, also shocked at Toph’s display of earth magic.

Behind them, Terra Branford and Vergil Sparda walked together. Like the Appleloosans, their partners had to leave as well. The half-esper was partnered with Princess Cadence, the half-devil with Shining Armor. Once they found out the Crystal Heart was stolen, the rulers of the Crystal Kingdom had to leave and check how was their kingdom. They said nothing, though for different reasons. Vergil wondered who he would have to kill and get some wine, while Terra wondered if Cadence would be alright.

Junebug and Merchant (Resident Evil Four) walked, talking in hushed voices about business. At the moment, Merchant owned a lot of lands that belonged to Ponyville. With the ponies in an uproar, they decide to just lynch him. He was now signing the property deeds over to Junebug, preventing the Mayor from asking for the properties back. If this deal would stick or not had yet to be seen.

On a time-out, the Kids Next Door marched quietly with their heads down. The ponies they were partnered with had to go home, sent away by Princess Celestia a while ago. This left the children of Section Five feeling alone and in trouble. Dan was going to pass judgement on them... And that human had shaved the Cutie Mark Crusaders bald.

Leading the end, were an odd group of four. Johnny Bravo, partner of Prince Blueblood. The Samurai Jack, partnered with Spike the Dragon. An odd group, because out of all the humans, these ones had unblemished marks. While Johnny was not innocent, he had not committed any crime revealed to the public. The samurai was nothing but heroic, standing as the temporary captain of the guards. Unlike the others though, they said nothing.

What could be said? Jack only ate fish if he could help it, and Johnny even dated animals. Spike though, wondered how the others would fare without Jack to guide the guards. Blueblood wondered what to do from his end. They were all heroes, more than willingly to fight.

Except for Merchant, who was in it for others reasons.

All that was left, was to reveal the plan of the princess.

__________________________________

“So, let get this straight,” Dan had to take a moment to lift his right hand over his eyes, the left hand moving up to Princess Celestia. “We need to lay low, so you think the best idea is to send us through this-” Dan picked up his head to look back at the alicorn.

“Magic Mirror,” Princess Celestia nodded.

“Right. Magic Mirror,” Dan turned to look over at the giant reflection device. “And into another world?” Gathered behind him, the human champions filling the hallway leading to the mirror.

“Yes. It is only for a day, the portal will be open for a few days,” Princess Celestia nodded once more. “By then, the War Games will start, and we should have my citizens no longer upset at you all.”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“No way, Jose.”

“So, we went from one dimension, and you’re sending us to another? Is this Inception?”

“This is just...”

“Shit.”

The ponies picked up their heads, turning over to look at the humans. While the idea of sending them of to keep them safe, this was a bit too much.

“Alright... Alright. Suggestions?” Phoenix picked up both hands to settle them down. He turned to look over at Princess Celestia. “And are you sure it’s safe?”

“It is. I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise.”

“Are you saying, that if for any reason- You wouldn’t send a pony by themselves through a magic portal?” Twilight asked.

“Clearly not. If there was a reason I would send an Element of Harmony by themselves through the mirror, I would at least send a guard escort,” Princess Celestia added.

(Yeah, way to go, Equestria Girls.)

“Like how you allowed me to get poisoned...” Nate replied with a dry voice.

“That was to save Discord,” Princess Celestia blushed, having the dignity to do so. Still, her eyes went up in alarm. “And you weren’t in danger.”

“How about this,” Otacon picked up his hand to his glasses. “We send a few of us in, see if it’s safe, and then the rest of us go in.” Snake had his left hand up, about to suggest the same thing.

“Good plan, I like it,” Sokka added. “But who do we send?” Derpy flew up a bit, looking down at the crowd. A lot of the faces on the humans and ponies perked up at the idea.

“Hmm... How about the Firsts?” Vergil suggested. “They work well together, been here the longest, they are elemental warriors, have various skills and abilities, and it’s not me.”

“No! No way!” Rainbow Dash flew up and confronted the half devil with a frown. “If Phoenix goes, I go! Besides, we can’t put them in danger!”

“I have to agree with Rainbow Dash. But at the same time, Princess Celestia assures us it’s safe,” Twilight interjected. “And Vergil also makes a valid point. Out of all the humans, they do stand the best chance to make a solid group.”

“It’s hard to argue against those facts...” Dovahkiin moved his left hand to rub his chin. “Any ideas, Sokka?” The young man had proven himself very competent these last few days.

“Hmm...” Sokka moved both arms to cross on his chest. “We do need a search party, true. But I think we can also send a few more for support. Just in case.” The water tribesman turned to look at the others. “I think that Ralf, Travis, Terra and Distant Star should go.”

