Rainbow Requiem

Rainbow Dash, survivor of a disaster of her own making, must spend her last days in the remains of the town she had once called home.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Soft Shell

Soft Shell #1 · Oct 25th, 2013 · · ·

Rainbow dash is alone and suffering at her own hooves?
*Slowly puts hooves together and smiles evily*
EEEEEEExcellent
Thumbs up

jszellmer

jszellmer #2 · Oct 25th, 2013 · · ·

3394907 Thanks. I know that others have explored this idea with other characters and I wanted to try my hand at it. I wanted to try and incorporate both her competitiveness as well as her loyalty and how they both interact with an 'after the end' story.

Sneaks

Sneaks #3 · Oct 25th, 2013 · · ·

Hiya gent,

This is not a bad story by any means. You have the potential to be a great writer in this sad-style writing. The problems are that this story was way too short for a one-parter.

Here is what I look for in a story like this:
1. A lot of exposition, the warm and juicy exposition
2. If it's a one-part story, then it must have proper separation where needed and enough details and storytelling to make a good experience for the reader.
3. Realistic scenario that could happen within the universe the story takes place in, unless in the even the story is a crossover in which brings transformers or something into the world.

Looking at what I like to see in a story I give this story a 7/10 for these reasons:
1. It caught my attention and kept it the whole time
2. Though short, the plot was easily recognizable and easy-to-follow. Nothing was left to be wanted apart from some exposition on parts of the story
3. It was a story with a darkish sort-of uplifting ending. It's hard to do this, but I find that someone with the goal like Rainbow Dash put herself to do was one of honor. Many would abandon all of it and try to find whatever scrap they could.

Keep writing, and keep what I said in mind,
~Sneaks

jszellmer

jszellmer #4 · Oct 25th, 2013 · · ·

3395019 Thanks for the input. This was my first attempt at a sadfic. I really wanted to focus on the 'after' part of the story (rather than do the 'before' as well) and let the readers imagine what the 'better' thing Rainbow wanted to do was and how it caused the destruction, which is one of the reasons why its so short. I'm still new at writing and felt that letting the readers decide for themselves would be more interesting than anything that I could write.

Sneaks

Sneaks #5 · Oct 27th, 2013 · · ·

3395065

Not a problem. While the imagining part is fun to do, the writer's true vision shines when the explanation is given but with some unexplained parts. That is what I mean by the exposition.

Keep up the good work,
~Sneaks

jszellmer

jszellmer #6 · Oct 28th, 2013 · · ·

3408501 I'll keep that in mind. I'm still learning to write something other than term papers for college. Not sure if I will do more sadfics, yet, but hopefully, I'll be able to do more exposition in the future, at least for my other stuff.

Evil_Gumbo27