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Equestria is broken. An army is marching on Canterlot, and the city is alive with fire and the sounds of battle.
And when all hope seems lost, a dying Celestia is given one last choice.
Featured by the Royal Guard on 24th January, 2014!
Special thanks to Craine for help with suggestions and pre-reading.
Title shamelessly stolen from this awesome song.
Thanks to Sandara for the epic art.
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Hmmm.
Not bad at all. The humans explains the dislike so far...
~Skeeter The Lurker
3413301
Yeah, probably. I figured leaving out the human tag would help.
I underestimated the power of the haters, apparently.
3413320>>3413301 Oddly enough I find that humans fit the role of villain quite well. Great story Pear.
3413469
Thnk you Nighty :3
3413477 I particularly liked what you did with the ending. Much better than the previous one, Discord was pretty bad ass.
When I am not falling down dead tired, I will give this my full attention.
brb: dead
Wow, you had me pausing at multiple points, wanting to tell you how perfect this is. Your characterization of Discord is breathtaking... Wow, amazing job on this.
Well... crap.
I really got nothing else to say, besides this story being awesome.
- WS
Really niiiiice. A little prequel would be great >:3
Soooo...
I'm awake, Pear.
And I do NOT see this story in the feature box.
I think we both know what that means. *Loads pistol and glares at Twilight*
I read it last night but forgot to dink that star. It deserves all the uptwinkles just for daring to kill off... ehh...
It's a hell of a choice she had to make.
Bloody magnificent. I see no reason at all why this shouldn't be in both the feature box and EQD, but the internet works in mysterious ways... We'll see what happens.
3415663
Funny you should mention that. I actually submitted it to EqD last night, soon after publishing it.
Probably gonna fail, but one can dream.
3415182
Prequel, eh?
Interesting... I'll think about it.
Humans never have been ones for peace talks have they? Quite strange creatures, they preach about preserving life and helping others, then go to kill everything it once something shows up that they can't have. Oddly enough they're smart enough to notice the flaws in that system, and even make treaties preventing those things from happening. But when patience runs out it's all about who gets the most toys.
The beginning and the end is simply overpowering,
Wow.
..............
That was... Incredible. Just wow. So much power in this, I can't even handle it. Straight to favourites for me.
Short enough to read during the office coffee break.
To the point.
Awesome.
Wonderfully well written. Horribly tragic. Well done, sir.
3472916
Thank ya
3484579
Awesome review! Will be taking this to heart for future stories. This was exactly what I was looking for in terms of feedback.
stay awesum bb
Hmm... I was looking for a quote I liked but can't find it. Has the ending been edited?
3506480
I edited it quite a bit, yeah. what was the quote? I'll check the original doc for you.
3506481 The thing about a serpent floating among the primal chaos. Why did you edit it?
3506483
I edited stuff around based on some feedback I got. Though, I actually thought I kept this line in. Maybe I'll put it back.
3506490 could you link me to the old version doc, or is it private notes?
3506501
Uh, sure. Click here for the link.
Wow. That is awful
Like the Solomon Grundy ending in injustice, the whole world just dead for no reason.
Was a good story I guess but I didn't quite like the ending. Oh well, personal taste I guess
3558469
Yeah, EqD didn't like it either. But honestly, I like the ending the way it is, so I doubt I'll end up changing it.
Thank you for reading!
Aha! I thought that title seemed familiar.
Big fan of Reverbrony (Jason Creer) myself. He lives only a few hours from me. Cool dude.
I may read this sometime. *adds to read-later list*
3621882
Your name is also familiar. Shall have to take a look at your stories sometime.
3621917
Feel free to check out either my EqD-worthy tragedy fic, my brain-hemorrhage-inducing random comedy, or any of the others. You'll have a good time
Listening to Dystopian Circus while reading Dystopian Circus.
This was pretty cool. Dammit humans, y u no be peaceful with Equestrian citizens?
So true. I know I've learned that lesson a few times.
P.S. I hope my previous comment about EqD didn't offend you, I wasn't trying to rub it in your face or anything.
3638185
Nah, it didn't offend me at all. Dontcha worreh.
