• Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen March 27th

chief maximus


Why do I write? Because I can't draw! I write mainly as an outlet, and don't take it too seriously. If you like what I write, awesome! If not, that's cool too.

E

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have a plan of plans, a scheme of schemes to take down the school bullies. By the time they're through with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, they'll never utter a cross word again! But, are all fillies cut out to be bullies?

Part 1 of 2

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 38 )

Another, to her fathers bedroom, where Mr. Filthy Rich seemed to be losing a wrestling match to a rather burly stallion.

Was he-?

You know what, I'm not even gonna question it :rainbowderp:

left it off at a cliffhanger, will you continue?

4605523 You did read the part in the story description where it said part one of two, right?

So I can't help but notice it says 'part 1 of 2' in the description and marked this complete.

You know it's against the rules to post multiple chapters of a story as separate stories, right?

"What does S.O.G.* mean?" she asked.

It's always the quiet ones.:rainbowlaugh:

4605622 you can't do that

4605759 its not gonna be a separate story, just letting readers know there will be only 1 more chapter.

4605910 then why mark it complete?

Wow! Now I-I don't know what to to say...... 0_0

4605414

Maybe he's just into Turkish Oil Wrestling. :derpytongue2:

4606260 because... I dunno. It's fixed now though, thanks for letting me know!

A bully is someone who torments others who have done nothing to deserve it.

Retaliating against DT and SS does not make the CMC bullies.

And "never had anything stolen?" having something destroyed is better, somehow?

Ok, Critique time. Its very bland. Make it more exciting, its good a good line but link it togetheer somehow! :applecry: c:

4607193 no problem brah
it's what I do when I'm not making small children cry

4608159 keep doing gods work Reg

You've captured my interest! I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

Okay, I had to stop reading partway through to ask something because it's immediately driving me crazy:

"See? I told ya I was getting better at magic!" Diamond Tiara chuckled to her friend as they turned to leave.

Diamond Tiara is an earth pony. You didn't overlook this particular fact, right?

Aside from a few grammar mistakes. I like it.

4608473 I think she was making fun of sweetie bell or something

4608473 ha, yeah I did. I'll fix that. But you were the first to point it out.

Not a bad story, I liked the comical narrations, which made it a bit more vibrant, but some of the jokes kinda went a li'l overboard, or were to outlandish. (Especially, the rather suggestive joke about Mr. Rich.)

Another, to her fathers bedroom, where Mr. Filthy Rich seemed to be losing a wrestling match to a rather burly stallion.

O_O
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

That farm pony's a badass!!! :coolphoto::eeyup::flutterrage:

Another, to her fathers bedroom, where Mr. Filthy Rich seemed to be losing a wrestling match to a rather burly stallion.

:pinkiegasp: I should've known it...

Filthy Rich is so rich, he can afford to have a wrestling ring in his bedroom!

Comment posted by UnicornCascade deleted Jul 22nd, 2014

When will the second chapter come out?

5604076 I've got a lot more free time lately, so I'll be finishing up fics like this one in a few weeks.

5604415 All right.
I can't wait for it

Another, to her fathers bedroom, where Mr. Filthy Rich seemed to be losing a wrestling match to a rather burly stallion.

I'm just going to come out and ask it... Was he fucking Bulk Biceps? Is that what that was? Was he fucking Bulk Biceps? Because this story just confirmed that he lives with his wife, Is he cheating on his wife? Forget Diamond's stupid Tiara, Filthy and Bulk's scandalous gay love affair, now that is a story!

6429350 yeah. Kind of a commentary on the whole 'kinks of the rich and famous' thing I see pop up every now and then in movies and tv. but the cmc's being fillies, had no idea what was going on.

6429415 Are you ever going to finish Part 2? It's been a year, man. Don't leave us waiting.

P.S. I reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllyyyyyyyy want Filthy to get caught in the act by his wife if that isn't too much trouble.

Well, finally read this one, even if like a few other fics before recently, I read it more or less for the first time a while back.

I don't think I've read too many stories where all of the CMC wish to pay back the bullies who torment them in canon (which I personally can't stand, let alone never acknowledging until now that it goes against the theme of the show, which is ponies learning lessons about friendship and life, love at times, etc), usually just one of them in a small or large aspect depending on the story, in my experience. Which afterwards, shows them that they aren't as cut out to be mean as Babs was for a bit or the ones who usually do so. Though I'd hate this to end with after Diamond and Silver hopefully getting back their possessions, they go back to being bullies perhaps. :flutterrage: But I'll have to wait and see what you decide to do... :fluttershysad:

A couple things to comment about with this fic:
First, I'm surprised you connected this sort of to one of your older stories (which recently got a sequel) before this one, with Mac in the army against the changelings! :pinkiegasp: Didn't know what S.O.G. meant until I looked online, since you had called them the Sunspears in the sequel, for what group/classification he was in in Celestia's Army.

Second, one line in particular seems to be missing a chunk of it or has an extra part added to it:

"Hey, shouldn't we lock those up so we can until they learn their lesson?"

That sounds like improper grammar or a sentence fragment, unless you added something like "keep them safe" after the bold or removed the part in bold itself. :twilightoops:

Last, you said Mac's stuff they stole was in a steamer trunk and later said they had put their stuff they took in addition to the bullies' belongings in ANOTHER steamer trunk, but mentioned the clubhouse one having a combination lock on it? Dunno if it was meant to be implied as a separate lock (a portable one you'd put on something you wish to keep extra secure or as a first means of safety), rather than one on it by default, since Mac's didn't have one and I'm sure it wasn't his with how they took only some stuff out of it, rather than the whole thing. Or should be stated as being an old safe instead, if it had a combination lock on it? :twilightoops:

Anyway, I REALLY hope you do the other part of this soon, if there's only one more chapter left of this fic! I'd love to see if the CMC got found out if one of AB's siblings found the trunk and the stuff in it, or Celestia knows what! And how they handle the returning of the items probably, if they can't do it in secret (if they were found out and have to do it face-to-face, or find it within Mac's stuff/elsewhere but can't get cloaks or whatever they need to sneak them back in).

5604415
So much for this comment, but you probably had unforeseen circumstances pop up when you said this? :unsuresweetie:

6429415
Wow, I didn't even think that was the case until I read the comments! :pinkiegasp: I'm surprised that he could get away with that, that is unless his wife is away when it happens or KNOWS such a thing was occurring and likewise, does it herself? :pinkiecrazy:

6429428
Well, he IS in the Army still last I checked, so he probably doesn't have as much time as he likes to write and/or gets new ideas from time to time he wishes to start right away, when he gets some time and motivation to write. I do agree with you, I'd LOVE to see this one completed soon, on top of his MANY other older stories I've enjoyed or there's not been many parts of (mainly, a couple crossover fics, plus one featuring Spikejack and another with Twijack, even if that's not my ideal pairing for either Spike or Twilight, but I'm not against them :twilightsmile:).

It's almost ironic that the week I read and review this is the same week as of the latest episode that Diamond Tiara and possibly Silver Spoon are both redeemed, as opposed to the Crusaders trying to get back at them like here and how they did with Babs Seed in Season 3. I certainly hope that doesn't affect this getting completed ASAP!

Just out of curiosity is there any chance that this story will be updated?

Login or register to comment