The Final Challenge
Roll for Initiative
Week 5
The Final Challenge
“So, Twi, what’s the plan?” asked Rainbow Dash after taking her seat at the table.
Twilight shook her head. “Sorry, Dash. I can’t tell you that.”
The faces of Twilight’s friends fell into matching grimaces.
“And why not?” said Applejack.
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said. “How are we supposed to do our part of the plan if we don’t know the plan?”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight said as she distributed the character sheets, “but if I tell you the plan, it can’t possibly work. I need your responses to be genuine.”
She smiled and looked to each of them in turn. “This game is going to be your toughest challenge yet. I designed it to counter every trick in Luna’s book, so you’ll have to be clever to win.”
The clatter of hooves and wheels touching down outside the library cut off any impending replies.
“Okay, she’s here,” whispered Twilight. “Remember to make her feel welcome.”
The door opened moments after the others nodded, and Luna strutted in with her entourage in tow. While the porters set up the buffet, Luna approached the table.
“Howdy, Luna!” said Applejack. She tipped her hat then held out her hoof. “Nice to see ya again!”
Luna hesitantly tapped her own hoof against Applejack’s and said, “Likewise.” Continuing around the table, she came to the next pony.
“Princess Luna, always a pleasure,” said Rarity.
“The pleasure is all mine, Rarity.”
“Hey, Luna! How’s it hangin’?” Rainbow asked as Luna reached her.
Luna scratched the back of her head before answering, “It’s… hanging very well, I suppose.”
Fluttershy mumbled something unintelligible, but she was smiling, so Luna smiled back and nodded.
“Heya, Princess Looney!” Pinkie shouted as Luna reached her.
Luna came to a stop and stared at Pinkie with one eyebrow raised. The others fell completely silent.
“Pinkie,” Twilight whispered, “what are you—”
“Hello to you, too, Pinko!” Luna said, grinning as widely as her lips would stretch. The silence persisted, but it was Luna’s turn to continue grinning awkwardly while the rest of the table stared at her, Pinkie looking especially horrified.
After a few seconds, Luna’s grin fell into a grimace. “What?”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Well, Luna, I know you don’t know the term, but you… sort of just called Pinkie”—she paused to sigh—”an anti-princess revolutionary.”
Luna stepped back, her eyes wide. “Those actually exist?”
“Not around here, thankfully,” said Rarity as she levitated a teacup full of soda from the refreshment table.
“Oh. My apologies, Pinkie Pie. I meant no offense.”
Pinkie grinned. “None taken, Princess Looney! Now sit down so we can get started!”
Shaking her head, Luna took a seat at the far end of the table, next to Twilight.
Twilight set her screen up and opened her books. “Now, when we left off, you had just learned of the existence of a new great bandit city. After speaking with the guard who told you about it a little more, you found that the bandits have kidnapped the high priests of several other temples, but he didn’t know what the bandits are planning to do with them. Since then, you’ve restocked your provisions at the temple and set out. After two days of travel, a walled city comes into view over the horizon.”
“Aha!” cried Nightshade. “We have at last uncovered this den of evil! Now, I shall inflict righteous vengeance upon the vermin who dwell within!”
“Please stay your blade a moment,” said Light Hooves. “This city appears to be well-guarded.”
Noble Gem stepped forward. “I agree. There are fortified positions all along the walls, and each seems to be guarded by a squad of archers. There are too many for any of us, even you, to survive a direct attack.”
Nightshade scoffed. “I see them as well as thou can. The wretches are not looking down. They are waiting for the guard at the gate to alert them to danger with his bell.”
She grinned and licked her lips as her mane shifted between a variety of different blades. “I simply need to eliminate him before he can signal for help. With my stealth skills, it should be a simple task.”
“You betta holds on,” Swirly Sparks said, triggering facehooves from the rest. “I knows those glasses he’s wearings. Those are the legendary Glasses of True Seeings. Wit’ those, he can sees anypony comings, even if they’re hidings.”
Nightshade scowled. “I do not approve of this. It is not a fair challenge.”
“Well, perhaps there is a hidden door somewhere that is unguarded,” said Holy Roller.
“Wait,” Crusher said, stroking the stubble on his chin. “Crusher have idea. If guard sees pony who not bandit coming, he ring bell, right?”
The others all nodded, and Holy added, “Yes, and he will probably ring the bell if anypony approaches with a weapon drawn or makes any hostile move toward him.”
Crusher’s face contorted into a sneering grin. “Crusher look like bandit, right?”
* * * * *
Crusher trotted toward the gate, the battle ax across his back clanking against his Taurrusque chitin armor with every step. To further the image, Noble Gem had smeared blood from a convenient animal carcass onto his armor.
“Hail, fellow bandit,” the guard said as Crusher approached. Though his greeting was friendly, he still gripped the bell firmly. Any sudden movement would cause it to ring.
“Hail, gate guard,” Crusher said.
“One moment while I open the gate for you, my brother in banditry.”
The guard reached back with one of his hindlegs and flipped a lever. The gate slowly started to creak open.
“You may proceed.”
“Thank you,” Crusher said.
He stepped forward until the guard was at the edge of his reach and stopped. “One more thing. Crusher have friends coming.”
“I suggest waiting at the tavern, then,” the guard replied.
“You not understand,” Crusher said, rising to his full height and turning to stare into the guard’s eyes. “Crusher’s friends not bandits.”
