Only when we have the courage to traverse the dark we may truly appreciate the light, no matter how weak it shines.
As Fluttershy wakes up one morning, she notices that her friends no longer want to be with her. Startled by this, she slowly gets madder and madder with her friends and their behaviour, and their friendship is on the verge of collapsing. Will Fluttershy turn her flank towards her old friends or will she chase after them, fighting for her most important friends? And will she find out why her friends act this strange?
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Skimmed this mainly because I didn't want it to vanish off the front page and into oblivion without so much as being touched.
You clearly show the capacity to write (which is a real achievement here), but you're making noticeable rookie mistakes and some (though relatively few) more basic errors. You should find someone with the time to give this a solid review, and teach you the tricks of "show, don't tell" and trim down your wording where possible. I think this site has a writing guide for such things under the FAQ tab, but that will only get you started, "Show, don't tell" is one of the trickiest skills to learn, and even the professionals struggle with it from time to time.
Good luck out there. Get some help, and try to repost when you finish up your next solid draft.
3408200
Hello El Dante
First of all thanks for the comment.
I will see what I can do about the points you mentioned. It's very important to me to get better and I believe (and hope) that I can get better, thanks to your comment.
Also thanks for the "Like". It is extremly satisfying to achieve something like this, especially in the beginning. I hope that I will cherish every "Like" like this one, even if there are hundreds of them.
Regards
PheonixCircle
3410176
... I don't remember "liking" it.
It doesn't say I did.
I think someone else saw it and liked it.
Congrats!
I refrained from liking it mainly because the writing did not impress me. First of all, I don't vote based on concept (though I can see yours going places) but rather on execution. If the writing's clean and looks professional, or if they did something interesting with the idea or wrote it in a style that enhances the experience, I'll up-vote it. Like I said, I only skimmed it. I'm fifty-fifty as to your refinement of language, but I didn't look closely enough to see if you did anything clever with the plot or the style. I reserve the right to up-vote later, if I find the time to look at it more closely, but I encourage you to post a subsequent draft after you find help.
(P.S. Also, a cover photo will make your story more "clickable.")