A shred of survival
Starchase screamed in terror, as the flames surrounded her.... and she turned tail into the forest, avoiding the flames, but her coat got covered in soot as she carefully made her way out of the blaze. Damn... no wonder everyone hates him... all he does is hurt everyone.... She finally made her way out of the burning foresty trees, and looked around. I...is this the... Everfree!? She thought with alarm. Monsters live in this forest!!..... calm yourself, Starchase. You'll get through this... She coughed a few times to rid herself of the smoke in her lungs. I'm going to get back at you for this, Black Lightning!! As she stumbled around in the forest, she came across a little dark cave. Well, shoot... it'll do.... for now...
She crept into the cave, and finding it empty of monsters, laid down asleep.
She found herself wandering the corridors of the castle. Guards were on guard, keeping the castle safe, in their armor. How'd I get here? she wondered, as she took in the beautiful sight of the massive castle. She saw Princess luna and Celestia talking about something. Listening carefully, she could just make out their conversation about a young pony hybrid, named Stargazer. Huh... Why would they be talking about her? She walked around some more.... Untill she found her dream slowly dissolving around her...
The sunbeams shone on Starchase, waking her from her sleep. She got up, and rubbed her left eye- the one that wasn't bandaged like the other one. I forgot why that eye is bandaged... oh well.. Must of been an experiment of Black Lightning... She picked herself off the ground, and looked around. The sun was halfway upon the sky. Gee, the sunrise sure is pretty... Still, I have to find some help. I can't live here forever... She staggered to her hooves, and took a good look around once more. T-the nearest town... is... Ponyville, if I remember correctly.. Spotting the town, she staggered her way towards it. If I make it there, i'm gonna need some serious help...
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3395214 Ok, I just made this.
So..... why don't you help me with it, a few problems at a time?
3396445 u should make it so it explains where they are, who these characters are, and SLOW DOWN. You're going much too fast, and you could have combined these chapters easily, with extra details.
Believe me, I had the same problem once.
But otherwise, I like where this is going. Keep it up, but more details would be great.
3398846 Explanations will come later, my friend... But thanks for the comments!
3400249
Okay apparently I have to put reviews in a specific form for this. Well let's see;
)
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Starchase
Grammar score out of 10: 6
Pros:
Plot seems interesting. I actually enjoyed myself. (trying not to spoil anything
Short chapters make reading one chapter at a time a breeze so that busier people can read it one chapter per reading session and not lose their place. Though would recommend them being slightly longer. At least 1000 words minimum.
Characters seem interesting.
Cons:
Your punctuation is... really weird. Note section has greater detail.
Vagueness is a very subtle art and tricky skill that takes practice, time, and effort to get used to using. You just need more practice and that will come with time.
Pacing and this is the hardest thing to explain. Check notes for further explanation.
Notes Section
Okay your punctuation. First: "!" and "?" do not stack at all. "!!" and "??" are no-nos. As are stacking three of them like "!!!" and "???"
Next: when using periods, only use 1 or 3. This problem is in the very first sentence of the story.
Finally: When writing dialogue, if it doesn't end in "?" or "!", if there is anymore words after the dialogue in the same paragraph, it should end with a comma.
Lastly: Pacing. That went way too quick. Nothing really sets in as you don't focus on it enough. True if you focus on something too much that it will bore the reader but it needs refinement and extension to the chapters themselves.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: The Storm is Here!
Only now do I realize that this looks really unnecessary.
3430924. Dear my awesome friend,
I love it when people actually read my story, and like it! Feel free to help with my other stories... Please? Thanks again!!
oh thank you!
Sincerely,
~Black Flames~
3431425
Hmm...
Eh, why not?
3431447
3431480
One last thing: Life is so unpridactable..... Especially when you're a clone.
This is from the short version of the summary. Try: Life is so unpredictable..... Especially when you're a clone.
3431745 I can't spell anything right.
3432108
Neither can I. Google is my friend.
3432129
good one. I love google.
3432212 oh, google. Always there to say "we'll" when I really want well, only to come to realize that after 100 corrections made by me. And then there's... Siri
I always wondered what would happen if I put an emotion into bold or italics...
My research shows that IT DOES NOTHING
Me likes de story! Uppyvotey!