The intensity of Crusher’s stare virtually petrified the guard. He broke into a cold sweat, and his knees started to quiver.
He leaned in and slowly stepped toward the guard, looming over him. “Careful. You no want to ring bell. Crusher not like bell.”
Movement registered in the guard’s peripheral vision. Though the ponies approaching were covered by dark cloaks, his glasses showed that they were not bandits. Still, he didn’t ring the bell.
“You no see them, right?”
The guard nodded.
Once the others were through, Crusher leaned in close to the guard. “If you ring bell after Crusher leave, Crusher find you. Understand?”
The guard nodded as a puddle formed beneath him.
“Good.” Crusher turned and walked toward the gate.
Before passing through, he stopped and looked back. “One more thing. No close gate.”
The guard nodded again, and Crusher walked through to join the others. Grinning at them, he said, “Crusher good at stealth.”
More than half of the table erupted into laughter. Meanwhile, Fluttershy grinned despite her blush, Luna gawked at her, and Twilight glanced back and forth between the pair of them with a smug smile on her face.
“That… was awesome… Fluttershy,” Dash said while she gasped for breath.
“Yes, I must agree,” said Rarity. “You did a magnificent job, darling.”
“Somethin’ wrong there, Luna?” asked Applejack.
Luna opened her mouth a couple of times, but no words came out. Her third attempt at vocalization finally succeeded. “That was ridiculous!”
“So?” said Pinkie.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Luna, I don’t know what your previous games were like, but in our games, brute force isn’t enough to solve every problem. Sometimes, you have to rely on cleverness.”
Once inside the walls, the party found it easy to move around without attracting attention as long as they stayed under their cloaks. Though it would have been suspicious in most places, half of the ponies in the city were dressed the same way. As they wandered through the streets to get a general impression of the layout, Swirly used her magic to sketch a rough map, marked with points of interest.
After a while, the party took refuge in an alley and looked at the information they had gathered.
“Okay, here’s what we knows,” whispered Swirly. “There’s no districts in the city ‘cause they just builds new buildings wherever they can finds space for ‘em. That means we don’t knows where ta finds the leader.”
Nightshade snarled and stomped on the hard ground, driving her hoof nearly a foot into it. “This is so annoying! This city is too big to destroy like the others, and there are too many guards!”
“Maybe there’s a reason for that,” said Noble. “We need more information.”
Crusher nodded and stood up. He walked out of the alley and stepped in front of the first pony to come near him. “Why this city so big and have so many guards?”
While Crusher was making no deliberate attempt to be intimidating, the bandit stepped back anyway.
“Don’t you know?” the generic, nameless bandit said. “This is the bandit holy city. The temple to the god of thugs is here.”
“Is temple big deal?”
The bandit nodded. “That’s where the bosses are gonna sacrifice those priest guys.”
“Which way?” asked Crusher. The bandit pointed down the road, so Crusher nodded and stepped out of his way.
After he returned to the party and gave them the new information, Nightshade smiled and said, “A holy city, eh? This intrigues me. We must find this temple at once!”
“Agreed,” said Holy and Light at the same time. Crusher, Noble, and Swirly all nodded.
They stepped back out onto the street and traveled in the direction the bandit indicated, watching closely for any building that looked like a temple. That turned out to be unnecessary, however, as the temple was actually the tallest building in the city and was painted completely black. Despite it being too obvious for anypony to overlook, Light Hooves still managed to miss it, focusing instead on random spots appearing in front of her eyes and drooling like an imbecile as—
“Hey! You’re layin’ it on a bit thick there, ain’t ya, Twi?”
“Well, you did roll a botch,” Twilight said, glancing down at the “1” on Applejack’s die.
The party stepped into the temple and found it to be empty. Like the exterior, everything within was painted black.
“Matte black or glossy black?” asked Luna.
Twilight opened her mouth to give an answer before realizing she didn’t have one. After thinking it over for a moment, she said, “I don’t really know. Does it matter?”
“No. I just prefer matte.”
Like the exterior, everything inside the temple was painted matte black.
“I actually prefer glossy,” whispered Fluttershy.
The interior of the temple was painted in random swirls of bright colors, and the pews were all neon red, neon green, neon purple, and it wasn’t changing again, no matter how much anypony complained.
Although the building was tall enough to contain five or six floors, there were no stairs leading up, nor any doors leading out of the room, save for the entrance.
“You’d thinks they’d be guardings this place if it’s so important,” said Swirly.
“I’m not so sure about that,” Noble replied. “There could be something on the upper floors, but I don’t see a way to get there.”
“There must be a way up,” said Holy. “We should split up to search. Let me know if you find anything that looks interesting and, for the love of Celestia, don’t touch anything!”
The rest of the group branched out, rolling their eyes and muttering to themselves. Swirly and Noble moved between the pews, searching under the hymnals and complimentary daggers, which were far too cheap to be worth taking.
“Well, you’d load up on them if I didn’t say that,” Twilight said in response to the unspoken question.
Meanwhile, Nightshade examined the matte black marble pillars—which changed color again because the swirls were too hard to describe—but found nothing of interest. Crusher, likewise, came up empty-hoofed in his search of the glossy black altar.
Light Hooves, however, found something that looked interesting. “Sister Holy, please come and look at this.”