“Me?” The unicorn turned his head left and right, lifting his left hoof up to point at himself. He was a bit shocked really, then again it was an excellent opportunity for chaos...

“This is all your fault. I think it’s time you do something to prove yourself,” Sokka added.

“Bah. I already- You know what? Fine,” Distant released a sigh and put his hoof down. “I think one of the ponies should go-”

“I’d like to go...” Fluttershy asked, moving to flutter up and hug Soma’s left arm to herself.

“Oh hey, if she’s going then-”

“No. You all have jobs to do here to earn back the ponies’ trust. Especially you, Twilight. Since you summoned some of them, it is only right,” Princess Luna interrupted the purple unicorn. If she couldn’t go with her knight, she was not going to let another pony go either.

“Anyone else?” Nate asked, lifting his eyebrows up.

“I’d like to volunteer some of my troops and myself,” Number One moved up to the front of the line.

“But you’re just kids! The whole point of a search party is to make sure its safe for everyone!” Cheerilee called out from Ralf’s side.

“No, I think it’s a good idea,” Dan placed both hands on his hips to look at the kids. “Things would look weird if we go to a place and it’s just a bunch of adults. We need a cover story too. Kids, at least, give us some cover and also make others trust us more.”

“He’s right. Going in without a plan does seems foolish,” Snake added. “And children even make the hardest adults grow soft a little.”

“Look at you, talking about using kids as bargaining tools...” Trixie snorted a bit. “But he’s right. Little colts and fillies is what I use to draw in adults to my shows.”

“Hey- They did volunteer,” Snake defended himself.

“Alright. Number Two, Number Four, you’re with me.” Nigel stepped over with the rest of the scout party. The other two looked at each other and shrugged, joining with the others.

“One last thing,” Sokka turned to look at the people that he ‘volunteered’. “I picked you guys to balance a few things. Terra to add a girl and she knows magic, Ralf as a soldier should be used to insertions, and Travis for his sword fighting to balance out the mix.”

“Hell yeah!” Travis smirked and raised his left hand to high five Nate.

“Not a bad group, Sokka,” Soma complimented the teen. “Alright, let’s do this!”

“Vanguard Team, go,” Dan said as he walked through the portal. Not his first time using one. Still, he walked up to it and placed his hand through it. He pulled back his hand and wiggled his fingers. He then shut both eyes, and stepped through the magic fog.

Chapter proofreaded by LyonAzakura.

Bonus:

“Are you cray cray?” Pinkie Pie asked Fluttershy. Both of the girls were walking towards their high school.

“What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked, moving her backpack higher up her shoulders.

“There is no way I would ever, and I mean ever- date an angry guy!” Pinkie scrunched her nose a bit. “Besides, with the Gala coming up, I don’t have time to look for a date.”

“Oh... I just thought I would ask. You don't seem to like jocks, dramas, fashionistas, rockers, or any of the other school groups,” Fluttershy managed to say. She lowered her head a bit, hiding under her pink hair. “What kind of guy do you see yourself dating then?”

“I dunno...” Pinkie picked up her head to look at the school’s main doorway. “Call me crazy, but I kinda have a thing for vampires.”

“Vampires? I think they are...” Fluttershy shook her head to the sides. “I’ll talk to you later. I gotta pass out fliers for volunteers at the shelter.”

Author's Note:

One step closer to recovery, least I'm home.

Comments

[raccoonmagic]

Oh wow, this story is really gonna happen...squee~

[quade]

So this is a thing.... OK then

[Treat Tyrant]

[TheDboys]

so your going through with the side story?
25.media.tumblr.com/ae6f150282f2c6fb76844f0e6844968b/tumblr_mghc4yYxaK1ry10fwo1_400.gif

[Morex25]

Ah! This is going to be good! I can't wait for your next update.
So, you're really going with the whole Pinkie/Soma Dan/FS? I like it!
PS.
I wish you a fast recovery.

[Knight of the eclipse]

I wish you a nice and swift recovery sir, and a good day too

[Wacky]

Get well soon bring!

Can't wait for the next update.

[Seraph973]

Oh my god this is a thing.

[Dirty Bit]

This was a good prologue

This left the children of Section Five feeling alone and in trouble. Dan was going to pass judgement on them... And that human had shaved the Cutie Mark Crusaders bald.

Yes, those particular kids are a part of Sector V, but it is only 'V' as in the alphabet and not the roman numeral for five.

“No. You all have jobs to do here to earn back the ponies’ trust. Especially you, Twilight. Since you summoned some of them, it is only right,” Princess Luna interrupted the purple unicorn. If she couldn’t go with her knight, she was not going to let another pony go either.

That got a laugh out of me The whole 'If I'm not happy, then no one else should be either' bit