skiracer
Joined 18th Oct, 2013 ·
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Lawl yes.
I'll read when I'm not in public.
Hope you enjoy it.
I have to say that, while the writing itself is okay, the constant changes of scenery are more than a little confusing.
Also, the paragraphs at the second half are a bit clinical written and a tad too long. The most problematic thing is the formating. If you fix that, It could become a pretty good story, I think...
EDIT: Okay... I've read it more thoroughly this time. It also lacks a pretty big amount of commas. And some sentences have a pretty weird arrangement. I recommend you to put this in a google doc and let it fix the worst errors. Then, you could give it a proofreader. Don't take it badly, but it seems like you still need a lot of practice.
3378247 lel battle bread
the beginning was well prepared yet a bit
but the rest was
so... thumb up
3378247
Could you be a little more specific on the formatting errors so I'll be able fix them. I'll be going back to this chapter and hopefully improving it over the coming week. The next chapter is going to be finished at the end of this month and hopefully I won't have made as many mistakes in that, thanks for the criticism.
3378661 If you want a proofreader, I will happily offer my services. I noticed quite a few errors, mispellings and wrong word uses (not trying to be condescending here). My other editing things are being rather quiet (real life issues), so I am pretty much free to go.
The story itself is another bondage TwiDash so why wouldn't I like it? I look forward to the next chapter even if you don't get back to me about the proofreader position.
Ha Big Mac is totally going to be at the next meeting
It was an over all good story, so parts did feel a tad on the rushed side, going into a little more detail of the emotions and feelings of the two while in the act would help add a little more depth to the story.
Well I have said my part, have a good morning
Did they forget about Big Mac coming over next week?!
Good story, few grammar/spelling errors. I suggest GDocs and a proofreader. But this was great!
3385606
With regards to Big Mac, all will be revealed in the next chapter.
Paradox949 is going to be proofreading the next chapter so hopefully it'll contain less errors when released.
3388567 I'm guessing you've got something planned for *cloudkicker too.
Hope you like the latest chapter.
yes yes very entertaining
Woo cant wait for tha next chapter
I'm sorry but...you're grammar is painful to read
I think this is the first time I've ever seen the word "unconfutable" used.
I noticed a few misspelled words and done missed commas, but that is not such a big deal.
) quite well
The story is gripping, the bedroom scenes are well written, although in not so deep detail and the fact that it resolves around twilight, rainbow and bondage(a kink of mine) made the story very enjoyable to reed.
Also twilight reacting so calmly to the fact that a random stallion entered the supposingly locked library and bucked her and rainbow seemed a bit odd, although it fit the plot(it also fit in her "plot"