Holy trotted to the other side of the room to see what Light had found. It turned out to be a statue of the god of thugs. In one hoof, he held—
“Does this god have an actual name?” asked Rainbow.
Twilight scratched her head. “Well, I hadn’t really thought of one. Is it important for any reason?”
“I don’t know yet. Let’s see.” Rainbow rolled her D20. “So how much info do I get from this knowledge check?”
“Hm. That’s a pretty high roll. Just a moment while I write it out for you.”
Holy stared at the statue of Gildana, goddess of thugs. She stood upright on her lion legs, and in one of her taloned bird feet, she held—
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Really, Twi?”
Twilight giggled and returned to her description.
In one foot, she held an offering plate atop her claws, piled high with gold coins. A single talon on her other foot pointed forward. Looking closely, Holy noticed a thin coat of ash on its tip. Beneath her feet, the floor sported a nearly indiscernible scorch mark.
“Everypony, get over here! We found it!” yelled Holy.
After the rest had gathered, she continued. “This statue is a test. Only Gildana’s most faithful can pass.”
“So the door is behind it?” asked Nightshade.
“Right.”
Nightshade formed a huge war hammer in her mane and stepped forward. “Then we can simply smash our way through!”
Holy jumped in front of her. “No! You can’t do that. This statue is imbued with the essence of a god. If you try to hit it or force your way through in any way, a fiery ray will shoot from that claw and burn you to ash! Not even you could survive being smited… smote…”
“Smitten,” Twilight said.
“Right. Not even you could survive being smitten by a god!”
Applejack raised her hoof. “Sugarcube, I don’t mean to question ya, but I always thought ‘smitten’ meant ya were taken with somepony.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Applejack’s right. That’s the only way I’ve ever heard it used.”
“Yeparoonie!” exclaimed Pinkie.
“You are incorrect,” said Luna. “When my sister and I went to war in olden times, we would often refer to our enemies as having been smitten by our power.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Well, I guess that settles that.”
Luna simply nodded, having completely missed the sarcasm.
“Yes, I suppose you are correct,” said Nightshade, “but how do you propose that we proceed?”
“That’s easy! Watch and learn.”
Holy reached out toward the offering plate and, before any of the others could stop her, swept the entire pile of coins into her saddle bag.
“Are you crazy?” yelled Light Hooves as she dove to the floor with the others. Her answer came in the form of the noise caused by stone grinding against stone, and she looked up again to see Holy standing in front of an open doorway.
“You see,” said Holy, “Gildana is the goddess of thugs, so the way you show your devotion to her is by acting like a thug. If you leave an offering, you get cooked. If you take the offering, you get to pass.”
“And pray tell,” said Nightshade, “just how dost thou knowest so much about the worship of an evil deity such as Gildana? Art thou not a cleric of Celestia’s Light?”
Holy shrugged. “Actually, I’m non-denominational.” With that, she trotted through the doorway and up the staircase on the other side.
Rainbow stood up from the table. “I’ll be right back. Just gonna grab some snacks.”
As she walked toward the buffet, Applejack stood up and followed behind her. “I reckon I’m gonna do the same. Anypony else want anything?”
Pinkie raised her hoof and said, “Bring me something tasty,” but the rest shook their heads.
At the table, they found that the hors d'oeuvres from the previous week had been replaced by fancy cakes, pies, a bowl of imported chocolates, and a big bowl of chips.
Rainbow’s eyes lit up at the sight of them. “Hey! You actually brought real snacks this time! There’s even cheesy hay chips over here!”
Luna smirked. “But of course! After Shining Armor told me of your preference for them, I ordered the kitchens to prepare the finest cheesy hay chips ever created.”
Dash and Applejack reached into the bowl, and each one took a single chip. With a nod to one another, they popped them into their mouths and chewed them. They glanced back to Luna as the taste registered. She was staring at them, waiting to see what they thought.
“This is delicious,” Rainbow said, not quite able to make eye contact with Luna.
“Absolutely!” said Applejack, likewise looking anywhere but directly at Luna.
“Splendid!” Luna turned back around to the rest of the table.
As they both swallowed, Dash and Applejack leaned in close. “RD, are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’ they did?”
“You’re thinking the cooks just went out and bought a bag of chips?” Rainbow asked.
Applejack nodded, and the two snickered through the entire process of loading up their plates and returning to the table.
Holy Roller stepped into the room at the top of the stairs without taking the time to peek inside. She found herself surrounded by a group of six guards, all of whom looked directly at her rosary, which bore Celestia’s emblem.
“Uh oh. I knew I should have taken that off.”
The guards pressed in on her. She tried to fall back, but Swirly was right behind her.
“Hey, back up!”
“I can’t!” said Swirly. “Noble’s right behind me!”
“Then all of you need to back up!”
The doorway at the bottom of the stairs slammed shut.
Swirly rolled her eyes. “I don’t thinks we’re goings anywhere.”
Holy growled and drew her weapon. She deflected the first three blows with her shield, but the fourth and fifth attackers flanked her. She cried out as her armor was pierced from both sides.
Holy grit her teeth and pawed at the cobblestone floor as she glanced back and forth between two earth ponies and a unicorn. She turned to the left and rammed the unicorn. As she turned away from the others, one of them swung his mace, missing her. The other carved a deep wound in her side with his sword.
Swirly charged into the opening and tried to ram another enemy, but he put a single hoof on her head and held her back. “No fair, ya meanie!” She ran in place until she was gasping for air; then, the bandit pushed her back and slashed her across the chest.