Also, thank you for the favourite!
i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png
~Twi
Someone had to do it. I regret nothing.
// Sphex
Yep. Right near the end, there's the misanthropic bullshit I was expecting.
I have a love/hate thing going on here.
I LOVE the way it's written. Imagery, characterization, even the fact that it's unashamedly dark, all love, love, love.
Completely ruined by the fact that the humans are 100% all evil for no reason. You're hitting this perfectly horrible place where you tell either not enough, since they are given no reason for what they do, and Celestia talks and thinks about them as if there is NO way humans could have ever done anything but destroy all of Equestria, (which, look... okay... humans don't have a perfect track record with contacting other cultures, but there HAVE been things other than outright, utter, genocidal warfare. It's too far, it's too much) Or you're telling too much, because you don't really need to name this horrible, faceless, nothing-but-evil enemy at all.
How does the enemy being human add to the story? The story, in the end, is about Celestia, and Discord, and the kind of people they are. That it what it's doing, that's what it's good at. Why name the enemy? Do they need naming? Try deleting the word "human", does it change anything?
So props to you for writing a REALLY awesome story, but it's one I can't add to my favorites list, the pointless demonizing of humanity just ruins it for me.
3909444
Yeah, I don't even know what I was thinking with that. I think it was actually supposed to be sci-fi-ish alternate history humans or something, like the Empire from Star Wars, but I must gave abandoned that. I remember having trouble slotting in a explanation of things that didn't sound silly or disrupt the flow of the story.
3909444
Also, thanks for the excellent comment. Made me realise that I'd just written something with a trope I hate.
3909782 Now I could totally see an evil Star Wars style Empire being the baddies in this. (Though I don't think it's really particularly relevant, and I don't blame you at all for not wanting to wedge in pointless exposition.)
I wonder if Discord actually instigated the contact with this particular reality, hoping this would happen. Seems like something he'd do.
ΔΓ
3415994
Edge le Edge
Me gusta...
Beautiful. Just...there are no words.
Have my likes. ALL OF THEM.
4359829
Haven't seen an favourite for this story in a long time!
Mind telling me what you liked/didn't like about it? :3
For sure!
The militant humans are cool with me- I understand that, in a literally infinite multiverse, SOME of us are despotic conquerors.
Twilight Sparkle being killed off...yeah, I can see how that contributed to Celestia's breakdown.
But my favorite part is DEFINITELY Mastermind Discord. It would be either just like him or totally out of character for him to be this cunning and...well, awesome. Either way, it's still great.
I wonder how Luna went (probably missed it, considering it is now a few hours past my read-through), and how the nations/cultures other than Equestria reacted to the human invasion- did the Diamond Dogs try to burrow and hide? Did the griffons try to fight back? The world may never know...
I also appreciate the lifelike quality of your words, they definitely got me immersed in the world.
I can't really think of anything I can criticize, other than my two staples: the lack of a sequel, and the shortness of the story. But the story really didn't need anything else; it was a moment of choices, a moment that was millennia in the making; a moment so momentous that any afterwards paled in comparison.
In short, GOOD JOB!
Intriguing, but...
timodonnell.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Heresy-stamp.jpg
That whole contract between Celestia and Discord was pretty damn cool. Made me think of Alucard and Integra from Hellsing, with the Cromwell Restrictions
I think I have to agree with the other commenters (particularly SPark and Golden Vision) -- the writing is certainly atmospheric, and there is a lot of emotional torque in the first part of the story, but the scenario and characterization is a little grating.
Now admittedly, this may be a personal bias (I find the idea of ponies losing a military engagement when they can control the weather and the sun a little played out, and I hate stories which use outside context problems when the story would function identically without one), but the fact that Discord set all this up is a little bit of a stretch. A little more elaboration on this (even just a few vague references to how he did it--a nudge there, a missing pen here, a few coordinates changed) would have made it easier to swallow.
The second part of the story (after the first horizontal rule) also lacks the rich atmosphere that made the first part of the story a good read. It just skims over everything Discord does, and we don't get a sense of the weight or power of his actions because the descriptions are so flat.
Ambivalent, so I'll refrain from voting.