The enemies surrounding Holy took it in turns to attack her. An overhead blow to her back from the first bandit made her knees quake, but she held her footing. The next attack slipped through an opening in her armor and gouged her flank. Her final assailant tried to stab her with his longsword, but it was deflected by her armor.
The bandit Swirly had rushed sliced into her chest again. Her focus dimmed from the loss of blood, but she clung to the lilting melody from Noble’s lute, which gave her the presence of mind to lean back as another sword cleaved the air, narrowly missing her neck. Still, there was one more waiting his turn—the only pegasus among the bandits. He raised his sword high above his head and prepared to strike the killing blow, but it fell from his grip and impaled his own back.
“And he rolled a one. That’s ten points of damage to the bandit as he accidentally stabs himself,” Twilight said, smirking at the “18” she had really rolled.
Holy tried to shove another enemy aside, but the bandit dug in his hooves and pushed back.
Swirly giggled as the pegasus grasped at the sword protruding from his back. A fiery ray lanced from her horn and pierced his chest. Flames engulfed his entire body, and the smell of charred flesh and fur filled the air as the bandit’s smoking husk fell to the floor. Swirly staggered into the opening his death provided.
Noble stowed her lute and drew her sword before stepping forward. The first bandit clubbed her over the head with his mace, and the second attacker grabbed her, turned her around, and put his knife to her throat.
“Bards are so useless!” cried Holy just before another blow to the back forced her to her haunches, and a knife was pressed to her throat as well. Swirly could only flail helplessly as the last bandit grabbed her and forced her down.
The bandits carefully backed away from the door, just enough to let Light Hooves come through, but not giving Nightshade an opening.
“What is this?” asked Light.
“Paladin,” said a bandit standing between the ones holding Holy and Noble, “we know we can’t win this fight. Even if we defeat the rest of you, the alicorn will kill us all. So… we offer you a choice.” He smirked.
Light narrowed her eyes and kept her hoof on the hilt of her sword. “What kind of choice?”
“It’s simple,” the bandit leader continued, twirling his hoof in the air. “All you have to do is surrender your allegiance to Celestia and swear it to Gildana instead!”
The rest of the party gasped, but Light Hooves maintained eye contact and showed no sign of emotion. “If you accept my offer,”the bandit leader said, “Gildana will empower you with might enough to strike down even an alicorn! Think of your friends. All you have to do is join us and kill one; then, the rest will go free.”
“Never.”
The rest of the table gasped again.
“Applejack, what are you doing?” cried Pinkie as she fell off her stool.
“You’re going to doom us all!” cried Rarity.
“Indeed, Applejack.” Luna slammed a hoof onto the table. “I believed that you were as committed to the magic of friendship as anypony here!”
“I am!” said Applejack. “The thing is, I have to think of what my character would do, and she’s a paladin! Her faith is everythin’ to her.”
Applejack rubbed her chin. “There might just be a way, though.”
“Come again?” the bandit leader said.
“Never. I’ll never betray my vows!” Light Hooves removed her hoof from her sword and stamped it on the floor. “However, don’t think I’ll let you harm my friends, either!”
“And how do you propose to accomplish that?”
Light lowered her head and narrowed her gaze even further, but a smirk grew on her face as the bandit’s smile faded. Her voice was barely more than a whisper as she said, “I can’t stop you, and I can’t let Nightshade get past me, but there’s nothing stopping her from going through me.”
Behind her, Nightshade snorted and dug her hooves into the floor. The bandits barely had time to register the threat before her metal mane whipped around and slammed into the paladin’s back, caving in the armor plating and hurling her forward. She crashed into the bandit holding Noble, and the three of them collided with the far wall.
The battle-starved alicorn cackled as she released all restraint. Her mane formed four blades, two of which lashed out at each of the enemies holding Swirly and Holy. They whipped around the captives, splashing everything nearby with blood as they dismembered the bandits. Meanwhile, she bucked another one across the room, where he hit the wall with a crunch that should have been sickening, but sounded more like a pony making awkward splat noises with her mouth.
“Okay, so I’m no good with sound effects!” Twilight turned her head away from the others and snorted, waiting for them to stop laughing.
“Now, thou art all that remains,” Nightshade said to the bandit leader as she shook the blood from her mane. Crusher trotted up beside her, battle ax in hoof.
The bandit backed away, but found himself with the point of a sword at his back. Turning his head, he saw Noble Gem standing behind him. Behind her, Holy Roller’s hooves were engulfed in a golden aura as she cast a healing spell on Light Hooves. Swirly Sparks, to his side, had red sparks falling from her horn as its glow intensified.
“Well, darn.”
His pathetic excuse for last words spoken, all four attacks fell on him at once.
* * * * *
Swirly’s face lit up as she pulled an object from a pouch slung over the back of the bandit she toasted. “Ooh! This lookses nice!” She rotated the silver necklace dangling from her hoof, admiring it from various angles as the pegasus corpse crumbled to ashes behind her.
“A wonderful find,” said Nightshade. “Thy prize is clearly magical in nature.”
Swirly nodded and dropped in on the floor. “Yep! Now, let’s sees what it does!”
She sat down on her haunches and began casting an Identification spell. After the required hour had passed—during which nopony else even noticed the passage of time—she stood up and yelled, “Aha! It’s an Amulet of Protecting!”
“Thou meanest ‘protection,’” said Nightshade.
Swirly rounded on her and glared up into her eyes. “Is you callings me a criminal?”
Nightshade recoiled. “What? What art thou saying?”
Swirly pressed forward, prodding Nightshade with a hoof. “You calleds me da meanest protection pony! I ain’t runnings no protection rackets!”
“No!” cried Nightshade, throwing her hooves into the air. “I was just saying thine amulet is…”
She hung her head and sighed. ”Never mind.”
Swirly shrugged. “Oh. Okays, then.”
She backed away and threw the necklace across the room. “Noble, catches!”
Noble Gem grabbed the jewelry as it flew into her reach. “Thanks, Swirly! I owe you one.”
“What hast thou done?” said Nightshade. “Thou hast willingly discarded an item that thou couldst use!”
Swirly scoffed. “As if that thing would helps me. Sorceresses stays out of range. If enemies gets in close to me, I’m cooked, anyway.” She smiled as she motioned to Noble, who was putting the amulet around her neck. “Noble gets in close lots more than I does ‘cause she has her sword, so she needses it more.”
As Swirly bounded away to join the others by the stairs, Nightshade lagged behind, lost in thought.
“Luna?” said Twilight. Her voice went unheeded as Luna continued to peer at her character sheet while rubbing her chin.
Pinkie took a bit more initiative and grabbed Luna’s ear. “Hellooooo in there!” she shouted into it.
Luna yelped as she started, dragging Pinkie down with her as she fell from her stool. Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity winced at the heap of tangled limbs as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash helped them up.
“What… was that… for?” Luna said between gasping breaths. Pinkie shrugged.
Twilight coughed, drawing attention back to her. “Okay, everypony. As I was saying, they’re all heading up the stairs to the next floor. We’re just waiting on you, Luna.”
“Oh. Yes, of course. I naturally follow behind them.”
“All right,” Twilight said, “you go up the stairs and emerge into a new room, much like the last, except this time, you find a sleeping ogre in the center of the room. His rumbling snores make your teeth chatter and your hooves rattle on the floor. On the other side, you can see a gated doorway.”
“Wait a minute,” said Rainbow, holding up a hoof. “What the hay is a random ogre doing inside a temple?”
“Yeah, how did something that big get up those narrow stairs?” added Applejack.
Twilight sighed and said, “Magic.”
She looked around the table at the bemused stares of her friends and tried again. “Look, it doesn’t matter how it got there. Maybe somepony teleported it. Maybe they built the temple around it. The important thing is that a campaign should have an ogre in it somewhere, and this is the only place for one to go.”
“Darling, I don’t really think it matters,” said Rarity. “If we can have a campaign without a dragon, I see no reason why we can’t leave out the ogre as well.”
“No dragons!” Luna rose halfway from her stool, eyes wide. “Why would you play a game with no dragons?”
The rest all stared pointedly in Spike’s direction, who smirked as he continued working his way through a stack of the latest comics.
“Oh. So you have no dragons to avoid offending Spike.” Luna sat down, nodding. “Quite considerate of you.”
“Not quite,” said Rainbow Dash, rolling her eyes.
Twilight leaned in and said in a hushed tone, “You see, Spike doesn’t mind us fighting dragons as long as we let him control them.”
Luna scratched her head. “I do not see the problem, then. Why do you still have no dragons?”
Applejack sighed. “Because he already wiped out two whole parties.”
“Anyway, back to the ogre.” Twilight set her screen back up and resumed the game.
“So, think we can sneak around it?” asked Holy.
“I most assuredly can,” said Nightshade.
Noble nodded. “I believe I can as well.”
“I can turn invisible,” said Swirly.
The barbarian, however, shook his head. “Sorry. Crusher’s stealth no work here.”
Light Hooves shook a foreleg to rattle the metal plates covering it. “And wouldn’t you know it, I forgot to bring my quiet armor.”
“Then we are forced to fight!” Nightshade’s mane shaped itself into a scythe as the ogre stirred. She stepped forward to kill it before it could get to its feet, but she found her path blocked by Noble.
“Hold on a moment. I want to try something.” The mischievous glint in the bard’s eyes overwhelmed Nightshade’s bloodlust, so she stepped back as Noble pulled out her lute and waited for the ogre to rise.
The monster stood up and stretched, its back facing the group. As it cracked its neck, Noble said, “Hey, Mr. Ogre!”
It spun around to face her and picked up a club that was twice her size.
“Me crush puny ponies!” it roared.
Though the rest of the party assumed defensive stances, their weapons drawn, Noble began to play a tune. The lively beat echoed from every wall and filled the chamber. Instead of attacking, the ogre began to tap its toes. Then, as the music intensified, it started to sway. Its legs bounced up and down, causing the room to shudder. The club fell to the floor as its arms joined the motion. As the ogre danced, it yelled, “Oh! Oh-oh! C’mon!”
It bounded around the room, gyrating madly. “Come on! Come on! Come on! Hot!” it cried as its flailing arm struck the bars at the exit, ripping them out of the way. Its stomping dislodged small stones from the ceiling, pelting the party members and the ogre alike. “What a hot beat! Whooooah!”
Noble turned around and walked toward the group, finishing her song as part of the ceiling collapsed behind her, crushing the ogre.
As the rest of the group rolled around on the floor in hysterics, Luna asked Rarity, “Did you know that would happen?”
Rarity scoffed. “Of course I didn’t know, but there are times when you just have to do something silly. The game is much more fun when you do the unexpected.” She continued to stare into Luna’s eyes for a few seconds, but her composure soon reached its limit. A snicker escaped her lips, followed by one from Luna, and soon both mares were rolling on the floor with the rest.
As they emerged onto the fourth floor, the party found themselves in an empty chamber. The cobblestone floor was bare, save for the hole where it had collapsed onto the ogre, and the walls were devoid of markings. The doorway leading to the next staircase was across the room.
Nightshade led the way as they crossed, examining each tile for traps. Crusher and Light Hooves followed behind her, as they were the most likely to survive any surprises that Nightshade overlooked.
“The way is clear,” Nightshade said as she reached the other side of the room. “This floor offers no challenge. Let us proceed.”
She had nearly reached the door when Swirly bit her tail.
“Wait!” Swirly cried through a mouthful of metal strands. She spat out the hair and pointed above the doorway. “Look there.”
At the top, there were outlines of three ponies, one of each race. A soft glow emanated from the pegasus symbol. The same glow could be seen as a haze in the air below.
“Has anypony ever seen anything like that?” asked Holy.
Most of the party shook their heads, but Swirly and Nightshade hesitated, searching their memories for any knowledge that might be helpful. Both soon sighed, however, and shook their heads, as well.
“That’s just great. So nopony knows anything about this?” said Light.
Noble frowned. “Seems that way.”
The rest of the group stopped speaking and stared at Rarity. “What?”
“Rarity, don’t you have something you can do?” asked Twilight, staring over the top of her screen.
“I don’t see what I could possibly— Oh, right. Bardic knowledge.”
Rarity rolled her die.
“My mistake,” Noble Gem said. “I do know something about this.” She cleared her throat and began reading from a card she conveniently found in her pack. “This gateway is attuned to the magic of a particular type of pony. If any but the permitted type should step through, they will be instantly erased from existence. The runes that control the gateway are on the wall beyond the door, but they can only be activated by the hoof of a pony currently attuned to it.”
“Then we are stuck,” said Light Hooves, sighing. “We have no pegasus in the party, and if only a pegasus can pass, there is no way to proceed.”
“You’re getting even with me for not making another Daring Do, aren’t you, Twilight?” deadpanned Rainbow.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Of course not. I would never give you an impossible challenge. If you can’t pass, it’s because you made a mistake or you just haven’t thought of something yet.”
“Okay, we just gotta think this through,” Applejack said. “Where can we find a pegasus?”
“I think one of the bandits from before was a pegasus,” Fluttershy said.
“All right!” shouted Rainbow Dash. “Now all we have to do is go get that body and throw it at the control… What?”
The rest of the group hung their heads. Pinkie looked up a little, but didn’t quite meet her gaze, as she said, “Sorry, Dashie. That bandit’s just a pile of ash.”
Rainbow’s face fell. “So that’s it. We’re sunk. Even if we can get out of here and go kidnap a pegasus off the streets, we’d never get back in because I took all the coins off that plate already.”
Luna raised her head. “Very well, then. If it is the only way…”
“What are you doing?” cried Holy Roller as Nightshade walked toward the doorway. “If you get too close to that, you’ll be killed!”
“Perhaps. But perhaps not. I am part pegasus, after all. If I am fortunate, it will be enough.”
“No,” Crusher said. “Crusher no let you.” He grabbed Nightshade by the tail, but he couldn’t hold her in place. She continued to walk forward, dragging him behind her.
“Let go. This is the only way.”
Crusher tried to object again, but Light Hooves put a hoof over his withers and gently pulled him back.
“She’s made her choice,” Light said. “We must respect that. Celestia’s Light be with you, Nightshade.”
Nightshade turned her head back and nodded; then, she stepped forward. White light erupted from her body, and she screamed in agony as smoke filled the air. Soon, the light faded, the cries were silenced, and the smoke began to clear.
On the other side of the gateway, a red pegasus with a pale yellow mane laid on the floor, panting. She forced herself up onto unsteady hooves and slapped the earth pony rune on the wall before collapsing again.
The earth ponies in the group rushed forward through the doorway when the symbol changed. Holy Roller and Light Hooves devoted their efforts to healing Nightshade while Crusher touched the unicorn rune to let Swirly and Noble pass.
Luna sighed. “So, what effects will this have on my character?”
Twilight opened a book behind her screen. “Well, that was a pretty low roll. Even with that huge bonus to your saving throw, you barely survived. The gate burned away all of Nightshade’s earth pony and unicorn abilities, so she’s an ordinary pegasus now. It also removed all the class levels and abilities closely associated with the parts of herself that are lost. She’s no longer a fighter or sorceress.”
Luna leaned back and stared at the ceiling. She sighed again, but the corner of a lip twitched upward. Leaning forward again, she smiled and said, “I suppose that’s not so bad, all things considered. You all seem to do quite well, despite the limitations of your characters.”
Pinkie patted her shoulder. “That’s why it’s so fun!”
“None of us can win the game alone, so we have to work together,” added Rarity.
Applejack nodded. “I reckon it could be fun to just go through a game killin’ everything, but that’s gotta get old after a while. Playin’ with friends and workin’ as a team is always a hoot.”
“Yeah, Applejack’s totally right,” Rainbow said. “I once played a character who couldn’t lose, and it was the worst!”
Luna nodded. “Yes, you are all quite right. I must say that this has been the most fun game I have ever been a part of. While slaying monsters is amusing, it’s far more entertaining to see how somepony else might handle it.”
She stood up and spread her wings. “You have all taught me valuable lessons which will no doubt enrich my future gaming experiences! Applejack, you have shown me that holding firmly to the beliefs of one’s character can be a boon, rather than a liability.” Applejack tipped her hat in response.
“Rarity, you have demonstrated the importance of innovation and experimentation, thus showing me that more fun can come from doing something unexpected than what you already know to be effective.” Rarity nodded and took another sip of soda from her teacup.
“Rainbow Dash, your actions have shown me the value of having depth to one’s character beyond mere skills.”
Rainbow waved the compliment off and said, “Yeah, yeah. I know I’m awesome.”
Luna rolled her eyes and turned to the next pony. “Fluttershy, you have shown me to use skills in creative ways to solve problems which could not otherwise be overcome.” Fluttershy blushed and shrank into her seat, but she smiled.
“Pinkie Pie, you have demonstrated that the needs of a fellow party member can often be greater than one’s own, and that giving of oneself can make the group stronger.”
Pinkie scoffed and bounded over to the snack table. “Anypony who brings a spread like this doesn’t need to learn about giving!”
Luna giggled and turned to Twilight. “And you, Twilight Sparkle, have shown me… Well… Ah! You’ve taught me to never allow Spike to play a dragon!”
Twilight facehoofed as Spike guffawed.
“You have all taught me such important lessons. Why, it is as though the six of you are the Elements of Role—” Luna’s proclamation was cut short as purple magic clamped her mouth shut.
Groaning, Twilight said, “If you finish that joke, I swear to Celestia, the earth will open up and swallow all of your characters.”
She let go of Luna’s muzzle and raised her screen. “Everypony is healed now, so let’s finish this game!”
The party emerged from the stairwell and entered the topmost floor of the temple. A throne sat at the opposite end of the room, but its occupant was concealed by shadow. A larger pony stood beside the throne, robed and hooded. To the side, a cage held all the trembling priests the party came to find.
“Welcome to my sanctum,” said a familiar female voice.
Holy moved to the front of the group. “Let me guess. You’re Gildana, right?”
The figure on the throne stirred. “Hah! That wretch, Gildana, was no match for my power. I have slain her and claimed her domain for my own. I also ate her feathers.”
Nightshade recoiled in disgust. “What? Why wouldst thou eat her feathers?”
The figure shrugged. “No real reason. It’s just what I do.”
“So what are you after?” said Light Hooves, stepping to the fore.
“Power and influence, my paladin friend. Power and influence.”
Light scoffed. “Don’t call me your friend.”
The shadowed figure raised a hoof to her heart. “You wound me, friend. Have you forgotten all the good times we had together?” Trixie leaned forward into the light.
“Not cool, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash. “Not cool.”
Trixie grinned. “Of course, you are beneath the notice of a goddess such as myself. Therefore, I will amuse myself by watching you fight my minion. Should you prevail, I will reward you with the return of these priests and the destruction of this city your rogue so despises.”
She turned to look at the robed pony next to her. At her command, he pulled back his hood to reveal the dead face beneath. His dark fur was matted with blood from a hundred wounds, and the red horn atop his head was chipped and cracked.
“Destroy them, King Zombra.”
The rest of the group performed a synchronized facehoof while Twilight leaned back and smirked at them. “Did I mention that there are nets filled with rocks above your heads?” she asked. “If you try to run, those rocks will fall, and everypony will die.”
Twilight leaned over her screen and grinned mischievously at her friends. “Roll for initiative.”
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Dat update.
This was an awesome chapter. I cracked up laughing - despite a killer throat pain - at three points.
Crusher good at stealth.
Don't let Spike control dragons.
And don't say Elements of Role Playing.
Rocks fall, everypony dies.
Edit: And I just finished the chapter. Welp, guess that's a more direct reference then.
I'm guessing Noble knows Saria's Song then?
I literally facepalmed, together with the characters. It's so silly, it's brilliant!
fedgeno.com/its-magic-i-aint-gotta-explain-shit.jpg
This story makes me miss my own D&D days...I miss my paladin
Loved the Goron Reference
Beautiful. Never let Spike play the dragon.
4745933 Here you go: https://app.roll20.net/home
A peaceful resolution to an overpowered player? Bah.
Kill 'em all and let their respective deities sort 'em out!
That was fun. Didn't know Twilight could be such a devious GM.
Reminds me of my sessions of Courage is Magic, as well as my former games of DnD. Ahh. Good times.
While I'm slightly sad the story is done, I'm looking forward to the prospect of a sequel, as well as any bonus chapters you may deem to give us.
Wait, it's done? But it can't end like this! What about King Zombra?!
D20s modify reality more than Discord.
I love this, it's great. Although I would love to see a flashback of Spike dominating the field with a dragon.
This story reminds me of Borderlands 2.
Now I'm off the beat the crap out of the Handsome Wizard and use his head as a basketball.
Best party ever.
There are alllllll kinds of awesome bits in this chapter!
Still sucks that Spike didn't participate.
Great ending, Prak! I really enjoyed reading this.
In my read later (too many reading right now but i dont want to lose this)
Description made me think
Fantastic. Full review soon.
And that's a wrap, I suppose. This was a great chapter and a great story. I look forward to the possible sequel.
Also, best title drop.
Did you just...
Did you just Goron-Chief-Saria's-Song this dude?
Holy fuck, you did. And it fits so well within the context of a group of friends playing D&D. This is why I love this story.
4746691
4746170 In the end the 20's don't even matter. Its all up to the DM to see what happens next.
Pahahahaha!
Win... especially for Spike...!
Great
This whole story reminded me of all the good times I've had rolling dice. Good times for sure. Loved it
I hereby award this story with the highest honor of awesome, and a
or six.
Great work, I loved this story, its finale had a great ending, I admit for a moment I was wondering if the final dungeon would lead them to... well... circumstances similar to the ending of the original Gamers movie but instead got a hilarious surprise. All in all Five stars out of five!
Oh good grief, this reminds me so much of RP groups over the years, including DnD, and the GM, my best freind looking at me, with that DM look that occurs when the party has just killed their informer, before the informer has informed them, about what th game is going to be about,and saying, no, you cant do that, you cant throw dwarf ale into that bar and torch it.
However, the Ogre, The chatup line, the Dwarf ale, and the Flaming arrow has gone down in history.
When youre
out of ammo, youre 
out of luck. 
When youre a dragon, youre Never out of ammo.
Sigh. I've missed this.
So many comments to reply to...
Well, here goes!
4745761
Dat first comment.
4745846
I can't say causing pain is a result I'm enthusiastic about, but at least it was for the right reasons.
4745848
Hm. Didn't think about that being slightly redundant. I actually wrote that final scene before the other one, so I wasn't thinking about it.
4745875 4746765
I was actually afraid that reference might be a little too over-the-top. Then I figured, "That never stopped me before." I'm glad it amused you guys.
4745907
I love moments like that.
4745933
I played a paladin once. The gimmick was that he was a nigh-unkillable watchdog that the rest of the party—who were all evil—were constantly trying to evade so they could do their nefarious deeds. When they couldn't escape, they hatched a plan to turn him evil and replace all his levels with Blackguard. It actually worked (I still don't understand the DM's justification) and I promptly sold the rest of the party into slavery to a balor.
The closest I've come to playing DND was the two Neverwinter Nights games. I may have already stated this
Still haven't beat the second one.
This was a great story and one I could definitely relate to as an amateur DM. Fantastic job!
4746080
The best GMs are the ones who are in control of the game to the degree that they can counter anything the players come up with, but give the players plenty of freedom to keep the GM on his/her toes.
4746082
I'm a little sad to end it, myself. Alas, the time was right. The characters and story arcs were running out of mileage, so going any further risked a decrease in quality. Better to go out on a high note.
4746165
I couldn't see a way to make that fight funny, and ending it there brought the story full circle. I might detail the battles against Sombra and Zombra in non-canon bonus chapters, though, assuming I can make them interesting enough.
4746170
Especially on a 1 or 20.
4746198
Why put that in here as a flashback when it could possibly be included in a sequel or bonus chapter?
4746241 4746511
I enjoyed that DLC, but I didn't actually draw any inspiration from it. Hard to parody or exaggerate something that's already an exaggerated parody.
4746295
At the risk of incurring the wrath of my gaming group, at least one of whom reads this story, I agree.
4746298
I wish I could have found a place to put Spike in, but there just wasn't any room. However, should a sequel materialize, including him would be a priority.
I just keep imagining spike beating the shit out of there character why he lackadaisically only pays half attention while wrecking their shit.
4747535
Hey, they turned your paladin evil. They should have expected betrayal at the first opportunity.
Oh, that beautiful rock trap.
That was quite clever. Well done!
That! Was! So AWESOME!!!
I have been awaiting this chapter for quite some time now.
And it was certainly worth all those long, long hours.... Nah, just kidding.
hi hi
I just read through the whole thing from start to finish, and I can't even begin to try to pick out which part was my favorite.
I gotta say though, when I read the lines, "I also ate her feathers..." I was all like, "oh, snap!"
(I had a GM once that ran our characters up against some of his old characters from an earlier game he played in.)
I figure there's lots of reasons why people like roleplaying, and a bunch of different game types to enjoy, but my favorite part is having fun with friends.
Simply amazing! I laughed so hard so many times
Btw, Fluttershy as a barbarian... Genuis, just genius.
4747800 That is a very good point.
Choo choo everyone. Ten bucks says that RD rolls a 20 and somehow kills Trixie with the falling rocks.
4747800 Oh well. Worth a shot.
Oh sweet Celestia, I can't believe how good the plan worked, in the end, Luna won't be a problem anymore. I laughed so bad when it was explained why Spike wouldn't play with the girls, I wouldn't like to have him as my enemy either. And a beautiful ending for this chapter, this is going to be so awesome!!!
So Twilight planned all of that out then? She must be taking chessmaster lessons from Celestia.
4748497
What you talking about, that ain't bad. I plan on having my party fight their clones... just wish they would survive that long.
Magnificently done, especially how Luna was handled. She could've been a group killer, but the six banded together and overcame the seemingly insurmountable challenge she presented.
She really needs to work on that before it becomes her thing.
In any case, thank you for an excellent story. I loved every word.